A/N: Hey, guys, I decided to treat you to a short, cynical Death Note V-Day one-shot, dark in its comedy. This is for all the V-Day haters out there, and I am a part of that! XD For those who tolerate the holiday, I hope you enjoy it, too. This was something I randomly typed up last year.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.


The Downsides of Valentine's Day

L and Light despised Valentine's Day, both for contrasting reasons. L was mostly apathetic to this love-filled holiday, simply due to the fact that his hope for affection had faded a long time ago. He didn't really hold a grudge against it; he merely assumed that candy and flowers paled in comparison to saving lives through his work. As he saw it, Valentine's Day seemed rather childish, immature even. Frivolity stuffed the holiday to the brim—differing from his style.

Light had, as aforementioned, his own, more obvious reasons why.

Despite the fact that today was indeed a holiday, L resolved that he would never rest until he solved the Kira case with strong, crucial evidence. This meant that the task force had to remain working, too, much to their irritation. Former Chief Yagami and Aizawa both had wives, Mogi didn't care, and Matsuda just wanted a day off.

"Gentlemen, this case must be solved. If we even waste one day lounging, Kira could take advantage of it," L told them calmly when he heard their protests.

The task force reluctantly agreed with him.

Handcuffed Light merely sat by the detective again as they searched the Internet to find any clues, specifically videos that Kira could send. However, he had planned a while back to remain idle for a while, along with Misa, who had a hotel floor all to herself. The female celebrity in question squealed happily once she exited the elevator. Today was her favorite holiday in the world, and she had managed to find the surely perfect gifts for her precious Light.

Meanwhile, the two young men heard Misa's joyful cries from their floor.

"I wonder what's made her so happy," Light said somewhat sourly as he dully watched L at work.

"It's Valentine's Day and"—L gave him a sideways glance with just a tiny glint of amusement in his dark eyes—"don't you think that she would love to shower her boyfriend with gifts, Light-kun?"

The unfortunate college student promptly gulped. To make up for this display of foreboding, he waved a dismissive hand. "I suppose you're right, Ryuzaki, though I don't care much for the holiday myself."

Even if Light loathed Valentine's Day, this didn't prevent Misa from intruding on the two of them. Behind her back, she held gifts that she had deemed perfect for her "valentine."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Light!" She willingly spread the holiday cheer as she raced toward the couch where he sat. "Don't you want to know what I got you?"

Light heaved a somewhat apprehensive sigh and smiled wryly. "Sure, Misa."

He received the unlucky shock of having an itchy wool sweater thrust over his head. When he finally got sweet, relieving air, he discovered that his present was a faded pink monstrosity (clearly knit) with a just as ugly shaded heart sewn on.

He detested it on sight.

Misa squealed even more upon seeing Light wearing the sweater she had forced upon him. "I knew you'd love it! Oh, and I got some chocolates, too!"

"I can't wait to see what they are," her boyfriend lied through his teeth.

Tossing a box of chocolate covered cherries on his lap, she beamed when she espied his fake grin. L, in the mean time, struggled not to smile.

As she quickly pecked Light on the cheek, Misa turned to L. "You know, you really should get a nice girlfriend, Ryuzaki. That way, maybe you'll get something next year."

The urge to smile was growing for the poor detective. "I am not interested, thank you. Though perhaps you'd—"

"No," she stated flatly and started to go to the elevator.

"It was only a suggestion." L shrugged, though he truly did have no interest in any member of the opposite sex.

Light groaned once he registered what type his chocolates were. "Cherries? I'm allergic to cherries, and she manages to get them for me. Do you want them, Ryuzaki?"

L's eyes practically lit up from hearing this prospect. "Of course, Light."

Minutes elapsed, and Light was relatively depressed, what with the occasional scratching he had to give himself due to his sweater. He must not hurt Misa's feelings, after all.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Light." L smirked.

"Shut up!" he spat.

And L was so pleased that he had no girlfriend that day.


A/N: Go L and his single status! It's too bad that he can't realize that there are so many admirers in the real world ready to glomp him. XD K, sorry for that--that was too random. I just thought it'd be hilarious that L gets to enjoy the chocolates, while Light is just all like, "V-Day sucks, and I have an obsessed girlfriend and blah!"

Please review. It's V-Day, spread the love--no exceptions. XD