Note: I'm sorry that I ended up with such a depressing fic for Valentines Day (I promise I'll try to write a happier one tonight). Last night, I found out that a story that I was trying to sell got rejected, which I kind of expected but was still a big disappointment; and I just found out that a good friend of mine is going to be moving *really* far away. And this is what I needed to write right now. It's a tag to "Crimson", a fic by PineappleJulyn, and it wouldn't leave me alone.
by: jewel of athos
Shawn walked slowly over the snow-covered grass, coming to a stop before a smooth, rounded stone with a little angel sitting on top, carved from the same pale marble. He trailed a gentle finger across one of the wings, his eyes lingering on the name etched into the stone under it for a moment before he dropped onto the ground beside the grave.
"Hey, Jules," he said, his voice catching as he said her name. "It's me, Shawn. But you probably already knew that..." he licked his lips uncertainly. "Jules, I'm sorry that I haven't been around for a few days. I really wanted to come, but I had a case. A real case. My first case since...October." He had been about to say since I lost you. But he couldn't tell her that. "They didn't even have to ask me; I offered. Gus and I dug out the old police scanner the other day, and I've been listening in.
"I solved a case, Jules. I actually sloved it. I wasn't sure that I'd ever be abe to go to work again after what happened, but..." he sighed. "I did it for you, Jules. I'm going to keep doing it for you. If there's anyone else out there like the guy who shot---" his voice caught again, "...like that guy, then I have to keep working. I can't let anyone else die." He paused again, this time for his rumbling stomach. Shifting, he reached into his pocket and pulled out two halves of a deli sandwich.
"Here," he said, laying one half down in front of him on the grass. "I brought you lunch. Ham and cheese, your favorite. Well, other than Apple Jacks. I was going to bring some pineapple juice, too, but I couldn't find any at the corner deli. Next time, though, I promise." He unwrapped his own half of the sandwich, and for a few minutes he was silent, chewing slowly and studying the words on her grave. Juliet O'Hara. Beloved daughter, sister, friend, and partner. Loved in life and through death. You will be missed.
"Lassie misses you, too, you know," he said. "He's refused to accept another partner. He keeps saying that he works better alone; but it's really because he wants you. He misses working with you. Everyone misses you..." His voice broke again, and it was a moment before he could speak. But then his voice tore out of him in a rush that he couldn't control. "We need you, Jules. We need you back. Oh, gosh, why did you have to die?" In anger, he hurled his sandwich away, and slammed his fists on the ground. A sob shuddered through him, and he cursed. It didn't matter that it had been four months, or that he could finally walk into SBPD again. It didn't matter that he could say her name without bursting into tears immediately. He had still lost the one person who had made his life worth living, and he couldn't recover from that.
Finally, he regained control of his raging emotions again. He straightened.
"I'm sorry, about that," he apologized, taking a ragged breath. "I'm not angry at you,I didn't mean to yell. I just...I can't believe you're gone. Everywhere I go, I still expect to see you. At my office, at the station; everywhere. I don't know how to deal with a world that doesn't have you in it." He hung his head, sighing. "I guess that I must seem pretty crazy, talking to your grave all the time. But this is the only way that I can keep going." Juliet O'Hara. Beloved.
"Oh, I brought you something else," he said, reaching behind himself. "It's Valentines Day, did you know that? And I remembered that you wouldn't have anyone today. But you deserve something beautiful." He laid a single, deep red rose against her tombstone. "Sorry that there's only one. I wanted to get you a whole bunch, but I didn't have enough after buying lunch. I'll bring you more soon."
From somewhere out in the city, he heard the sound of a bell. Five o'clock. Startled, Shawn scrambled to his feet.
"Jules, I have to go, I'm sorry. But I'll come back tomorrow, I promise..." He turned to head away, but then looked back. "I love you, Jules," he said, kissing the head of the stone angel, that had come to represent what she had been to him. I love you. "Goodbye."
Note: Thanks for reading. And if there's anything *happy* that you want me to write for Shules, let me know. I could use the pick-me-up ;)