5.14 My Bloody Valentine tag

Even a well-fed man cannot ignore the yearnings within his soul…for it is what the soul desires that will sustain him in his darkest hour.

A Different Kind of Hunger

In a town where everyone felt compelled to gorge themselves on what they hungered for, one man appeared immune. One man failed to indulge, having always satisfied his yearnings with action. Burgers, booze, women…each consumed when the need arose, in moderation, in excess, however the urge struck him.

In a society where limits are placed on human behavior, where sex or thirst or insatiable hunger are often denied except within certain acceptable parameters, one man walked his own line, the line between right and wrong, want and need, restraint and action.

He lived his life pursuing what pleasures he could to ward off the darkness he could not deny; satisfied within his own expectations, within the confines of his life. Not needing anything…or anyone. Believing in nothing beyond the moment. Taking each day as it came, facing down each hardship and moving on…existing, as he always had.

Until fate called his bluff and forced his hand.

Dean had never needed permission to indulge. He didn't need Famine paving the way to his self-destruction. He was perfectly able to walk his own path, make his own choices, live his life as he saw fit.

Until that fateful day when it all became clear.

There was nothing Famine could tempt him with, nothing any of the Horsemen could offer that he hadn't already embraced, all earthly needs satisfied as much as humanly possible, leaving only a longing in his soul…his vacant, empty, defeated soul.

Even prodded on by Famine himself, Dean couldn't feed any unresolved hunger.

Locked in denial, he'd never accepted the void, never acknowledged that something might be missing. Never admitted there could be more.

After all, you can't hunger for that which you have never had a taste of, nothing existing within your sense memory to whet your appetite.

The harsh reality of his life was all he knew, all he had…to yearn for more would be foolish and Dean Winchester knew better. Knew what was allowed and what was whimsy for a hunter to even consider.

When all is taken away, when the mask falls and destiny whispers your name, trumpeting your failure; only then does hunger strike, the need overwhelming. A rumbling deep in his gut aching for guidance and hope…thirsting for salvation and a means to end the struggle.

Alone in the dark, trembling with fear and foreboding, the weight of the world at last succeeding in breaking through that final barrier, only then does the hunger manifest itself, a fervent hope built on a desperate need to believe in something or someone out there in the universe. Someone able to set the world right and lend a helping hand to its weary warrior. Someone larger than himself, someone to imbue him with the strength and fortitude to continue on in this fight against impossible odds.

Someone to ease his burdens and share this heavy load.

Dean had never before asked for help, never before believed there was any point, and yet now, with the world crashing down around him, he finally relents, opening himself up to the heavens.

On a still night with only the sounds of his brother's anguished moans piercing his self-imposed calm, he cries out, "Please…I need some help." He shudders from the impact of those words, eyes tearing at the implication, breathlessly poised on edge as he plaintively whispers, "Please…"

Silently the world awaits his answer.

The End

bjxmas

February 2010

All standard disclaimers apply.

I know it's not much, but those are the thoughts left with me after the episode aired. I just want Dean to find some peace. Something needs to happen to ease the unfathomable pressures in his life. I can't see him trudging on like this for much longer. He needs help, and if anyone deserves a helping hand, it is the Winchester Brothers.

All comments or thoughts appreciated. Thanks for reading. Take care, B.J.