The Devil Inside
Entry for Peter's Darlin's Love Bites Contest
Winner for Best Plot and Voter's Choice
I couldn't believe she was doing this to me! It's Valentine's Day! Of all the days she'd pick to dump me it was today! I asked Bella weeks ago to go to the Washington University's Valentine's Day dance and she accepted. Then that moron came along, what's his name? Oh yeah Emmett! Emmett the big dumb biker guy comes along and there she goes snuggled up on his arm. I could feel the darkness closing in on me. I couldn't believe this was happening, again!
I was 6'3" of sex on legs and I knew it! Damn it! I couldn't even be mad at her. I was however, furious at me. I knew she was the devil. I knew it! Well yes, I could be mad at her, but I'd take her back if she'd let me. I loved her. I've loved her since the first day of classes when she sat down next to me in our Civil War History class. Her chestnut hair fell down her back and rested on her shoulders, her chocolate eyes looked into my green ones with an intensity that made me shiver, she could see my soul. Her perfect little rosy pouty lips said the most beautiful and mundane word. Hello. Her voice was beautiful, melodic and once I heard that one word I knew I could listen to her talk all day.
I was playboy, a cowboy in Washington, I could have any woman I wanted and frequently did. She was different. She was shy but bold enough to sit next to me and blush at her one word greeting. I gave her the best panty-dropping smile I had. I wanted to make her mine. But she was different and I could feel that immediately. I couldn't explain it and my friends thought I was nuts. All Edward would ever say was that I needed to do her and pass her on. He was my best friend and roommate, a player like me, but he would not be getting this kitten.
It started a month ago when the new semester started. She sat down next to me and I was hers almost immediately. I asked her out that very night. She blushed but accepted my dinner invitation. I'd guess she didn't know me or my reputation. I could only figure she was innocent in more ways than one because if she knew anything about me, I was sure she would have avoided me all together. The nice girls always do and she was definitely a nice girl. I introduced myself and we shook hands. That contact left my skin tingling and I couldn't believe how warm her hand was. I almost had to guess that the blush in her cheeks covered her entire body. Hmm...her body.
I was lost in that thought as the professor started class that day. Her body, she was petite and perfect, only standing about 5'1" or 5'2" she had curves in all the right places and it was easy to tell. She didn't dress like a super model. She wore tight blue jeans and a form fitted green t-shirt with a fairly deep v-shaped neckline, I got a good glance at the cleavage but only because I was taller. I smiled at that thought. Even though it was a bit conservative compared to what was available it was still a nice view for me.
I took her to dinner that night at a quiet French restaurant I knew about not too far from campus. I was doing my best to impress and I always aimed to please. We had a good time that night and I surprised myself by not pushing for more than a kiss. I think I was a bit intimidated to find out that her father was a Chief of Police. Even if it was a small town she's from that I've never heard of, he's a cop and that mattered. When I dropped her off at her dorm I walked her to her room door. She thanked me but didn't invite me in. I was honestly nervous for the first time in a long time when we got to her door so I was relieved that invitation never came.
I got her number earlier in the night and promised to call her tomorrow. I leaned in for what I was assuming was going to be a quick nice to know you kind of kiss but she surprised me. She pulled me down wrapping her arms around my neck and crashing into my lips with a force and intensity I didn't expect from this kitten. My tiger-kitten. I felt her tongue run across my lower lip slowly, caressing asking for entrance which I granted. And Dear God was she sweet! I knew what I saw her eat and she tasted nothing of her dinner but had her own honeyed sugar flavor. This was what they mean by sugar-lips.
Our kiss lasted several minutes because I was not willing to break it and had in turn backed her against her door. She moaned into my mouth as she thudded lightly on the door and pulled me closer. I kept one hand on the door and the other on her hip, my body pressed lightly against hers and I could feel her breasts rubbing against my abdomen and the rest of her body meeting mine perfectly. We never battled for dominance in the kiss. Once she started it she pulled back and it was all mine. Her hands locked around my neck played gently with the blond curls at the nape of my neck but stayed in that one place.
"Get a room!" was hollered from down the hallway effectively breaking us from our kiss. The only kiss I've ever had where my soul seemed to be on display for the other person. It was a surreal feeling and I couldn't say it was completely unwelcome. She was going to be the death of me. I could tell that after one date. Her face blushed and I made sure to watch as that blush covered her cheeks, neck, and down into the little black dress she was wearing. Her hair had been pulled up so it gave me quite a nice view of her neck and I felt the yearning desire to mark her as mine. But I'd wait. I wouldn't go overboard with her. I had to have her but I could take my time. This one, I oddly wanted to keep.
Amazingly enough, I did call her the next night which I never did, but I couldn't stop thinking about her, about that kiss. I always conveniently lost phone numbers. But this one, this one I was keeping. She was a raving beauty and she would be mine. I'm not sure I even knew then that I was in love with her, but thinking back that's the only thing it could have been. We spent every night on the phone and since we had class three times a week together I saw her often. We went out on the weekends and quickly became each other's life.
I only had one worry. What about my reputation?
I didn't have to wait long for answer; I was so worried she'd hear about it from someone else I decided to bring it up our first weekend together. That was the first weekend after I met her and I remembered that conversation like it was yesterday, it was life changing.
"Bella?" I asked hesitantly while we sat in my apartment.
Edward knowingly gave me the space for the evening at my request. I made Bella dinner even if it was only spaghetti and salad it was easy and I could cook it, so she was impressed, that's how I worked.
"Huh?" she inquired around a mouth full of food.
I had never had to have that conversation and I couldn't eat. I was nervous she was going to walk out on me. I really liked her, in a way that I had never liked anyone, not since high school. But Maria was not something I cared to think about. I loved her and she left me for Peter. Peter was my best friend and he stole my girlfriend. I wanted to kill myself when that happened. I had actually tried. I tried to hang myself in the garage but before I could take the leap off the ladder my mom came home. She found me and put me into a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks.
It was embarrassing and I made sure then and there I wasn't going to let another person into my life. I was never going to love again. I couldn't, it would kill me if I did. My thoughts of Maria clouded my mind and took my attention from Bella at dinner. I came back from the hell of my memories looking into her soft chocolate eyes and knew it was too late. I loved her and she had the power to crush me. I didn't want her to have that power but I didn't want to be without her, so again I'll put my heart on the line. I'll tell her about my past and my whoring ways and when she leaves I'll be no one. I set myself up for this heartbreak. I guess I needed to get on with it.
"Where'd you go?" she asked and I wasn't quite ready to answer that question so I lied.
That was easy, I could lie to anyone. It came with the person I was, the person I had become. "Sorry I was gathering my thoughts. I had something I wanted to talk to you about," I stated with perfect clarity not giving anything away to the battle raging in my heart.
She nodded for me to continue. "Bella, I have a reputation around here. I thought it best you hear it from me, before it gets back to you," I stated as confidently as I could but I was scared and I'm sure she could hear it in my voice.
She just nodded. What did that mean? Go on or that she already knew? I knew she wouldn't be here if she knew. I gave her a puzzled look, not sure what to do. She smiled a wicked smile. Holy Shit! Tiger-kitten was back and looking sexier than ever and she knows! Who was this woman? I knew my response to her smile was a look of wide-eyed shock.
"I know," she stated calmly with that wicked grin still firmly in place.
"You…you do?" I asked amazed. She smirked at me and God she was sexy as hell.
"I always have," she said with a nod of her head. "Jasper, in all honesty we are both juniors at this college, do you think there is a female that doesn't know about you, that has been here more than a year?" she asked condescendingly.
That put me on my guard. What was she doing here if she knew? She was a good girl. Her father was a cop. What the hell?
I voiced my concern, "What the hell? You've always known? Then why agree to go out with me?" I asked incredulous.
She was blushing beet red. "I wanted a ride," she whispered in answer and I was shocked. I couldn't believe my ears. She was using me for sex? Memories of Maria came crashing around me as I remembered the day she broke up with me.
"You're only good for one thing and that's the ride, baby. I'm done ridin' you though. I've found someone I could love and he loves me back. You were nothin' but my toy and I'm done playin'," she stated in a chipper tone as she flipped her midnight hair at me and walked away.
She left me standing there on the sidewalk in front of our school with everyone watching as she walked into the arms of Peter and gave him a deep searing kiss. I felt my heart breaking all over again. I clutched at my chest as I came back and saw Bella looking scared.
"Jasper? What's wrong? Jasper, say something?" she was yelling, kneeling next to me and I realized I was on the floor.
How did I get down here?
I still couldn't talk all I could do was look at her, through her. I didn't want to see her. I had already fallen in love with her and she was no better than that bitch from high school. The reason I never let myself get close to anyone. I was good at one thing, I excelled at it even and I used it. It was fun. It took my mind off the need to feel loved. I would never feel love again and that just cemented it. The one time I thought I could honestly like someone and she did this to me.
I felt the blackness closing in on me and I prayed for death. I knew Bella was talking I just couldn't care what she was saying. All I could do was pray that the blackness enveloped me and I never had to deal with this shit again.
The next thing I knew I was waking up in bed. I looked around to see Bella sitting on a chair at the foot of my bed looking very tired and stressed staring at her hands resting in her lap. She was still wearing the mint green strapless dress she wore at dinner. I wasn't sure what time it was or how I got in my bed.
"Bella?" I croaked out, my voice scratchy from sleep. Her head snapped up and her chocolate pools met my eyes showing concern and worry.
"Jasper? Jasper! He's awake!" she yelled towards the closed door and I knitted my eyebrows in confusion as I looked at the door. Who was she yelling at?
Edward came in with the bimbo of the night close behind. "Jazz, Jesus man you scared us!" he spoke sternly and I was still confused, disoriented maybe.
I looked around the room again my eyes landing on the clock that said 3:16 a.m. I'm guessing the same night as my date with Bella.
"What's going on? Why are you here? How did I get in my bed?" I asked all my questions directed at Edward. I just couldn't look at Bella. I was embarrassed and sure she'd leave any minute knowing I was that I was okay. Not that I knew why she was here to begin with. I'd rather not see her go so I focused my attention on Edward and girl that was hanging on his arm. I took note that I was still in my clothes at least so I wasn't too worried about what had happened.
"I carried your heavy fucking ass in here that's what you are doing in bed," Edward said a bit irritated with a smile threatening at the corners of his mouth.
His bronze hair a bit more disheveled than usual and I realized his clothes were slightly askew with a hint of lip gloss around his lips. They had been making out in the other room waiting for me to wake up. I didn't even bother to take stock of the girl. I could care less at the moment. I raised an eyebrow at him as his activities registered and he smirked.
"Okay, you carried my ass in here. Why'd I need carrin'?" I drawled a bit too southern but it came out mostly when I was tired. I was definitely tired and confused.
"Girls?" Edward asked pointedly, looking at both of them indicating he wanted to speak to me alone. His date stepped out automatically; Bella stood up and stared at me. I just focused on Edward. Now she could leave and it'd be fine, an easy out.
"Ummm…I'll just be out here," Bella said tentatively and walked through the door closing it behind her. I maintained my focus on Edward not wanting to watch her go.
"So what the fuck is goin' on?" I asked once the door was closed.
"You tell me man. From the sounds of it you had a fucking panic attack!" he exclaimed rather loudly.
I thought about it for a minute, what had happened? I remembered with all too much clarity and it was a panic attack. I hadn't had one of those in two years. I sighed and nodded my head looking back up at him.
"It was, sorry man," I said quietly and full of embarrassment.
"What the fuck, Jazz? You have panic attacks? Since when? While on a date?" He fired off each question without waiting for an answer; he was frustrated.
"Man, don't worry about it, it won't happen again. Bella's gone and things will go back to normal. I promise," I said as nonchalant as I could.
"Jazz, Bella isn't gone she's sitting in the living room worrying about you. She's been here all night. I found her next you on the floor crying trying to wake you up. When I asked why she hadn't called 911 she said she you were breathing and you had a heartbeat she thought you just passed out, but didn't know why. When she described to me what had happened I agreed it was a panic attack and carried you in here. She's been sitting at the end of your bed for 3 hours. She's not leaving. So I ask again, what the fuck man?" He looked at me with concern and a bit of agitation but pointedly waiting for an answer.
"It was something Bella said, it triggered a memory okay? Nothing big and it won't happen again. Just get rid of her. Tell her I'm not up for visitors," I said, looking away from him in embarrassment.
I couldn't tell Edward what a pansy I was that I had a panic attack over a girl. That I had tried to kill myself over a girl. He'd laugh at me and probably throw my ass out of his apartment because even though we shared rent it was his place first. I wasn't losing my best friend over a girl, it wasn't happening.
"Man, get rid of your own fucking whore. I'm gonna go fuck mine! I've been waiting all night to get on her and you had to fuck that shit up. Now she probably thinks we're a couple or some shit because all I've done was make-out with her all night waiting for your sorry ass to show some life," he said with complete irritation as he headed for my door.
My anger spiked though, he didn't know Bella. "Don't call her that!" I spat at him.
He turned around and narrowed his eyes. "Why? You didn't actually fuck her so she's not a whore, yet?" he asked maliciously, goading me.
I narrowed my eyes in return. "No, she's a good girl, Edward. She's not like the others. Don't call her that!" I said angrily sitting up and putting my feet on the floor.
He continued to stare at me for a few minutes. Then like flipping a switch began laughing and I was taken aback. "Either way she's your problem. You're obviously feeling better so you take care of her," he said jovially and walked out without waiting for a response.
I sighed and went to talk to Bella. Watching as Edward stood fuming looking at the front door. "What?" I asked as I took in his anger and Bella giggled.
"His date ummm…left," she said through her giggles. I had to smile at that, though I was hoping that it was Bella who would leave.
She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist like it was the most natural thing to do. "Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, looking at me with true concern.
"Umm…Bella why don't you just go home, you look tired," I said flatly. Her eyebrows knitted together and then raised in realization.
"You're throwing me out?" she asked, taking a step back from me and dropping her arms.
"No, you just look tired and it's late, you should go home. I'll see you in class on Monday," I lied, I'd be dropping that class first thing Monday, even if it was required for my History major, and it was my favorite subject, I could take it next semester.
I guess I should have been a bit more careful. I had called her every night this week and since it was Friday night that meant I wasn't going to talk to her for two days. She knew it.
"Jasper, I don't understand, you asked me if I knew about your reputation and I said I did, it doesn't bother me. I'm here. I came here on my own, knowing what to expect and you're sending me away? Am I not good enough for you?" she asked as her eyes filled with tears.
Aww shit, I hate tears. Edward just stood there dumbfounded watching the whole interaction. I glared at him trying to give him the subtle hint to leave us alone but he was too busy looking at her ass and eavesdropping to pay any attention to me.
"Come on," I said, grabbing her upper arm roughly and dragging her into my bedroom slamming the door. "Bella, you just need to leave," I stated glaring at her.
"You brought me in your bedroom to tell me to leave?" She looked puzzled.
"I was just taking us away from prying eyes," I said, nodding towards the door indicating Edward in the other room.
"Jasper, I'm confused. You fuck women, lots of women. I know I'm not the most beautiful thing in the world and that I'm rather plain but I didn't think you minded. You asked me here," she said, trying to sound brave and not let the tears spill that were brimming at her lower eyelids.
Fuck. She thinks she's plain? This world was crazy. "Bella, you are beautiful and in no way plain. I'm sorry if you don't see yourself clearly but you are beautiful. I'm just not interested in a one night stand with you," I said frankly, trying to be more businesslike than emotional. I always let my emotions get the better of me.
"Isn't that what you do? One night stands?" Bella asked angrily. She was being rejected and not liking it.
I nodded my head slowly. "It is," I answered, but couldn't look at her, choosing to look at the black socks that covered my feet. I guess someone took my shoes off when they put me on the bed. I briefly searched the floor of the room and saw them by the chair Bella had sat in. I chanced a glance up at her and the tears were falling from her face as she looked towards the floor herself.
I sighed, "Bella?" Her head snapped up to look at me just like it did the first time, when I woke up. "Come here," I said as I reached my arm out for her.
She took a small step back instead of coming towards me. I took larger step towards her and then another one closing the distance between us. I wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her to me. She didn't fight me but she didn't come without force either.
"All I have wanted since you sat down next to me in that class was you. If this is what you want then I will give it to you," I said softly in her ear as I moved a few stray hairs behind her ear, breathing heavily on her ear.
I leaned in and planted a few soft kisses along her neck and returned to her ear taking the lobe into my mouth and lightly suckling it. I felt her body soften and shiver against me.
I did want her I was just hoping it could be something more. I wanted her every night, not just tonight. But this was all I was good for and I'd at least give her what she wanted. My hands moved to the back of her dress as my lips moved down to suckle on her neck just above her collar bone. She shifted her head to the side to give me better access and I unzipped the dress she was wearing. Since it was strapless it fell to the floor with ease.
"Jasper, wait," she whispered, putting her hand on my chest but didn't push me away.
"No," was all I said as I moved my lips to hers. I felt her tense and attempt to not let me in but I pushed my tongue through and she quickly acquiesced. This kiss was harder than our first; it was more forceful from me, this time. I ran my hands down her sides taking note of the bra and panties she was wearing through touch.
She kept her hands on my chest but never pushed me away. I unhooked her bra with one hand while the other pulled her hips against mine and I ground my now large and waiting erection into her stomach. She moaned at the contact and I knew there would be no more fussing from her. I reached down and picked her up by her thighs and she instinctively wrapped her legs around me. I carried her over to the bed and laid our bodies down, pressing my weight into her core. I pulled back and broke the hold she had on me with her legs. I kissed down her neck, dragging my tongue along her collar bone and landing on her right nipple. I sucked and nipped at it before turning my attentions to the left one.
She was moaning loudly and I couldn't help but take a second to smirk that Edward's whore had gone home. I guess she was my whore. That's what we called them, the girls who were just one nighters. Of course we had a couple we went to whenever we wanted and they took care of our every need those were just our sluts, because they didn't expect anything. The whores expected at least a date night. We had that reputation, so we paid for shit and they screwed us, seemed fair to me. So we had our names for them based on what we were doing with them. But I couldn't turn Bella into one of my sluts. I'd give her this the one time and move on. I focused my attention back on her.
As I sucked on her nipples my hands ghosted down her sides to her hips. They landed on her panties and I hooked them with my thumbs as I rubbed her hip bones. I began to pull them down and she complied by lifting her hips allowing me to pull them down. I pulled back from her as I slipped the panties off of her. Taking her in, she was exquisite, everything was perfect. Her rosy nipples stood at attention thanks to ministrations with my tongue, her pussy was fucking waxed bare and smooth with her pussy lips glistening with her arousal waiting for me to take her.
I figured I had nothing to lose and since this was a onetime thing I decided I had better take advantage of the situation. I took both of feet and kissed each ankle in turn as I placed them right up against her butt cheeks, opening her up nicely for me. I kneeled on the floor in front of her and quickly swiped my tongue up her satiny folds. She bucked her hips and squeaked. I smiled at that and did it again never actually touching her clit. She bucked again but this time moaned. She tasted wonderful. If her mouth was sugared honey this was sugared pussy. There was just no way something should taste this good and God I wanted it all.
I licked her again and this time I stopped to suck on her clit as I pushed two fingers into her warmth. She moaned loudly and bucked again. Did women not understand they could hurt a guy doing that? I weaved my arm between her thigh and calf and planted it firmly on her abdomen to hold her still. I continued to pump my fingers in her and suck on her clit, nipping at it now and then, while trying to hold her still. She squirmed but she quit trying to buck into me. My fingers gained momentum and sensing she was close I finally curled my fingers looking for the spongy ridges that would send her over the edge of ecstasy as she called my name. And she did call my name, along with a few other expletives.
I stood up leaving my fingers inside of her while she came back down and used my other hand to reach in the bedside table for a condom. I removed my fingers from her now dripping pussy. I dropped my pants as if my balls were on fire and put the condom on quickly.
"Jasper?" she asked quietly with her eyes still closed. I sucked her juices off my fingers hastily because I couldn't let that shit go to waste.
"Shh…darlin', I'm right here," I said as I punctuated my words by jamming my cock forcefully into her causing her to jump, yelp, and her eyes sprung open. I held still for a second to determine if she was alright. She just stared at me and panted heavily. Yep she was good. I began driving into her with force and she wrapped her legs around my waist pulling me in with each thrust. Since I was standing, I had her pulled high up off the bed to where only her shoulder blades were on the bed and this angle had me hitting her g-spot with each thrust. Her screams and cries to God and I intermixed with a few more expletives were the best I'd ever heard.
I reached down and pinched her clit and she exploded tightening her grip with her legs, yelling one final "OH YES! THANK YOU GOD!" and her body shook all over.
I came immediately after her with a roaring "YES!" and as I settled her back down on the bed. I noticed how beautiful she was glistening in the soft glow of light from the dim bedroom lamp. I had her. I gave her what she wanted and now she could leave. This was who I was and what I did. I went into my bathroom to dispose of the condom and clean myself up. I figured she'd be getting dressed.
When I returned from the bathroom she had curled up into a naked ball in the center of my bed and pulled the comforter from the side over the top of her rather than getting into the bed, her eyes closed seemingly asleep.
"What are you doing?" I asked in confusion.
"I'm sleepy," she answered without opening her eyes. "And cold," she added as she pulled the comforter tighter around her frame.
"Umm…you can go now," I said coldly, she could stay forever really, but this was what she wanted.
"I know. I'd rather not," she said sleepily punctuated by a yawn.
"How about, get out of my bed?" I meant to say it with force but it came out sounding like a question.
"No," she answered just like I had earlier.
"What's your angle, little girl?" I asked frozen in place. I always had the upper hand here and I just didn't with this woman.
"No angle. I like you and I'm sleepy," she said, rolling further into the comforter trying to stay warm. She likes me?
"Huh?" Was all I could muster.
She opened her eyes and looked at me sleepily. "Listen Jasper, I know you think I'm just a slut who wants to fuck and go but that's not the case. I like you and you like me so come to bed and we'll talk in the morning, okay?"
Who was this woman? She amazes me, she tastes like the sweetest sugar known to man, she hides the devil somewhere inside that innocent looking shy façade, and she speaks her mind in a way and with certainty that leaves me speechless. I've just never known someone like her.
How did she know I liked her? As soon as I think I have her figured out I realize I don't. I thought she wanted to fuck and go. She said she wanted a ride. I didn't know what to do and I continued to stand there staring at the tiger-kitten wrapped up in my comforter.
"You should leave, Bella. You got what you wanted you have no obligation anymore, just go," I stated quietly not sure what I was saying, not sure I wanted her to hear it.
I didn't really want her to leave but the truth was I couldn't handle the heartbreak if she stayed. That woman had the devil inside and I need to be mindful of that. I've seen it, just glimpses but it's there. She could kill me if I gave her the room, if I let her in, and I won't do that. I won't go through that torture again. I won't walk in the darkness never knowing who I am or why I should exist. I won't come back from that again.
She opened her eyes to look at me again with irritation settling in on her face. "Shut up and come to bed, Whitlock," she commanded in an aggravated tone. I walked over and put my shorts on deciding I wasn't going to stand there naked, she was fully covered but completely naked.
"Bella, this can't work. Please just leave?" I asked her pleadingly. I didn't know what to do and I really felt like a girl, trying to get her to leave. I didn't know what to say because I was fighting my desire to love her and my desire to keep myself safe, my heart safe.
Needless to say she didn't leave that night and I slept on the sofa, refusing to give in to her. In the morning I awoke to the sounds of her visiting with Edward and making breakfast in our kitchen. Edward watched as she sashayed around in one of my t-shirts, making pancakes and eggs. We had sex again after breakfast and she convinced me she didn't want me just for my body. She just figured that was all she was going to get, just like I did, though she never specifically said she wanted a relationship.
We spent every day together. Every day for the last four weeks. We fucked regularly and sometimes made love. I would do anything for this woman. She had turned my world upside down. I didn't go to parties anymore. I didn't host parties anymore. I quit sleeping with anything that wiggled their boobs in front of me and Bella was on the receiving end of a lot of criticism for that.
There were several times where other girls had confronted her about "ruining" me and "stealing" me from them. She was a trooper and took it all in stride. I never could figure her out. Just when she seemed fragile and shy the tiger-kitten would appear and she was fierce and commanding. She was a conundrum to say the least. But she was mine. That second weekend we began to see posters for the Valentine's Day dance the school hosted. It wasn't expensive and it was supposed to be something safe we could do on campus for the evening. It wasn't really even a question if we were going, she agreed to go provided we spent the night in my apartment. Like that wasn't a given also. I was happy. I was flying. I was glad I let her into my heart. I thought nothing could go wrong.
When Valentine's Day arrived, I readied my best black suit with a black dress shirt and bolo tie, she said she liked a little southern in me. I had a crimson handkerchief in my pocket because that was the color of her dress, so she said, and I had to match. I waited outside her dorm like I was instructed. We had dinner reservations at the same French restaurant I took her to on our first date and then we were attending the dance on campus. I called her to let her know I was out front and she said she'd be right down. I was waiting patiently when I saw another guy pull up on a motorcycle, no helmet dressed in leather and denim.
I thought nothing of it as he waited for his date, this dorm houses about 250 girls. Of course he was waiting for someone else. He swung his leg around and leaned on the bike just staring at the door. I nodded at him as he looked at me and he nodded back. I was leaning up against my 2005 electric blue mustang with my arms crossed, waiting patiently. Bella came out gliding from the door with a smile looking at me. Then she set her sights on the biker, and her grin widened.
I narrowed my eyes. What, did she know this guy? After she made it down the stairs she ran into his arms and he gathered her up swinging her in a circle and kissing her.
What the *&^%$*?
My brain couldn't even process this shit! He set her down and she came over to me, to which he narrowed his eyes at me. Who the fuck did he think he was? I've spent the last month and a half with her every day! She hugged me lightly and I didn't even respond I was too busy staring down the leather monster.
"Hey Jazz," she said quietly.
"Bella?" I asked questioningly through gritted teeth as she backed up looking into my eyes and then back over at the lug nut.
"Shit sorry Jasper, but Emmett is my boyfriend and I love him. I never said I loved you; you were just a fun ride. I hope you understand. I told you I just wanted a ride. As Emmett heard this he relaxed.
He was okay with his girlfriend just riding me? I thought she was my girlfriend? In 6 weeks she never mentioned Emmett!
He came over to me. "Thanks man. You did well," he said as he patted me on the back and I just stood dumbfounded.
This couldn't be happening again. This couldn't be happening again. My brain said repeatedly.
I watched as she hooked her arm on his and they walked off towards his bike. He got on and she hopped on behind him without a second thought. Her tight red dress rode up her milky white thighs and I stood there staring. Staring as they rode off into the night together. My brain recalled my time with her as I stood there frozen, in the February temperatures in nothing more than my suit, I'm not sure how long I was there.
I really could not figure where I went wrong. It happened again. I was a fun ride. She said it, Maria said it first. Countless, nameless, faceless women in my life have said it. I just thought she was different she was a cops daughter, a good girl; she was shy, sweet, innocent. Now, that I think about it though, I knew she was dangerous. I knew she had that wicked smile. I knew she had the devil inside and I ignored it.
My heart was breaking as I realized I was going to be alone forever. That my looks were a curse. I've heard about it with women, how they think they are no one but a pretty face, but that's what I am.
I put my heart out there. I had planned to tell her tonight that I loved her. I had a locket in my pocket with our pictures in it for her. I knew I was leaning against my car thinking about how I would never be anything, I would never have anyone. I couldn't see. It was just darkness. I couldn't hear. The street noises weren't around me. I was inside myself. I was in the nothingness I had retreated to when Maria stomped on my heart in front of everyone at school. We were the perfect couple. We never fought. Then one day she just said she never loved me. She was gone. Bella was gone. She never loved me. I'm not lovable, I'm not worth loving. My mind cycled through the torture, the nothingness closing around me. I didn't care anymore. Life alone wasn't for me. Valentine's Day was for love and lovers. I was just a good ride.
I felt pain at first. As I saw her leave but then it was just numbness, nothingness, a heaviness I couldn't explain and didn't even want to try. My soul was ripped out of me. I was soulless and would never have anyone.
The next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital looking room. "Mr. Whitlock?" a voice sounded from next to me. I looked over to see a lovely older looking woman who had the same kind of bronze hair as Edward. I knew his mom was a nurse, I wondered if this was her. In the three years that I had known him I'd never met his family.
"Yes?" I responded in a whisper my throat was sore and scratchy.
"Do you know where you are?" she inquired, looking at me kindly.
I just shook my head no but answered, "The hospital?"
She gave me a sad look. "You're at the West Seattle Psychiatric Hospital," she stated serenely. I gaped at her.
"What?" I asked, looking frantically around. This was not a hospital bed and I wasn't hooked to any monitors. She was sitting at the side of my bed just watching me. "When? How? Where?" I couldn't even form sentences or thoughts. The last thing I remembered was Bella leaving me. I clutched at my chest at the thought of Bella leaving me, Maria leaving me. I looked at her while the pain threatened to overtake me. I needed answers.
She began to speak, only I don't think I could have ever been ready to hear what came out of her mouth. "Mr. Whitlock, you have been here for 3 years. Do you remember anything?" she asked calmly.
Three years? WTF?
"When? Huh?" I asked very confused. I've been asleep for three years? What am I fucking Rip Van Winkle here? My brain was on overdrive, my heart was threatening to crush me, and I was beginning to hyperventilate.
"Mr. Whitlock! Mr. Whitlock calm down. Tell me what you remember," she said placing her hand on my arm and I felt immediately calmer at her touch. I told her about Bella, Valentine's Day night.
"What year is it?" she asked all of a sudden. She did say I had been here for three years.
"Ummm 2010. I think?" I said unsure of myself and she nodded making a few notes on a clipboard.
"Mr. Whitlock do you know my name?" she asked cautiously.
I shook my head no. I honestly had no clue unless she was Edward's mom, but I didn't think she was a psychiatric nurse.
"Okay. Well, we'll help you get some things straightened out. I'll go get the doctor for you. My name is Nurse Edwards," she said as she stood and turned to the leave the room.
Nurse Edwards? As in Edward? They had the same weird hair color. I mulled over that information recalling with perfect detail Edward and his similarities to the nurse were striking. Just then a man walked through the door wearing a long white lab coat. As I looked into his blue sparkling eyes he introduced himself.
"Mr. Whitlock, my name is Doctor McCarty but you can call me Emmett," he said sitting down in the chair Nurse Edwards had been using and looking at a clipboard. And everything went black.