FML Contest

Title: Cadets and the Inverted Snake Tamer

Pen name: Greenabsinthia

Characters: Edward/Bella

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nada. Ingenting.

To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2:

http://www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ (remove spaces for link to work)

A/N: Thanks for Pixiegiggles for the awesome and fast beta job.

Disclaimer: This fic is rated M for a reason. It contains underage drinking, as well as sex. Don't read it if you're not an adult.

December 14th, 2009.




What the fuck...?

The repetitive red blinking of the numbers on my alarm clock read 3 a.m. Who the hell is making that ruckus in the middle of the goddamn night?




I groan and roll out of bed, stumbling like a zombie over to the window. With my luck, it's probably some drunk burglar trying to get into the house, opting for the old oak just outside my window instead of just using the front door. Which is never locked, by the way. You'd think the Chief of Police would have his house locked tight, but nope. Not Charlie. He prides himself on being the sole reason for the zero break-ins, robberies, murders—you name it —in the oh so glorious town of Forks, Washington. Why lock your doors when you live in a bell jar? Well there's a first for everything they say. The poor bastard sure lucked out when he picked this house, though.

When my eyes finally adjust to the dark, and what do you know? Fucking Emmett Cullen is standing in the driveway throwing rocks at me. I swear to God, the dude is so fucked up on steroids or gingo biloba his brain has completely shot down.

"Emily, tell me you've got one helluva good excuse for waking me up at this hour—Satan isn't even up this early." My attempt to whisper-yell sounds more like a drunk, hanged cat in heat than an actual human voice.

"Pipe down, Bellakins, I'm comin' up."

I've known Emmett, scratch that, I've known the whole Cullen family my entire life. But Emmett is the only one who gets to call me that ... and I get to call him Emily. It's only fair don't you think? For lack of a better word, Emmett is a conundrum. After spending a semester in Somerset, England, with some of his dad's relatives, he decided to adopt the local slur, thus ending up calling me Bellakins. Imagine a two hundred pound bear of a quarterback yelling "Oy mate! Gerroff moi laaaand yer noggerhead or Imma pummel yer! Bloody sod!" Yup, bound to get some attention, that.

How the hell he gets up here to my room is beyond me. That oak is death trap. Yet somehow, he manages to jump from the closest branch in the window without faltering.

"Luuurv, yer might want te clear out this mess yer call a room. How's a bloke to move around in heeere?"

"Don't dis my hermitage, Emily. Now what are you doing here? And speak English for fuck's sake!"

He's right, though; the place is a mess. I went all Stick It on the place after Mommy and Daddy Dearest grounded me a year ago, except I'm allowed out of my cell to go to school and work. Other than that, not a chance in hell. I figured that if I was going to 'enjoy' an indefinite time in solitary confinement I should at least be able to stand being in my own room. So I did a little redecorating, pissing of the 'rents royally in the process. Most Excellent.

While I mull over my superior decorating skills and possible new additions to my otherwise clotted boudoir, Emmett decides to interrupt my haze.


Uh oh he never calls me Bella.

"He be back, Bella."

Oh Hell!

"What?" I play the dumb card.

"Edward. He's coming back home tomorrow and so is Jasper."

The tightness in my chest which occurs whenever somebody mentions his name, has returned with a vengeance. Usually people don't dare to speak his name around me; they think I don't hear them whispering. Alice, Edward's twin and my best friend, tried to steer me clear of any and all of the gossip. So did Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend.

A Year Earlier

Friends since we were born, the Cullen kids had treated my like their sister; sleepovers, joint birthday parties, Alice and I wearing matching outfits even though she and Edward were the twins. Jasper and Rosalie didn't join our little group until Jr. High, when they moved here from Texas. Emmett and Rosalie were a year older than the rest of us. Like Alice and Jasper, they were an instant couple —they had this whole destined soul mates going on. It didn't really matter, though; we were still all a package deal.

Edward didn't treat me any different than Alice —mostly he had his head buried in a book or practicing on the grand piano in their library. But all of that changed one night when we were 15; Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were at some hospital fund-raiser, Emmett and Rosalie had ditched our weekly Saturday movie night to go to a party, and Alice and Jasper were holed up in her room doing God knows what. That left Edward and me to figure out what to do. Edward was playing on the piano while I was sitting in front of the fire place reading Wuthering Heights for the 100th time. When you've read the same book so many times you know it word for word, it gets a bit trivial, to be honest. I closed the book and went over to Edward, standing beside the piano.

"You never told me who taught you to play ... it was something you just always seemed to know how to do." There was a faint smile on his lips, but his eyes were sad.

"Nana Cullen taught me..." his hands ghosted over the keys, producing a beautiful melody that sent a chill through my body. "Before she died, she made me promise that I would never stop playing and when I play, to always think of the person who holds my heart."

The music stopped.

"Come, I'll teach you."

Edward offered me his hand. I thought he was going to have me sit next to him, but he pulled me into his lap, turning me so I faced the keys and placed his hands back on the keys. Well this was new. Sure we were friends, but the touching part was new. A hug here and there maybe—but this? Never.

"Put your hands on mine. Close your eyes and relax, Bella."

The subtle notes of the Moonlight Sonata flowed through the room. With no effort, we played each note to perfection. I got lost in the music until I felt Edward skimming his nose through my hair.

"You always smell like strawberries," he whispered into my ear.


Edward might be the silent brooding type, but every single girl at Forks High was pining and swooning over him, pulling whatever tricks they knew to get him to pay attention to them. Of course, they all hated on me for having an insight into the life of Edward Cullen, heartthrob extraordinaire. When it all came down to it, I was just the surrogate sister, who didn't pose a threat—the Chief's daughter. Good old Bella. A plain Jane.

What was this all about? I turned around to look him in the face. Maybe I had just heard him wrong. Maybe he was giving me instructions, or something. But the look in his eyes told me differently. His gaze burned into mine, only faltering when it drifted to my mouth. He cupped my face with his hands, my name soft on his lips, "Isabella." He moved his face closer to mine.

"Edward, don't. It'll change everything."

He didn't hear me.

He took my bottom lip between his, and an electric current flowed through our bodies at the first contact. We both felt it. This was right. My response was instant, if not a bit frantic. Just like with the music, I was lost in his lips and touch.

We spent the night on the floor in front of the fire, talking and kissing. Holding each other, we fell asleep in each others arms. The next morning, Emmett woke us up by hollering "Mum's making pancakes twits, get yer arses into the kitchen!" There wasn't any awkwardness in waking up together. We fit.

At the kitchen table, we couldn't help but smile and snicker at each other. Alice's eyes darted between us, before she pumped her fist in the air and screamed "woot woot," followed by a "pay up bitches! I won the bet!"

"You made a bet on whether or not we'd hook up?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course we did, silly Bella. Call it a hunch, but I just knew you two would end up together. Even Mom and Dad were in on it." Edward just laughed and shook his head.

We were pretty much inseparable after that weekend. The Chief wasn't too happy about it, but what was he going to do, force us apart?

For some reason unbeknown to me, Chief Swan's annual Christmas celebration had become the party to go to for the townspeople of Forks. Everybody was invited, even the Cullens and their offspring. Emmett and Alice had declined, wanting to spend some quality time with their soul mates instead, but Edward came. We spent the obligatory first hour downstairs, waiting for the 'rents to be sufficiently sauced before sneaking up to my room.

Over the past two months, I had been filling tiny amounts of vodka from my parents' stash into an empty bottle, adding water to their bottle so they wouldn't notice. Edward and I were going to have our own little Christmas party. It wasn't like we hadn't had sex before, but we'd been doing a little, shall we say, research. We were teenagers with a healthy appetite for each other. As long as Mommy and Daddy Swan didn't find out, we were good. Edward's Mom and Dad had sat down with us for 'the talk' pretty much as soon as we got together. Dr. Cullen had referred me to a gynaecologist, who Esme took me to see. Let's face it—having your boyfriend's father look up your vajayay isn't something you want. Add to that the fact that the man had known you from the day you were born. Yeah, no. Just no (insert head shaking at your leisure).

So, we were going all out for our celebration. Going in for the kill. The whole shebang. Candles, incense, massage oils, the Kama Sutra, mood music, and a relaxing bath together aided by the pilfered vodka—the night looked promising. We were snuggling together on my bed, figuring out what to try, and ended up picking the positions which looked to be the least challenging: Me on my stomach, resting the weight of my upper body on my elbows, and Edward behind me. Holy shit on a tricycle, this was good! I could feel all of him slowly stroking inside of me, rubbing against all the right spots. Stars, baby blue birds, cherubs, cupids, you name it were flying and dancing before my eyes. That was until the chief interrupted Edward from doing the inverted snake tamer—or whatever it was called—on me by bellowing for my Mother to get his shotgun, Carlisle and Esme were trying to calm him, and my Mother was sobbing something about "my baby".

Fuck My Life.

Carlisle had somehow managed to get the chief downstairs and Esme urged us to get dressed and join them in the living room while she held onto my mother.

This ought to be good.

Edward and I didn't say anything to each other while we got dressed, but he was muttering something and raking his fingers nervously through his hair. By the time we got downstairs, Edward was the picture of calm, holding me tight against his side. All the other guests had been sent home. Esme was sitting by my Mother, who was still on her same old rant about her baby. Carlisle was talking to the chief, but when the Chief saw Edward he charged towards us.

"You … you … you … Renee get my shotgun!"

"Charlie," Carlisle said quietly. "You need to calm down, so we can all sit down and talk."

The Chief took a deep breath and went over to the fridge, extracting the vodka from the freezer.

"What the hell? Why is the vodka frozen, Renee?"

Shit! Oh well.

"Yeah Chief, about that ... put that on my tab, since I'm already in trouble," I said without really giving a fuck. The Chief looked like he was having a major stroke and my Mother just started sobbing even louder.

"Isabella Marie Swan. You will go to your room, where you will remain indefinitely except to go to school, work or if you choose, to join a convent. You are under no circumstances going to associate with this … this … boy, anymore. Do I make myself clear? Now go!" The speech in its entirety was delivered through clenched teeth as veins popped out of his forehead.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" I yelled.

"Isabella! Now!"

Edward hugged me tight and said he'd talk to me tomorrow, but he never did.

I don't think the Chief stopped yelling for over an hour after I went up to my room. Eventually, I heard the Cullens leave. The next day was spent going over the new rules: No leaving my room, no cell phone, supervised phone calls, no internet unless it was used for school related research in which case it would be supervised, no regular mail before it had been approved, and worst of all-- my room was to be searched for any and all things that would remind me of Edward. To them, it would be as if he never existed. I told them they were stripping me of all my rights and keeping me prisoner in my own home. The Chief informed me that since I was under the age of 18, he didn't really give a shit.

The next day, Edward didn't come to school, nor did Alice, Emmett, Jasper or Rosalie. Of course the whole town knew what had happened; imagine the gossip going around school. I was pregnant with Edward's baby. Carlisle and my Mother had a sordid affair once and I was really a Cullen, thus Edward and I were siblings. My Father had killed Edward and buried him in the woods. I couldn't take it and went to the nurse's office faking a migraine and was sent home.

The group was back in school the following day, except for Edward and Jasper. Edward had been shipped off to the Missouri Military Academy, and Jasper had joined him – strength in numbers and all that. I thought they all hated me, but they didn't. Alice gave me a long speech about sisterly solidarity. She even passed along a few notes from Edward, but I told her to stop after about a month. It was just too hard. Everything was hard after that.

December 14th, 2009.

I've been on edge all day. I couldn't go back to sleep after Emmett left. If I play it just right, Mommy and Daddy Dearest won't suspect I know Edward is back. I go to work, do my home work, and get ready for the annual Swan Christmas party. I was told to attend for an hour and then go to bed.

I thought I might hear something from Alice today, but so far all has been radio silence. It's 8 p.m. and all the guests have arrived; even Esme and Carlisle are here. I've taken up residence on the stairs, nursing a now-flat ginger ale, when somebody knocks on the door. The Chief opens the door and Edward is standing on the other side, dressed in the Academy's blue dress uniform. I think I've stopped breathing. It shouldn't be allowed to look that beautiful. Though I can't see his face clearly, I know nothing has changed. Edward takes off his hat and nods to my Father.

"Chief Swan," is all he says before entering the house.

"Cullen!" The Chief says loud enough for everybody to hear.

Silence stills the house.

"With all due respect, sir, you had your way once. It's not going to happen again." With that he stalks over to me, sweeps me up in his arms, and walk up to my room.

I'm too shocked to say anything. I watch him from my spot on the bed as he meticulously locks the door and places a chair under the door handle for good measure. He turns around and smirks.

"Got vodka?"

My Prompt was: Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML.