The Worst Thing
Notes: The characters are not mine and the story is. It's a semi-popular fan theory that Ryou Bakura isn't so sweet and that he might actually be working with Yami Bakura. While I find it fascinating, I don't believe it. However, I do think he could be hiding something. This here is about as dark as I can personally picture him. It takes place at an unspecified point during the show.
Yugi . . . I'm really sorry about what the spirit of the Millennium Ring did today. It seems like he's always getting into some trouble and dragging all of you into it. You're all alright, aren't you? I hope so.
I know you and the others wish he wasn't around. I don't blame you in the least. Why would you want someone around who has done nothing but cause pain and heartache for you?
I've felt the same. I've detested him---hated him even!---and wished he would go away. I've pleaded with him not to hurt you, but the most I can ever get from him is that he'll make sure I never have to watch what he does. It's odd, maybe not even true, but I have the feeling it's more than just not wanting me to interfere. Sometimes I think he doesn't want to "spoil my innocence" by having me see his wicked acts.
I know, that sounds ridiculous. Doesn't it? I'm sure you'd never believe me if I said that aloud. Tristan would just think I was letting the spirit fool me into thinking he has some spark of good.
But I don't know that he doesn't. He always tries to keep me safe. If anyone threatens me, he's right there to deal out punishment. I'm not saying I like his methods, or that I even know that he's trying to protect me and not just my body, but in the darkest part of my mind, I like to think he cares. And I'm happy that someone would go to such lengths for me. No one else ever has.
I've been alone so much of my life, Yugi. I never really had any friends. After my mother and sister died, and my father traveled more, I didn't have anyone.
You can't really understand what that's like, can you, Yugi? You've always had someone---your grandfather, your mother, your childhood friend Téa. . . . You don't know what it's like to be absolutely, truly alone. You've never wandered through a completely still house, longing to hear another human voice and yet knowing you never will. You haven't eaten solitary meals and then tried to sleep while the silence is growing louder and louder until you feel you'll go mad. You haven't had your days go on like this, turning into months and then years, broken only by an occasional visit from your sole living family member---someone who would probably rather be exploring the world instead of seeing you.
You haven't discovered, after years of this sadness, that suddenly out of seemingly nowhere you hear what you've wanted more than anything else---a voice. Finally there's someone there, someone to talk to. Unfortunately he's an evil spirit from the ancient item you were given, but he's always around. On good days, he'll let you talk to him and will even talk back. Even when he doesn't want to talk, just to know someone else is in the house is such an amazing, almost unreal, feeling after so long.
He told me he had been lonely, too, and that he could understand my pain as no one else could. I was suspicious; I didn't believe him at first. But I came to believe him. The way he knows what I'm thinking, feeling, even when he hasn't been reading my mind . . . I know he does understand.
I have to wonder, Yugi . . . what was his life like? What led to him being trapped in the Millennium Ring? Sometimes when I've seen him, there's been such pain in his eyes. I can see it so clearly, even though he's transparent outside of our soul rooms. But then he tries to cover it up or pretend it was never there. And something in me wants to reach out to him, to find out the secrets he's hiding and comfort him if I possibly can. If he's as lonely as I've been, I feel like I need to do something to change that.
I've tried to tell myself I shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't even listen to him. Sometimes he really does make it easy for me to become his enemy. That first time he caused trouble, when he sent us into the Duel Monsters game, I was relieved when he was gone. I was furious with him for what he had tried to do. I didn't think I could ever forgive him. And I was sure he would never forgive me for going against him. He thought I wouldn't, you know. He trusted me to help him and I let him down.
But as time went on, I have to admit---in spite of myself, I kept wondering what had happened to him and if he was alright. And it was so strange, not hearing him or sensing he was there. I never told you, Yugi. I knew you wouldn't understand. I didn't understand.
When he came back, I was oddly glad he was still . . . well, I can't really say alive, but existing. And he was angry and felt betrayed, just as I'd known he would. . . . But strangely, he also seemed to have more respect for me, for having the courage to fight back. I feel like in some ways we've been closer since then . . . or at least, that we've come to a better understanding.
I actually thought and hoped to be part of your group, Yugi . . . even though at the same time I felt I had to stay away to keep you safe. I suppose you and the others are worried, too, since you've never really invited me along much on your adventures. I don't blame you, of course. But I don't think I blame him, either. I was alone long before he came to me, after all.
Now that he's here, I'm never alone.
That's why . . . even though I don't want him to hurt you . . .
Even though part of me wants him gone . . .
Even though sometimes I fear him and hate him furiously . . .
I can't go back to that complete silence, Yugi.
For me, that would be the worst thing above anything else.
And so you see, part of me . . . the deepest, darkest part . . . hopes you won't defeat him for good. I'm ashamed of it, but it's true.
In that part of my heart . . . I want him to stay.