Title: Big Bang
Pen name: Anabella Cullen
Characters: Edward y Bella
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and I´ve no idea if somebody owns "FML" I just know it´s not me. This story line though, is all mine.
Summary: This is my entry for the FML contest. Edward had been in love with Bella since they were children. They were best friends and he didn´t think it was mutual so he kept it quiet to save their friendship, until he saw he could really lose her.
To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2:
http://www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ (remove spaces for link to work)
Bella was getting ready to go out on her third date with Jacob Black, and she looked eager. Most of the time there was some douche-bag after her until she finally relented and went out with him, but I had never seen her excited to date anyone. I was sure that he wanted to get in her pants and I would kill somebody (him or myself) before I allowed it. I knew Jacob because our fathers had business together. He was OK, but no one was OK enough for Bella -no one but me that is.
Today was the day I would tell her.
All or nothing.
The problem was, I seriously had no idea how to go about it.
She was so stubborn! All afternoon I had tried to persuade her not to go. I absolutely loathed myself for not having the balls to just tell her how I felt. I finally told her he probably only wanted to fuck her. Bella just laughed and shrugged.
"You´re being silly, Edward," she winked. "Besides, who says I don´t want to fuck Jake?"
I ground my teeth and tried to glare at her, but had to turn around as I felt my eyes tear a little. The thought of that mongrel, or any one else for that matter, touching Bella put murderous thoughts in my mind.
"Don´t say stupid shit like that, Bella. Do you want to see me puke?"
"Don´t get all older-brotherly with me again, Edward! I´m an only child, thank heavens for that!" she rounded on me, wriggling her finger at me. "What is it to you who I go out with, anyways?"
"I... I care about you.... you´re my best friend! Besides, I have never pretended to be your brother! Why would I want that for fuck´s sake?"
I was very, very grateful that she wasn´t my sister, but that did not come out right. A light flickered and died in her eyes. I was about to apologize when she spoke.
"I see. And as my best friend, shouldn´t you want to see me happy?"
"I´m trying to keep you from doing something that´s certain to make you unhappy, aren´t I?"
"And why would sleeping with Jake make me unhappy?"
"He´s not good enough for you."
She scoffed. "That´s your opinion and I disagree. Besides, there are things that really make me sad and I haven´t died of them, yet."
"What do you mean by that?" That was some puzzling piece of information.
"Nothing at all, best buddy. Make yourself at home. See you tomorrow... maybe." She winked again and smiled wickedly at me, but her eyes were dull as she closed the door behind her.
I had been in love with Bella for too long now. I remember the abject panic that had gripped me when I realized this.
We had practically known each other since the womb, seeing as our mothers are best friends and neighbors.
There were a bunch of kids in our small neighborhood. Bella, Jessica, Ben, Eric, my siblings, Emmett and Alice, and myself, were founders of The Clan, as our parents loved to call us, while Mike, Angela, Jasper and his twin sister Rosalie, arrived a couple of years later. We were all very tight. Summers were especially crowded when Jasper and Rose´s cousins, Tanya, Kate and Irina came to stay with them for a month.
It was fun growing up. We lived through all the growing pains and drama together up until high school graduation, when everybody left for various colleges. Most of us kept in touch, though.
One could see from very early on in our lives, that some friendships were turning into stronger bonding, promising to morph into romantic relationships. It was like watching Bambi during spring, when all the animals mated. Only Eric, who we suspected was gay, remained aloof when the hormonal revolution stoked.
Emmett and Rosalie were the first.
It changed the dynamics of the group considerably. They now sought alone time so they were not around nearly as much as we were used to, and we didn´t know how to feel about it. Jasper was particularly confused. He was aware that Emmett really cared for his sister, but he also knew that Emmett was a horny dude. It was nice -and a little nauseating- to see them so happy, but we missed them. We missed Emmett´s energy, easygoing spirit and his jokes.
The girls were thrilled. They cornered Rosalie and asked her all the variations of "What do you guys do?" and "What is it like?" they could think of, eager to know all the intimate details of her and Emmett´s relationship. Rose complied happily, loving the attention and the bragging rights she had earned by being the "first", but they missed Rosalie´s "mother hen" protectiveness and guidance.
Next, were Ben and Angela, though they were not as flamboyant as Em and Rose. They behaved as if they had been married for twenty years, all very "mature" and shit. It was hilarious and endearing watching them interact.
Mike had always had a thing for Bella, but as she never gave him any hope he sort of settled for Jessica, who´d had a huge crush on him since the first time she saw him – a moment I cherished deeply since it meant she would forget all about me. Needless to say, despite the honest affection that bound The Clan together, there was a slight tension among the four of us.
Jasper and Alice lived through their own brand of drama. She had declared her love for him as soon as he moved into the house across the street. My father, Carlisle, found it really amusing since she was seven and Jasper was twelve. Alice was the youngest and we all regarded her as a baby, so her passionate statement was deemed cute.
As the years passed and she was still waiting for Jasper to realize they belonged together, we got a little concerned, especially when Jasper started dating Maria and Alice´s depression was evident. "She´s going to hurt him, Edward." She cried on my shoulder for hours when she found out. My tiny and adorable sister was right more often than not. Maria got Jasper into drugs and it took quite some time for him to get over that. Even today he thinks of himself as an addict. My parents were not at all happy when Jasper and Alice finally started to date, but eventually concurred that they were good for each other.
I fell in love with Bella when we were thirteen. She had spent a couple of months visiting her grandma Marie, and when she came back she was no longer the knobby kneed, tiny, skinny child she had been. She was taller, curvier and more beautiful than any girl I had ever seen. We had always been close; she made me feel understood, important and less like the bookworm, musical geek I actually was.
Bella and Alice would always calm and comfort me whenever Emmett´s jibes got the best of my temper, for in those early years I stood no chance against him. Alice was sweet, and it was evident she looked up to me. I adored her, but it´s a bit different when it was my friend instead of my baby sister that offered the encouragement. Alice was the only one to notice my love-struck gawking at Bella.
"Tell her, Edward," said a ten year-old Alice.
"What?" I asked distractedly.
"Tell Bella that you love her."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You said the F word!" she gasped.
"That´s because you are being stupid!"
I regretted making Alice cry, but the truth is I was petrified. I knew I still looked like a child and I felt self-conscious and intimidated by Bella now.
Bella sensed my sudden shyness and interpreted it to mean I didn´t want to be friends anymore. She confronted me of course, and I foolishly tried to kiss her. She was taken aback and asked what I thought I was doing. I told her it had been a dare. I suspected that she knew that was a lie but chose to make my life easier.
We never spoke of it again.
A little over ten years later, I was back to square one, paralyzed with the fear of losing her, whether it was to another guy or because she´d reject me again.
I repeated to myself, "All or nothing" and went after her.
She had already taken off when I got outside, so I got into my car and called Alice, who would surely know where Bella was.
"Where was Bella going tonight?"
"Hello, Edward. How are you? I´m fine, thank you very much."
"Alice, please not now!" She just cleared her throat and I heaved a sigh.
"I´m sorry, kiddo. How have you been?"
"I´m OK. My thesis is coming along nicely and Jasper has learned new tricks in bed so.... yeah, fine!"
"Jesus, Alice! What th-" She giggled, interrupting my horrified outburst.
"Bella is going to that bar Rosalie was raving about... The Cave... The Dungeon...."
"Thanks!" I hung up without further interaction and headed to The Lair.
Bella was at the bar, animatedly talking to a beautiful, tall, russet skin, Pocahontas-eyed girl.
"Bella, can we talk for a minute?"
"Edward! Um... I´m busy right now. This is Leah, my friend from work I´ve told you about."
So this was the friend who introduced her to Jacob Black.
"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking hands with her. "I really need to talk to you, Bella."
"Can´t it wait? Sam and Jacob are on their way."
"No. I promise I won´t take much of your time."
She turned to Leah and excused herself with a million apologies. Bella´s kindness was one of the things I loved most about her, but her acute need to make sure she never hurt anybody was sometimes too much.
We went outside because I wanted a smoke, and after lighting it I looked at her from the corner of my eye, wondering how to tell her that I had been behaving like an ass because I loved her. She glared at me and impatiently tapped her foot, which of course didn´t do anything for my nerves.
"I... I don´t know where to begin, Bella." I whispered, pinching the bridge of my nose.
"You´re unbelievable, Edward! I had to leave Leah alone in there and you don´t even have anything to say, do you?"
"I´m in love with you!" I choked out.
Well, that was not how I had wanted to tell her, not that I had had a specific plan made, but I´m sure there were better ways.
She looked at me, expressionless, for a moment and then she started laughing so hard she had to grab her stomach. I stared at her, wounded. How could she make fun of me? It was so out of character for her that I felt like I was looking at a stranger.
"Seriously, Edward! What is it that you have to say that needs a joke to lighten the atmosphere?" She was still chuckling.
I just kept staring at her.
When she realized I had not been joking she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
"You´re not joking, " she uttered in a small voice.
I shook my head no and dropped my eyes.
For what felt like a millennium, we remained quiet. Finally, I felt her hand on my cheek and her lips brushing lightly on mine as she said, "I´m in love with you too, Edward."
I felt my heart burst with happiness, it was almost impossible that she felt that way about me, but I was not going to second-guess my good fortune. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her deeply. After a few seconds she pulled away and said she had to talk to Jacob, and as much as it pained me to agree with her, I understood.
I went to her apartment to wait impatiently for her to return to me.
I occupied my mind trying to figure out how was it that, knowing each other so well, we never realized our mutual feelings. I went through several possibilities and none seemed to answer my question. The clock ticked and my very thin patience with anything regarding Bella wore thinner. I was about to crawl up the walls when she came in.
"How long have you known?" She asked, as soon as she closed the door.
She glared at me. "How long, Edward?"
I sighed. "Ten years."
"What?" She was aghast.
"Remember when we were thirteen and I tried to kiss you?" I asked peeking at her through my lashes. She nodded, wide eyed. "Since then."
"Why, Edward?" From her beautiful doe eyes began an endless stream of tears.
"Bella, please don´t cry. Why are you crying?"
"Why didn´t you say anything before?" She sobbed.
"Because I´m a coward. I was terrified to lose your friendship, to lose you. I was sure you didn´t feel the same and I concluded I´d rather be your friend than not have you in my life. But today I realized I was losing you with my silence. I realized that I would definitely lose you to some douche-bag out of cowardice." I told her, while I wiped her tears with my fingers. "Now tell me... why are you crying?"
"Because I´m angry and relieved and frustrated. You see, I´ve been in love with you since then, too. When you kissed me..." she chuckled. "I had just eaten garlic bread and I panicked. Then you said it had been a dare and I just felt like an idiot. Didn´t you wonder why I never even asked who dared you to do such a thing? Or why you would go along with it?"
It was my turn to be shocked.
"I thought you saw through my lie and took pity on me!"
I needed to clear my head or I´d mess this up, and my ultimate stress relievers were driving or running. Since I could hardly take off for a jog, I asked her to ride around the city with me.
We talked about our years and years of miscommunication. Especially everything related to exes.
She wanted to know about Tanya and Jane and the many nameless girls I had been with, whether for a day or for months. I wanted to know about her relationships too, Tyler particularly. We knew everything about our lives, of course, but it was different now that we knew we had done all that while loving each other. We had been a pair of idiots. It should have been obvious that we went through hell every time one of us started dating.
Bella detested Tanya, which was weird since we all were childhood friends, but this suddenly made sense.
"I understand now why you hated Tanya so much."
"No, Edward, you don´t. How could I hate her for wanting you? I understand that perfectly. I resented her deeply because she knew how I felt about you and she was needlessly hurtful. She knew she was hurting me every time she touched you or kissed you in front of me, and yet she made a show out of it."
Bella nodded. "First I was afraid that she would tell you something, but Alice says she had to be an idiot if she told you. Now I know why."
"Alice?" So many revelations had my normally over-analytical mind moving in slow motion.
"Yes. I was talking to Alice about you -I was hurting over a girl you had been out with- and Tanya overheard us. So I had to tell her and make her swear not to tell you a thing."
"Jesus! I´m going to murder my sister! Why didn´t she say anything? She knows how you feel and how I feel. She should have put us out of our misery!"
"I made her swear on your and Emmett´s lives not to tell, Edward. I´m pretty sure this was hard for her -the meddling nuisance that she is- but she was honoring our friendship. I´m sure she was trying not to betray your trust, either."
I was relieved to learn she had never cared too much about any of her boyfriends. She mostly reacted to a new girl I was dating and looked for someone to try to forget. How the fuck did I miss the timing? I didn´t ask for too many details because I was sure to be unable to handle them.
"I haven´t gone out with anyone in months, Bella. So why were you going out with Jacob Black?" I could not erase the jealousy and recrimination from my voice. I knew it was unfair but I couldn´t help it.
"I was really trying to get over you. I have felt pathetic for a decade, Edward. Besides, I like Jake, he´s really sweet and smart and..." She trailed off when she noticed my black, homicidal gaze. She giggled. "You are so cute when you are jealous... I love you, Edward. Isn´t that what this whole conversation is about?" she asked, caressing my face.
She was right.
"I love you, too." It felt so freeing, so amazing to be able to tell her that.
I had finally sorted my thoughts enough to stop my wanderings -which incidentally I knew were making Bella nervous as she enjoyed ridiculously low speeds- and stopped in a seemingly sleeping neighborhood. We were a little far from either my apartment or hers and I seriously needed to kiss her again. This place felt safe.
Her lips were better than I could have imagined. Soft, sweet and hungry for mine. The effect she had on me was staggering. The little sounds she made had me drunk with desire. I was hard and desperate to be inside her but I was hesitant in my movements because I didn´t know if I´d be able to stop if we got too carried away. We were, after all, in the middle of a suburb, there was probably somebody awake inside one of those houses. It wouldn´t be long before some paranoid neighbor called the cops or came out with a bat.
Her warm little hand slid down my stomach and lightly brushed my erection, effectively scattering my concerns to the winds.
"Wait..." I moaned, even if I couldn´t pinpoint a valid reason for any delay at that moment.
"I´ve waited for years... please, Edward."
Jesus-fuck! How was I supposed to think straight when she pleaded with me like that? When her hand moved over my length like that? And her lips grazed my earlobe like that? I couldn´t refrain from touching her any longer.
I was practically on top of her, letting my hands touch her in places I had never been able to. She felt wonderful.
I undid her button and uncovered a sheer blue bra that left nothing to the imagination. For a second it crossed my mind that she hadn´t put this on for me, but I brushed away the thought quickly. Bella´s hands were on my hair, pulling at it in a very pleasurable way. I took her luscious nipple in my mouth and sucked it through the thin fabric and she arched her back. "Ungh! Edward!" she moaned and her hips started gyrating rhythmically. I released her delicious breasts from their flimsy imprisonment and resumed my explorations of them.
I wanted to lavish her with pleasure, to cover her entire body with kisses, but the car didn´t give room for much.
"Bella, baby, let´s go home..."
"No! No, Edward... don´t stop now. I need you... so much."
I bunched up her skirt and got rid of her panties. Bella fumbled with my belt and pants, and pulled them, along with my boxers, down to my knees. Her eyes went wide as she saw my cock spring free. "What?" I whispered, smiling at her. She shook her head and kissed me.
Finally, I touched her pussy and we both moaned loudly. She was so wet, so ready for me. I could wait no longer. "Bella, are you sure?" I asked. She bit her lip and nodded.
I drove into her and closed my eyes, overwhelmed with pleasure. When I heard her whimper my eyes flew open. Hers were closed, her lips were pursed, and she was breathing through her nose.
"Baby, are you OK?" I could hear the strain in my voice.
"Yes, I... you just feel so big..." she breathed.
I never thought Bella would say something so trite, but as I didn´t really know her in this facet of her life, I didn´t make much of it.
When I felt her relax I started moving slowly inside her. She was very tight and warm. She wrapped her legs around my waist as her arms roamed my back. I reached down and started to roll her clit and she responded beautifully. I felt her come around me as she moaned my name.
I felt like I was flying; it was wonderful. I grunted and stilled as I came.
I was trying to compose myself after my climax, when I felt that the flying sensation continued. At the same moment I heard Bella´s panicked whisper.
"Fuck!" I exclaimed.
I hastily withdrew from her, pulled my pants up, tucked myself in and set to find out what had happened. Apparently, I had forgotten to put the car in park and we had crashed into a lightpole.
"Are you alright?" I frantically asked Bella.
"Yeah... I think so."
I turned the inside lights on and hurried to check on her. As my hand reached out for her face I saw the blood that covered it.
"Baby, you´re hurt! Where are you hurt?"
Bella started to check herself and she froze.
"I´m not hurt, Edward. I think it´s pretty normal to bleed your first time?" She sounded tentative.
"Your first- What? No! No! Bella, Bella... Why didn´t you tell me, baby? This shouldn´t have been your first time!"
"You wanted me not to be a virgin?" She sounded so wounded.
"No! I´m happy you were. I meant to say that I should have made this differently, special... I really thought that you and Tyler..."
"Why? I told you, no one ever meant what you mean to me."
"I´m sorry. It´s just that love and lust don´t always keep the same company. And you did say you wanted to have sex with Jacob."
"I was bluffing. I have only loved and desired you."
The lights of a few houses were on now, and I knew we had to get the hell out of there. The police was surely coming and then there´d be no way of hiding this from Charlie -Bella´s father- who was chief of police back home.
I turned on the car -Thank God the engine was fine- and headed to Bella´s apartment.
I can´t believe I screwed this up!
After years of loving and wanting this exceptional girl, I get her. And because life has the darkest sense of humor, I managed to crash my car while taking her virginity, parked -well, obviously not parked- in some random neighborhood. Fuck my life!
"It was special for me. Was it good for you?"
"Bella, we could have been in hell and it would have been heaven for me. But I´ll make it up to you... I promise.
"I believe you." She smiled, and life didn´t seem so cruel anymore.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML
I want to thank PTB for betaing this story, especially Sheena Savannah and Jessica. Thank you girls, you rock!
I originally wanted to attempt to write humor -this contest provide the perfect opportunity- but I discovered that, even if I enjoy reading humor very much, writing it is not my forte. So this is the result. I hope you enjoy it!
Please review! ;)