Disclaimer/Notes: I don't own "Harry Potter". Or my mind.
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"WAKE UP, REMUS!!!!!!" Sirius yelled in the sleeping werewolf's ear. He didn't stir. (A/N: p.s., this is third year.)
"That's incredible," James commented. "That kid's a freak of nature."
"Honestly." Sirius went through his twisted mind, considering any other options. "Let's see, we've already used cold water, a hiccup charm, and a humping sock this week. We need something original....although the sock had some interesting consequences..."
Sirius suddenly jumped on Remus's bed and started singing (A/N: insert favorite song) at the top of his lungs. James chimed in and they both used Remus's bed as a trampoline. Sirius accidently jumped on Remus. Remus didn't wake up.
"Is he even alive?" James said five minutes later, climbing off the bed of his sleeping amigo.
Sirius checked for a pulse. "Surprisingly, yes, he is."
"Incredible."
"Hey, where's Peter?" Sirius wondered aloud, so the author could explain the little rat's disappearance. (A/N: Thanks, Padfoot) "Not a problem," he said.
"Who are you talking to?" James asked.
"Ugh, nevermind, you wouldn't understand," Sirius said.
Anyway, that son of a...I mean, sweet innocent Peter was probably off backstabbing and running a-muck....I mean, studying.
"Wow, what have you got against him?" Sirius asked.
James picked up the phone (A/N: yes, the phone, dammit, he has a cell phone. don't ask me what year it is, i don't know!) and called Lily. (A/N: who also has a cell phone. don't question me dammit, just read!!!)
"Lily, it's me," James whispered. "Sirius is hearing voices and talking to invisible people....I think we need back up. Have him take a shower? Okay. Me too? I do not smell!.......I don't care how nice Remus smells after a shower! He's asleep anyway! We can't wake him up!........I don't know!"
"Okay, numer one," Sirius said, looking up at the ceiling, talking to the author (but of course, James doesn't know this), "what's a cell phone? And number two, what have you got against Peter?"
(A/N: Number one: something I want to hit you over the head with. Number two: you really really really don't want to know.)
"Oh, okay."
Anyway, returning to the plot.....
"There's a plot?" Sirius asked.
(A/N: SHUT UP!)
"Geez, someone's got PMS," Sirius commented.
"I do not," Remus said.
"Hey, look who's returned to the land of the living!" James said.
"I had a good dream," Remus said thoughtfully, "there was a flying motorcycle in it....."
"Who cares?" Sirius said. "Flying motorcycles don't exsist!"
(A/N: dumb ass)
"What'd you call me?!" Sirius screeched.
"Whoa...." Remus backed away from the raving lunatic, "James, who's he talking to?"
"I don't know, but Lily says a shower will cure it," James answered.
"Really."
"Yeah. She insisted that all three of us take a shower."
"Together?"
"Ew, Remus, no!"
"Whew, that's good," Remus sighed.
And so, the three boys each got into their own shower, because I am one fan fic author that is convinced they aren't gay.
"That's good," Sirius said.
Anyway, the three boys were showering (A/N: now do you see why Peter's not in this one? There are some mental images we don't need. Others, well, others are okay....)
Remus looked around uneasily. "Why do I feel like I'm being watched?"
(A/N:...................)
"Ew!" Sirius said.
OKAY, BACK TO THE STORY------ Since Sirius was occupied wondering why the author was so in love with Remus instead of him, Remus was wondering why he felt so insecure, and James was wondering what the hell was the matter with his friends, none of them noticed when the door opened very slightly. However, they all noticed when the shower room filled with thick blue smoke.
"Oye, I can't see a thing!" James said, stumbling out of his shower stall.
"Neither can I!" Sirius said, coming out of his.
"Is something on fire?" Remus said, joining his friends.
"Where are the towels? Where are our clothes?" James asked.
Suddenly, all the smoke cleared away. The boys found themselves rather, erm, exposed. Sirius started to laugh.
"Shut up, it's cold in here!" Remus squeeked.
"Sure it is!" Lily said.
The three boys were so shocked to see her in there, their modesty was forgotten for a split second. In that split second, Lily took a very interesting picture.
"See ya!" she yelled, running away.
Suddenly, as though by magic (A/N: what a concept!) their towels and clothes reappeared. Unfortunately, their socks had disappeared.
"Bloody traders," Sirius grumbled.
"They probably ran off to mate with Lily's socks," Remus explained.
"Oh, that's good," James said, "I was beginnning to be disturbed by the growing level of flitty socks."
Suddenly, one of the infamous socks jumped out of a shadowy corner and ran away with Remus's towel.
"Hey!" Remus shouted.
"Still cold?" Sirius asked.
James and Sirius laughed and laughed and laughed. Remus grabbed his wand (A/N: I know there's at least ONE of you out there thinking dirty thoughts about that, now, stop it! I mean his *wand* wand) and neither Sirius nor James laughed anymore once he had used a carefully aimed reducing spell.

After they were all properly dressed and resized (even Remus, who figured he should take advantage of his wizarding abilities),
"Well, one would imagine!" Sirius said.
(A/N: could you please not interrupt me!)
"Sorry, just figured that needed a little commenting on."
(A/N: whatever.....)
After they were all properly dressed and resized (except Sirius, because he pissed off the author),
"OHMYGOD!" Sirius screamed, looking down his pants. "What the #*$^ did you do!!!!!!"
(A/N: okay okay, we'll try this one more time)
After they were all properly dressed and resized (................), the boys started to plan their revenge.
"Okay, first off," James said, "Lily has to pay for that."
"Yeah!" his friends agreed.
"Merlin's beard you guys are lame. Anyway, let's just steal her socks because they are obvious culprits in this matter and deserve to die for mating with our socks."
"Right!" his friends agreed.
"Oh dear Lord," James sighed, "you guys need to get a life. Okay, so, I've got to go. See you in the sequel to this story, that was actually written first."
"What's that?" Remus asked.
"It's called `Something Rotten in the State of Hogwarts'," James explained. "By the same author."
"Do I have to be naked again?" Remus asked.
"No, but revenge will be mine!" Sirius cackled.
"Whatever," James said, walking away. "Why in the world did I sign that agreement with the nutty author? I have to stop those promotion deals, they'll be the end of me... Boy, could I use a cold, refreshing Mountain Dew right now!"
Sirius walked away, talking to himself, and Remus curled up in bed with a book and his adorable cat, Totes.
"The end," Totes said.
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okay, there's that. hope you liked it. for similar makes-no-sense humor, please read "Harry Learns the Facts of Life". it's just what the titles says, with several other goodies thrown in, like why Snape thinks that Hermione's pregnant and Harry's gay, and why Sirius thinks that Harry's a daddy. For the sequel to this (which is a little more serious-humor, does that make sense?) read "Something Rotten in the State of Hogwarts" in which the boys try to get their revenge for the shower incident, but they overhear a conversation that makes them change their minds. Sirius and Remus fight, Sirius's revenge is taken out on Totes the cat, and it all ends with a funny trial scene. I might add a few things, now that I've written this. Ciao.