This was written by myself (LE) and Lainana.

There was a problem within the Anbu. A very big, bad problem.

Although Konoha's anbu force consisted of many strong, intelligent and mentally unstable ninja, their numbers were simply too small for them to be everywhere at every moment. Thus, in order to rectify this serious problem, a meeting was called.

The meeting took place in a dark, dank room, in a dark dank corner which everyone would like to call the T&I's corner.

The Anbu squad leaders sat around a large circle table some anbu had stolen from the set of King Arthur mid-performance (the actors, too scared to confont the already clearly unhinged ninja, had simply continued the play, opting to pretend the strange incident never occured and that King Arthur never had a round table anyway).

"We need an Idea," Mouse, somewhat contradictoraly, spoke up, "An Idea so insane and genius it will put Hatake Kakashi to shame!"

"...What about Uchiha Itachi?" an unfortunate newly promoted Anbu asked. The gazes of every Anbu in the room quickly levelled on him.

"What about him?" Mouse replied.

"...Well... you inferred that Hatake was insane and a genius..."

Mouse blinked.


"Anyway," Mouse continued, "We need an Idea," several anbu raised their hands, "preferably one that does not include dancing in lycra suits, having mass juggling contests, dressing in drag or simply killing anyone who blinks to save us the trouble of guarding them."

All the hands dropped, except one.

"Yes?" Mouse prompted.

"What about mindless slaughter?" Beaver said.

"I believe that comes under 'simply killing anyone who blinks'. But thanks for the suggestion."

"No problem. Would you like a peanut?"

"Don't mind if i do."

And so, after many hours of discussion, debate and eating Beaver's peanuts, the Anbu Hotline was born. It would be the best idea ever to have sprung from the fertile minds of the Anbu corps - whenever a cat was stuck up a tree, whenever a damsel was in distress, whenever a genin team needed rescuing from a crazed Tora - the Anbu Hotline was the number to call.

Of course, not to say that Anbu would rescue the genin until the last minute. Tora was an angry beast when she didn't get her fill.

And frankly, some of the anbu were still scared of her... it.

There was also the fact that the Anbu might pawn off most of the emergency calls off onto unsuspecting Genin as well.

Goose seemed sure that Gai would love sudden express missions that must absolutely be good for the heart.