Hey there, everyone! Who saw StarStruck? Eep, I love Sterling Knight!! Ahh! He is so cute! =D

Sigh... the movie was really cute, not as good as SWAC though. One part really confused me though. When Stubby gets mad at Christopher after they watch the video of Jessica in Michigan, does he say "I'm going to FIRE my best friend," or "I'm going to FIND my best friend," ? I couldn't tell which one it was.

Disclaimer: I'm tired of saying I don't own SWAC! So, I'm having a robot say it for me. *presses button*

*robot voice* Teddy-Luver-does-not-own-Sonny-with-a-Chance-or-Selena-Gomez.

The (Not So) Innocent Bystanders

Selena Gomez - The Relationship Wizard

Chad Dylan Cooper had better be grateful, I grumbled to myself as I wandered the halls of Condor Studios, trying to find Chad. I can't believe I canceled Camp Hip Hop for this. But, Chad and I are really good friends, and I couldn't exactly deny him this, could I?

Oh, I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Selena Gomez, you probably know me from Wizards of Waverly Place, on Disney Channel. What was a Disney star such as myself doing at Condor Studios? Well, the great Chad Dylan Cooper (note sarcasm), had practically begged me to be in his new movie, Chad Dylan Cooper: A Chad Dylan Cooper Story by Chad Dylan Cooper Productions. I mean, really? He couldn't think of a better name?

Anyway, Chad wanted me to play some girl named Sonny Munroe. I'd heard of her before. She was on So Random! which was a funny comedy show that I'd watched a couple of times. I heard some arguing going on from one of the audition rooms. It sounded like Chad's voice, so I went to go in.

Before I could open the door though, it was opened by some brunette girl in a green sweater dress. Chad was standing behind her, looking slightly angry and slightly bored. The girl's mouth dropped open. Oh, a fan, I thought.

"Ohmigosh! Selena Gomez!" she squealed excitedly. I smiled tentatively. "Can I get your autograph? Here, sign this lousy script." She thrust a piece of paper into my hands, but I gently pushed past her and walked towards Chad.

"Hey, Chad," I greeted him. "I got your text, and yes I'll play the part of Sonny." Yes, you heard me right. That doofus asked me to play the part in a text. He was lucky I was such a nice person. Chad sighed in relief theatrically. Drama king.

"What?" the girl behind me exclaimed. Probably shocked that I would be doing this movie instead of Camp Hip Hop. Yeah, I was too.

"Personally, I think the character's a bit dull," I said truthfully. "But, I'll liven her up." Then I realized, I didn't even know this girl's name. "And, you are...?"

"The dull girl that you need to liven up," she replied, looking peeved. Oh, crap. This was not good. Great first impression, Gomez. Just then, Chad made the situation even more awkward by saying "Awkward" into his megaphone. Smooth, Cooper, real smooth.

I felt bad for insulting Sonny in that way. So, I apologized to her. She accepted my apology, but still looked slightly upset. I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to learn a little bit more about my character. So, I followed Sonny around. She didn't really notice at first, but after a while I think she started to get a little creeped out.

"Can I help you?" she asked me, after I followed her to a snack table.

"No, no, carry on," I replied, smiling. She reached for a cup, and I did too. I suppose I was going a bit overboard, but it was starting to get kind of funny. She picked up a muffin and chucked it behind her, and I copied her. Both muffins hit some poor man, who ran away, scared. I stifled my laughter. Just then, Sonny started doing some really strange version of the macarena. She brushed some of her hair out of her eyes and stared at me defiantly.

"Not a very good dancer," I said into my little microphone recorder thingy, which I always carried with me. Sonny looked shocked, and slightly hurt. Oops.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. "And why are you saying things about me into a recorder?"

"Well, if I want to play you, I want to play you honestly and realistically." I told her, before noting something else about her. "Flat hair." I said into the recorder.

"My hair is not flat!" she defended. Ooh, touchy.

"Defensive about hair." I added.

"Would you stop?" she asked me, looking hurt.

"I'm sorry, I know it's weird," I said, feeling kind of bad. "But I really like to get into my character."

"Oh, I know exactly how you feel!" Sonny exclaimed, her mood changing completely. Whoa. She then proceeded to explain how she did all these wacky things while playing a dog character. I laughed sort of tentatively. Sonny was a little strange, but I was beginning to like her.

"Well, if someone has to play me, I'm glad it's Selena Gomez," she said finally.

"Aw, thank you," I said, touched. I was glad we were getting along.

"If there's anything you want to know about me, just ask," Sonny said. Well, there was one thing...

"I just wanted to know..." I trailed off, unsure. "Are you mad at me because I got the part and you didn't?" I heard what Chad said. Typical. A strange look crossed Sonny's face. I guessed that this was a touchy subject.

"What? Psh, no, girl! No," Sonny answered, smiling falsely, her voice getting really high. Ah, I should've known.

"Voice gets high when in denial," I spoke into my recorder. She then said she wasn't in denial, but she said it in her denial voice, realized this and tried to speak lower. I gave her a skeptic look.

"Okay, look, you don't know Chad," she explained. Actually, unfortunately, I do. "It's just, he's so annoying, and this is so typical of him. He just likes to push my buttons."

Right then, I noticed the tone of which Sonny was talking about Chad in. It was annoyed, aggravated, but underneath that, almost wistful. Longing. I'm pretty good at reading relationships, and I was pretty sure Little Miss Sonshine had a crush on the greatest (cough cough) actor of our generation.

Soon, it was time for the first rehearsal. I invited Sonny to come along and watch, and she agreed, sort of reluctantly. I wanted her there because I was going to confront her about her feelings for Chad.

"All right, this is the scene when you barge onto the set of MacKenzie Falls," I told her. "Now, when this really happened, do you remember how you felt?" Sonny hesitated a moment before speaking.

"Ooh, probably mad, cuz I'm always mad when I have to go see Chad," she answered, saying the last word with contempt. But I could easily see under that.

"Right," I countered. "But really, you're mad at yourself because of how much you like him."

"Right," Sonny replied absentmindedly. Ha! I knew it! Then, an expression of shock crossed her features. "What?! What, no! I don't like Chad!" High voice. "I mean, I don't like Chad," she said lowering her voice.

"Sure you do! It's right here in the script," I told her, showing her the script. Sonny grabbed the script from me and read it over.

"All it says in 'Fine, fine, good, good, fine, fine!'" she cried, shoving the script back at me. Uh, hello? If that's not flirting, I don't know what is.

"It's not what the lines say, it's what's between the lines," I sighed. Clearly this was going to be more difficult than expected. Sonny kept insisting that there was 'nothing between those lines, trust me'. Psh, yeah right. And my name isn't Selena Gomez. She gave this whole big speech about how she was not in denial (which she so was).

Then Chad came in with is megaphone, announcing they were about to start shooting. Does he even know how annoying he is? I can see why Sonny gets frustrated with him. She marched off to go sit in a chair off to the side.

"Look Portlyn," Chad said to Portlyn's actor. "Once fall comes back to the Falls, I need to be free. Shh, the time for talking is over." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"What's the matter with you?" I demanded, getting into Sonny-mode. I stormed onto the set.

"What's the matter with me, what's the matter with-" Chad paused. "Those words didn't come out of your mouth."

"You've got great legs Portlyn, let's see how they move." I drew back and stage-punched Portlyn who fell backwards into a chair.

"Hey, I never punched her!" Sonny protested from the back. Someone shushed her.

"What do you think you're doing?" Chad demanded. "You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making MacKenzie Falls magic!" God, he is so full of himself.

"I think I've made my point," I countered.





Now, instead of saying waiting for Chad to say his next line (which, shockingly, was "Good!") , I thought it would be a good idea to do something that I think Sonny really would do. Or, that she should have. I mean, really? It was so obvious she liked him. Plus, doing this would make her jealous, proving to her that she does like him.

So, I jumped up and kissed Chad. Not on the lips. Ew, no way. I stage-kissed him by putting my hand over his mouth. Chad stumbled backwards. Just as I predicted, Sonny leapt up and grabbed the megaphone.

"Cut!" she screamed, jealously clear in her voice. "Cut! Cut it out!" I got off of Chad, and wiped my mouth thoroughly. Sonny looked really hurt, and Chad looked kind of dazed.

"Uh, take five everyone," he said, still lying in a heap on the floor. I smirked and walked over to my makeup artist, Sonny trailing after me, looking furious.

"I can't believe you kissed Chad!" she cried. "Where in the script does it say that Sonny kisses Chad?" Oh, she was so jealous.

"It's not in the script," I can't believe I had to explain this to her. "I told you, I wanted to play your character honestly." Sonny's face changed to one of embarrassment, and denial. She began to laugh fakely.

"Ha ha ha, okay, you honestly think that I would kiss him?" she asked, skeptical. Hmm, she was a good actress, but I could still see through her.

"Ha ha ha, yes I do," I replied, imitating her.

"Well, I would never kiss him," she scoffed, in a poor attempt at nonchalance.

"In that scene," I gave her. It was true, that probably wasn't the most romantic setting ever.

"No!" Sonny exclaimed, her voice getting higher and higher. "Not anywhere! Not in that scene, not in a dream. Not in a car, not near, not far, not here, not there, not anywhere, not-I'm rhyming, aren't I?" I nodded, smirking. "See, I do that, when I don't want to kiss somebody." Oh, please.

"Really, Sonny, really?" I asked her, using one of Chad's most famous (and most annoying) lines.

"Now you sound like Chad!" she cried, exasperated.

"Well, that line is in the script," I laughed. "On page eighteen, twenty-nine, and twice on thirty-two."

"Wow, he does say that a lot, doesn't he?" Sonny laughed. Gee, I wonder why?

"Well, maybe it's because he has the same issues as you do." Sonny turned to me, shocked.

"Wha? Pff, what? W-what are you?" she spluttered, obviously flustered at the idea of Chad liking her. "Some kind of expert on how people feel about each other? Some sort of... some sort of relationship... ah, what's the word? Wizard!" she gasped, pointing an accusing finger at me.

"Yes!" she cried angrily. Whoa there. "You like to sprinkle your wizardy relationship dust all over people you think you know, but you don't! No! You don't! So, you know what I say? I say, good day wizard." She began to storm away, before turning back. "I said good day" she hissed before disappearing somewhere.

Well, that was unexpected. She thinks I'm actually a wizard? Wow.

"Wow, what's up with her?" Chad asked, coming up next to me. Ha! I knew he cared. Maybe he'll admit it.

"Oh, I think she's just upset because of how much you like her." I replied.

"Hah, right," he answered, before stopping. "What? Psh, what? I don't like- I don't like Sonny, where'd you get that idea?" Oh, god. These two were horribly stubborn.

"You know, Chad?" I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You and Sonny may be good at playing characters, but you're terrible at playing yourselves." I walked away, frustrated, leaving Chad ranting about how many people auditioned for Chad Dylan Cooper. Really, Chad, really?

I went to go look at the different outfits that they had for the movie. Some of them were really cute. You know me, I'm all about fashion. Suddenly, the clothes parted and Sonny stared up at me, wearing the weirdest wizard costume I had ever seen.

"Abracadabra!" she shouted. Oh, really?

"Oh, what is this now?" I cried despairingly. Could I not even pick out an outfit in peace?

"Well, how do you like me playing you?" she asked, walking around to face me. "Oh look at me, I'm Selena Gomez, I'm the relationship wizard. I know everything! Edmono utosis!" Oh, now she was beginning to piss me off.

"Oh, check it out, I'm Sonny from Wisconsin!" I retorted, imitating her. "I'm just an exploding ball of sunshine! Check it out! Check it out! Check it out!"

"Look at me, I'm Selena!" Sonny countered. "I went to acting school to learn how to do this. Cashmerus appearus!" Oh, she did not. She began to wave around something. "Yeah, it's an invisible wand." I was really mad now.

"Yeah, well, look at me I'm Sonny!" I shot back. "And I'm ticking off the person who's playing me in a movie, and maybe I shouldn't do that, because she could make me look really bad!" Hopefully she would get the hint.

"Well, look at me I'm Selena," Sonny replied. "And... I would never do that to Sonny, girl." Sonny laughed nervously, and I joined in half-heartedly. Just then Chad appeared in front of us.

"Hey, Selena," he grinned at me, before turning to Sonny. "Hey... Scary Potter." Ooh, nice one. "Oh, don't mind me, ladies. I'm just here to get a fresh beret and a re-charged megaphone." He quickly changed berets before grabbing a new megaphone. "See you on set." he winked before exiting.

"I don't know what you see in that guy," I laughed. I mean, really? Chad was so vain. Once again, Sonny denied the fact that she liked Chad. So, this time, I offered her to be my Sonny-consultant. She would help me play her how she thought I should play her.

Interestingly enough, the way Chad had written it, Sonny ended up falling in love with him in his movie. I mean, could you get any more obvious? Who writes someone as their love-interest if they're not in love with the person?

"Oh, Chad, dreamy, dreamy, Chad" I sighed, acting in one of the scenes. It took all my acting skills to not barf as I said that. "Of all the eyes in all of Hollywood, I had to stare into yours."

"Cut!" Sonny barged onto the set, with her own beret and megaphone, dragging a lime green So Random! chair. "That's not how it happened."

"What are you doing here?" Chad demanded. "Get off my set, we're trying to make a movie here."

"Oh, it's okay, I hired her," I informed him. Chad looked surprised and confused.

"For what?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm her Sonny consultant," she replied. "Now, Selena, I think you're playing it wrong. Just remember, when he's staring into your eyes, he's actually staring into his reflection in your eyes." Ouch. "And you hate him. Okay, action!"

"Hey, I say action!" Chad protested.

"Well, I say it better!" Sonny countered.





"Oh, would you just do the stupid scene?!" I yelled, completely aggravated. These two are so annoying!

"Oh, Sonny," Chad began dramatically. "Try to stop yourself from falling in love with me. I beg you."

"I'm just a small town girl with a big town dream, and meeting you has been the biggest dream of all," I replied. Okay, seriously? Who writes that if they're not in love? Really?

"Okay, cut cut cut cut cut cut!" Sonny walked onto the stage again.

"Again, really?" Chad demanded.

"It's okay, Chad, she's helping me out," I soothed him.

"Okay, Selena, remember, you're biggest dream is to be on So Random!" Sonny reminded me. "Chad is just the monster that wakes you up. And remember, you hate him. You just really, really hate him." Translation: I love him.

"Okay, action!" Sonny called out. Chad opened his mouth, but Sonny interupted. "Oh, and one more thing: he's the worst actor of our generation." And, that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Bart!" Chad yelled, grabbing a megaphone. "Stop the lying!"

"You stop the lying!" Sonny shouted back.

"You stop the lying!"

"Stop!" I yelled. "Stop, stop being- stop- just stop it!" I breathed heavily. "Gosh, I was wrong. You two should never be together." Of course, I was lying. It's called acting. I just wanted to see their reactions.

"Finally!" Sonny exclaimed. "I've been trying to tell her that all day!"

"You've been trying to tell her that?" Chad asked. "I've been trying to tell her that, too!"

"Well, I told her first!" Sonny countered. Gee, defensive much? "She thinks she's some sort of relationship wizard, pfft!"

"Yeah, look at her with her little wizardy magic beans," Chad agreed. Wizardy magic beans? Really Chad, really?

"Who does she think she is to tell us that we can't like each other?" Chad continued. I never said that... "If I wanna like you," Chad turned on his megaphone. "I will."

Oh my gosh. I do not believe this. Are you kidding me?

"Yeah, and if I wanna like you," Sonny turned her megaphone on too. "I will." Oh my god. Really?

"If I wanna think you have pretty hair, I will." Chad replied. Really, Chad, really?

"And if I wanna think you have sparkly eyes, then I will." Sonny added. Okay, these two are officially impossible.

"So take that Selena!" Chad said to me.

"In your face Gomez!" Sonny replied. They bumped fists and turned to me.

"Wow. Yes." I said sarcastically. "You guys got me. There's nothing going on here. At all." Oh, now I was mad. I grabbed a megaphone. "You two are... perfect for each other! I'm out of here!" I shouted, then stormed off.

"Wait... so you're leaving my movie?" Chad asked.

"I don't need this!" I scoffed. Did he seriously think I was staying? "I was in Camp Hip Hop!" I yelled, before storming off.

"Okay, well, bye Selena!" Sonny called after me. "It was nice working with you!" The feeling's not mutual.

I went back and shot Camp Hip Hop, where I got to work with the Jonas brothers, which was so much more fun than Chad's movie. But, with Chad and Sonny, I'm pretty sure they'll get together... someday. Because they really are perfect for each other.

They're just too damn stubborn to see it.

So, what did you think? I wanted to do a episode-based story, and this seemed better than just writing the plain old episodes from Chad and Sonny's point of view.

Poor Selena. I pity all these people who had to work with Chad and Sonny. =P

Reveiws would be great. Thank you!