FML Contest

Title: The Applicant

Pen name: twilly

Characters: Edward & Bella

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, TheJuggla17 owns this FML entry. Can I have Vlad? Rated M because there is no MA. (No violence, just some dirty language and maybe some lemon.)


"Well thanks for stopping by Ms. Swan, your application looks great. I think you'd really get along with my member." Shit, shit, shit, did I just say that? Should I correct myself? Oh god…maybe she didn't notice.

"What?" She peered back at me, tilting her head with an innocence that cut though the awkwardness of my slip.

"I said, I think you'll really get along with our team members."

Bella offered her hand, "Oh, okay. Thank you for your time, Mr. Cullen." I took her hand in mine and was momentarily lost in the realization of how perfectly her tiny hand fit. I probably held the handshake longer than appropriate as I thoughtlessly caressed the supple skin above her thumb with my own.

Her head tilted once again in almost the same way as it had when I made my slip moments ago, but her expression conveyed something entirely different. This time there was wry twist to her smile that intimated a slight shift of control. The knowing glint in the caramel flecks of her deep brown eyes and the cock of a single eyebrow ascertained a new confidence.

Was this sweet little ingénue stepping up to meet the big bad wolf?

Was I the big bad wolf? No, my dominance wasn't based solely on brute force. I was beguiling, captivating her with my unmistakable charm. I was more of an incubus; seductive and feral, drawing her to me like a vampire. Yes, I was a vampire, like Vlad the Impaler-certainly, my Vlad would be happy to impale her!

Her gentle throat clearing shook me from my musing and ogling. I reluctantly dropped her hand, and flexed my fingers at my side to relieve the ache at the loss of contact. I finally regained enough composure to dismiss her with the promise, "I'll be giving you a call."

She thanked me as she wiggled her fingers in a gesture of parting and turned to leave my office. I really don't think she has any idea what that does to me. It was almost a physical manifestation of the double entendre, so sweet and wholesome, but also alluring and naughty; saying goodbye, but insinuating come hither.

She was gone, and I was alone in my office. Alone with nothing to do but wait. I glanced once more at her application and resume; she really had put a lot of thought and effort into the works. I almost felt sorry for turning all of her hard work into particles of near dust like pulp. I shrugged my shoulders as I leaned over the machine and grimaced at the whirring and grinding of the shredder. I had to do it, there really was no job.

I returned to my chair and drummed my fingers on the dark desk top. I swiveled in my chair, flipped my tie a bit. There was nothing to do but wait. I hate waiting. Bella…err…Ms. Swan sure looked nice all dressed up in her interview outfit; the way her modest top fit over the swells of her breasts, making me wonder if they would fit in my hands as perfectly as her hand did. Her cute little skirt that hugged hips I'd just like to run my thumbs across, tracing the delicate round little protrusions of her hip bones. I would run my hands down the outsides of her thighs and let my fingers curl around to the back of her legs, bringing them back up so that they rested just below the swell of her ass while caressed that velvety soft skin on the inside of her thighs, occasionally grazing the very edge of her lips with my knuckle.

Vlad was begging to come out and play and I pet him though my pants, rubbing him with the heel of my palm. I glanced at the door and the clock and back to the door. She can't expect me to keep waiting; she knows how much I hate being bored. I'll bet I can rub one out before she gets here.

My thoughts returned to the 'applicant' who had just left my office. I imagined her small right hand simultaneously caressing my knee and supporting herself as she knelt at my feet; then grazing to the back of my knee and down my calf before resting it in her own lap.

I unzipped my pants and continued to work Vlad with increasing force as the brunette sat on her heals looking up at me. Her chin was tucked down as if she was looking at the floor behind me, but from behind her dark lashes, her soft brown eyes met mine, begging for instruction. The pink tip of her tongue moistened her amazing lips as I nodded; her understanding of the gesture belied her appearance of innocence.

I pulled my cock out of the parted fly of my pants, momentarily enjoying the relief as it sprang completely free, before stroking in earnest. Fully fisting the hardness as I roughly tugged up and over the head, squeezing as tightly as I could on the down stoke. I could still see her kneeling before me in wonderment of my amazing dick, biting her bottom lip between slow, languid swipes of her tongue. She wanted to become 'friendly with my member'.

Two fingers curled behind my balls, dragging them up until they fell back as I flattened my hand over the dark knob before squeezing back down. I threw my head back into the chair, my left hand fully splayed, pressing hard into the dark wood of the desktop to minimize the sway of the chair as my finger tips pulsed and clawed in rhythm of rougher and more frantic strokes.

Without warning, the door to my office was flung open as my autoerotic inspiration spilled into the room. Fuck. What the hell do I do now? She has to know what I was doing. This is almost as bad as being caught by my mom when I was in the eighth grade. All color drained from my face as I swiveled slightly in my chair to more fully face her. My left hand still lay out across the desk and the right still fisting Vlad.

"I know what you did." Shit, she really did know. "I heard you."

"What?" Oh god. Was I grunting? I didn't say her name, did I? Shit.

I was completely stunned, what should I do? Could I put my dick away without her noticing? Did it even matter if she knew? Why is she just standing there with her hand still wrapped round the doorknob? She was just standing there, glaring at me. I was still frozen.

"I said, I. Heard. You! Why would you do that?" She squared her shoulders and narrowed her eyes. "I thought we really connected, and you said I would fit in really well. And then…then…" Oh no, she was starting to break, I don't know if I could do this if she stated to cry. "…then you just shredded…"

Did she say shredded? Wait, that's what she knew? Were 'fun times' with Vlad still secret? I celebrated with a couple of pumps, then realized I should probably not do that if I were going to get away 'tugus interruptus'. The celebration was cut short when I saw her eyes on the brink of tears.

She was looking at the floor in front of my desk and in a voice that was almost a whisper, "I really need this job." Every bit of me screamed to comfort her and make everything better; I wasn't going to be able to do this. She looked me straight in the eye, tears still brimming, and uttered, low and breathy, "I really need it" and she bit and held her lower lip. God I love it when she does that.

Shit. What do I do now? Was she coming on to me? "You…need it?" I confirmed.

Without releasing her lip, she slowly nodded her head, "Yes sir, Mr. Cullen, I really, really need it."

I wasn't sure what to do now, my eyes shifted from her, to my lap and back to her. Her brow furrowed and head tilted. Damn it, this time I was certain, she knew. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before finally asking, "Why are you just sitting there like a lump of coal?" I remained unmoved, one hand on the desktop, the other still palming my dick.

My hesitancy prompted her action and in one quick motion, she released the door handle and came around the side of my desk and gasped.

I swiveled the chair a quarter turn to where she stood. Her entire head followed as her eyes roamed down by body to my tightly gripped length. Her jaw dropped open. Time seemed to stand still and I'm not sure either of us was breathing until some understanding flashed across her face and she was suddenly composed.

Her eyes snapped back to mine and I met her quirked eyebrow with my own signature smirk. Without breaking our gaze, I slowly began to stroke my length up and down until I dragged my thumb across the slit at the top.

I internally begged for more as just the tip of her pink tongue appeared to moisten her lips. "M…Mister C…Cullen?"

"Ms Swan?"

"Mr. Cullen, why would you lead me to believe I had a chance for this job and then shred my application?" She asked as she stepped closer, crossing her arms at her waist and leaning her hip against the desk.

I inched toward her, placing my feet outside hers, so that she was standing between mine. My left arm draped across the desk so that I could graze her hip with my fingertips. The sensation of the thin, silky material of her skirt was amazing, but I wanted to feel her beneath the barrier. The thumb on the tip of my dick mimicked the lazy patterns I was tracing into her hip, "Miss Swan, I'm not sure if your previous work experience really qualifies you…."

She cut me off, unfurling her arms, and wrapped one hand around my left bicep and with the other, pushed my thumb down the shaft of my hardness. Her sweet smile nearly disguised the innuendo, "But Mr. Cullen, I am a very quick learner. You could give me on the job training; I learn very well with hands on guidance."

I couldn't hold back a moan as she aligned our thumbs and cradled my fingers in hers and took control of my ministrations. Her brown eyes deepened as she looked down at me and pressed my fingers hard into the underside of my cock while using her thumb to still squeeze the shaft.

Struggling for coherence, I had to advise her, "Ms. Swan, while you certainly seem to be a self starter, there are certain skills you need to walk in the door with; there are oral and written proficiencies required by corporate."

Continuing our tandem stroking, she leaned even closer to my face and I rewetted my lips in anticipation. But her plump little lips passed over my mouth and followed the line of my jaw until her breath warmed the shell of my ear whispering, "But, Mr. Cullen, I am very proficient…orally."

Without releasing me from her left hand, the right trailed down my forearm as she lowered herself between my knees before freeing Vlad with a flick of her wrist, allowing her to tug both sides of my open fly to yank my pants down over my hips as I lifted on cue. She pulled them over my knees so that they pooled around my ankles on the floor.

She retuned her attention to my cock and took me fully into her mouth. Oh god…her mouth…it was perfection. I was completely lost in the sensation, when she reached for my hand again and manipulated it so that it formed a ring at the base of my cock and covered what wouldn't fit in her mouth. She brought her own hands up to my lap and curled her fingertips, dragging her short nails along the outsides of my thighs from my hips to my knees. Her touch was so light, I could barely feel the scratching, but the sensation was indescribable.

My right hand continued to work Vlad, following Ms. Swan as her mouth pulled away from my lap, pursing her lips as she popped off his head, almost like an inside out kiss before chasing my fist back to the base. The circuit of her nails on my thighs kept rhythm with the pace of her erratic bobbing. The light scratches deepened as she quickened her pace, then returned to soft scrapes as she interspersed more languid ministrations.

I ran my left hand though her soft auburn hair and gathered it in a loose pony at the back of her head, allowing me to see the hollows of her cheeks as she sucked me and my cock sliding in and out of her pretty mouth. I tugged firmly on the hair tangled between my fingers so that she would look at me. Her eyes opened and met mine as the vibrations of her moan shot though my entire body. "Look at me" with a firmer jerk of her hair elicited another moan, "I want you to look at me when I come, Ms. Swan."

My panting became more frantic and my head lolled back against the seat. I kept her stare from beneath half closed lids as she urged me closer to release. Sensing my imminent release, she flattened her hands, running them up my thighs and over my hips before she roughly grabbed an ass cheek in each one. She pulled me further into her mouth and held me at the back of her throat. I withdrew my hand and brought it across her shoulder to cup her neck. With my thumb pressed into her throat, I could feel the pulses of cum flow past my hand as she swallowed.

"Fuck… oh god" is all I could articulate in the haze as my entire body relaxed from the tension that had been building. Her responding whimper held smugness as she released me before licking away any remaining traces of either of us.

My eyes shot open with a less than manly shriek when she unexpectedly took my balls into her mouth and sucked hard before releasing them with a twist and pop. Her beauty was even more dazzling as her self-satisfied snigger played across her face.

I swiveled to face her new position as she rose to lean against the front edge of my desk. Gazing down at me though her thick lashes, "I can submit a writing sample too, if needed Mr. Cullen. "

I raised my hands to hold both of her hips, "I was really quite impressed with your…skill…and I do like an employee who keeps her workspace tidy." I could tell she thought she still had the upper hand, and I needed to regain the authority of my position. "But there are more considerations; skill alone does not make you the right fit for our company."

I tightened my grip on her hips as she tried to pull away, before giving up with a huff and crossing her arms. "But…you…you said I would be a good team member!"

As coldly as I could, I reminded her, "I believe I said you would get along well with my member, and I believe we just proved that." I gave myself an internal fist pump for turning my earlier slip in my favor, before continuing, "Ms. Swan, are you even aware of the type of dress code required for a job at this market?"

"Dress code? What's wrong with what I'm wearing, my sister-in-law is a professional shopper, and she assured me this was a perfect outfit."

"In deference to your sister-in-law, haven't you ever heard that you should dress for the job you want? This top is completely inappropriate!" Her arms tightened even more around her chest as her head hung in a pout, that quite frankly, I found adorable. Shaking her hips slightly so that she would look up at me, I huskily offered, "I might be able to help, if you promise not to tell 'corporate', make some…adjustments…to your wardrobe."

"Really?" I saw hope blossom on her face. "Because, I really need this job."

"Uh hmm…" I unfolded her arms, leaving her to rest the heels of her hands on the desk and teased the hem of her blouse. I could feel the nervous excitement vibrating off her as I began unbuttoning. When the last button was undone, my hands slipped under the garment to trace the swell of her breasts before trailing up and pushing the fabric over her creamy shoulders. Almost to myself, I muttered, "Much better."

Her breathing hitched as I pulled the sheer material of her bra down to free one of her mounds. I felt it pebble as I nuzzled circles around her areola. I wondered is the rough stubble of my cheek was too harsh on her sensitive nub, but was absolved a languid moan that fueled the burn I had for her. Incited by her approval, I brought my mouth to ravage her breast and squeezed the other harshly.

Her whimpers and moans urged the assault, and I felt her arms struggle against the binding caused by her shirt which was still wrapped around her wrist. "Mr. Cullen…Mr. Cullen…" Her building frustrations did not deter me and her trussed hands could not pull me way. She tried to lean back further into the desk, but I followed, unlatching, but still speaking into the soft swells, "Ms. Swan, these breast have been tormenting me since you stumbled into this office. I set them free and now they are mine" as I bit into her flesh, "Mine."

She whimpered in agreement and I helped her back to her previous upright position. I reseated myself, and began to untangle her wrist. Once free, she rubbed her wrist gently. She looked at me intently, "Mr. Cullen, I'm not sure you're really the right person to advise me about 'business casual', you're not even wearing pants!"

I chuckled, "You're right Ms. Swan, but you should know the best way to get a feel for a company's expectations, is to observe what management wears. " My thumbs grazed across the tops of her knees before pushing her skirt up to her waist. "As you can see, Ms. Swan, I am also not wearing tiny, little see-through panties, so these will have to go too." Without ceremony I pulled them done over her slender legs. "There, now you're dressed for success here at the market."

My hands returned to her hips as I lifted her up so that she was sitting on the desk. I scooted closer, in my chair, until I was pressed against Ms. Swan and the desk. My hands raked up her legs over her hips to the skirt at her waist, flattening my hands on her abdomen to gently push her back onto her elbows.

I lifted her feet to rest on the armrest of my chair, grunting as I saw her beautiful bare pussy waiting before me, "Ms. Swan, I'm happy to see that you already adhere to the market's grooming policy." I could see and smell that she was ready for me, but I couldn't help myself. I also couldn't figure out how to code what I was going to do, so I did away with all pretenses and went straight for her dripping core, spreading her moisture up and down her slit with back of my finger. She was so wound up, even the slighted touch elicited whimpers of pleasure.

Wrapping my hands around the top of her thighs, I pulled myself closer and pushed her knees more to the side to give me better access. I kissed her pubic bone before teasing her, slow licks along her entire slit. I knew she was ready for me to go straight for her clit, but feeling her writhe below my face as she wound tighter and tighter was too exquisite.

She brought one hand to my head and tenderly ran her finger through my hair a couple of times before curling her fingers and yanking it hard enough to jerk my face away from her. Fuck, that really hurt. How can I get her to do that again?

She glared at me as she held me away from where I wanted to be, waiting to see which one of us would break first before roughly shoving me back where she wanted me. Once allowed back into my heaven, I went straight for the pearl I knew would give her release, grazing it with my teeth before sucking hard. Her legs quivered against my temples as she fought the impulse to clamp down on my trapped head. Her pants and huffs quickened into short moans before a keening announced the release of her nectar. Her hand was no longer in my hair and her head slammed into the desk as the arm she was supporting herself with collapsed. I jumped up, leaning over her, "Fuck, Bella, are you okay? Bella…"

Her breathing was still labored, but she wasn't responding and I began to worry that she had hit her head hard enough to injure herself. I began running though the assessment for a concussion when I saw a blissful smile come to her lips. She rolled her head a couple of times before I heard in a low voice, "Ms. Swan."

What the fuck? Irritation slowly replaced my concern, "What? Are you okay?"

Still flat on the desk, she raised on finger, "That's Ms. Swan to you."

Was she serious? She still wanted to keep this up? I was a bit more demanding, "Are you alright?"

"No Mr. Cullen, I can't move, nothing works. I think I might have to file and L&I claim." Her deep chuckle, began to melt my annoyance.

I looked down at her, cradling her head in my hands, "It's not funny! You scared me when you hit your head." I took her mouth in mine, it was the first time we had kissed since she walked into my office this morning, and the connection soothed the remaining worry. Then delivering a quick peck, "Plus you can't claim L&I, you haven't even been hired yet."

I helped the still chuckling angel sit upright, which forced me back into my office chair. She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to mine, "I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen, did you think you fucked me to death?"

My ego couldn't let her mocking tone go unchallenged, "Oh, Ms. Swan, I haven't even fucked you yet!" Her feet were still planted on the armrest of my chair while I ghosted my hands over them to her calves.

With a quirked eyebrow, she pointed to my renewed erection. "I noticed you had that problem again. I could take care of that for you" Her hands caresses over my shoulders and chest.

"Well, Ms. Swan, you were assigned to take care of Vlad once before, yet here he is again."

Her head tilted and eyes narrowed, "Vlad? You named your dick Vlad?"

"Ms. Swan, Vlad is a very important member of our team. We, at the market, cannot condone disparaging of co workers." I yanked her calves so that they dangled behind the chair, her thighs were propped on the armrest and her bottom landed in my lap.

She reached between and us took my cock in her hand. Looking down on the head, she rubbed it with her thumb, "I'm sorry Vlad, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I've always really enjoyed working with you." She lifted herself, aligning it with her, before taking him completely inside.

I locked my arms around her waist so that I could lift her as I plunged into her from below. The rolls of her hips met my thrust, and I slipped my forehead from hers to pay proper attention to her amazing tits.

The wet, slapping sound of pushing into her over and over again spurred me forward, the pace becoming more and more frantic. Ms. Swan braced herself behind my shoulders, grabbing on to the back on my chair, and then leaned back as far as her arms would allow.

My panting and grunting were reciprocated with her gasps and moans. I wouldn't be able to last much longer, "Are you close?" More keening, but she didn't answer me. I squeezed her to gain her attention, more forcefully, "Are you close?" She shook her head up and down, and I moved my hand to press into her bud.

She bounced up and down, and with a wild beauty, she cried, "Fuck…fuck..oh fuck..oh my god…oh Fuck...oh…Fuck my life."

Watching her come undone pushed me over with my own string of fucks and oh my gods. She nestled into the crook of my neck as we both came down and I stroked her hair smiling as I said, "You totally deserved it."

I nudged her, "I need to get up." She snuggled deeper into my shoulder and shook her head no. "My ass is all sweaty in this leather chair" but she still didn't move.

Resigned that she wasn't going to move, I adjusted her in my lap so I could toe out of my shoes and pants that were still puddled at my feet. Finally unbound, I lifted her as I stood and she locked her ankles around my waist. We settled on the couch with her still wrapped around me. She looked up at me from my chest with a sweet smile, "So do I get the job, Mr. Cullen?"

I wondered what her reaction would be when I told her there was no job, "Umm…No…" She rose off my chest and furred her brow. "My wife would never let me hire such a brazen vixen."

She slapped my shoulder playfully, "You bet your ass she wouldn't." Her hand came up to play with the hairs at the nape of my neck as I pushed her hair out of her face.

"Baby, are you sure you didn't hurt yourself when you hit your head? Do you have a headache?"

"Yes Edward, I'm fine. That was a lot of fun, when we first pulled that post off of the FML site, I wasn't sure we could make anything out of it, but it was pretty hot. I wonder how the others' prompts worked out."

Time seemed to stand still as I sat, wrapped in my wife, recounting our first foray into role playing. Bella wondered out loud, "So what's with naming your dick Vlad?"

Now was my turn to blush, "Yeah, I've been calling him Vlad; you know, Vlad the Impaler, since he impales you."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Oh my god, you're such a cheese ball!" She relaxed back into my chest before slapping my shoulder again, "By the way, you are still in trouble; you know you're not supposed to do that without me!" I knew I was busted, Bella loved to watch me beat off.

"But what took you so long to come back? What the hell were you doing?"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I got a call from Emmett, he said he tried you but your phone was off." She giggled so hard, she bounced against Vlad in my lap. "He said he had to arrest Mike Newton again."

I groaned, Em's loose lips were going to cause him to lose his job. "You know, he probably shouldn't be sharing work stories with us, especially about people we went to school with. Doesn't he have to uphold some kind of confidentiality?"

She shrugged, "You're probably right. I won't tell you if you'd prefer not to hear." Bella's chin rested on her arms that were folded across my chest and fluttered eyelashes. She knew I couldn't resist.

I caved, asking "Okay, tell me what Kittysaurus did this time." Referring to Mike's legendary performance in the school play when he refused to meow on cue, but roared and chased the other second graders with his claws out proclaiming himself, not a cat, but a dinosaur. Emmett had dubbed him "Kittysaurus and the name stuck, following well beyond grade school.

"Umm…Emmett had to go and pick him up at WalMart where he was…being…um…amorous with the stuffed animals. Well not all of them, Em said he was really kind of fixated on this Sonic the Hedgehog toy."

I just shook my head, remembering how creepy he was as a kid, always begging to play my Sega Genesis. Bella by now was laughing, complete with nerdy snorts.

"It gets better, Mike demanded to be addressed as 'Lord Kelvin' and during booking he started singing "I'm Yours" and…and…and…" She was clearly losing it. "…when he got to the line "And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved", he wigged out and started waving his arms asking everyone at the station why Jason Mraz would intentionally mislead the youth of America about the meaning of forsaken. He got so agitated that one of the deputies had to restrain him, and while he was on the ground Mike kept chanting, "Hasn't he ever heard of a dictionary" over and over again."

She looked at me with a wicked little glint in her eye and raised an eyebrow, "Isn't that your pet peeve about that song?"

I pinched her hip, defending myself, "Well, that's not what forsaken means!"


Prompt: Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager; he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

A/N: Thanks for reading my very first story. And thank you to Yogagal, Zigster, Chicklette and SorceressCirce for giving me the motivation and opportunity to write a story, and to TheJuggla17 for having a fucked up life. And finally, thanks to melonscraps for her beta work, maybe, just this one time, I'll swing that way!