A companion piece to Half
By: Chibi Ra Chan
Rating: T, for naughty words.
Doors slam, lights black. You're gone, come back
Stay gone, Stay clean. I need you to need me
So we're bound to linger on, we drink the fatal drop.
Then Love until we bleed, then fall apart in parts
-Lykke Li, 'Until We Bleed.'
And one day, he says stop.
He literally screams it, right in the middle of their coupling. Just as he is about to reach his release, seemingly out of nowhere, his mewls and moans turn into whimpers.
Fighting back annoyance, Yao pulls away a bit so that he can observe the nation who was but seconds ago, writhing under him.
Korea is crying.
They are in the middle of having sex and he's crying.
Yong Soo has his eyes scrunched shut; tears escaping through every available crack in the lids as he struggles to control his breathing. His brown hair is splayed around his head like a halo against the white sheets and for once Yao cannot see that annoying little curl of his. His hands have fallen from their almost painful perch on his shoulders to lie uselessly at his sides.
China merely stares at the peninsula nation, because frankly he's not sure what he should think. Obviously there is a modicum of indignation. One does not start crying in the middle of sex without a reason, and as far as he knew it wasn't because it wasn't enjoyable. Far from it in his opinion.
Yet there is also a healthy amount of confusion rolling around in his head as well. What on earth had made this happen? The events that had lead up to their current activities were hardly anything strange or unfamiliar.
They had been doing this for years now.
"Korea…" Yao starts, voice thick with sensuality. He had been so damn close…. But that was neither here nor there. He had no interest in having sex with someone who was crying, thank you very much. "Korea what's wrong aru?"
This only makes him cry harder and blurt out something that he cannot understand due to the influx of fresh tears. He is sobbing uncontrollably at this point. Vaguely, Yao thinks that it is strange to see a nation being so unabashedly free with their emotions. In all of his long years as being a nation he could not place a single time that he had allowed anyone to see him cry, human or not.
"S-stop." He forces out completely unable to look at the man above him, the one that he loved more than anything else in the world.
Yao rolls his eyes. "We've already stopped aru. What I'm not sure of it why we've exactly stop-"
"Just, Stop!" Korea yells suddenly turning his usually happy eyes on him. They aren't happy now.
No, Yong Soo's brown eyes are wet with tears both shed and unshed, and full of so many emotions that it made the elder nation's head spin. Anger, Agony, Misery, and Shame to name a few. He had never seen his younger brother this way before.
Yong Soo was always the picture of oblivious happiness and bliss, when had he become so miserable?
Unsure of how to proceed, Yao awkwardly moves to run a hand over the other nation's forehead in what he hoped was a comforting manor and is amazed when he flinches away from him.
"No. Stop. I can't- I just can't-"
Korea has never denied his touch before. "Korea what is wrong with you aru?"
Said country cringes at the mention of his nation name.
The short haired boy shakes his sweat soaked head franticly, pushing up on his forearms and separating their connected bodies with a wet sloppy sound. Yao makes a move to speak again, but Yong Soo interrupts him.
"Stop. Please, just go. I-I can't do this anymore."
What had he done? Nothing. If anything Korea should have been happy. All his life he had chased after him, telling him that he wanted him and claiming him as his own, but now that he truly had him he didn't want it anymore?
He should have expected as much from the flighty Korean.
Anger pulses through China's veins. "What in the world are you thinking aru? Isn't this what you've always wanted?" he asks darkly.
Yong Soo sends him such a deeply hurt look that it is all China can do to not feel like he has said something horribly wrong. "You just don't get it do you?"
What didn't he get? This entire situation made no sense to the ancient nation, had he not finally given himself over to Korea? Didn't he let him touch him and be touched in return? What could possibly have him upset?
Yao doesn't get the chance to figure out the answer because Yong Soo has started to violently throw his clothing at him. He is unused to his usually goofy and docile brother's anger being directed at him. "No, you're right. This is exactly what I wanted. I asked for this didn't I? I wanted you to sleep with me, I wanted you to leave me as soon as it was over, it's always been my dream to be over looked by you, like some glorified mae chun bu!" He curses in his own tongue. Yao didn't need to be a Korean scholar to know that it wasn't a particularly pleasant word.
Yao dodged one of his shoes aimed at his head and for once he is happy that he is a short man. "What in the world has gotten into you Korea? Stop being a baby aru and quit this hissy fit."
Yong Soo's eyes widen in what he thinks is indignation. "I'm not being a child! I just don't want this, I never did! Sex without love is an empty experience, and I don't want to be involved in an experience that only means something to one of the people involved!" Once again China has the feeling that he's said something he ought not to. But he is a blunt man by nature and he isn't going to let one of Korea's emotional outbursts sway him.
"Have you ever complained about this?"
"Are you serious? What part of 'empty experience' don't you under-"
Yao interrupts him, with a nonchalant, no nonsense tone. "Before now aru?" he watches as the Korean boy deflates, his shoulders slumping and his head lowering. He relinquishes his grip on China's other small shoe letting it fall to the floor with a light thud.
"No." The reply is deathly quiet. Yao continues on.
"Have I been anything other than compliant with you?"
"And have you ever turned me away even once aru?"
The answer is heart wrenchingly broken. "No, I haven't Hyung-nim."
China doesn't pause in his redressing even when he notices that Korea has begun calling him Hyung-nim again.
"Then all of this is in your head, you silly little boy. Nothing's wrong and no one is hurting you. You think that I've done something wrong, but let me ask you something, have I ever treated anyone else any differently aru? Have you ever known me to dote on someone? You are just the same as everyone else Korea." With a final twist of his changshen clasp, Yao makes his way to the entrance of Korea's home, regretting ever making the decision to come here in the first place.
Korea was just the same as everyone else.
Yet for some reason, Yao is inexplicably angry. He needs to leave now, because he doesn't know what to do about Korea's words and feelings, they've left him feeling unsure of his own motivations and that above all else angered him. Usually when he is angry he goes and finds Korea, and that is obviously out of the question now.
He reaches for the door knob, but Korea's voice stops him.
"I don't care how you treat me." His tone is that of sureness and brutal honesty, it is a voice that China does not ever remember his little brother using before. "I can handle you saying mean things to me Hyung-nim, I've had my entire life to get used to it. And I could even handle you being violent toward me, I've survived worse when Kiku controlled by country and every day was like waking up and being stabbed in the back. I can handle that."
Yao is unable to face him, yet he doesn't move to leave either, his feet practically frozen to their spot in front of the door.
"But what you've done to me these past years, what you do to me every single time you fuck me, that is something I can't handle." The tall boy nearly spits out. "Don't you find it a little strange that every time you're angry, you find your way to my house? Into my bed?"
China had not thought of it, he tried not to think about it at all, but he is correct. Silently he seethes. Yao hates it when Korea is right.
"You don't visit any other time, you don't want to spend time with me or even acknowledge my existence. I can't even remember the last time you called me by my name, not Korea, not silly boy, not some inaudible mummer after sex, but my real name. Yong Soo."
China's grip on the doorknob tightens, to the point that his knuckles were ghostly white and the metal settings creak.
"I just want some kind of acknowledgement, a little kindness. I know I'm not a powerful ancient nation and I'm not the easiest person in the world to be around, you've never let me forget it either. I know that, but I'm not dirt under your feet.
I can live with you not loving me, and I can even live without you wanting to be with me anymore. Don't underestimate me, I may not want to live in a world without you Hyung-nim, but I can. If I can't have just a little kindness with you then I'll at least have my dignity without you Yao."
Said man's heart beat a little quicker at his name. Korea never called him by his first name. It had always been a taboo between them, an unspoken rule, even with all the things they had done, and over the years they had done a lot. But calling him by his name, his true name, it was something far too intimate. Something Yao just could not seem to handle.
"You fool." The small Chinese man spoke with his teeth clenched in barely contained rage. He turns marginally, amber eyes glaring at the younger nation who unconsciously takes a step back. "You had to ruin everything with your silly little feelings didn't you?"
"Brother?" His voice wavers in it's certainty for a moment.
"I will not change. Not for you and not for anyone else." With that Yao briskly threw open the door and slammed it shut behind him. He was not usually someone prone to bouts of serious anger but somehow Korea's words, even in all their stupidity and nonsense, had him fuming.
'He doesn't know what he's talking about aru. I am still alive today when so many other's are not because I've refused to change. He'll come back, it's in his nature to want things that he can not have.'
Even telling himself this, Yao finds that Korea's words and tears have left him feeling miserably out of sync. He had always been a 'glass half empty' kind of man, that was nothing new, but now he was not so sure. And that more than anything, made him angrier than he remembered being in a long time.
Korea had ruined everything, and even so, Yao would still most likely miss the boy.
No, not boy. Yong Soo. Because that was his name, even if he never called his brother by it. He knew it. He had anyways known it.
Yao would miss Yong Soo and their empty coupling, more than he'd ever care to admit. Because as far as empty experiences went, it was still the closest Yao had ever come to seeing the cup as half full.
And he hated him for it.
i. Mae chun bu -Korean for 'Whore' I think. Don't quote me. My Korean abilities are horrible.
ii. Hyung-nim- The most respectful way to call someone elder brother in Korean.
iii. "I don't care how you treat me." - A good portion of this story was inspired by the confrontation between Eliza and Higgins in Pygmalion, otherwise known as 'My Fair Lady'. At this point in the play, Eliza is trying to explain why she has run away from Higgins and why she is unwilling to go back.
Well, this has been a long time coming. My friend Marina, upon reading this for the first time, told me that she felt so bad that it ended on such a sad note and wished I'd write more. Good news, bad news. The good news is that I wrote more, the bad news is that it's probably even sadder than it's predecessor.
But I am pleased at how I wrote China in this one, as a more cynical character. It's a nice break from Heartstrings' China, who is kind of a softy. More likely than not there will be one more installment to this series. But only if there is an interest for it.
You have no idea how much time I spent looking up how to say 'whore' in Korean. I'm not even sure if it's correct. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
Well, please drop me a review and tell me your thoughts, they brighten my other wise boring day.
Forever and Eternally,