Rating: T, dark themes.
Disclaimer: I'm waiting for my copy of the 5th book to arrive, so I don't really think it belongs to me if I've only read the 1st four books.
Summary: At the end of Book 3, the Salvatore brothers add their own diary entries on what both Katherine and Elena meant to them, to the back of Elena's diary. Spoilers for up to book 3.
The Final Parting
Damon stealthily made his way across the floor of the town library. The room was silent; something that Damon rarely got the chance to experience. Generally there was an animal in the forest or wind rustling through the trees. When he was invited into a house, which was also rare, there were humans breathing or a mouse scuttling. He made no noise himself on the old wooden floor, the type that creaked because all the boards were loose.
He'd heard in Bonnie's mind that she'd placed Elena's diary here. He gave a bitter laugh as he remembered all the troubles they'd been through for the small, blue velvet covered book. He'd never entirely understood why so many humans and even his brother wrote their most private thoughts in books such as this one. Elena had proved the problems with that when hers had been kidnapped by Caroline.
He reached the place in the bookshelf where he knew Bonnie had placed the diary. The small journal seemed fragile in amongst the vast volumes that it were placed either side of it. Like Elena. She'd always seemed so fragile to Damon, the small human who'd been unable to resist him. Well physically anyway. She'd resisted him romantically and had stayed true to his younger brother.
Damon couldn't even begin to imagine what Elena's death had done to Stefan. He'd hardly spoken since, only when absolutely necessary and he spent all his time alone in his room. He'd taken Elena's death worse than he'd taken Katherine's. Damon was uncharacteristically worried about his brother. Could Stefan survive through another death of a woman he loved?
Damon couldn't help but pick up the blue book, like he hadn't been able to resist coming here in the first place. The start of the entries were generally boring, dealing with life before Damon had arrived in Fell's Church. But Damon showed more interest when he saw the entries that discussed his first meeting with Elena. He could remember Elena's fear for him as he read over these couple of pages, but such things seemed trivial now after all the troubles they'd had since Elena had become a vampire. He had changed from being the most dangerous thing to her. He came to the last entry that talked about how hopeless things were against The Other Power and the memories of what had happened in the crypt made Damon feel stone cold.
Finally Damon came to the entry that Bonnie had put in. Damon felt sorry for the young girl, already dealing with a close friend's death. Humans always struggled with such a topic because life to humans was so weak and short. She seemed in awe of Elena, especially for the sacrifice she had given.
Next was an entry written by Stefan and Damon flipped over the page because it seemed almost too personal to read. Damon knew normally he would have read it whether it was private to Stefan or not. Things that involved Elena were often much more complicated than normal but Damon was surprised none-the-less that he didn't breach Stefan's private last words about the girl he loved.
Damon paused, wondering how he felt about Elena's death. He was upset, of course, but he'd never particularly mourned loss of life. There was only one time he'd been this upset about a death and that was the time he'd thought Katherine was dead. He wasn't quite sure how to describe what he felt, he needed to tell someone but there was no-one he was willing to admit such feelings to. He supposed he'd found the point of the diary, to sort out his emotions and with that, Damon, feeling a little stupid, began to write.
La vita è crudele.
-Life is cruel. I've always know that. Often I've been the one who's dealt the deathly blows. But I would've never dealt this one. I'd have never killed her. Not Elena.
I had wanted Elena with me, by my side, all powerful- forever. I'd fought for her against my brother, furious when she seemed to choose him and not me. But she'd eventually had to give in to me. I can remember my brother's face after he thought I'd killed her. Furious, his eyes deathly. He wanted to kill me then but she'd stopped him. Those brief few days with her were special, though I didn't show her. The ones where I cared for her as she came to me in her confusion and not Stefan. The feeling of power as I guided her towards the hunt, only to be stopped by her realisation of who she really loved.
Elena was beautiful. I'd only met one other like her in my five-hundred years. It was easy to see why my brother adored her. Her eyes such a piercing blue, her hair long and silky. She was slim, so stunning. Full lips that were rosy pink. I'd wanted her the minute I'd seen her. And I usually got what I wanted, especially when it came to women. I was surprised when I hadn't got Elena. She was so strong in her mind and she could've been so much stronger if she'd allowed me to teach her the darker ways of our kind. The true ways. The ones that Stefan had always denied himself.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about Elena's death. Grief that I've never felt before. When Katherine died, or so we thought, I'd been consumed with fury for Stefan. How dare he try to take what was rightfully mine, pull her away from me, until she felt there was no other way but to destroy herself? With Elena it was different. There was no anger, though I covered my emotions in a cloud of it. Pretended to my brother and her friends that I was furious about those events. I felt a deep sorrow, sharper in my breast than the blade that pierced my heart when my brother killed me. Stronger than the hatred when I believed Katherine's death was his fault. Stronger than the love I'd felt for these two women before they'd died.
Katherine's dead too, I remind myself. I know I will need all my strength to deal with her death a second time. Katherine was so special. When she was younger, she was the perfect prize for a young aristocrat. I'd chased her with such longing, need, desire and she hadn't turned me away. I'd become a man for the first time when I'd met her. I'd loved her the minute I'd set eyes on her even though I'd known Stefan had his eyes on her. I'd loved Katherine so deeply, so passionately. I'd always felt arrogant around her, knowing she'd give into me easily… or so I'd thought.
Stefan should have let me have her. I was the older brother and yet he always got everything that should have been mine. But now, I just can't hate him anymore… not after all the pain our hate has caused. Katherine. The fears of the last five-hundred years. Fights over Elena. And now after the promise Stefan had made to Elena, I knew he would try to ease the gap between us. I wasn't going to make it easy for him, but somehow, my brother had become slightly more important to me during recent events. Not that I'd let him know that, or anyone else for that matter. I had to help keep him sane after the loss of Elena.
I don't know what will happen now, but I know that Elena and Katherine's memories with live with me forever. They were such special women in such completely different ways. Life is cruel and loss is a part of life. The only way to continue is by looking forward and not to the past.
I found this really hard to write, trying to keep in Damon's character... I hope you think it's okay. I do think Damon cares a lot more than he lets on and my belief is that he loves Katherine and Elena... maybe Katherine more... I also think by this point he must be beginning to feel more positively towards Stefan. So I hope you think it was okay, you'll have to tell me in your reviews!
"La vita è crudele" means "life is cruel" if you didn't get that.
And that is the end... I'm planning to write an extra scene to the end of The Reunion, so keep an eye out for that.
With love JLF xx