This story was previously posted by me by a different account under the name "Distance" and was deleted for some *cough* reasons. Well, here it is again, after being edited. I hope you enjoy it. Reviews are most appreciated.
WARNING: This story contains slash as well as incest. So if you don't like that kind of stuff, don't read it.
Kaoru sat on the bed hugging his knees to his chest, thinking about Hikaru and his first kiss.
They were fourteen at that time. It was during an evening when they were doing their homework in their bedroom when he suddenly asked, "Ne, Hikaru?"
Hikaru lifted his head "Hmm?"
"Have you ever….have you ever kissed anyone?"
Hikaru raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"I just want to know…." Said Kaoru, blushing slightly.
Hikaru shook his head. "No, I've never. I would've told you if I did."
After a slight pause, Kaoru said, bringing his hand to his lips, "I wonder what it's like…"
Hikaru closed the notebook where he was doing his math sums and looked at Kaoru. "Do you want to try it out?" Kaoru's eyes widened. "Try what?" "Kissing, of course." Said Hikaru with a chuckle.
Kaoru turned a bright shade of red and couldn't say anything. "Well?" said Hikaru, drawing closer, so Kaoru could feel his warm breath on his face. He looked into Hikaru's eyes uncertainly, waiting for the moment when Hikaru would say he was joking and burst into a fit of laughter, but it never came…..He gulped a few times, then curtly nodded.
When Hikaru drew closer, Kaoru's heart was beating so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest, and the moment their lips touched, Kaoru's mind went blank. It was as if everything else around him disappeared and there were only him and Hikaru.
Hikaru's lips were so soft, so warm and oh, they were so sweet. Kaoru wanted more of that taste and that feel, but before he was satisfied, Hikaru pulled away and smiled. It was a very strange smile that Kaoru wasn't familiar with and he couldn't figure out what it meant. However, he didn't say anything. Neither of them said anything, and they resumed doing their homework.
Kaoru sighed and hugged his knees closer. It's been two years and he could still remember the warmth of Hikaru's lips on his….and he missed it. Ever since that kiss he thought about it often, even though neither of them ever mentioned it again. He was almost sure that it didn't mean anything at all to Hikaru. That he probably just did it for the heck of it, but to him that kiss meant so much.
He loved Hikaru. He always had. Even though he knew that they were brothers, that it was wrong. He couldn't help it. He hated that he loved Hikaru and he hated the fact that he could never tell him even more. He had tried many times before to tell, but he couldn't. He was scared of what his brother's reaction would be.
And so, the burden of his forbidden and unrequited love weighed down his chest and crushed his heart. He gave another sigh and closed his eyes, wishing that the ground would just crack open and swallow him up.
"What's wrong Kao-ru!"
Kaoru looked up. It was Hikaru. He was so busy being miserable that he didn't even hear the door open. Hikaru sat on the bed next to him. "What's with the long face?"
Kaoru didn't reply.
"Kaoru? Are you alrigh -!" Hikaru couldn't finish the sentence as Kaoru, unable to stand it anymore, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.
It was really late when Hikaru found Kaoru curled on a couch, his hands covering his face. After suddenly kissing him, Kaoru had fled from their bedroom and he hadn't returned. Hikaru thought he'd wait for him, but it was already past midnight. So, he decided to go look for him. And there he was.
He hesitated a bit, and then he gently touched Kaoru's shoulder with his hand. Kaoru looked up. "Kaoru," said Hikaru softly, "It's late. Come to bed."
The look on Kaoru's face was heartbreaking. He was ashamed. So ashamed of himself and miserable. He couldn't even bear to look at Hikaru in the eye. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. So he just nodded and followed Hikaru to their bedroom.
Lunch break in school found Kaoru left out again, while his brother was animatedly talking with Haruhi. He watched them with a very weird feeling welling up inside of him. It was a mixture of hatred and jealousy, anger and disgust –disgust, but mostly pain.
He felt so abandoned, so unwanted, so….heartbroken. He's always felt that way ever since Haruhi came into their lives. Sure at first he thought she was nice and it was pretty cool that she could tell them apart. But after sometime he could clearly tell that Hikaru liked her. Heck, he was obsessed with her!
At school Hikaru would completely forget that Kaoru existed and would spend all his time with Haruhi. At home, he would talk about nothing but Haruhi. "Haruhi did this" and "Haruhi did that", "Haruhi said this" and Haruhi said that". It was driving Kaoru crazy.
He fiddled with his food a bit, but found out he had no appetite. So he stood up and headed back to class with a final glance at Hikaru, who didn't seem to notice him.
At home after school Kaoru was lying down in bed, studying history. At lest, he was trying really hard to study. It was so hard to concentrate with Hikaru blabbering on and on about Haruhi. When at last he couldn't take it anymore, he snapped the book shut and chucked it at the bedside table. And at last, Hikaru shut up.
"Kaoru, what's wrong?" he asked
"Nothing." Spat Kaoru
"Don't lie to me. You're angry." Said Hikaru
"Yes you are. You're always like that whenever I talk about Haruhi -"
"Then stop talking about her!" cried Kaoru, turning towards Hikaru and glaring at him angrily. "I'm sick of it!"
"And why are you so angry?" Hikaru cried back.
"Why? Why? Because I love you, that's why!"
The words just came out of Kaoru's mouth without thinking and it took him a second to register what he just said. Then he suddenly slapped his hand on his mouth. But it was too late. Hikaru heard him, and was looking at him with wide eyes. Then his expression softened, and he took Kaoru's hand in his. "Oh Kaoru," he said "I'm so sorry."
Kaoru was silent. He just looked at Hikaru, not knowing what to do. Then he suddenly thought 'Ah. There it is. He's rejecting me.'
The moment Kaoru had been silently dreading for so long had finally come. It's not like he didn't know that it was the most likely thing to happen, yet...yet, it just hurt. Before he realised it, his tears started flowing. It wasn't really bad. Hikaru didn't seem to be angry or disgusted. He didn't yell at him. But somehow, he felt it would have been better if he did. It was because Hikaru was so gentle that he felt like crying.
"Kaoru, please" said Hikaru, hugging him warmly, "Please don't cry." But Kaoru just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. All the anger, all the pain and all the sickening emotions that he had bottled up all of this time, they were finally coming out. And he said in a shaky voice between sobs and gasps, "Hikaru….Hikaru! I –I love you!.....I've always….always loved you…I just –I can't take it anymore! Oh!...."
"Kaoru, please don't cry. I don't want you to cry because of me." Said Hikaru, gently stroking the back of Kaoru's neck. After a while, Kaoru's sobs subdued, and he shamefully wiped his eyes. He couldn't believe himself for doing this. Slowly, he lifted his eyes and looked at Hikaru. He didn't look angry, he didn't look impatient. He was just so gentle and kind. "I'm sorry Kaoru. I'm really sorry. Please forget about me, ok?"
"I can't! I've tried so hard Hikaru, I just can't." said Kaoru miserably. "You have to Kaoru," said Hikaru, brushing the hair off Kaoru's forehead, "Promise me you will. Maybe I don't love you that way, but I do love you very much. You're my brother, and my best friend, and I love you so much. So please try, ok? I don't want you to be sad because of me."
Kaoru bit his lower lip and nodded. It was the hardest thing for him to do. He knew his feelings were wrong and that he would be so much better off if he just gave up on Hikaru, but it was just so hard to let go.
"Hikaru..." Kaoru said, a thought forming in his mind.
"Hikaru….please….just for tonight…can you…" Kaoru couldn't believe what he was about to ask, but it was his only chance. For one last time he wanted to feel that warmth again and something even more. He raised his hand to Hikaru's lips, his cheeks all flushed. "Hikaru....please be mine for tonight. Hikaru raised his eyebrows, and Kaoru felt his face grow very hot. "Just for tonight! I promise I'll give up on you...just hold me now...."
Hikaru looked away, frowning thoughtfully. He was silent for a long while, and Kaoru began to feel afraid. What if he said no? Heck! Why did he even ask? As if anyone normal would agree to do somehing this disturbing with their own brother. Kaoru decided then and there that he would laugh it off, pretend that it was a joke.
He was about to when Hiakru sighed, looked at him, then said "I guess there's no helping it. Alright. Just promise me you'll really give up on me and try to be happy."
Kaoru couldn't believe his ears. Hikaru was...really going to do it. He didn't know what to say, but that didn't matter because, almost immediately, Hikaru leaned in and kissed him.
It was short, and sweet. Soon Hikaru pulled away and looked into Kaoru's eyes, his hand cupping his cheek. Kaoru was almost trembling with excitement. He closed his eyes and connected their lips again. This time the kiss was longer, deeper. Kaoru felt Hikaru's tongue licking his lips, and he opened his mouth shyly and met it with his own, wrapping his arms around Hikaru's neck.
They went on for a while, their kisses growing more feverent and fierce. Kaoru could feel his pants getting tighter every moment. He broke their kiss and looked at Hikaru with half-lidded eyes, his face all flushed, his pink lips moist and parted, breathing heavily. "Hikaru..." he whispered, tugging at Hikaru's shirt "Take....your clothes off...."
Hikaru stroked the hair off Kaoru's forehead and smiled at him. Then he complied by beginning to unbutton his shirt. He slid it off his shoulders in a swift movement, and then went on removing his pants. When he was down to his underwear only, he looked up at Kaoru, blushing. "Y-you too..." he said.
Kaoru bit his lower lip and looked down, very embarrassed and began to undress till he too was in his underwear. Then he looked at Hikaru nervously. Hikaru was staring at him, his mouth slightly open with a strange look on his face. "Kaoru..." he said, "I-..." He put his arms around Kaoru's waist and kissed him as passionately as he did a while ago. Then he pushed Kaoru on to his back and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips.
He looked down at Kaoru as he lay there beneath him. He was looking at him, his eyelids barely open. His cheeks were red, and he was biting his lower lip, as he always did when he was nervous. Hikaru smiled. No matter what, he had to admit that Kaoru was cute. He trailed his hand down Kaoru's neck, and he caressed his collarbone. Then he leaned in and kissed it. He planted more and more kisses, all ove Kaoru's face, his neck, his chest. He held Kaoru, and let his hands wander, touching his soft skin. Kaoru lifted his arms; put them around Hikaru, holding him tightly.
They shared so many heated kisses, caressess. It was the most amazing feeling Kaoru have ever experienced. And when Hikaru entered him, he almost lost his mind. The sensation of being filled, and the pleasure through all the pain were too much. He felt as if his whole body was on fire. "Hikaru! Hikaru! I –I–ahhh!" Their gasps, pants and moans filled the room. But then, altogether too soon it was over. Hikaru pulled out of Karou, and they both lied on the bed next to each other, panting heavily.
After a while they got up and took a shower. It was about dinner time by then. They had their meal, then headed back to their bedroom as they were both pretty tired. As they lay in bed Kaoru put his arms around Hikaru and deeply inhaled his scent. "Hikaru..." he whispered. Kaoru didn't want to fall asleep. He wanted this night to go on forever, for Hikaru to always be his. But then Hikaru was stroking his hair so gently, and his eyelids began to grow heavy. Soon he drifted to sleep.