Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight series; that right is reserved to Stephenie Meyer.
I have a dark secret.
A deep, discerning thought that has haunted me since the day Carlisle changed me into a monster. No one knows. Not even Edward. I wouldn't allow my thoughts stray to that particular day. Or that thought. I could cry a million tears of venom knowing what I knew. It is something that will haunt me for the rest of eternity. This was my cross to bear as an immortal. This was my punishment by God.
It was cruel, how fate easily toyed with everything and everyone that walked this God-forsaken earth. Why were some so gifted and others cursed? Why did Bella get to have everything she never wanted?
She was never the girl for the big, white wedding. Nor a husband. Nor a child, I am sure. This girl, this clumsy, insignificant child bride was given all the things that I could wish for. Bella was given the opportunity to stay mortal. She was not forced to endure vulgar acts. She was not touched unwillingly by several men, raped over and over again. No.
Isabella Fucking Swan was born an ordinary human, with clichéd, divorced parents, and happened to settle upon a city infest with vampires. She certainly did not look special, but her blood was agonizingly sweet and floral. This girl, my sister, tread unto our life in a more appropriate matter. She became ethereal and immortal on her own. She married my beloved, irritating brother. She remained a virgin until her wedding night. She bore the most beautiful child of this lifetime!
Yes, I helped her, but no one really knows why.
Sure, I would do anything for a baby. Anything. But you see, helping bring my niece into this world was planned not between Bella and I—it was an automatic instinct of mine. I desperately wanted children with Emmett, but alas fate was as cold of a bitch as I am.
It was a chain of events. The night that Royce and his bastard friends raped me was the same night Carlisle killed me. Regardless that I was left for dead, my dear father was my actual murderer. It took me some time to forgive him for what he did. I saw God giving me Emmett as some sort of trade off. But I am a selfish creature. It is simply not enough.
I saved Nessie not for the fact that she was a child; I was being greedy. God has given me signs over the years, and her conception was a glaringly obvious one. Nessie was conceived with love and purity. She was a cherub from the heavens. This girl is everything good in the world. She is infallible. And my redemption. And a repercussion.
This comes back to my dark secret.
For you see, the night that my innocence was stolen by Royce and those men, I believed in one thing that was certain. Not that I was going to die from their violence. Not that I was going to scar from their brutal beatings. Not that I was going to be found half-naked in the cold, snowy New York City streets.
Despite how horrendous that night was, I believe that I conceived a child that night. Its conception was not of a virgin on her wedding night. It was not out of love. It was not out of anything good. It simply was not fit in the eyes of God to be spared. My child was not allowed to be born because the circumstances were unholy. Immortals are not allowed to have children. Only humans. Only Bella was special enough.
So before you judge me, do not.
You do not know of my person or of my circumstances. You do not know why I fiercely protected Nessie with my life. You do not realize that I would risk anything and everything for her.
Because she was my retribution.
The reincarnation of my child.
Authoress Note: I know this is completely bizarre, but I've been toying with this idea for a while. What if Rosalie did get pregnant the night of her rape? I do not write this in means to offend anyone. I don't think God would truly judge a person by a child out of wedlock or whatever the means were. I was simply getting in the zone of Rosalie's perception. Much love!