Hi all! I'm here to post some of the letters back and forth between BeachHead(Wayne) and Aunt Beth(Scarlett's aunt OC from Joes on Vacation). Since there were so many requests for it, I decided to go ahead and write some up for you.
I had the idea well before the recently posted letters between SnakeEyes and Scarlett, although their letters were written well before this! Talking with the author, they said they don't mind me using a similar idea, so here it is!
I do not have any rights to the GI Joe brand and only borrow to write for entertainment, I make no money off these writings!
I've reprinted the first two letters from the last chapter to the Vacation fic, so that if you did not read it, the following letters still make sense!
* * * *
I hope your drive back to base went well and that you didn't try to drive all the way back in one run. I know you were anxious to get back though, so I'll be betting that you did indeed rush the trip by driving all the way without stopping. Where you get your energy from, I'll never understand!
I enjoyed your visit so much and I hope that you will reconsider about christmas. Won't your friend Granite(I think that was his name?) take your shift? I know the kids would love to see you again. Kevin asked if 'his Army friend' went back home and if you went off to war. His dad watches a lot of war movies and I think he's afraid you go and do things like running into battles with guns and it worries him.
Have you talked to that lady friend of yours? If you haven't then you should right away! Jack and Seth both said they want to see a picture of her, because apparently they think she must be very pretty.
My hens have finally started to lay properly. I went out and gave them a talking to about not laying. I can make chicken and dumplings with any that don't want to lay eggs, after all! The two nannies are about to kid any day now. Hopefully they'll both have twin girls, that would be perfect! The whole silly flock of ducks got out of their pen somehow and I spent most of a day rounding them up from the neighbor's pond. The hole in the fencing is fixed now, which is good, because I don't think I'd like rounding them up again! That's too much work.
I found more of the purple yarn that I gave you so if you run out, I can send it so you can finish the scarf. You still are knitting, right? I haven't found the blue yarn for SnakeEyes' sweater but it's here somewhere. I'll have to trip over it before I find it, I guess.
Nancy just called and when she heard I was writing to you, she said to tell you that she hasn't forgotten your box of cookies, but her oven decided to stop working. She's trying to get a new fancy one with all sort of gadgets and geegaws. Bobby is trying to convince her that a regular oven is good enough. Once he gives in and gets her the fancy one, she'll bake up your cookies, no fear.
June called(well, her mother called and let June talk to me, of course)and she was chatting about school and how she told her teacher about 'Uncle BeachHead' and how you ran for ten miles every morning. She won a fitness award and got a ribbon for it and she's very proud of herself and said she was going to write you a letter to tell you all about it.
Well I hope that you are doing okay out there and staying busy. Are your recruits all behaving and doing well? I know you are a good trainer and will teach them all they need to know.
I'm thinking about you and hoping you are well,
* * * *
Dear Aunt Beth,
Got home fine. All is well here. Thanks for the letter.
This was discarded so that he wrote the following.....
Dear Aunt Beth,
I got your letter. The drive back went fine. I think you meant Flint instead of 'granite', although he is a bit of a rock-head. He isn't kindly disposed towards me at the best of times. But even so, he is going off base so I have to stay here and run things. Otherwise, there could be a repeat of the prank war that happened three years ago, no one wants that, trust me. Cleaning four hundred pounds of peanut butter out of a hummer is no fun.
Tell Kevin I'm fine. I can't say a whole lot more than that. I had dinner with my 'lady friend' in the messhall but she put salt in the sugar again for my tea so I don't know if she's mad at me or not. Women are confusing.. no offense to you. Do you think I should give her the scarf when it's done? I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
If those chickens don't lay eggs then I'd eat them too. I think you should just eat the ducks too. Can you make ducks and dumplings? I don't understand why you have babysitters? And two of them? But they are pregnant? Don't nannys take care of kids? I still have a lot of yarn, the ball is still almost as big as my fist. Some of my teammates tried to tease me about knitting but I set them straight pretty quick. There wasn't much bloodshed but our medic yelled at me anyway. It wasn't like I tried to aim the guy at the coffeetable after all.
I agree with Bobby, a plain old oven should be just fine. No need to fancy up something that you just need to bake cookies in. I'm not surprised that June won an award, she's one tough little girl. She could show up some of these whiny recruits I have this time. They start whining and falling out if I push them past ten miles in full gear. I'll whip them into shape quick though.
Well, I'm about to go on duty so I hope this letter is long enough. I don't think I've ever written so much that wasn't explaining about a lost armored vehicle in a official report. Thanks a lot for writing to me. I really enjoyed getting your letter.
* * * *
Yes, Flint, I'm sorry I misremembered his name. I think it's terrible that he won't let you go off for Christmas. I guess everyone wants vacation time though. But where would anyone get four hundred pounds of peanut butter.. and why would they put it into a truck like that? I think bored Army boys are the most inventive people sometimes.
I hope you're not going into dangerous situations. I worry enough about all of you already! Kevin wanted me to ask you if you get to ride in tanks! Isn't that the funniest thing? I guess he just thinks all Army men carry guns around and ride in tanks everywhere! He said he misses getting to see you and his dad said to send you greetings from him as well. See? Everyone misses you, so that means you have to come back soon to visit again. That's the rules.
I think that lady of yours wants your attention, and that's the reason she plays pranks on you! Salt in the sugar is rather funny, although a waste of perfectly good tea. Was the rest of the dinner good? Was it romantic? Or was it a giant rush of people and you just happened to sit at the same table? I know you, you'd try to wriggle out of asking her out if you could. I bet she would be delighted at getting the scarf from you. That's a wonderful idea!
The chickens are still laying, but those darned ducks got loose AGAIN! This time they went into the woods across the street and it took two days to get all of them back into the pen. I'm beginning to think ducks and dumplings might be worth a try!
Nannys are girl goats, dear. My goats were pregnant but both delivered already. One had twin boys and the other had a lovely little brown girl. I wanted all girls because the only real use for boy goats is the dinnertable. I'd prefer to sell girls or keep some to breed next year.
Now don't you be getting into trouble with your fellow soldiers about the knitting! You shouldn't be solving your issues with violence! That's never the way. Nancy got her fancy oven, just like we knew she would. Your cookies should arrive pretty quickly, as she's eager to test it out.
I have to ask, how would you possibly lose a armored vehicle? Aren't they awfully large to lose?
Seth reminded me twice that he still hasn't gotten any pictures of your mystery lady. Did you tell him she was a 'bombshell'. That's what he keeps telling me anyway. I'm sure she's lovely. Sallah advanced to blackbelt in her age class and is very proud. I told her to write you herself, but typically for a teenager, she blew it off and said I could just tell you in my letter to you instead. So now you know.
Paddy said to tell you he says "keep your nose clean, sergeant major." And Sean wants to know 'did you try the bread recipe yet?'.
I might be boarding a Jersey cow for a lady. That would be wonderful as I do love fresh raw milk and there's no where local to get any. I think I might even try out a few cheese recipes!
Well that's about it from here. It's very cold here. I hope you are staying warm and not doing anything too dangerous. I want to hear that you've done more with your lady by your next letter. It was delightful to hear from you!
All my love,
* * * *
I didn't hear from you, but I'm guessing you're probably quite busy. With all the duties you mentioned I'll bet you are running from sun-up to sun-down. Hope all is well.
The baby goats are doing very well, growing quickly and looking very good. The boys aren't growing as fast as the girl, but she doesn't have to share the milk with a brother. The chickens are laying a lot of eggs, so many that I take some over to Paddy and the boys once a week. Paddy says that farm eggs taste ten times better than commercial ones, and he's certainly right. Cakes made with my eggs taste better too, but duck eggs are even better. Now if I could keep the silly ducks penned up, that might happen. I had to herd them down the road from the neighborhood playground yesterday. Silly ducks! If they weren't so good at eating bugs, I think I'd get rid of them. They are very hard to catch when they get out.
Kevin talked to June and they decided that you must go everywhere in a tank now. I tried explaining that you train other soldiers but you know how kids are. They like to think the most exciting parts of life are how it is. Kevin said to ask if you ever get to see a tank, and June says to tell you she misses you and that she is going to send you a letter too. Don't feel too bad if it takes a while, the kids are back in school and they have the memory of a hummingbird at times. They certainly keep life interesting.
How is it going with your lady friend? Did you have dinner any more? Is she still playing jokes on you? I think that she must like you. Seth told me that you said she is a model, but she's in the Army so which is it? Does the Army have models? Maybe to do commercials for recruiting? I'm not sure. I'm certain that she's very nice if you like her so much though.
I have to go finish shoveling the snow outside. Sean came over and did my driveway, but I will do my own walkway. If it snows more tonight, I'll have to shovel all of it myself anyway, as the boys have that tournament to prepare for, unless they have to cancel it for the weather. Hopefully not, they've been working on it for quite some time.
Hope to hear from you soon, and that you're safe and warm,
* * * *
Dear Aunt Beth,
Sorry it's been a while since your letters arrived, but I just got them, I was off base on a mission. It's okay, I call Flint worse names than Granite any day of the week. I called him Granite just to get his goat though. He wasn't pleased.
Speaking of goats, I thought girl goats were just called.. girl goats. Who knew they had names for that stuff? So will you eat the boy babies? I like goat. But then, I like to eat just about anything. You've seen how that works. But I'll bet you make a mean goat stew.. or whatever it is you make with goat meat. How long until they're big enough to eat? I still say eating them ducks is the best use. Easiest way to catch most things is with a fast moving bullet. If they get out again, just mow them all down with a few short bursts of automatic gunfire and go pick them up to cook them. Shouldn't take much, ducks are small so one bullet would do them. Might even get a couple with one shot if you can line them up good.
Well, I do carry a bunch of guns and I get to ride on a tank on occasion. That lady friend of mine is a great tank driver in fact. One of the best tank drivers I've ever seen. We ate dinner again in the messhall last night after I got back from the mission. She said she missed me and offered to change the bandages on my arm for me. I guess that's a good sign right? I mean.. she didn't play any pranks on me, but I think she felt sorry for me on account of me limping. My morning runs are off until the Doc say I'm cleared to run again, which I think is a load of bull pucky. The limp will disappear if I run on the leg enough. Gotta make it stronger, and babying it won't do that. So I run on a treadmill after hours, so he won't catch me. I tried going for a night run, but the guards on duty called him up and ratted me out. Doc threatened to put me on bed rest! Can you believe that?
I don't think sending Seth a picture is a good idea. Courtney was a model before she went and joined the Army, and she's so pretty that she could go right back to it again too. I saw some of the pictures of her then and she was pretty, just really skinny. I told her she looks a lot better now that she gained so much weight. She got all mad at me though! I don't understand why, I said she looks good? But if Seth saw a picture of her, he might up and decide to join the Army to get at her, and then Shana would kick me in the head for recruiting him. I mean, she can't go kicking me in the head right now, on account of me being all bandaged up, but I know she wouldn't forget, she'd do it later on. She never forgets an excuse to give me a good licking.
I checked the Army rule books, just in case I missed that rule, and I couldn't find it. So I guess I still won't be visiting for Christmas. Tell everyone I said hello. Those cookies haven't arrived yet, but as long as Nancy hasn't forgotten, it's all fine. They would have arrived when I was off-base and the guys would have eaten them all up and I would have had to kill them all. That would get me into big trouble and we wouldn't want that. As far as solving my problems with violence.. you have met me. Right? I mean.. I'm sort of a violent person. Guns.. fighting.. army Ranger.. ring any bells? Plus, you live around that whole lot of O'Hara boys.. with the karate dojo and beating on each other at the drop of a hat. I ain't much different.. just better at it. Yeah I know, I can almost feel your big whapping spoon hitting me in the head right now.
You tell Sallah congratulations from me. Big achievement but I could still squash her like a bug. She'll get all huffy. It'll be a real treat. And you can tell her that I never get no letters anyway, except now the ones I got from you. So I won't miss not getting letters from her, it'll just be life as usual. If you want to keep writing, I really enjoy getting a letter. It's always a good feeling to hear your name called by the mail guy when he comes around.
Please tell Paddy that I keep my nose as clean as possible, but I tend to get into trouble for nothing at all. I mean.. no one ever told me I couldn't send the PT squad to climb over the Chaplain's assistant's buildings for practice. We only broke two windows and that one Chaplain said he'd forgive us.. just as soon as his broken arm heals. Wasn't my fault that Bazooka landed on him.
Tell Sean that I'll try the bread making out soon. I didn't get a chance to do it, but our heavy gunner said I could try it out and he'll supervise so I don't burn down the kitchen... again. Not that I burned the WHOLE kitchen down the first time. We do have the best fire suppression systems available after all.
You shouldn't be shoveling all that snow yourself. You tell Seth to take his lazy butt over there and shovel it for you or I'll have to give him a butt-kicking when I see him again. Or.. I tell SnakeEyes and he'll do it for me.
Sorry this letter has gotten so long, but I'm not allowed to do much because of Doc's restrictions. I already got all my paperwork done, and that's a danged miracle. I never catch it all up, but my inbox is empty! Maybe I'll go try that bread stuff later today.
I was gonna ask though, why did they ship a cow all the way from Jersey? Don't they keep cows up there? Not that I'd want to stay there myself, it's a noisy dirty place to be. Would you make real cheese? Never heard of anyone making cheese themselves before. I milked a goat once, but I never had no chance to milk a real cow before. Not thinking I'd want to try either. Cows are big crazy critters better suited to being on my plate than running around trying to kick me.
Well, Private Williams just showed up with another stack of papers for me. He's a good kid, but he's decided he should help me since I'm not supposed to be up doing much stuff. Mainly he gets in my way and I think he might be tattling on me to the Doc too. If I catch him, I'll make him run laps until he falls out. That'll teach him. My greenies all decided to act up yesterday, they painted the side of our motorpool pink with big flowers for some crazy reason. I got them all scrubbing the paint off with q-tips now. By the time they get done, they'll wish they never thought of doing it for sure. I bet Mouth put them up to it so he's the one passing out Q-tips instead of doing any scrubbing himself. The rest of the greenies are all glaring him into the ground and I'll bet he's sporting a few lumps on his head by tomorrow. That should teach him to stop causing trouble and getting everyone else into trouble with him.
I'll get back to these papers and hope that when I go see Doc I ain't pulled any stitches out. He gets downright ornery if you pull out stitches on accident. I didn't know that working out on the gym machines would tear the stitches though. Wasn't all my fault, he just said no PT, he didn't say I couldn't use the gym too. He should be more specific instead of yelling at me.
Hope all it well, and thanks for the letters I really enjoyed them!
p.s. they got the peanut better from the messhall. We use a lot of peanut butter here, and yes, Army grunts can cause more trouble than a whole platoon of regular folks.
* * * *
There will be more letters posted! Keep an eye out for the next chapter!