Damon: "What seems to be the big urgent story that couldn't wait?"
Stefan: "You're drunk and you brought your girlfriends home with you."
Damon: "Correction. I brought my daughter and her best friend home. Jessica knows about us being vampires and she Googled most of our history. So, she's as much in this as we are."
Stefan: "Ok. I'm not trying to talk about this while you're drunk."
Damon: "Look, you mind as well give it to me straight. At least when I am drunk you know I won't flip out and go find these morons myself. I have a human to worry about for some stupid reason. I never worry about humans."
Jessica: "Well, excuse me all to hell for being a human. God, are all vampires this snide?"
Stefan: "No. Not all of us are like Damon. Some of us actually act like we care about other people and their feelings."
Jessica: "Oh good to know. I like having my feelings considered as opposed to feeling like some sort of liability in the whole thing."
Damon: "The best thing you can do to save yourself is forget everything you know."
Jessica: "Yeah. That seems easy. Let me just turn off my entire brain and forget I just found out a whole new world exists and my best friend is part of it. Oh yeah and did I mention the part where she's also a vampire half breed that everyone wants to figure out?"
She shakes her head like Damon said the stupidest thing in the world. Stefan starts laughing.
Stefan: "I like her. She's feisty."
Damon: "Oh good. You like her so much you can have her. I'm tired and Elizabeth doesn't want to deal with anymore crazy stuff tonight. So, if you two want to chat and get to know each other, have fun with that."