AN/: Hi guys, I have rewritten this chapter and this is the final version, I updated to my new account.
This fanfic will be dealing with how the Pevensies but also other charcters from LWW where affected by the children´s adventures. This first chapter will deal with Tumnus and I have planned to write at least five or six other chapters. The basic idea is that while the chapters fit together to build one story they are also able to stand alone as well.
Thank you charli800 for beta-reading this chapter.
If you have any suggestions or any comments, I am open to any reactions.
Because a lifetime is too short, I will never see you again. I am old now and worn; still I have been waiting for you for as long as I was allowed. Not only has Narnia lost one of its great queens, but I have lost you, my dear Lucy. I never gave up my hope, that you would return, that you had not died during the hunt for the wishing stag, but I never saw you again. Maybe it is time to give up this elusive hope, but whenever I try, I realise that I can't forget you.
Even now, when my memory is fading away, it seems as if it was just yesterday that I met you at the old lantern for the very first time. There, so many years ago, you told me about the city of War Drobe in the far country of Spare Oom. I would have handed you over to the White Witch then, Daughter of Eve. I was a bad faun, but you changed me with your kindness. To me it seems that you have changed my life and my beliefs from the first moment on. Later you changed even my feelings.
I have never told you this, but as you became older there was more than friendship I felt for you. I started to love you.
When I heard that you had not returned from the hunt I felt as if a shadow had been placed on my heart: maybe I knew, deep inside, that you had left me forever. My friends tried to comfort me for a long time after you had gone: I know that they wanted to help me, but this darkness remained forever. After a while life continued in Narnia, but I didn't feel like taking part in it at first, and I have never been the same during the dances of the fauns and satyrs in the woods. While the years passed my beloved friends died as well, the beavers faded years ago, and I grew lonely after all of them were gone.
Today I think that hope has betrayed me to believe that I could have you back. If only I would have acted, I wouldn't now have to wait for to seeing you again. And still, I wonder. Maybe the happiness I would have felt at your return would have made me tell you what I truly thought. I regret now that I never chose to tell you. You are a Daughter of Eve and a queen; I am no match for you. I am a faun while you are human and I have always thought I was too old for you. But my feelings are here, and I remember now I sometimes noticed you looking at me, when you thought I was not paying attention to you. But I pushed it aside; still glad you didn't care about our differences , but simply accepted my friendship.
Now what I am feeling doesn't matter: my time in Narnia is almost up. My life has been long, although it seems as if I had no real life after the Golden Age had faded away and you were gone with it. I am getting tired, and think I should sleep for a while.
I lean back in my armchair, staring at the place where you used to sit when you visited me, but I can't hold my eyes open any longer and I am slipping away into the land of dreams.
When I open my eyes I am standing on a grass-grown hill and on the top Aslan is standing, still looking the same as the last time I saw him, on the day of your coronation. You were crying then, because he had left and I comforted you, saying that he was free and that no one could tame him.
I know why he is here in my dreams: he is waiting for me and I am climbing the hill, walking towards him. Even though we do not speak, it seems as if Aslan knows what is going on inside me, like he always knew; like he knew your brother. Despite the silence I feel better now, knowing that he is here to take me with him, knowing that I am not alone: He is comforting me without words but in a way no-one could throughout the years.
Still I am sad. I am sad because a lifetime was too short to tell you I am sorry for being the one who told you about the white stag. I was the one who sent you and your siblings on this insane hunt, but now Aslan is here, and he can see my weaknesses and he forgives.