Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's note: Just a little idea that popped into my head. Hope you enjoy it.
Would You Have Stayed?
When I die then I die loving you
Dear Bobbie- Yellowcard
I write to you now on the last days of my life. I know you'll read it because I trust even you will not miss the last hours of my life. I understand now why you left me. It's taken me years to get there. But I know now that you left me, not because you didn't love me, but to protect. But I wonder now if you knew what my life would have been without you whether you still would have left me?
For all my life I have been haunted by my nightmares. I wake most nights screaming your name, clutching at my chest feeling my heart break over and over. My waking thoughts have never tormented me as much. You should be glad for once that you are spared from sleep.
When you left me I grew unaware of everything around me. I was an empty shell. Did you go through that to? But after threats from Charlie I tried. I really did. And then there was Jake. Do you remember Jacob? His father was one of the leaders of the werewolves. Yes I found someone equally as dangerous as you. I saw the consequences as well. I met Emily she was engaged to one of the werewolves and one day he'd got angry. She was scarred for life. But I'd survived being with a vampire… just. So I was sure I could survive being with a werewolf. He made me feel better and Charlie was so happy because I was almost myself. And even the nightmares stopped. When I was with him I forgot you. Did you know that he wanted to marry me? And that I would have said yes? But we never got the chance.
It was a little over a year after you… left. And Victoria came back seeking revenge with an army of newborns. It took the whole of the pack to stop her. They all died. Everyone of them. And for me. The one person who'd understood me, knew what I'd been through and helped me was gone. I couldn't stay after that. None of them ever said but I knew everyone at La Push blamed me. I had no one then and the nightmares came worse than ever.
I decided to go to university. Another one of those human experiences you'd always wanted me to have. I went to New York hoping the hustle and bustle of the city would help me forget. And did you know I did nursing and got over my aversion to blood? I wanted to help people. And I hoped that for every person I helped than perhaps one piece of my heart would be fixed. But it never was.
A day after my graduation I was attacked and raped. Perhaps university in New York wasn't such a good idea after all. I ended up with an ectopic pregnancy and as a result of that and the damage from the rape I was unable to have children. The last glimmer of hope I had of having a family vanished. My nightmares became worse than ever after the attack.
The years continued, but I never found anyone else. I was too enclosed, too drawn into myself. No one could get past the walls I'd built. I'd already lost two people I didn't think my heart would survive it another time. But would you know when I was 30 Charlie fell ill. It was cancer. I left my job and went back home to look after him. I didn't sleep and I barely ate hoping that he would get past it. But he never did, he died after 9 months. We buried him in Forks and after the funeral I collapsed and went into a coma for 2 months. And when I awoke everything was worse. I'd now lost three people I'd loved.
Phil and Renée moved to a little private villa in the Caribbean to retire. Phil had made it to major league baseball for a few years and had enough money for them to live comfortably. But on my 40th birthday there was a hurricane, their bodies were never found.
And so I lost everyone that ever mattered to me. I sunk further and further into myself. I didn't smile any more, or laugh. I didn't read because everything reminded me of you.
And now here I am, 50 years old dying of terminal cancer. I know you'll come, you have too. I didn't wish for you to feel pain from this letter but… I wanted you to know what happened, because still at the back of my mind is the question if you'd known, would you have left?
I want you to know that I've never stopped loving you. I never did repair my heart because you had the pieces. My heart belongs to you, and I hope you look after what is left off it when I'm gone. I'd love to hear your story, to hear what you did, where you went. Did you ever meet anyone? Selfishly I hope you didn't. But if you did I hope she makes you as happy as you did with me when we were together. I wish you happiness for the future. Look after yourself.
"Bella" A voice whispered from the darkness. He came at last. He stepped towards me his face lit by the moonlight coming in through the window. He looked just like he did all those years ago. I smiled.
"I knew you'd come." He came over and sat in the chair next to my bed and listened to my machine beeping.
"Alice said… said that…"
"Shhh, it's fine I knew my time was coming. I knew it was why you were here." A small tear ran down my cheek, Edward brushed it away. And all of a sudden my heart felt whole again.
"I have a letter for you." I pointed to the addressed envelope on my bedside table he took it and went to open it.
"No, not now. There's not enough time." My breaths were becoming shallower.
"Bella can you ever forgive me? I should have come back sooner. I never should have left. I…. I love you."
"I love you too Edward. I'm sorry you didn't come back sooner. I forgive you. I'll always forgive you." My breathing was becoming harder. Edward grabbed my hand. All those years heartbroken, all it took was a touch of his hand and I was healed. But only my heart, my body couldn't be. I raised my eyes so I could look at Edward. He understood, he pressed a soft kiss to my lips. I smiled for the last time and sunk back into my pillows.