This idea came into my head one day and refused to leave.
Summary: What if, during Twilight, Edward couldn't stop when he was sucking the venom out of Bella? What if the draw of his "La Tua Cantante's" blood was to powerful? How would he go on…Or would he?
Playlist: Just a Dream-Carrie Underwood. Breathe- Faith Hill. Keep Holding On and I'm With You- Avril Lavigne. I Hope You Dance- Lee Ann Womack. Best Days of Your Life-Kellie Pickler. She Wolf-Shakira.
I know the beginning is written weird, but it came out like that and it doesn't sound right if I change it.
This starts directly after Edward bites Bella.
The warmth is unbelievable. The flavor, even tinged with venom and morphine, is the single most delicious thing I have ever tasted inmy existence. I could taste the freesia I always smelled on Bella.
The smart and humane side of me urges me to stop. There is no longer any venom in her system and even the morphine is getting weaker. But the hunter, the killer in me urges me on. I fight to keep control but I am weak. Even as the monster in me snarls in the victory of finally having its wish granted, I am still fighting. Because I am not only fighting for Bella's life, but also my own. I have no life if Bella dies.
The blood drew me in, urged me to lose myself in the taste…
I try to force my lips to open; no use. I am aware on some level of the thoughts being directed at me. Alice is screaming at me, begging me to stop. She doesn't want to lose Bella either. Carlisle is urging me to remember who I am, who Bella is. I am not aware of who I am anymore. All that matters is my hunger, and the sweet nectar that is Bella's blood.
Her heartbeat is slowing. I can hear it, as well as the blood moving sluggishly through her veins. Suddenly I am grabbed from behind by two pairs of arms. I fight them, not recognizing Emmett and Jasper. I need to drink the rest of the blood, have to. The fire burning in my throat is reignited as I smell her blood seeping out of her wounds. I am not conscious of anything other than her blood and the fact that I cannot get to it.
They drag me outside and I breathe in the clear, cool air. I am still not fully aware of what has just happened. I remember James had bit Bella. And then…
I fall to the ground, my knees causing dents in the gravel. Jasper has his hand on my shoulder while he tries to calm me. There is no hope in that. But I am not too far down in my despair that I can't seek out Carlisle's thoughts.
She's lost to much blood. I'm not sure I can save her now. Edward if you're listening, I don't blame you. I know how hard it is to resist. Stay out there for now. I am trying to save her, but I will call you if…
He let his thoughts trickle off, unwilling to complete the thought. Alice's thought were completely chaotic. But they mostly consisted of visions of the future. The one thing I could tell was that it was inevitable. Bella was going to die.
I forced myself to stand up and walk back into the room. I was once again assaulted by Bella's blood, but it had no power over me anymore. I could not be less tempted to drink. I was too disgusted with myself. I was Bella's protector but I had killed her. I could not control myself enough to save my love's life.
I walked over to stand beside Bella. The look on her face, twisted in fear and pain but yet somehow forgiving made me sink to the ground. I grabbed her hand. The coldness was already seeping in. Her heart beat was barely detectable now. I bowed my head. "I am so sorry Bella. I never deserved you. I couldn't even stop myself from killing you. But I still love you. I will always love you. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but please never forget that. I love you and that will never change. I swear to you."
I looked once more at her. Her lips were moving slightly but I couldn't make out what she was saying. I leaned down, putting my ear directly above her mouth. "Love you…" She sighed and stopped breathing. She had used her last breath to tell me she still loved me. My dead heart felt like it was being ripped out.
I sat slowly back up. Her brown eyes, once so full of life, were now staring lifeless at the ceiling. I gently closed them. My fingertips ghosted across her lips and I moved my hand to cup her cheek. I bowed my head once more, closing my eyes. "Goodbye, my Bella."
I stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time, my mind replaying Bella's whispered words to me, trying to keep myself from falling apart. I would do that later. A slight pressure on my shoulder told me I had company. I looked up to see Carlisle's concerned face. His thoughts were quiet, but loaded with emotion.
Edward, we need to go. Figure out what to tell the police and Charlie. We need to… Edward I am sorry but we are going to have to bury her. We need to get her out of here if we don't want her to start decaying. I am so sorry Edward…
I didn't understand why he was apologizing. I was the monster here. I was the one who killed Bella. It was my entirefault. Not anyone else's. Carlisle's eyes drifted to Bella's face and caught a flash of a memory. My mouth connected to Bella's arm, my throat convulsing rapidly with each swallow I took. "Tell me what happened. I need to know. Please."
He nodded and began to show me a replay of the events. But he closed off his mind once more. "Let go of Bella's hand. I don't want you breaking it." I look down and realizing I was clutching her hand to my chest, like it would somehow revive my heart. I reluctantly let it go and it fell lifelessly to the ground, making me flinch. Carlisle nodded and once more opened his thoughts.
I was staring at Bella's face, my mouth hovering over the vampire bite. My expression was… horrifying. A strange mixture of fear, sadness, outrage, and a wild determination. I truly looked like the monster I now knew I was as I looked down at Bella thrashing form.
My mouth was now connected to Bella's arm, my face calm and peaceful as I lapped up Bella's blood. Her thrashes had died out, her whimpers barely loud enough for vampires to hear. My hand was clutching her arm as tight as I could. It was a wonder it hadn't broken.
I broke myself out of the memories, looking down to find a hand shaped bruise forming on her limp arm. I could feel myself drowning in sorrow. I forced myself to stand. "Carlisle, if I don't get out of here, I will do something I will regret. I will meet you back at the house. Call when you want me to tell Charlie. A-and tell Alice I am more sorry than she will ever know." With that I fled, sobs fighting their way up my throat. I pushed past my brothers, and just ran.
I knew I was heading to Forks. But I was taking an indirect route. Once I got there, there would be nothing to stop the memories from overtaking me. And Bella's scent would still be in my room if I went to fast. But that thought drove me on. After a few days, I would never smell that alluring scent of freesia again.
I must've run for hours before my house came into sight. It was probably much longer than that, but mind was incapable of focusing on the issue of time. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I withdrew it hurriedly. Alice. "Hello?" My voice sounded flat and dead.
"Esme and Rosalie know nothing of what happened. They only know you're on your way home. Edward, your eyes will be red." That shocked me out the emotionless state I was in. My eyes would be blood red. Bella's blood. "Relax Edward. You'll know what to do when you get there. And if you could, maybe inform Bella's father that his daughter is de- not going to be coming back. Tell him that she was killed in a drunk driving incident. We will be arriving late tomorrow. See you then." And the line cut.
My mind curled into itself at the mention of Charlie. He would be devastated. And I was sure he would somehow blame this on me. And he would be exactly right. This entire thing was my fault. But I couldn't dwell on this. I had to get into the house and tell Esme and Rosalie.
A sudden fear struck me at them seeing my red eyes. They would be disappointed at my lack of control. Or Esme would be and Rosalie would just be smug. I entered the house keeping my head down and my eyes firmly out of sight. I heard two pairs of footsteps hurrying to me. I blocked their thoughts, thinking of Bella and only Bella.
"Edward? What happened?" Esme's tone was cautious, but worried.
I decided to be blunt. "Bella died." I kept my emotions out of my voice, keeping it detached.
I heard Esme's gasp of horror. Even Rosalie exhaled sharply at the news. "What happened? Was it James?" No, Esme would never guess who it was. I wished I could lie but I would never do that, no matter how much I wanted to spare Esme the details.
"Esme, what do you see when you look at me?"
My questioning caught her off guard. "You look like you are fighting to keep yourself together. You are kind of hunched into yourself, trying to hide. But I can help Edward, we all will. We will get through this."
"And what do you see now?" I lifted my head and directed my red eyes at my mother. This time, both she and Rosalie gasped in horror. I still had a block on their thoughts. I couldn't take them right now.
"Edward… What… how… Oh." Esme, poor distraught Esme. She didn't deserve this, the pain. I knew she counted Bella as another daughter and losing her was a horrible pain. I pushed past them and ran up to my room. I opened my door, closing it just as swiftly. I inhaled deeply, catching traces of Bella scent. It didn't help with the pain, the emptiness, but then again, I didn't expect it to. It hurt worse and that was fine with me… Huh, I really was masochistic.
A shrill ringing jolted me out of my musings. "What Alice?" Annoyance colored my tone. I hoped this was the last time she would call.
"Edward, get your butt over to Charlie's. Stop putting it off. You know what to say, and I know what will happen. Go, jump out the window if you don't want to see Esme." Once again, the line died before I could respond. I couldn't tell if she was mad at me, but I certainly wasn't looking forward to seeing her again.
I jumped out my window and took off running. I had gotten about a mile before I remembered something important. I had red eyes. That couldn't go over well with Charlie. I mulled over what to do when my phone buzzed. Alice again, this time a text.
In your bathroom, there are gold contacts. The wont look the same but Charlie won't notice.
I should've known. I ran back, climbing up the side of the house. I ran into the bathroom, eager to get this over with. I put the contacts in my eyes, immediately feeling discomfort. My sensitive eyes wanted to focus on the minuscule scratches and such. And it clouded my vision, like a veil had been pulled over my eyes. Once I was set I jumped out of the window once more, running as fast as I could toward Charlie's house.
I stopped outside his house and sought out his mind. He was sitting beside his phone, his mind frantic with worry. I knocked on the door and heard him hurrying towards the door, yanking it open quickly in hopes to see Bella. Instead he found me and was shocked by my appearance. I looked as if I was barely holding myself from falling apart. Which was completely true. "Edward what happened? Is the family ok?"
In a way, they weren't ok. They would be crushed by Bella's death, my despair only adding to that. "Charlie, my family is fine. Its Bella I need to talk to you about." I watched as he put two and two together, my appearance and Bella not here.
"Did you do something to her? Is she hurt? So help me if you did anything to her. Where is she?" I put my fingers to my temple, the speed of his rapidly changing thoughts causing me to lose control of my own thoughts. I could feel what little control I had slipping and I had to get it together for Charlie.
"Charlie, I went up to Phoenix to talk to Bella, convince her to come home. She was walking to the hotel that I, my father, and Alice were staying at. A drunk driver came hurtling down the street and hit her. My father tried to save her but she had lost too much blood. I'm so sorry sir." His mind struggled to some to terms with this. He could see by my defeated posture that I wasn't lying, but he wasn't willing to believe it.
No, no that's not possible. Not my Bella. She didn't deserve this. It's all Edwards fault for making her mad enough to leave… No that's not true. It's the drivers fault. Not Edwards's fault. I can't believe Bella's dead. Where is she now though?
He looked up at me. "Are you all right?"
I smiled sadly. I decided to give Charlie a hint of what had been going on. "Charlie, when I took Bella to play baseball it wasn't the first time we had hung out together. I was completely in love with your daughter and I am pretty sure she felt the same. When she left to go to Phoenix I was completely crushed. Now that she's gone, without me being able to apologize and tell her that I love her… I can't even begin to think of ever loving again. I don't think I will. Bella was the only one that I ever wanted."
Charlie looked shocked by my speech. I guess he never grasped how much I loved his daughter. "I… thank you." I jerked back in shock. What the hell had I done that I could be thanked for? "You at least made her time here good. Do you know where she is?" Tears were starting to gather behind his brown eyes… So much like Bella's.
"Yes, Carlisle and Alice will be here tomorrow with her. I came home as soon as I knew to tell you and my family. If you'll excuse me, I have to go." I turned on my heel and walked down the street. As soon as I was out of sight I took off running. I had to get home and think about what was going to happen now.
I jumped into my window and onto my couch, burrowing my head in the leather. My family would probably think it would be best to move. But I couldn't move away just yet. But then I would have to go to school. I could do that but people would notice how crushed I was. And I would constantly see Bella everywhere I looked.
As for the funeral… I didn't think I could go through that. Everybody's mind filled with Bella. Having to see Mike, Eric, Tyler, Jacob…
What would happen with them? I had bitten and drunk from a human. Once word got around they would probably be able to figure out what had happened. They would be all over my family. I could simply turn myself in so to speak. My family would be safe and I would be out of my misery.
A phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts. Alice, again! How many times would she call me today? "What Alice?" I tried to keep my anger under control but my emotions were haywire.
"Edward you will not kill yourself!"
"I'm not going to kill myself!" That would be nearly impossible.
"Then why did I see our entire family crying over your death? What else could've happened?"
I sighed. "Alice, have you thought about the wolves. If they don't figure it out, it will be a miracle. If I turn myself in then the family is safe."
She growled. "They won't find out! I haven't seen it and there are only two wolves right now! They would be stupid to take us on. So stop thinking like that. Carlisle and I will be back in a few hours." I glanced at the clock, shocked at how easily I lost myself in my thoughts. "Edward, I-"She cut off and at first I thought my cell phone had died.
I listened closely for a few minutes before nearly hanging up. But then I heard Jaspers voice through the phone. "Alice, what is it? What do you see?" Alice was having a vision. A long one it seemed.
A few more minutes passed before I heard Alice again. "Sorry Edward. Vision."
When it became evident that she wasn't going to go into it more, I spoke. "What did you see?"
"I saw glimpses of the Volturi coming, but the timing is not definite. I have to go now Edward." She didn't give me a chance to respond before she hung up. But now I had another problem to deal with. Esme was walking up the stairs, her thoughts filled with worry for me. She knocked on the door quietly before entering.
"Are you all right?"
I smiled grimly. "No, but did you expect me to be. I feel like half of me died. The pain of the transformation is nothing compared to this. The only reason I'm not curled into a ball is that I am trying to hold myself together until Alice and them come home. I have something to look forward to. Well not look forward to but…" I didn't know where I was going with this.
Esme nodded and left me to wallow in my memories. I could feel my control slipping again and jumped out of the window before I could damage Esme's house. I ran until I got to my meadow.
And then I exploded.
I rammed my fist into the nearest tree, a soundless roar of pain ripping through my chest. I whirled around me, punching and kicking and making my meadow bigger. I wasn't even aware of how much damage I was causing. I was just intent on trying to get rid of all the overwhelming emotions building up inside me. But they only continued to get worse.
I finally paused when I reached the middle of the meadow, collapsing in a heap, finally allowing my emotions to completely rule me. I lay sobbing tearlessly, punching and tearing at the ground beside until I lay in a small crater. I didn't notice this though, not right away. My mind is completely focused on recalling every single memory I have of Bella.
Eventually I came out of myself imposed prison of sorts and looked around. My old sanctuary was now a horror scene. Trees were broken and thrown all over the place, rocks were crumbled into dust, and grass was torn up and strewn about. And I didn't feel any better.
I ran home quickly, not allowing myself to think about anything. I stopped when I got to the front door. I listened and I figured out that everyone was home and that I had been gone for two days. Tomorrow was Bella's funeral.
Time didn't mean anything to me anymore. I would never see Bella again; never have the chance to count down the minutes until Charlie fell asleep so I could see her.
I walked into the front door and dropped to me knees as my families thought came though my head at once. I couldn't make any sense of it. Then all of a sudden they stopped. I vaguely heard Alice telling the rest of to control their thoughts. I couldn't be sure. My head was suddenly throbbing like it never had before. I couldn't find the words in me to describe the pain when I heard Carlisle inquire in his thoughts.
"Edward, relax. Open your eyes; you'll be fine." Alice's completely calm voice drew me from the pain. I looked up at her.
She had lied.
I wasn't ok. No, I was worse. The dead and haunted look in her eyes was killing me. Alice was my closest sibling and I felt distanced from her. Like we couldn't understand each other at all. I winced and tried to stand up. I walked up to my room, ignoring the concern in Esme's thoughts. Alice called my name silently and I listened in…
Edward, I know you're going to come to the funeral. I think it's good for you. You need to be able to say goodbye on last time.
I shook my head to myself. I would never be ready to say good bye. But I would go tomorrow. I had to.
I spent the night curled in a ball on my couch, trying to brace myself for the coming avalanche of thoughts. At first light, Alice walked into my room and laid my suit out for me and left without a word. She was blocking her thoughts from me, simply keeping her mind blank.
I sighed; we would have to talk soon. But I shoved that out of my mind so I could control myself. I quickly dressed myself and glanced at my mirror. I looked dead. My eyes were blank and a flat black. The despair in them was plainly showing. I looked horrible. I sighed and ran my hair through my hair. I wished I could cry. Tears would be running down my face if they could.
A few hours later, my family and I walked through the church doors. Kind of ironic in its own way. A family of vampires going into a church for a funeral. Every pair of eyes turned towards me and I found myself pictured many times over. And everyone thought I looked dead. They were right in more ways than one.
The funeral went smoothly. Almost everyone Bella had ever known was there, including her friends she had in Phoenix. I had to deal with images of Bella repeated several times over for three hours. I sat the entire time in a corner, my shoulders shaking with silent sobs. I wished with all my heart that I could cry that I was able to produce tears.
Near the end, I walked up to speak about Bella. I was going to be the last one to speak about Bella. I was determined to keep it together, and not fall apart in front of everyone. That would not be good for my control.
I stood behind the podium and stared at Bella's still form. I felt Jasper trying to ease my pain, but that wasn't possible at the moment. I was too far gone.
Spinning around to face the crowd, I spoke. "Bella… was the most important person in the world to me. I loved her with everything I had, and now she's gone." I paused and put my head in my hands, trying to hide the fact that my shoulders were shaking but I wasn't producing tears. "I can't help but think that her death is my fault. She left because of me. We argued and she felt that she had to leave. I followed her, hoping to be able to tell her that I loved her. But I didn't get my wish."
"Bella was the most perfect person I had ever met in my entire life. She was so caring and innocent, she didn't deserve this. She deserved to have a long and happy life. She had such a future ahead of her, one that I wanted to be a part of, if she would let me. I know that Bella loved me as much as I loved her, and I just want to say that she is the only girl I will ever love. I-I can't love anyone now that Bella's gone."
I turned around and cupped Bella's cheek in my hand, rubbing her soft skin. "Good bye, my Bella." I leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek, then turned on my heel and walked out of the church, shaking off Esme's hand on my shoulder.
I ran to my meadow, needing to be alone. Once I got there, I curled up in a ball in the center of the field and shook with the force of my sobs.
Time passed and my sobs grew stronger.
Eventually I became aware of a presence beside me. I glanced up for a moment, confirming that it was Alice. She sat about five feet away from me, staring at me with her emotionless eyes. "What Alice?" I spat out more harshly then I needed to. But I had no control over my emotions.
She didn't ever react to my voice. "I just wanted to tell you the Denali clan will be here in twelve hours. They don't know anything. Esme wants you back at the house. I'm supposed to carry you back if you won't walk." Her voice was dead, emotionless, and it was scaring me. I've never seen Alice so… lifeless. She's usually happy and peppy, always prepared to look on the bright side of things.
I sighed, choking on a sob. "I'll walk." My voice was hoarse from my sobbing. I wasn't even sure that a vampire's voice could sound like mine did.
The run back to the house was silent, both with our own thoughts. Running wasn't a joy anymore. It was a reminder that I would never feel Bella on my back again.
I walked in behind Alice, ignoring everyone and going upstairs. If I had to socialize with everyone for some time, I needed to calm myself down.
I sat on my leather couch, mentally preparing myself to have to hear the pity in everyone's thoughts. I didn't want pity. I wanted them to appreciate their mate while they still could. I wanted them to go on with their lives and leave me alone.
I sat in the chair for hours, staring at nothing and thinking of nothing… But Bella. It was impossible to not think of her. Some people would tell me that I needed to move on. That person has never had the agony of watching their mate die… or being the one who killed them.
Alice arrived at my door, looking slightly happier. "They'll be here in a few minutes. Come down stairs." She flounced off before I could respond.
How could she be happy? Could she have seen something? Or perhaps it was Jaspers doing. I shook my head, ridding myself of useless thoughts. I sat next to Esme and looked at my family. We were all broken. Rosalie and Emmett sat on one couch, simply sitting there. Not doing anything.
Alice and Jasper were sitting on the floor, in each other's arms. Their thoughts were centered on each other, but I could tell it was just a way to prevent thinking of Bella. She was like a subtle undertone.
Carlisle was standing by the door, prepared to let the guest in. He looked more rumpled than usual and his eyes looked sad and guilty. I knew he felt guilty. He was the one who made me try to suck the venom out. But I didn't blame him. If I hadn't tried, Bella would've died from blood lose because Carlisle couldn't suck out the venom as well as stop the bleeding.
I heard the car pull up and seconds later Carlisle was opening the door. They immediately picked up on how depressed we all looked. They noticed that I looked the most depressed, but my eyes were hidden. They couldn't find the cause.
Carlisle shook Eleazar's hand. "Welcome my old friend. You will have to excuse us. Now is not a very happy time for my family."
I watched through Carlisle's eyes as Eleazar opened his mouth to ask why, but Tanya beat him to it. "Why? What happened?" Hearing her voice seemed to grate on my nerves and I clenched my teeth, doing my best to ignore her thoughts. She wasn't concerned about our family; she was too busy staring at me.
Carlisle struggled to swallow the lump in his throat so he could speak. "Do you recall the human girl whose scent was causing some trouble for Edward?" They all nodded. "Well she and Edward fell in love. They were mates. And Bella… died." He ignored all the gasps and walked over to Esme, who was shaking with sobs.
Kate walked over to me. "Oh Edward I'm so sorry! What happened?" Her thoughts were sincere. I lifted my head and looked around the room, allowing everyone to see my eyes. I lowered them just as quickly.
Alice spoke. "You have to tell the whole story! Bella was bitten by another vampire, and Edward attempted to suck the venom out. But he wasn't able to stop in time…" She turned into Jaspers arms and sobbed.
I felt like shit.
The rest of the visit went downhill. Tanya kept bad mouthing Bella, saying that she was just a human and that I couldn't possibly love her. I was within seconds of tearing her head of when Jasper warned her to stop. "Tanya, please stop talking about Bella. She was part of our family and we all miss her."
Tanya opened her mouth to retort but Alice gasped loudly. Jasper gently shook her shoulder. "What Alice? What do you see?"
She didn't have time to reply when another vampire walked through the door.
Something inside me snapped and I lunged at him, ignoring everyone's pleas to stop. I knew that he had nothing to do with Bella's death, but he knew James.
Jasper and Emmett got a hold of my arms before I could do serious damage. Jasper pumped me with calm vibes until I slumped on the floor, sobbing.
Tanya was shocked. She apparently had just grasped the depth of my feelings for Bella. She hadn't realized how much I loved her. Her apology ran through her mind.
I'm sorry Edward. I didn't realize… Should we leave and come back another time?
I shrugged. Time wouldn't make a difference to me. Nothing would.
I stood and made my way up to my bedroom, blocking out the thoughts of pity that seeped up from downstairs.
It passed and so did seasons.
And not once did I move from my leather couch.
I lay there, still as a statue, simply existing. In my mind, I was living. Living as a human, with Bella, alive and well. Alive, well, and happy.
She would still be those things if not for me coming in to her life. It I had stayed away like I had wanted to, she would be alive and living a regular human life. And I would be as I was now.