Logetta whistled as she worked, her bald head glimmering in the sunlight along with the diamond stud in her ear. She loved this life; loved the feel of her blades sling through hair as she worked, cutting close to the scalp. The way her dress blew between her legs in the breeze, clinging against the well muscled calves and cooling them. Even the beads of sweat that rolled down her neck and across her chest, making her moan in pleasure. She shoved another boy off as she finished her work.

"Hey wolverine," smiled Jean, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I told you not to call me that," she snarled, irritation pushing aside her happiness at the kiss. "It's Logetta."

"You can put on a dress, hon, but you're not a girl 'til you cut something off and slide something in," sighed the red head, playfully goosing her friend.

"I tried," muttered Logetta. "You stopped me."

"Well, duh!" she laughed, rolling her eyes even as she brushed a bit of flaming hair away from them. "How the hell am I supposed to have hot lesbian sex with you if you come out all ugly and stumpy from doing it yourself?"

"I thought love was supposed to transcend looks," muttered the girl, irritated at being scorned and annoyed at having her work interrupted. The clippers extending from her knuckles vibrated harder as she slashed down again, not even noticing as warm blood splayed against her fingers.

"Puh-leaze," muttered Jean, :That's just what we tell the ugly boys. Or girls, as the case might be." She leaned forward as she spoke, making Logetta grunt in appreciation as she felt the tongue slide into her mouth for a kiss. The boys yelp went unnoticed as the full weight of Logetta's hand descended, the blood pouring outwards non stop, the kiss only breaking off as Jean began to gag..

"eeh-ew! You're like, totally getting blood on my new miniskirt!" she cried, wiping her hands at it in disgust

"Medic?" asked the boy, the gash in his skull dripping blood as he wavered.

Logan ignored him in favor of Jean, glaring at the girl. "Well, maybe if you didn't buy a new miniskirt every day, you'd have less new clothes for me to ruin!"

"And wear what? Old clothes? Ph-lease. You know the arrangement - no sex until you're a hot lesbian, and you get to shred my old clothes whenever I get something better. "

"You could have mentioned how often that would be!" Logetta snapped, long bottled anger pouring out of her.

"You knew what this was," she snorted. "And what do you care? All you need is your clippers and a skirt around your legs, remember!?" she demanded, throwing Logetta's words back in her face.

"It matters because I'd like to have enough money to buy my own clothing?!" she snapped.

"Really? 'Cause I figured you'd just go without once you got the operation." Jean smiled as she spoke, her hand playing across wolverine's chest as she licked her lips

"Don't change the subject," she snarled, spittle flying from between her teeth, as Jean gave her a disgusted look.

"And stop it with the manly habits," the cheer leader muttered, sashaying as she walked away. Her clothes straining to contain her as she turned, shooting a grin backwards. "I said hot lesbian sex - not ugly manly mess."

He snorted, before turning back to his hemorrhaging customer, snarling at the staring crowd around him. "Well!? What are you people waiting for!?" he snapped. "Go get a medic! And pay more attention to your surroundings next time! This is a war zone!"

The battle warred around him, a million miles away. Never touching, never hurting. Always just beyond the periphery. A sword lashed at his face, to be knocked aside by a bullet. A bullet whizzed by his ear to be deflected by a sword. All of it was worthless. All of it was meaningless. All of it was way too dramatic. And all of it, as he let himself reemerge with the world, would go to waste before his might.

He let out the battle cry.

"Yo yo, peeps! D-vader is in teh House!"

"Your presence in this story is entirely illogical!" declared Spock, luxerious hair trailing to the floor around him.

"My presence is going ta logicifally destroy yours, ya hear me, dog? You are going Idown/I! 'Cause the force? it fashizzles!" he announced, light sabre leaping to his hand as it burst forward in red light. "And the blade it just plain old sizzels."

"Your manor of discussion is atrocious, and illogical!" declared Spock, his nose turning upward in disgust. There is no reason to talk like this!"

"Yo, yo man, are you dissing my brain damages? When I shaved the hair, I shaved the logic center, yo – but I can still tell that you're one heck of a ho."

Spock only blinked for a moment, before snarling. "I am male, you buffoon! The captain forces me to wear my hear like this!"

"Well, D-Vader says you need to make a changer. Your logic is a drizzle upon the shizzle that is my life you dismal excuse for a logifying man. My force shall smash your logic, 'cause you are gonna be dyin, 'cause my heart? It is flying, and you are just plain old drying, your skin in the sun, this rhymer's not done, but you died before you got here, your brain's doing thinking, but your heart is a blinking, you know not a word, your voice dies unheard, because you-"

"Fine!" the Vulcan declared, desperate to end it. "I love rainbows! I love puppies! I love butt sex! Just shut the hell up with that mess!"

"TMI Man, TMI!"

"Will you shut up!" Spock yelled, screaming at the top of his lungs as he lunged forward, blaster shooting.

"Ya're taking da rejection all wrong, man. The D just doesn't swing that way, ya here? Ya don't have ta get all stabby."

"We are in a war! We are on opposite sides!"

"I know, man! And it is trippin! Did ya see what they did to Logan?" His voice held the hint of smile that his black mask lacked, his breath hissing in and out.

Spock fired another blast, deflected by the saber this time. "Why. Won't. you. DIE!"

"The D does not die – the D is the king of the live and da ruler of the dead house! I'm like half machinery, dawg! Can I get some applause?"

"No!" came Spock's snarled reply. "You are on the opposite team!"

"Are you sure, dawgette? 'Cause I think you might be making a mistake." His hand disappeared into his cloak, a silvery rectangle withdrawing from the black cloth. He pressed the button – and zapped, the light blasting into Spock and sending him flying as his back thudded into a tree.

"What… what did you do to me, you… you… why did you call me…" he winced, crying out in pain as his chest blossomed, pressure building inside as breasts tore through his skintight cloth. His hair lengthened even further, pooling at the feet, as it grew lighter, turning wavy. The skin paled as the arms and legs grew more delicate, the hair disappearing from his body, as the eyelashes lengthened and the face turned soft. His Adams Apple disappeared, sinking into the flesh even as his manhood did the same, disappearing before he even had a chance to grope for it. She could feel the testes turning to ovaries within, as tears leaked through her eyes. "You… I'm…"

"Now, how about D-vader gets out the little D and gets his loving on!" grinned the man, projecting his hips outward as his arm pumped back.

"Stay- stay away from me!" whispered the new girl, scrambling around the tree on hands and knees.

The man paused, his hand slowly descending as he took a step forward. "Yo, yo, tha's no way to talk, whether ho or no!"

Spock wasn't listening, simply shaking her head as the hair flung back and forth. "Stay away! You're being – you're being –"

"Can't say it, can you dawgette?" the pleasure clear in the voice as the owner took another step forward.

Spock just shook her head, desperate to escape. "I… I'm… I'm… I'm not…"

D-vader took another step, satisfaction radiating from him as Spock tried to get away. "Yo, the D-V's ray's not just form, dawgette! You are da ho! Rainbows, sunshine and lolli's are on your mind, and one's right here in da paaaaaaaaants!"

She scrambled away, lengthened fingernails digging into the soft earth as she backed away, disappearing into the battle as she scrambled to her feet. She ran to her own side on slenderized legs, breasts hanging heavy through the cloth as her butt stuck out and her pants fell down, leaving D-vader to his own little island in the field. As far as she was concerned, he could have it.

Spock ran. Bullets flew, and blades whirled, and electricity sizzled, and someone was yelling "I'm-a-hotti-a!" in the distance – but none but the last touched her, making her pause for a moment before shaking her head and continuing anyway.

She couldn't stop running, the air drifting past her as she cried. Her mind was in turmoil, her heart racing as her breasts moved up and down. She couldn't grip the logic, anymore, couldn't find any sense in what had been done to her. It was as if the walls holding her emotions had been shattered, and behind it was not the earth shattering rage of her – once his – race, but love, devotion… and a great desire to go hump a tree.

"Oh my goddess, I'm an elf," she muttered, before wincing at her own term. She didn't believe in gods. She didn't. She didn't. She didn't. She… she… she… She wanted to pray. She wanted to hump a tree while praying. Instead, she screamed.

She stood in the middle of the battle field and screamed, unnoticed among a field of banshees and transforming werewolves, her own little pocket of madness as she cried to the heavens in terror. Then she began to sing.

"My… what has happened, what has happened to my life?

What has happened, what has happened,. What has happened to make strife?

What has happened in my life, I cry,

What makes me cry my tears,

What makes me yell to the sky,

What makes me feel these fears…

I know my lordship rests so cold,

I know my time is gone…

I know that this does truly suck…"

"So why don't you come here and have a fuck?" shouted Bones, sweeping her off her feet and giving her a kiss.

She screamed into his mouth, the voice muffled against his lips, as his tongue squeezed in. His breath was saturated in alcohol, his tongue slimy and wet inside her as she felt him digging into her bottom. She found herself pulling him in, drowning his mouth in her own as she tore the sweet kisses from him one after another.

He broke free a few minutes later. "Fuck it, lady! I'm a doctor, not an oxygen tank!"

"Bones, it's me –" she whispered, desperate.

"The only bone I've got for you is in the fuckin region, lady," he snarled pushing her closer.

"You're not listening, it's… it's… oooooh…" she whispered, staring at his zipper slid down.

"Plenty of time to listen later," he snorted, drawing a drink as he deftly pulled off his socks with a free hand.

"We're… we're on a battle field…" she whispered, her will power slipping away from her as she stared at the doctor's erect form/

"So use your Elvin magic," he retorted, his pants dropping to the floor with a soft thud, as he moved inside her.

She couldn't seem to protest. She couldn't seem to even think, as he took her to the floor. She could only gasp as the grass grew above them, and the sky was closed in, the roots beneath them pushing them towards one another – into one another, as he kissed her, and she kissed back, and Spock seemed to fly out the window. This strange new body knew what it wanted, and it was getting it.

He filled her to the brim, and she screamed

(Authors notes!

First off -

Star wars (D-Vader) belongs to George Lucas.

X-Men (Wolverine and Jean) belong to Marvel, stan lee, and all that good stuff... Have fun!

Second off - yep. I'm crazy.)