Bella was being emo in her room, waiting for Edward, her retarded sparkly vampire boyfriend who deserves to be shot in the head.
"I want to be a vampire." she said, rocking back and forth in feeble position. Edward crashed through the window.
"I'm Edward Cullen! The gayest super vampire ever known!" Bella clapped loudly.
"DUDE! You are soooo oooo hot and sparrrrrrrrkly. I AM IN ETERNAL LOVE WITH YOU!!!!" she screamed. Edward shook his head.
"Sorry, I've moved on." he said. Bella gasped over the top, expecting him to declare his love. She started to moan and cry like a stupid baby.
"WITH WHO???" she whined. Edward pulled out a poster. He stared lovingly.
"Him…" he began. He turned the poster, revealing a shirtless picture of Jacob. He squealed with delight. "Oh my gawd, isn't he uber hot?"
Bella sighed. "Yes, he is SO HOT! That's why I cheated on you with him. Several times in fact!"
Edward was in awe. "So did I!" Bella's jaw dropped. "We're getting married this weekend!"
"EXCUUUUUSE ME?!?!" shouted Bella. Edward nodded happily.
"My maid of honor is Jasper!"
(At the wedding)
.Edward and Jacob were about to say their fateful I dos.
"Edward." said Carlisle, who was also a reverend. "Do you take Jacob…"
"YES!!!!" Carlisle sighed.
"How about you Jacob?" Carlisle inquired. Jacob roared. (Which is like yes in wolfanese.)
"Whatever. I now pronounce you the most stupid people that idiotic fan girls would kill themselves over."
"How romantic!" said Jasper. He tugged at his dress. Alice sighed.
"Stop fidgeting!" she said. "It will mess up your ensemble!"
"But it itches!' Alice sighed and smacked her head.
Bella ran in, very upset, and chucked a grenade.