He threw open the heavy double door, the rusty metal giving off a typically ominous sound as it gave way. The scarce light from outside pierced the darkness of the warehouse, revealing hundreds of wooden boxes.

He stepped into the building, his shoes crunching broken glass underfoot. The doors swung closed behind him, blocking off the light once more. He dragged his tongue along his scars as he let his eyes adjust to the darkness. Moments passed and nothing happened. He took a switch blade from his pocket and started flicking it open and closed, growing more annoyed by the second. He did not like it when people other than him were late. Not. One. Bit.

Then a voice rang out, acidic and menacing.

"Welcome, Joker."

He looked all around, but found nothing. There was something in that voice that sent chills down his spine. Something unnerving.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," the voice sounded from behind him. He whirled around and his eyes widened as he took in the sight of the other man.

He was slightly obese, but something in his manner spoke of hidden strength. He was decked in white from head to toe, in a traditional chef's outfit. It clung perfectly to his frame. But it was his eyes that really rattled the Joker and left him shaking. They were cold and hard, inhuman almost. They spoke of unquenchable hatred and anger, along with malicious glee. There was simply something animalistic about him. Something Craaazy.

"The name's Simon," he continued in his cruel, nasally voice, "Simon the Pieman. And this is my city now."

Joker brought his knife to bear, but it was too late. He was tackled to the ground and held down by the other man's dubious strength, no doubt enhanced by his madness. Joker lay there, helpless. He realized he couldn't fight this force of nature.

"You wanna know how I baked these pies?", Simon's voice rasped in his ear, raising goosebumps all along his skin.

Simon forced his hapless victim's mouth open and thrust a pie into it, holding his weapon of choice still just inches inside. The Joker's breathing became increasingly erratic as the delicacy rested against his chapped lips, dangerously close.

"You see, I can't really tell you. It's kind of a trade secret. But it's a scary story for sure."

Then he jammed the pie all the way in and Joker let out a shrill scream, his taste buds reeling in ecstasy.


AN: I've just read so many scenes with Joker scaring the stuffing out of someone with no real effort, I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. Emphasis on taste.

Simon the Pieman is a villain from a 60's Batman cartoon. You can find him on youtube.