Title: THE STATE THAT I AM IN
A/N: This is a joint fic started a paragraph at a time when we got a little bit carried away in the drabble tree over at the CRKO comm. It's not finished yet and it's fast approaching 20,000 words so we're posting it a chapter at a time. We started writing it just after the royal rumble so there's quite a few references in there about what went down... the strangling, the locker room scene afterwards that we never got to see... The title is a Belle and Sebastian song...
I gave myself to sin
And I've been there and back again
I gave myself to Providence
The state that I am in
Oh love of mine, would you condescend to help me
'cos I'm stupid and blind
Desperation is the Devil's work, it is the folly of a boys empty mind
Cody knew that he was in deep trouble when he slumped back towards the Legacy locker-room after being eliminated in the Rumble, ignoring Ted all the way. Due to the excitement of the match itself he had momenttarily forgotten about what had happened earlier. Now it was all coming back, crashing onto him like a tidal wave.
He swallowed hard when he paused at the door, turning to see if Ted was still behind him but the last he saw of him was that he hurried towards the trainer's office.
"Coward!" He muttered under his breath, suddenly unsure if he was really ready for the things to come.
His eyes were trained on the floor as he stepped inside their locker-room, waiting for Randy to make the first step.
The feel of the hands around his neck, choking the very life out of him, the crazed look in the cold grey eyes, he knew it was too late, knew he was past the point of any triforce saving him now. His own eyes were bulging out of his head, and he was scared, but more than that, he was sorry, he knew he was at fault, he knew he'd been the cause, but he'd never expected this, not from this man, not like this. "I'm sorry," he struggled to gasp, the words barely managing to reach the air with what he was sure was his last breath.
Randy could only scoff at the lame and utterly pointless excuse from the youngest Legacy member. Were they even a group anymore? He had no idea what to believe, what to think. All he knew for sure that the two men he was supposed to trust more than anyone else, who were supposed to have his back betrayed him. At least Cody had the guts to face him while Ted was missing; obviously waiting for him to cool down. His focus returned to Cody who let out another faint gasp, the large blue eyes looking at him, pleading.
"Randy... please... can't... breathe."
His grip loosened for a moment, letting Cody have one glorious lung-full of air before he pressed down harder than before. "Guess what? I. Don't. Care."
Leaning closer until their faces were less than an inch apart he searched Cody's eyes for the truth. But right now there was nothing but fear. And panic. "Seems like Ted only saves you when it's for the camera."
Randy let go, already walking away when Cody fell to the floor.
He just couldn't believe it, he just didn't know what to think, who to believe. It was the last thing he ever expected from Cody. He thought... he didn't know what he thought, not really, but it definitely wasn't this. It wasn't just betrayal, it went deeper than that, he had never felt so hurt, so destroyed, not in his entire life. His mind flashed back to the look on Cody's face when the commentators announced the disqualification, maybe it was true, maybe he really didn't know... but he'd told Ted! He warned him not to come! Was that it? He'd told... Ted. Had Ted played them both? Were his heroics all for show? Cos where the fuck was he now? When all the shit was going down he wasn't man enough to even be there? Randy turned and looked back at the younger man curled up on the floor, coughing, still gasping for air, violent red hand prints already bruising the pristine skin around his neck. Randy grimaced for a mere sliver of a second at the sight before anger surged through him again, "How could you do this to me?" he screamed, "How Cody? HOW?" He was suddenly bent over him again, the young man cowering below him, but as the frightened blue eyes looked up into his own he felt himself deflate, he felt his resolve weaken, had he been wrong all along? He really didn't know anymore. "I thought we were friends Cody, I thought we were friends..." he whispered, clenching his eyes tight shut as he walked away.
Cody scrambled back against the unforgiving metal of the lockers when Randy charged at him, his voice furious with anger. But it wasn't the fact that Randy yelled him it was the way he looked at him. Randy had never looked so disgusted, so sick of a person.
"I wasn't... I wasn't thinking..." Woah, that sounded incredibly stupid even to his ears and surely wouldn't help making Randy feel any better. And then he said it; maybe it was because he wasn't yelling a him but those simple words hurt him as just as much. "We... we are... I... I am... Randy... I never meant... it... it wasn't supposed to be that way." He stumbled over the words in his haste to get them out, not caring that the edge in his voice was obvious, that he was close to crying. "You have to... you have to believe me."
"I don't know what to believe Cody... I don't know if I can... I don't know if I want to..."
Cody thought he actually felt his heart break at the fractured syllables reaching his ears, tearing his heart and wringing in between cold fingers, ripping it in two with no regrets, the impact was a million times worse than when Beth left him mere days ago, and now he didn't know what else to say, what else he could do to make things right, everything back to normal, back to the way it was. Randy was all he had left.
"I'm sorry..." he choked, stumbled over his words, his voice cracking, desperation taking over, ready to do something drastic to make him see, to prove himself.
"I know." Randy sighed, the sound of a man much older than his years, the sound of the weight of the world on his shoulders, a world which no longer made sense to him, that had been turned upside down on it's head and he didn't know why. It's not what he wanted, not at all, he wanted to turn back time, for things to be, normal, the way they were, before. Little did he know the exact same thoughts were running through Cody's head right at that second.
He took a deep breath, turning away, shoulders heaving, he'd never felt so defeated. With a final look over his shoulder at the broken man on the floor, looking exactly the way he himself felt, he whispered as he walked away, "So am I..."
Cody pushed himself up with surprising agility, considering that he had take a few more bumps than he was supposed to but he ignored the burn in his lungs when he hurried after Randy, grabbing a shirt from his bag. "Wait..."
To his surprise Randy actually stopped and turned around, his eyes still dancing with the hurt and betrayal of tonight's events.
"I'm really really so-"
Randy held up his hand. "Don't, okay? The more I hear you apologizing the more often I'm reminded about what went down... so don't."
Cody nodded, swallowing hard. "Alright... but you gotta believe me..."
"It'll take time... just give me time to figure things out, okay?" His tone was gentle and Cody sighed softly when Randy's hand curled around his neck, not hurting him like just moments ago. It was the sign of affection Randy only showed to him.
And it made him melt, he couldn't help it, the way it just instantly calmed him. He couldn't help but feel that it had a similar effect on Randy too, the way he visibly seemed to relax as he gently kneaded the tense muscle beneath his fingers.
"You know... I never thought it'd be you, that'd do something like this to me, Cody, I thought you..." he shook his head, raking his fingers over his stubbled scalp.
Cody didn't dare speak, watching the torment still playing out over his tense features as he waited with baited breath for him to finish his sentence. But he waited in vain as Randy sighed heavily instead, turning disappointed stormy grey eyes to lock with palest hesitant blue.
"Don't. Just... just don't,"
"Cody!" Grey eyes flashed dark again in sudden fury as the fingers tensed against his skin, tighter and tighter then releasing him altogether, "Just leave it! Fucking leave it! Okay?" It was almost a plea by the last word, his hands once again softly curling around their familiar spot, and Cody couldn't help but lean into the touch, Randy stroking gently as his eyes softened again.
It was well past mid-night when Cody couldn't sit around and fidget any longer in his room alone; Ted hadn't resurfaced since he took the turn towards the medic's room.
He knew that everyone else on the rosters were downstairs emptying the bar or somewhere in a club, using the time when all three brands travelled together. And though he had received several invitations to join them he had declined each of them. The mere thought of having a good time when he was eaten by guilt and the torment of possibly losing Randy was simply not working out.
After rubbing his damp hands on his sweatpants Cody grabbed the bottle of vodka from his suitcase, which he had originally packed for the sure celebration but he might as well drown his sorrows.
He downed about a third of the bottle, finally smiling again as the world started spinning.
The morning dawned bright and early as usual, regular as clockwork the sun crept over the horizon and began to seep gently through the gap in the curtains. It played across the peaceful features of the man laying sprawled on the floor, in the same spot he'd fallen when he passed out the night before, empty bottle of vodka still in hand, and still no relief from his inner turmoil, even in sleep. The dreams occupying his unconscious were as torrid as the real events of the night before, and when he finally awoke, he'd be at a loss to explain what was truth and what was in his head. The alarm continued to beep from its place on the bedside table, yet still he didn't stir, the sunlight now cruelly intent upon his skin, yet still, he didn't stir. The eventual banging on his door did nothing to rouse him either, nor the shouting of his own name, gradually rising in volume as concern grew evident in the worried voice.
Randy knew that something was off when Cody didn't reply to the first three calls to his cellphone or the calls that he made downstairs from the front-desk to the room directly after seeing that Ted was nursing his hang-over with a few guys from the RAW roster and didn't recall Cody ever checking in at all.
So it was upon him to get the youngest member of Legacy up and running if they wanted a chance to still be on time for the next venue, not to mention that they had a meeting with creative about the continuation of their story-line.
After a long ten minutes of loud banging from his side and absolutely no response from Cody he headed back down to get a second key.
He had a bit of trouble for a moment, a weird feeling overcoming him, making his hands unsteady as he fought with the lock.
Finally the little green light buzzed him through and he practically fell into the room, almost stumbling in his haste not to step on the prone underwear clad body he found lying on the floor at the end of the bed.
"Shit! Fuck!" He was crouching down at his side in an instant, the empty vodka bottle telling him all he needed to know.
"Motherfucker..." Randy growled, relief flooding through him as he tried to remove it but Cody only clutched it tighter and clasped it to his chest defensively as he rolled heavily to his side, seemingly trying to avoid the sun finally penetrating his senses. But not enough to wake him as Randy discovered, watching him curl into a ball and drunkenly murmur something incomprehensible.
"Fucking little bastard, scared the fucking shit outta me! Come on! Wake up!" He slapped him gently about the cheeks to rouse him but Cody just groaned and snuggled further into the bottle, burying his face under his arm.
Randy looked at his watch, groaning himself as he saw the time, shaking him harder but still not getting the response he was looking for as Cody started to lightly snore instead.
Sitting back on his haunches he debated what to do, quickly heading into the bathroom and filling a glass with cold water.
Standing over him he looked down reluctantly, "I really don't wanna have to do this buddy..." and knelt back down, deciding to give violent shaking one last try. But still it was to no avail as Cody just grumbled something and sighed, stretching his entire body out on the carpet, sunlight bouncing off the naked skin, rendering the white boxers practically see through. Randy smirked, an idea coming to him that was sure to garner some kind of reaction at least, and poured the entire glass upside down over his groin.
Cody shot up to his feet within a second only to be defeated by gravity and was badly knocked off equilibirium as he crashed head-first into the table that stood just a few feet away.
His hand shot up to where his head had hit the hard wood, groaning when the already throbbing pain intensified. The world came into view, hazy and unfocused and for a brief moment he wondered if he had gone to heaven as Randy stood over him, his head basked in sunlight. 'He looks like an angel' he thought, a toothy grin spreading over his face, 'my angel'.
The words rolled off his tongue with some difficulty; you weren't supposed to have a weird taste in your mouth when you're in heaven, right?
Another less than gentle pat on his cheek woke him properly from his musings, Randy's hands on his chest and back guiding him into a sitting position against the bed.
He looked at him, confused and then back to his drenched boxers. "Why's my... bastard!"
Randy sniggered at the look of shock on his face, eyes lingering slightly longer than he intended over one area in particular.
"Yeah, sorry about that,"
"Sorry?! You're not fucking sorry!"
Randy couldn't help but smirk further at Cody's reaction, standing staring down at himself as though it'd get worse if he moved. "Yeah, well. You wouldn't wake up. I tried it the normal way first... it's your own fault." He indicated the empty bottle discarded by his foot with a defiant glare, crossing his arms across his chest as if daring Cody to challenge him.
Cody faltered for a moment, blushing profusely that Randy had found him in such a state, embarrassed that he'd even let that happen to himself, and over something so trivial... well, it wasn't trivial, to Cody, upsetting Randy was anything but, and it obviously upset himself enough that he willingly set out to lose control.
He was unable to remember anything of the night before after getting back to his room, when did Randy even get here? Just now? Or... shit, Cody shook his head, wishing he could remember...
"But... but why are you even HERE?! And how did you get in?"
"Uh, through the door, you know, the usual way."
"But why?" Cody noticed that Randy seemed to strategically avoid his first question, his head was throbbing but he felt hyper aware of every little thing Randy said or did. And felt extremely self conscious standing in front of him with his soaking see through boxers clinging onto his crotch.
"Because without Beth around to keep you on track you seem to be having a little trouble coping…"
Cody's eyes darkened and he glowered at the mention of her name, and Randy instantly realised he'd hit a sore point.
"Have you any idea what time it is?" he continued quickly.
"......" Cody floundered for a moment, looking around for where he'd left his watch before realising it was still on his wrist, blushing furiously as Randy seemed to guffaw at his antics.
"You're so funny," he sighed fondly, not that Cody recognised it as such.
"Shut up." he hmph'd at him as he attempted to focus on the tiny digits.
"You're late. Correction, WE'RE late now."
"Shit! SHIT!" Cody instantly sprung into action, his arms and legs not quite co-operating with what his brain was trying to tell them to do.
"There's no point killing yourself over it," Randy interjected as Cody stubbed his toe on the end of the bed and attempted not to hop around howling in pain in front of Randy. "The coach has already gone, they'd been trying to get hold of you for ages. We have to drive ourselves. No point in everyone being late just cos of one lazy bastard." He walked over to the bedside table and picked up Cody's phone, showing him the multitude of missed calls and messages.
Cody blanched in sheer humiliation as his eyes attempted to focus on the screen, "Fuck. I'm dead."
"Yep. Pretty much."
Cody collapsed onto the bed, suddenly realising how hungover he was, and how much trouble he'd be in, and a thought struck him that Randy was still here too.
"But... you? Why are you even here?"
Randy moved to sit next to him at the end of the bed, "Let's just say that... well, that I volunteered for the job,"
He chuckled when Cody looked up at him in disbelief, and putting his arm around him and pulling him in close in a brotherly hug, he continued quietly, "I was worried about you, you fucker,"
"But why?" He asked, his voice raspy, everything coming back to him, their confrontation last night, how angry Randy had been and probably still was. "I... I mean... I wouldn't have... I would've left my sorry ass here..."
Randy cut him off. "Hey... I told you that I don't wanna hear about it... don't make me choke you again."
Cody's hand flew up to his neck, a slight panic crossing his face.
"I gotta apologize for that anyway... that was probably the most inappropiate reaction ever..."
"Well... you could've punted me!" Cody muttered under his breath, earning him a little less friendly nudge into his ribs. "Ouch... watch it!"
"Yeah, sorry for that as well." His fingers brushed over his side softly, leaving goosebumps behind.
Cody turned his head to look at him, registering only how close they were and how great Randy smelled, freshly showered and all. He moved away quickly. "I gotta shower."
Randy gave his own watch another pointed look. "Only if you hurry... the maid will probably be here shortly to kick us out."
Watching him walk into the bathroom, Randy shook his head as his eyes were trained on the movement of the firm buttocks under the stretchy white material.
'What the fuck...?' he shook his head harder as he wondered what the hell as wrong with him, and took out his phone to let the road manager know what was going on.
Cody stepped out a few minutes later, wrapped in a fluffy white towel. He'd been quick, just like Randy asked, and still had glistening droplets covering his exposed torso. He looked towards the door as if expecting the maid service to be standing there tapping her foot, and hurried to his bags, suddenly all too aware that he had to get changed in front of Randy. He knew he did it all the time at work, but this was different, this was, embarrassing... He pondered taking his clothes back into the bathroom, but fuck man he wasn't a teenage girl. Glancing up, he noted that Randy was concentrating on his phone, and quickly pulled on his boxers.
Standing suddenly, Randy gestured towards the bathroom, "I gotta... uh..." he closed his mouth and resolutely looking towards the bathroom and definitely not at Cody, he walked in, closing the door firmly behind him. Leaning back against it he sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the pale wood, he wasn't sure what just came over him. He just had to get out of there very quickly all of a sudden, it was like his eyes were drawn to places they shouldn't be without his permission and he couldn't do anything to stop it, so he just had to get out of temptation's way.
Opening his eyes, they landed directly on the place where Cody would've been standing only moments ago, naked, water cascading down his naked body. Naked. Hands running over his skin as he washed the soap off and rinsed his hair. Naked naked naked. Fuck, Randy scrunched his eyes tight shut to clear the images running rampant inside his obviously deviant mind. A mind that seemed to have been taken over by someone else. He moved over to the toilet and flushed, ran some water, washed his face, refusing to look at himself in the mirror. Sighing again he stood with one hand on the door as he attempted to compose himself before walking back into the room.
Cody looked at the closed door confused and somewhat thrown off. Since when did Randy use sentences that start with 'I gotta... uh' anyway? He've had to ask him later if everything was really okay between them but now he had absolutely no time to be concerned about his feelings, now was only time to pack.
Throwing in various items of clothing into his open suitcase that he didn't remember getting out in the first place, wondering what he had searched for in his drunken stupor last night.
His eyes widened painfully wide when he realised what exactly was missing from all the mess, the flush of the toilet almost making him jump out of his boxers. He had to get into the bathroom before Randy found it because that'd be... embarrassing wouldn't even cover it. Mortifying maybe? Still too weak.
It'd be his death.
After the lock clicked open again, Cody all but sprinted to the door, barging in with his arms flailing around for balance as his bare foot skidded over the wet tiles as he stumbled into the shower, quickly snatching a small bottle from the rack, hiding it in his palm.
He spun around when Randy asked him what the hell was going on. Then he fell.
It was almost in slow motion that his hand seemed to fling the bottle from his grasp, it was almost like his fingers flung it away on purpose as they reached for the taps instead to steady himself, to no avail as his entire body seemed to flail, his arms wildly swinging to find purchase as his legs went from beneath him. But his eyes were firmly fixed on the path of the bottle, flying in a perfectly curved arc to collide directly with the forehead of the confused looking man in the doorway.
"Ow!" his hands flew to his head at the same time as Cody collapsed with a painful and dramatic sounding thud on the wet tiles,
"What the fuck!!" Randy hollered in pain as he actually saw stars for a moment, "Shit man what the fuck was that for?!" he staggered about for a second hanging onto the doorframe before righting himself, shaking his head.
Randy realised Cody hadn't moved from his spot on the floor, "Shit are you okay?" he was over there in a flash,
"It was an accident!"
"It's okay, I know, here, hold on to my arm," but when Cody made no attempt he looked over him in concern, "Shit, can you move?"
His eyes were darting frantically around, trained on the ground behind Randy, who turned and followed his gaze.
Reaching out suddenly he turned back, grinning widely, "This what you're looking for?!" He twirled the small bottle between his fingers, his grin growing as he stared at Cody cheekily, loving the way his face was almost radiating heat that he could feel even at that distance.
Cody gulped audibly, completely incapable of speech of any kind and unable to look Randy in the eye.
"So, uh," Randy held the bottle up with a smirk, pretending to try and read the label, "What's this for then?"
Blushing even deeper Cody pushed his body from the floor, snatching at Randy's hand to retrieve the bottle. "It's... nothing." He snapped at him, staggering to get to his feet once again, only to stumble against Randy who placed his hands on his hips and back in an attempt to steady him. Gulping audibly as he looked down his body, traveling past Randy's warm and soft hands down to his boxers.
Which were see-through again. Great. Fucking great.
Then his mind went back to Randy's hands that were currently searching his chest and stomach for any signs of damage he might have taken from the fall.
"What are you doing?" He shouted at him, hand closing tightly around the small bottle.
Randy looked at him, still smiling. "Just checking if you haven't cracked a rib... you took quite the fall... and there's nothing to be embarrassed about... I mean... it's normal right... to choke the..."
"SHUT UP!" Cody yelled, his face now completely red, "This isn't to…"
He bit his tongue painfully hard when he realised just what exactly he had just implied. "Fuck!"
You could see the pieces fall into place behind Randy's eyes and his hands stilled. "Oh... ooh."
"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Cody lunged at him, pushing him out of the tiny bathroom. "Get out."
"Cody, Cody…" Randy was trying not to laugh as he was pushed away, "I was only joking, sorry man, I didn't mean to embarrass you, come on,"
But Cody slammed the door in his face.
"Come on man, please?"
"Cody…. We have to get going… come on!"
Cody had no words to respond with, he was absolutely mortified and wanting the ground to open up and swallow him whole, almost screaming when his gutter mind chuckled at his expense and the implications of those words in his thoughts went straight to his cock.
He was on the verge of tearing handfuls of hair out, not sure whether to gouge his own eyes out right then and there or carve his arms up with shards of the mirror he was very tempted to break, with his head. He clenched his teeth and fists a few times for good measure, taking deep breaths to calm himself down, unaware Randy had done the exact same thing in the exact same spot only moments before.
The older man's voice rang through the closed door, "Codes?" Still nothing. Randy sighed, turning back into the room to continue packing up the rest of Cody's stuff, haphazardly flung everywhere in his haste to find the lube. As he picked up items and folded them to put back in the case, he bent down to clear some space at the bottom, something catching his eye.
Moving aside a rolled up comic held together by an elastic band, he uncovered the long slim box it contained, something bright purple and sparkling inside…
Randy held his breath, taking his bottom lip between his teeth as he wondered if this was what he thought it was, even though he already knew, just like with the lube, exactly what it was… his eyes flicked to the bathroom door as he slowly drew it out, turning it over in his hands.
At that exact moment, as luck would have it, Cody walked out, Randy dropping the dildo back in the case and standing up looking extremely sheepish as Cody stopped dead in his tracks, jaw hitting the floor in disbelief.
"You... you... fucking... you... fuck!" Cody pressed out, all his carefully and painfully gathered composure gone within half a second. He couldn't believe that it was all actually happening. To him no less.
He knew they were late, he was only making them even more with each passing minute but he couldn't just go on as if nothing had happened, as if Randy, his mentor and friend, didn't just find out pretty much everything he'd like to keep secret.
He turned, steadying himself against the doorframe as he hurried to get back into the safety of the bathroom but the moment of hesitation and wallowing in embarrassment was too much.
He felt his body slammed into the cold wall, Randy's hands on his shoulders, keeping in place. He never opened his eyes, unable to as his lip trembled.
He was not going to cry. He was not going to cry. He was just standing there in a hotel-room with fucking see-through boxers and the one thing no one was supposed to know about, now out in the open. He was not going to cry.
"Just kill me now, get it over with…" he mumbled to himself as Randy pressed against him, he just knew the older man was laughing, laughing at him no less, and he knew he'd never live it down. He felt Randy's strong arms wrap around his shoulders and envelope him in a warm hug, his face buried in the crook of Cody's neck as he tried to stifle his howls of laughter.
"Oh Cody, your face…" he lapsed into uncontrollable giggles again but his arms continued to hold him tight, their bodies pressed flush together as his large warm hands moved in soothing circles along his neck and shoulders.
"What are you doing?!" he barked, "Get off me!" he tried to wriggle free but Randy just held him tighter, trying to calm him down.
"No, c'mere…" he could feel Cody's heart beating at a million miles an hour against his chest and ran his hand up through his hair, making soothing noises in amongst the grinning he was unable to stop.
"I don't see what's so fucking funny!"
"You are, and it's brilliant,"
Randy's breath hitched in his throat for a moment and he swallowed a cough, and he wondered whether to say the words out loud that instantly just ran through his mind.
"Yeah, maybe later," his words tickled Cody's ear, so quiet they barely reached the air and Cody was certainly not sure he'd heard that right as Randy suddenly stepped away, hands lingering around his neck over the purple bruises he was responsible for,
"And uh, remind me to introduce you to uh, Mr Winky…"
Cody just stared at him like he'd gone mad, "Who?"
"Birthday present from Sam…"
"What?" Cody was suddenly aware that his boxers were no longer see through with the sudden heat in the room.
"Right, come on, we really have to get moving now."
"Oh... come on!" Randy patted Cody's thigh as they drove off the hotel parking lot. "I can't believe you're still blushing!"
"I'm NOT!" Cody snapped, his body tensing. "I'm not blushing!"
"Oh... you are, Codes and there's no point denying it!" He chuckled, poking Cody's cheek. "Lighten up, sweet cheeks!"
Cody brushed his hand away, grumbling under his breath. "Leave me alone." With that he went back to stare at his fidgeting hands in his lap.
Randy sighed, keeping his eyes on the road ahead, reaching out to stroke Cody's neck again. "I don't even know what you're so ashamed of..."
Cody studied his profile, searching for any kind of hint that he was simply playing him, teasing him but there was nothing. "You actually mean it."
"Why shouldn't I?"
Cody shrugged, tilting his head, rubbing his cheek against the back of Randy's hand.
"Please don't tell anyone Randy…"
"Yeah, I do,"
The feeling of his fingers lightly resting on his skin was comforting and Cody gradually began to unwind, the angry hunch in his tense shoulders disappeared and although he stayed silent in a huff as long as he could, Randy's neutral banter put him at ease as the journey continued. And still the large warm hand stayed resting around his neck.
He stared out the window, watching the endless drab highway passing them by, travelling at speeds that made it disappear behind them faster than it should. Well, they were late after all he reasoned, and Randy was a law unto himself. Sighing, he pressed his still pounding forehead into the cool glass and closed his eyes, giving him at least a brief respite from the dull throb, his hangover getting worse as every moment passed. He felt Randy's hand gently knead his shoulder and couldn't help but lean into the touch as the long fingers worked his pressure points.
"Yeah?" Cody's eyes flickered open briefly,
"Yeah… well, you know," he shrugged, "Only got myself to blame."
"Well, true, to an extent, but I think you can probably squeeze a little bit of blame on me in there too," the long fingers traced the path of the bruising around his neck to make his point, and Cody shifted a little in his seat, turning to glance at him slightly, staring at the perfect profile as Randy followed the road.
"Nah, I deserved it." Cody stated seriously, "I just gotta deal, take it like a man…"
Randy smirked, unable to stop the words leaving his lips, "I think you already did that last night, didn't you?"
Cody froze, bright red again instantly as Randy laughed at his reaction, pulling him in closer and ruffling his hair to show he was joking.
"Fuck off." Cody pulled away as far as he could, "I hate you."
"Awww, you wound me man, you don't mean that,"
"You're right, I don't. And that's what makes it so hard Randy when you laugh at me."
"Aw, Codes, c'mere…" Randy looked suitably chastened at Cody's confession, "I'm sorry man, I'm not laughing AT you, you make me laugh, there's a difference you know,"
"Well not to me there's not. And now.. and now, ugh."
Cody sighed, already regretting opening his mouth, "it's just that…"
"Well, it's you…"
"You… know about it…"
"Oh don't give me that, you know exactly what I'm talking about, as per usual, and it's not that I'm ashamed about, you know… what you found, well, I am ashamed about it yeah, but it's more that it's, that it's YOU who knows…"
"Randy I feel like I've spent half my life being embarrassed in front of you. And it hurts, you know?" Cody couldn't stop himself now he'd started, the words tumbling out that he didn't even know he had in him, "I know that sounds stupid, but if I didn't try so hard to impress you all the time it might not be so bad, it's just that, well… 'cos you're the one person I want to look at me and be proud of me, not look at me and know I've got a fucking giant purple cock in my bag…"
"I mean, FUCK! Of ALL people, it just had to fucking be you, didn't it? FUCK!"
Randy tried to look him in the eye as best he could while driving, failing miserably as Cody refused point blank to look at him.
"Codes…" he tried again, his arm still trying to comfort the younger man but Cody shrugged it off. "Okay, fine, ignore me. Whatever. You hungry? Let's go get some food."