Thanks, everyone :) Hailey Egan, awesome, thanks. Here's more :D Esha Napoleon, thank you, XD. QueenofYourWorld, it was obvious what was happening under the desk ;) Yeah, Matt should consider himself a lucky boy, XD. Hehe, Jericho trying to convert Punkers is actually an awesome idea. redsandman99, XD. Thnx, read ahead. Seraphalexiel, which is why the Febreze people would not be hiring Knox anytime soon to do a commercial :P I luv miss Jeff and Edge, no one's making you read, hun. This is just for fun. I do the darker stuff the same as I do the sweet stuff. But, Bubble Gum Sweet Shit could be a good title name for something... NeroAnne, tulips=pretty, Mike Knox=not so pretty.. XP. Poor Randy seemed a little stressed.. uh, more so than usual, lol. No, I love Jeff's hair long, but I couldn't resist the stab at it.


Easy Being Sleazy;
Chapter three/ 'Dull Edge'
Rated; M/ L, (sexual innuendo, slight bondage, threats of violence, mild violence, panty theft, childish name-calling)

Punk found himself tossed down roughly before he was jerked back up and forced to sit in a chair. He had rode in a car and had been carried through someplace where he had been sure he had heard other Superstar's voices. But when he screamed for them to help him, they ignored him. Although, some laughed and one even said, "Finally." He was sure that was R-Truth. Like he'd help him.

His captors wasted no time in tying his hands behind his back in link with the chair. Two sets of hands held him as another set did the untying and retying as he struggled and whimpered under the burlap bag. He was suffocating and couldn't breathe in the damn thing.

Punk hadn't stopped bitching either. "If this is some kind of joke? It's not very funny. You will be in soo much trouble. People will be looking for me. I'm better than whoever you are. I'm very important."

"Oh, shut up." Someone said before Punk felt a hard slap across his face. The voice, and probably the hand print, belonged to Edge. "Sheesh, he talks more than a parakeet."

Punk found the bag untied and yanked off his head. His onyx locks falling down around his head, all messy and tangled.. more so than usual.. The Chicago native looked around, breathing deeply. He saw that he was in a hotel room and that Edge, Jeff and Matt were standing around him.

"How do I always get suckered into this shit?" Matt asked.

"Shut up and guard the door, young'un." Jeff commanded.

"But.. but.. but.." Punk stammered. He was ignored.

"You're not gonna rape him, are ya?" Matt asked, cocking an eyebrow at Jeff.

"WHAT?!" Punk squeaked, wiggling to try and get free.

"No, you dirty minded idjit. Now get." Jeff said, pointing toward the door.

Matt looked at his younger brother and huffed, starting to pout. "Y'know, Jeff, I just helped you kidnap your most bitter enemy. And this is the thanks I get? You don't appreciate me!"

Jeff's face softened. "Awe, Matty.." Jeff cooed, huggling on his older brother. "Jeffy sorry. Tell ya what, I'll gives you cookie laters. M'kay?"

Matt brightened up. "Okay." He kissed Jeff on the cheek to which Punk and Edge both groaned in interest. Edge licked his lips. Loudly.

"Oh, shut up." Both Hardys scolded.

Edge blushed. "Sorry." He said, turning away and rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Horndog." Matt muttered, retreating out the door.

Jeff glared at Edge. Edge shrugged. "What?" He grinned a little too sweetly.

"You know what." Jeff growled.

Edge blinked.

"Awe, c'mon, guys. Let me go.. This isn't.. funny.." Punk stopped when Jeff held up a little black box to his mouth, pushing a button and breathing into it. It made his breathing sound raspy and stressed. It must of been the mechanical voice he heard.

"Hello, Phillip. Let's play a little game." Jeff panted into the box. It made his voice sound like a robot's. "It's called 'guess how I'm gonna cry tonight?'." Jeff giggled. He took the box down and twisted it around in front of Punk's view. "Like it? Gotz it at a Halloween store last year. Itn't it cool?"

Punk glared at Jeff coldly. "No. Now let me go!"

"Ooh, 'fraid not, skipperoo." Edge leered at him. Yes, he said skipperoo. "See, you made my Jeffy cry."

"You killed my candy!" Jeff screamed as Punk rolled his olive eyes. "You Skittles murderer!"

Punk shouted out as Jeff kicked him in the shin. "Ow! You little asshole."

"Silence!" Jeff shouted, making Punk flinch back.

"For that you will pay." Edge smirked, advancing on Punk.

"Oh, it's just because the little Charismatic Enabler has you whipped." Punk said defiantly.

Edge stopped and pursed his lips, thinking about that statement. Jeff's mouth hung agape, his hand on his hip all diva-like. He huffed dramatically and flipped his bangs back out of his eyes.

"Hm? Meh, you're right there. He does have me whipped. And oh, how I love it." Edge shivered, advancing on Punk again.

Punk sighed in agitation as Edge ripped his shirt open.

"Hey? What the hell are you doing?!" The ravenette yelped.

"Something that should have been done long ago, princess." Edge growled.

Punk twitched. "Why does everyone call me that? Seriously?! I have random people in the streets call me that."

Edge shrugged. "Read it in some fanfic. You were being tormented by some guy named James while he called you that. It was awesome." Edge giggled.

"Ah, tormentingness of Punk. I like it." Jeff sighed thoughtfully.

"Me too." Edge agreed, puckering his lips and gazing down at the younger Hardy.

"Well, I don't like it." Punk whined.

"Well, you'll like this even less." Jeff stuck out his tongue as he began fumbling to get something out of a black bag.

Punk's eyes widened as he heard a vibrating noise.

"Oh, no. Hell no. No no no!" Punk struggled as Jeff grabbed a hold of his face and forced him to look at him.

"I suggest you hold the fuck still, Punkers. This could get brutally messy." Jeff warned. His tone dead serious.

"Trust me, fella," Edge said, sitting down in a nearby chair to enjoy the show. "He's not kidding. It could get messy. I'd hold still." He had some experience with Jeff in this area, so he knew what he was talking about.

Jeff held up the buzzing object. A big round, bulky... electric razor. Punk shook his head wildly.

But Jeff only nodded. "Oh, yes. It has to go."

Edge nodded. "Yup. You can't pull it off like I can, Punky-boy. You look like a bird's nest has been built on your face... And the chest hair..? Ugh.. If I tossed a cat down on you, it'd get all tangled up and stuck in all that mess." Edge narrated, motioning to his own chest for emphasis.

Punk whimpered as Jeff moved the razor closer to him, shaving off a large patch on the side of his face as he stared wide-eyed and in utter shock.

--xx--

Matt hummed, looking at his watch. Whistling a bit to drown out the screams of terror and sheer agony that were coming from room 206. He sure hoped Jeff and Edge weren't doing anything they'd regret later.. or get arrested for. The sounds were just down right horrible.

A few minutes passed. Punk's wailing got louder.

"Gah! Hold still, ya idjit!" Jeff yelled. Matt smirked. Jeff watched Supernatural one time and picked up that word.. He thought he had him broken from it from that time that Jeff watched three straight hours of Yosemite Sam-heavy Looney Tunes.

"Ow! Stop! It hurts!" Punk cried out.

Matt stiffened up and flushed, biting on his bottom lip. That sounded so wrong.

"Well, if you'd hold the fuck still.." Jeff snapped, grunting a bit.

Edge was heard laughing his ass off. "Oh, god.. it's too much.." He gasped through giggles. "Can't.. fucking.. breathe.."

"Grrr... stop laughing and help me, dumbass.. Damn thing's stuck.. it's stuck in there real good too.. Damn.." Jeff groaned, whimpering a bit.

Matt blushed. He had to be red all over. And he was biting the holy hell out of his poor lip. But, maybe he was getting carried away in thought.. It couldn't be what it sounded like.. Right..?

"Stop! Ow! Stop it.. don't pull it like that! Ow ow ow! God!" Punk whined loudly.

The older Hardy swallowed and looked around. Smiling anxiously as a young man and woman quickly entered into their room across the hallway. Giving Matt a suspicious look as they did so. Matt sighed relief as he heard their door lock and prayed they wouldn't call the cops and tell them about the shrill screams going on inside room 206 and the large dark-haired man that was standing outside and guarding the door.

"Ohh.. stop being a baby.." Jeff taunted.

"Here, Jeff.. don't yank it so hard.. just twist it real easy like and it'll come right out.. See, like that..?" Edge coached as Punk continued to whimper and whine. Finally yelping.

"Ouch! You motherfuckin'assholedamnitsonofabitch!" Punk mumbled all in one word.

"Toldja you should'a used lotion." Edge pointed out.

"Might'a helped." Jeff muttered.

"I hate you both." Punk panted in obvious pain. "I hate you both so bad... Ow.."

Matt took a deep breath and reluctantly opened the door. "What the hell are you two doing in here, you're making a shitload of noise and.." Matt stopped as he looked at Punk. The raven-haired man was still sitting in the chair, his shirt ripped open and his skin completely flushed red and his chest half shaved. Punk was seething and gritting his teeth under his dilemma. Jeff was panting heavily and sweating a bit. Edge was trying desperately to control his giggles.

Jeff looked up at Matt and blinked. He was holding a long large object in his hand.. a razor.. and had already gotten Punk's beard shaved off.

"What?" Jeff shrugged, wiping his brow on his sleeve. "It's taken a lot of work to get through this rug. And the damn thing got stuck in the fur and Addy had to help me get it out." Jeff pointed out as was evident by the large red marks on Punk's heaving chest.

"Oh, well.. okay then." Matt swallowed, backing out. He gave a thumbs up. "It's an improvement at least." He gave a short smile that indicated that he thought they were insane and closed the door behind him.

Jeff sighed and looked down at Punk. "Now, Addy, you hold him still while I finish."

Punk's eyes darted back and forth between the two blonde's. "Hel..help.. me.. some..body!"

The screams started coming once again from room 206.

--xx--

Another hour later, they released Punk back into the wild, 'aka' the hotel lobby. They called Luke to come and get the shaken and in shock male. Punk was jittery and jumpy and hadn't stopped muttering. Punk's beard and chest hair was now shaven.. lest till he decided to regrow the catastrophe of hair and someone had to kidnap his ass again and shave it back off.

Jeff dusted his hands off as they walked back to their room. "Whelps, I did a good deed today." He beamed proudly.

"How is shaving CM Punk a good deed." Matt asked, unlocking his door and pushing the door open for them to go inside.

"Are you friggen kidding me? That visual monstrosity had to go. It was an eyesore for every Superstar and WWE fan in the world. That's doing a good deed." Jeff said, folding his arms.

"Plus, he looked like Charles Manson and that cult leader crap is so.. blech." Edge said, shaking his hands unnecessarily.

The Hardys looked at one another before nodding. "Yeah." The decided at the same time.

"Besides, if the WWE Universe is going to follow anyone; They should follow me. The Rated-R Super.. urm, GM.." Edge pointed to himself with his thumb, smiling arrogantly.

Matt scoffed and plopped down on the bed to take off his shoes. "Yeah, who'd do that? Your idea of entertainment consists of babes dancing half-naked on poles."

Edge looked hurt. "Nuh-uh.. that's not true.." He smirked suddenly. "I prefer them fully naked, thank you.. And speaking of; Do you think I could get John Morrison to do a little stripper dance back in my office?" Edge asked, raising his eyebrows and smacking his lips like he was chewing on gum. Which he was not. His arrogant demeanor dropped when Jeff slapped him on the arm. "Ow, hey?"

Jeff glared at him and folded his arms.

Edge rubbed at his arm. "I meant for the viewing pleasure of the audience at home.. sheesh.. Besides, I thought you liked JoMo?"

"He's my friend. Dun't mean I wants to share you with him."

"Ahhum.. jealous type.. You little vixen you." Edge smirked, coming towards the smaller male. "C'mere."

Jeff giggled as Edge wrapped his arms around him and picked him up under his ass. Jeff wrapped his arms around Edge's neck and his legs around his waist as Edge leaned in for a kiss. Making it smack loudly.

Matt groaned and got up to turn back his bed. "Do you mind?"

"Awe, Matty, jealous?" Edge asked, pouting his lips.

"No. Why would I be jealous? I'm always the one in love with you and you're always the one too blind to see it, so you hook up with my brother and I'm left as the odd man out watching."

Jeff blinked. "What?"

Edge blinked. "What?"

Matt blinked. "What?"

"Okay. Never mind." Edge said, putting Jeff down.

Matt sighed. "Thought about any matches for next week?"

"Nope. Still on that JoMo stripper pole idea.. and maybe I can borrow Cody and Ted to wrestle in pudding..."

"Addy.." Jeff warned.

"What..? For the fans..?" Edge shrugged.

"What about settling the Taker/Mysterio/Batista deal?" Matt suggested.

"Aw, Matty, you're not fun. I wanna have fun." Edge whined.

Matt rolled his eyes.

"I dun wanna worry about brooding ole rolling eyes UndieTakey." The Rated-R GM pouted more.

"UndieTakey?" Jeff mused. "Makes him sound like he steals underwear." He grinned.

(cue to a darkened, empty hotel room)

A gong sounded and the room went pitch black. They came back on and Undertaker stood there looking around the room cautiously to make sure the coast was clear. Slowly he crept up to the dresser drawer. Being real sneaky and all stealthy-like. Undertaker grabbed the handle on the drawer, biting on his lip as he carefully worked it open. His eyes shining brightly and his face becoming encased in an eerie white glow from the inside of the drawer as it opened. Soft angelic sounding music was playing from somewhere.

Undertaker looked around again before reaching inside and pulling forth many white pairs of lacy frilly underwear. He giggled with glee before holding them up to his face, snuggling them lovingly and breathing them in. His eyes closed and a huge smile spread across his face like a love sick fool.

Taker looked back up and around the room suspiciously. The gong sounded from nowhere and the lights went back off again before flickering back on. Undertaker, however, was gone and so were his frilly satin goodies.

Jeff came into the room he was sharing with Edge and saw the drawer wide open. Frantically he went over to check inside it, finding nothing but his and Adam's...Edg.. (ah, fuck it) socks and a couple of wife beater tees.

"Hey?! Who took my panties, dammit!?!" Jeff shouted, stomping his foot before running out of the room and past a confused Edge. "Matty!" He screamed in distress. "Someone took my panties!"

Edge blew out a tired breath. "Oh, yeah, that's really what you wanna hear your little brother shouting through the hallways of a nice hotel." Edge grumbled, sitting his and Jeff's sodas (along with Jeff's Skittles) down on the table. Edge peeked over into the drawer and gasped. "Oh, no." He said, rummaging through the drawer. "They took the lingerie Jeff was gonna wear for me tonight! And my thongs!" Edge grabbed at his hair before running out of the room. "Matty!" He shouted in distress. "Someone took my and Jeff's panties!"

--xx--

Somewhere a very tired older Hardy brother was threatening to kill his baby brother and Edge for embarrassing him in a really nice hotel that he'd never be able to stay at again since they were causing so much damn trouble.

And the lobby/hotel people were thinking they'd be so glad when the loud and rowdy wrestlers finally left.

And a very happy Undertaker was snuggling up with his panties (with glee!) as he slept soundly in an undisclosed room.

And Punk was clutching tightly to Luke, whispering and whimpering about the bad people who captured and 'tortured' him.

"It was so scary, Luke.. they.. they did things to me! They stole my innocence!" He screamed, making mountains out of mole hills. "They sh.. they sh.. Oh, it was horrible!" He shivered as he snuggled into the larger man's arms.

"There there, little one." Luke said, patting Punk on the back. "It'll be alright." Silently he reminded himself to thank the Hardedge clan later for shaving his cult leader.. er, I mean... Yeah, cult leader. The beard was an atrocity to say the least.


I swear, while writing the Taker part, for a split second I had a Taker muse pop up long enuff to say 'I do not giggle with glee.' LOL! But it was Jeff's panties and Edge's thongs. Come on.. Of course Edge knows who James (wonderfully psycho OC of redsandman99) is. That's how awesome he is. Y'know, it'd be funny to know if anyone who has read stuff on fanfic has ever went up to Punk in real life and called him Princess b/c James calls him that. Poor Punk prolly wouldn't get it, lol. Poor Matt, his mind's in the gutter :P

(sighs) If it's painful, I'm sorry. I can do dark stuff and I still like doing dark stuff, but occasionally I wanna write something that's just fun and can make people giggle. Not every story has to be about bad things happening 24/7. And I don't wanna get trapped in the same genre fic after fic. Some of my fics are dark, some fluffy and sweet, some sad and other's an insane combo of everything. It's all just done for fantasy and entertainment no matter which it is. When I get an idea I like, I just go with it. And if you like my stuff than I'm very appreciative. But, if you don't, then all I can say is I'm sorry, I'm proud of my work, but it's probably not for everyone's tastes and that's okay.