Things members of the TSBA are not allowed to do!
1) After the Nth accident, it's now strictly forbidden to toy with unknow clock-shaped artifact.
1a) Fate, please, can you give back the Cassiopea to Chao Ling Shen?
2) Because of a report from the Panversal Chief Assosiation, all attempts to use magic to do paperwork are now forbidden. Even Dumbledore don'use his magic to do IT, what's give you the idea of you can do it? So, work and suffer as we all do.
3) No, only because she is a magical girl you can't employ Sakura Kinomoto into our forces. Not to mention Tomoyo Daidouji, Kami forbid it!
4) Liutenant Meioh, we would like to talk about your extra curricular activities regarding a certain Crystal Tokyo...
5) Members should take notice they Aren't allowed to adopt more than 1 orphan a year.
5a) Yes, that includes you, Nakajima.
6)Groping within your office is not a "proper greeting".
7) Lesson to captain Takamachi are not to be used as punishment.
7a) Nor to Vita of the Wolrenkitter
8)Doctors aren't allowed to give home-made cookies to their patients.
9 ) Using corrupting influences to get the Saint Kaiser to change Church policies is now forbidden.
10 ) I don't know who's stealing all the underwear around here, but frankly, I'm tired of having to buy new underwear for my family. - NT
10 A ) On the plus side, Vivio does need new clothes more often. FTH
10 B ) MAMA! - VT
11 ) While lesbian relationships are not illegal, please keep your hands to yourself when you're on duty. That includes you, Subaru, Ginga, Hayate and Wendi.
12) I don't care if he's already in jail, you do not taunt a madman, specially Jail Scaglietti.
13) Standing in a street corner and shouting about the corruption in the TSAB is strictly forbidden.
13a) Especially if it's true and we can't deny it.
13b) Entry redacted. We know who you are. Consider this a warning.
14) Never call Riot Force 6 a lesbian army when any of it's members are around.
14a) Erio will stab you for it.
14b) Caro ru Lushe is no longer permitted to issue orders to Erio Mondial, least of all orders to assault individuals who make allegations as to her or her friends' sexual preferences.
14c) Following a certain incident, the Time-Space Administration Bureau would like to remind certain individuals that it is still illegal to inflict bodily harm upon another for reasons of revenge, regardless of what the other party said about your girlfriend/lover/wife/comrade/etc., and that TSAB agents are not exempt from the law.
14d) Neither are you, Scrya. Knock it off.
15) Do not insult dragons, or anyone in their protection, because you are crunchy and taste well with ketchup.
16) Do not spread stories of Non-administered planet 97 being a scary place where people blow each other up to make friends.
16a) Even if it is partially true.
17) No you are not allowed to use the research budget to create a Giant Super-Robot to duke it out with the dragon summons.
17a) Quit it with the dragons already. - CrL
17b) Look who's talking.
17c) Human-sized Super Robots are also illegal. See notes re: "Combat Cyborgs".
17d) L -#s
17e) And no, the excuse of "CHICKS DIG GIANT ROBOTS!!" will not fly here.
18) You are also not allowed to use it to create a nanite swarm to fight insect summons.
19) You are not allowed to direct our ships to fire on worlds from orbit with their Arc-en-Ciel cannons just because they denied you a tourist visa.
20) You are not allowed to reprogram an AI or cyborg to be your lover. That's just sick.
20a) Shario Finieno is hereby under house arrest, pending further investigation.
21 ) Kidnapping mages from their home worlds and forcing them to work for the TSAB is likewise forbidden.
21 A ) I don't CARE if that's basically how we got two of the three Aces, you just can't do it.
21 B ) No, you cannot bribe them with candy.
21 C ) That doesn't mean you have to take out all the candy in your pockets, Caro.
21 D ) HOW MUCH CANDY DO YOU HAVE IN THERE?!
22) Hayate, you are not autorized to go to the Mahora to join the Library Exploration Club. And no, you can't even try to bribe young Negi Springfield: the crazies of his class are dangerous, and we DO NOT WANT to antagonize them.
22a) Fate, it count for you too, especially in regard of former Drill Sergeant Evangeline A.K. McDowell.
22 b. There is no 22 b.
22 C ) When talking about Fate, please make sure that you clarify if you mean Enforcer Fate or the Fate that's causing problems for Negi's class. Enforcer Fate is getting tired of people assaulting her thinking that she was the one involved in the summoning of the Youma from that lake.
23 ) Necrophilia is still not legal, sorry Ixy.
23 A ) Those who try to do anything to Ixpellia while she sleeps in her coma will be turned over to her highness Vivio Takamachi and Subaru Nakajima for punishment.
23 B ) Doubly so for anyone who might try to hurt her.
24 ) Whoever stole Hayate's cosplay supplies is to return them immediately. The last thing we need is our tactical nuke to go emo or get pissed off.
25 ) You are reminded that Takamachi Vivio is still a child, even in her adult form. Anyone caught perving on her will be turned over to Captain Takamachi and/or Enforcer Testarossa-Harloun for discipline.
25a ) What does 'perving' mean? Vivio
25b) It means doing the stuff we warn Subaru not to do to Teana when you're around, Viv. -Mamas
26) All conctacts between Vivio Takamachi, Chibi-Usagi Tsukino, Hotaru Tomoe, Evangeline A.K. McDowell and Negi Springfield are now forbidden: we can't contain the fanboys/fangirls of their adult forms.
27) Will the person who has published that FateJail Doujin make him/herslef note? His 'artistict subjetcs' want to have some 'words' with him. Idem for Nanoha and Vivio.
28) The Sacred Tome had no relation at any point whatsoever with the Book of the Night Sky. All further comments to the contrary are not fact, and should be stricken from the record.
28a) And no, Reinforce Zwei and Overlord Zetta would not make "a cute little book collection," nor would they end up "giving us all a library full of children's books to d'aww over."
28b) Seriously, guys. That Salome lady tried to kill me the last time she heard talk like that! -R2
29) Agito bears no relation to Etna, save her looks. This is not up for debate.
30) No throwing Prinnies in the cafeteria in the locker room on the athletic or training grounds anywhere in the TSAB's administered zones. Period.
30a) Or Earth.
31) The Infinity Library is not, and has never been, "Yuuno Scrya's House of Love."
31a) ...until yesterday! -LH
31b) Your days are numbered, Ferret Boy. -CH
31c) I'd just like to go on record as saying that this was not my idea. -YS
31d) You didn't seem to mind at the time. J -LH
31e) ...No comment. -YS
32: General Gaiz' former office is hereby rendered off-limits until someone figures out how to get the Shoggoth to leave.
32a: It is best not to ask why a Shoggoth is in General Gaiz' office. There are things we are all truly better off not knowing.
32b: Vivio Takamachi is not allowed to "adopt" the Shoggoth.
33: Mirror Yuuno, Chrono and Zafira are hereby ordered to grow goatees so we can tell them apart from the originals.
33a: This was not an invitation for you to use a fake moustache to taunt your counterpart, Mirror Vita.
34 ) This rule is not meant to be used as an excuse for porn of anyone.
35 ) Brianna Diggers is not to come within three feet of any Intelligent, Armed or Storage Device. The one time she got her hands on Durandall ended up with four stars turned off. That's right, turned off. No, don't ask us how she did it either.
35a ) Unison Devices are also forbidden.
35b ) What do you mean, 'Too late'?
36 ) Betting to see who would win between Enforcer Fate and Straight Cougar in a race is not allowed.
36 A ) It has expanded to include Yoruichi, Minato, Eiko Megumi and Nuku Nuku.
36b) And further expanded to include the Flash, Sonic, Speedy Gonzales, Quicksilver and Zoom.
37 ) Subaru is hereby forbidden from trying to use Vita like Goldymarg.
37 A ) Doubly so because she punched up my skirt! I couldn't sit for three weeks! - Vita
37 B ) It was just one time. - SN
37c) You left the Revolver Knuckle on! -Vita
38 ) Trying to get the Captain Commander of Soul Society to go against Signum in a battle to see who can make the best fire attacks is also forbidden.
39) Warning: if you ever see a shirtless violet haired-red eyed boy with two strange antenna-like bangs and a terrible laugh... DO NOT ENGAGE HIM. If he's angry, RUN LIKE HELL AND CONCTACT THE ACES!!! If you're not an Ace, it means YOU DO NOT HAVE the necessary firepower to SURVIVE the battle!
39a) Seriously, attack Overlord Laharl it's ALREADY bad, and if Etna and Flonne will decide to go mama bear on you, the funeral expenses will be charged to your heirs.
39b) The same thing has to be applied to ANY Overlord and to Seraph Lagmintong.
40) To the Numbers and the Nakajima sisters: you can't recruit your 'distant cousin' KOS-MOS, nor her 'mama' Shion Uzuki. We DO NOT need a conflict with the Gnosis or U-DO, thank you very much!
40a) The same with their friends Junior and Momo, for the exact same reasons (even if Momo really does fit the Magic Girl Motif).
41) Under no circumstances are you to ever approach Unicron, Galactus, Ego or Starbreaker. Last thing we need are Dimension-hopping world devourers trying to eat us, or in Starbreaker's case, our stars.
42) No Hayate, you can't keep that tentacle monster as a pet.
43) Absolutely under no circumstances is Hayate Yagami to ever be involved in the Official Uniforms Selection Committee.
44) Notice is given to whoever has Ruri Hoshino. Her government wants her back, NOW.
45) I don't care if it's cool or chicks dig them, you are still not allowed to use the research budget to make robots, Kamen rider style bikes, Macross style fighters and specially not Kaiju.
46) Hayate, can you talk to your cousin Light and ask him, COURTESLY, if he can stop his killing spree of ours senior accountants? We KNOW they are corrupt, but we NEED them for their work!
46a) And no, we can not assume Nabiki Tendo in their place, no matter how tempting is the option.
47 ) Rule 42 is now repealed on the basis that no one else is allowed to keep one as a pet and Hayate keeps her current "pet" under strict control.
48 ) No, Caro, I do not care HOW you managed it, you are to not to keep Exellion as a summon.
48 A ) Doubly so for the Brood Queen Ti'mat.
48 B ) The last thing we want is one of the Dragons from Jade to decide to come to TSAB space and cause problems for everyone because they're upset with you for being able to summon their grandfather and Queen.
48c) Caro, the phrase 'He's a hunk' is not a good motive to summon and adopt as a 'pet' the One Winged Angel Sephiroth.
49) Zerg do not make good pets.
49a) Neither do Tyranids.
49b) No Lutecia, you can't keep the cute little facehugger either.
50) You are only allowed to keep tribbles as pets if they have been spayed to ensure they can never reproduce. Unspayed tribbles have been known to destroy entire planetary ecosystems with their out of control procreation.
51) Subaru, please, in the future can you avoid to shout the phrase "I do not expect the Spanish Inquisition!"? We KNOW you do it only to blast that trio of cardinals into the next century, and the Vatican is starting to be angry. And we do not want to enrage a Pope.
52) All the conctacts between TSAB agents and rapresentative from the Hellsing Organization or the Iscariota are now forbidden: we do not want to be drag into their religious feud.
53) All requests for the "Advanced Skinship Training Course" as taught by Hayate Yagami must be submitted in writing, no later than three months in advance, with signed waiver and legal disclaimer letters, through the appropriate chains of command.
53a) Wait, we have one of these?- S.N.
53b) Subaru Nakajima's application is denied indefinitely. No matter how many times she resubmits it.
54) You will not liken Unison to rape, unfortunate implications of insertion into another body be damned.
55) I don't care if Dumbledore's people do it, memory wiping witnesses is illegal for all TSAB agents.
56) Yuuno Scrya is not allowed to reveal (his?) true identity.
56a ) No one is exempt from rule 63
56b ) This is not to be considered an attempt to instill horrible, nonsensical plot bunnies involving these two universes.
56c ) No Hayate. You can not replace Zafira with the King of Knights. Your Harem count remains the same.
56d ) No we do not accept resignations, Scrya.
57) All the conctacts between our univers and the Slayers-universe are now forbidden: we do not want Captain Takamachi and Lina Inverse to exchange spells and/or magical instruments.
57 A ) Whaddya mean it's too late!?
57 B ) Signum is to return the Sword of Light to either the Lost Universe or to the Slayers universe right now!
57 C ) You can't keep Galvayra either, Signum.
57 D ) Caro, you are not allowed to keep those Demon's Blood Talismens. I don't CARE if they give a better boost than your own device, you are NOT to keep them!
57E) Vita, you are to return Bodigar immediately.
58: As much as the TSAB abhors slavery, it is not within our mandate to interfere with the internal politics of non-member worlds. Therefore, certain TSAB personnel who shall remain nameless are to hereby suspend their abolitionary raids against the Amarr Empire at once.
59: Raging Heart is not allowed to "connect" with the Geth anymore. Not only is the notion of a blue-and-white-colored machine race armed with pink laser beams of death highly disturbing, to say the least, but Bardiche has been depressed all week!
60: The recently produced line of Intelligent Devices with AIs based on 4chan are hereby considered Lost Logia and are to be sealed and destroyed immediately.
61) Vivio Takamichi and Hotaru Tomoe are to report to Shamal for their psychologist appointment.
61a) Seriously you four. Lock the damn the door.
62 ) Teana Lanster and Dieci Nakajima, you two are to stop going to Brianna Diggers for "upgrades" on your weapons.
62 A ) I don't care if you can carve your name on the moon, Dieci, you have to stop now.
62 B ) What do you mean Mariel is taking lessons from Brianna and Gina Diggers now?
63) No Hayate, you cannot take her/him/it home.
64) I don't care how effective it is, we do not use porn as a distraction in battle.
64a) Button your shirt Subaru, Tiana!
65) Vita is henceforth forbidden to go to Nekomi. We do not need another "who has the bigger hammer" incident.
66) To whoever stole Enforcer Takamichi-Harlown's underwear. Admiral Harlown and Captain Takamichi wish to speak to you. We are looking at you Nakajima.
66a) And you Lanster.
67) Nobody, and we intend NOBODY, can show any member of the Ace, Wolkenritter and Riot Force 6 the orrors knows as DeviantArt, and .
68) No, the R&D Department can't recreate the Macross/Robotech mecha tecnology.
68a) And we haven't found a hyper-powerful spaceship of unknow origins.
69) Teana, you can't recive weapon lessons from the following subjects:
-Any member of the Mahora's Military Club
-Any Mithril weapon instructor
And finally, NOT Lara Croft.
69a) Extended list:
- Train Heartnet
- Vash the Stampede
70) Former Captains Miho and Sonoda, you are not autorized to make sudden apperance into the TSAB's HQ, and certainly NOT to sneak behind high officer to scare them to death.
70a) No, it does not matter if you found it funny.
71) Instructor Takamachi, taking a hundred cute girls and making them sing together will NOT make your Starlight Breaker any stronger. Stop forcing them.
71b) No, we're not borrowing Infel Pira.
72.) All TSAB agents must keep one Yume Kusanagi (from Ichinensei ni Nacchattara) away from Vivio Takamachi at all costs, lest we all perish in a pink blaze of doom.
a.) This goes for Caro and Lutecia as well.
b.) Also it is permitted to intervene militarily with as much striking power as necessary in the event that Yume figures out how to make a time machine as the younger versions of Nanoha and Fate would be in grave danger.
73.) Contact with Yachiru Kusajishi is strictly forbidden. We don't need more attempts to make shrines to Nanoha as things always seems to end badly (and with a lot of property damage) when Fate gets wind of it.
74.) Wanting a familiar similar to Yuno Scrya (in ferret form) is not a valid reason to bring Albert Chamomile to Mid Childa or into contact with female TSAB members.
75.) There will be no more contacting out upgrades to the TSAB dimensional fleet ships to Washu.
76.) It is prohibited to give Ranma Saotome an intelligent device.
a.) It is even more prohibited to give one to Akane Tendo due to her anger management issues.
b.) And Ryouga, err.... better yet just don't give any to the Nerima Wrecking Crew.
c.) Or Nabiki Tendo.
d.) On second thought just to be safe don't give any intelligent devices to any inhabitant of Nerima (inhabitant being loosely defined as anyone that shows up there at least once a month).
77) This is a reminder that Riot Force 6 is not:
a) A lesbian team with one guy.
or b ) Erio's harem.
78) Takamichi Nanoha is forbidden to use Anything above Divine Shooter in Mid-childan airspace. People are starting to become more afraid of the color pink than necessary.
79 ) Using magic in carnival shooting games is now forbidden. Vivio, you really shouldn't have used a Divine Buster in a shooting game.
80 ) Just to remind everyone, we do not follow Amazon laws. Despite the fact that Nanoha made her best friends by beating them up, that does not mean that all of us are like that.
80 A ) Nove, doesn't that mean its too late for Einhart to call you "Nove-mama"?
80 B ) ... Whaddya mean, "too late"?