**Authors Note: I do not condone or endorse using any substance that impairs your judgment, be it a prescription drug or an illegal one.**
Freddie Benson was seriously starting to doubt the truth of his best friends words, "Spencer spent all night on these chocolates, we better at least try them!"
What he had eaten were neither chocolates nor all night. They had tasted bitter, and slightly dry and very chewy. Nothing like a naturally flavored cocoa bar, or one of it's equally organic tasting cousins. Small morsels of off flavored chocolaty delight. He had eaten three and held a fourth of the foul chocolates before Carly grabbed his hand, his and the hand of the other girl in the apartment, a Ms. Sam "This Chocolate".
"Not so many! He said he wanted to take some over to Sockos tonight". With an apparent second though, she grabbed her third morsel, "Just one more!"
He had shrugged popped his last one in his mouth.
Sam it seemed, had managed at least one more then either him or Carly and now she was looking as green as he felt. She groaned aloud from the beanbag chair she was occupying in the studio room. Not only the queasiness, it seemed like the room hard started to spin ever so slightly in slow circles. The video that they had been watching seemed to be going in and out of the TV, Carly her brown hair spread out over the back of the red pleather bag, seemed to be fixated on the plasma tv screen with a strange intensity.
It was coming in waves now, the nausea and the swimming room. He was poisoned. That was it. Spencer was trying to poison Socko. Kill him for his Sock business. He wanted to tell the girls. It was very important they knew they were going to die here tonight. But no. No. He couldn't let them worry like that.
With a start Sam stood up. Her arms shooting back to stop herself from falling. Her arms were covered with a Long sleeved black shirt covered by a green and blue patterned t-shirt. Back as they were they grabbed for his shirt as she did stumble back wards. He squawked a muffled ouch, as she struggled to get back up muttering to herself.
With all the power he could muster he grabbed her on the small of her back and pushed her up.
"I gotta get to the bathroom, Freddork" she told him most seriously as she grabbed her stomach, " Maybe some fixin' ham."
With almost an after though she added, "Mama likes her ham."
Carly didn't even seem to have seen or heard Sam get up. He'd have to help the blond girl. He couldn't let her head down stairs by herself, she might not make it back up safely. With the greatest effort he stood up, slowly. The Squiggly rug squirmed like snakes under his feet, he almost jumped, but Sam was holding it down with her feet. He reached out for her pale white hand. It was paler then normal, but that was just a symptom of dieing, wasn't it. He had to get her downstairs.
With gentle firmness he pulled her toward the elevator, pushing the flickering button. As they waited her looked over at her. She was staring blankly at the hard wood floor next to his right sock. It undulated when he looked directly at it.
He reckoned it couldn't have been more then 30 seconds before the elevator door raised it's self, but it seemed so much longer. His hand still holding the blonds, he pulled her into the enclosed metal box. She stumbled onto him, her other hand catching her on his shoulder. He was pinned for a second. Her hand making a slow circle on his shirt. Touching three of the wide stripes with her palm. He froze as she felt the fabric. But she looked up quickly like she was just seeing him there for the first time.
"I... I'll get the door," He mumbled as he slid out from under her and leaned across the elevator and pressed the button that would take them to the first floor of the Shay's apartment. With a rumble the elevator slowly descended to the requested level. He stared at Sam, she stared at the door. He wasn't about to let her down, he would get her to the bathroom. He would get her to her ham.
As the door opened for the second time, she was too fast for him. With a recently undisplayed agility she sprinted from the elevator, a beeline to the bathroom.
Fredward aimed his self the other way to get "Mamas Medicine". The counter seemed to be reaching out to him. He shied away from them as he navigated toward the fridge. Surprisingly the fridge seemed to glow from the inside. Even before he grabbed the handle to peek inside. Fridges sparkling must be another sign that you're dieing he thought to himself as he peered at the shelves, his roving eyes roving for the hams.
Luckily it seems that she had already been into the ham as it was half gone and on top of some container. He grabbed the plastic coved meat and slammed the fridge door closed. He jumped slightly at the slightly squishy bang he'd never really analyzed. A second sound jarred his attention abruptly out of the kitchen.
Retch! Retch! Splash. Retch.
Sam was throwing up. His strides were long, and with ham in hand he made it to the bathroom. She was still holding onto the toilet bowl when he entered the room. Leaning over her long curly hair brushed over her shoulders.
"Are you alright?" He whispered coming in closer.
She only uttered one word, "Haaaaaam."
A good sign that she wasn't dead.
He shook his head, then realized she wasn't looking at him so he vocalized instead, "Wash your mouth out first."
She lifted her head to stare at him. Before Dry heaving once more. She stuck out her tongue. " Yeah."
Sam gripped the counter top with one hand as she levered herself up. With one hand snaking around her shoulders for support the other fumbled with the cold water handle. It sputtered to life. At once her hands cupped together to form a water receptacle which she quickly filled and brought to her red lips and sipped noisily from. She spit the water out into the sink. There was still brown coloured bits in it. Half digested chocolate. She drank again, This time when she spit it out it looked like it was coloured with a rainbow oil slick. Who knew Sam was full of rainbows.
She looked up at him. He looked down at the ham.
It was funny ham, not the same stuff he took out of the fridge, this was made up of something else. Like a million tiny o's only in meat form. But that was suddenly OK, and he wanted to put it in his mouth, not to eat it, but to roll an o around on hiss tongue. He turned the faucet off. The ham seemed to draw his hand. Sam had already begun to reach for it.
"It's made of O's,"He stated nonsensically,"I better taste it for you."
HE reached for the plastic covered meat, his hands trailing an after image in the air. They both had their hands on it. Freddie gripped her shoulder with the other hand and looked into her dilated eyes,"Trust me."
With her still gripping the other side of the ham, he brought it up to his mouth, slowly. Her eyes never left the meat as he licked it slowly trying to taste the o flavor. But it was just ham. He nibbled a bit of black rind from one side, it was amazing. Chewy and crisp and cold all at the same time. The saltiness making the sides of his tongue ache.
As Sam watched him her brow wrinkling as he rolled the piece in his mouth.
"So, is it safe?" She finally asked.
Freddie nodded and let go of the ham. She bit into it with a huge bite.
The bathroom light cast a yellowy light on the blond girl as she moaned out in pure pleasure. She could taste it to. Her eyes had rolled back and some of her weight was on his hand which he still wrapped around her shoulder. She moaned again, deep and throaty.
Mission Ham Bathroom was complete. He needed to return to home base: the Studio.