I am deeply ashamed. You may egg me.

I should be lost without you - David Condos


It was 2 am on Friday morning when the images finally stopped. I knew I shouldn't care this much. We weren't exclusive. When I had been "getting some" from Edward I hadn't cared a thing for Jake. He had been a teenager and these things needed to happen. I couldn't have expected a hot-blooded 16-year-old to keep it in his pants. He was definitely not a monk. Not with those looks, anyway. And that body. So why did I keep torturing myself by picturing him with all these women?

It had started off normal enough. Imagining him with a girl that Embry brought to a BBQ. I pictured them talking – him winning her over with his sexy smirk, her laughing as she brushed a hand over his bicep. That's when the porno music would start. He would slowly take off his shirt, licking his lips before pulling her against him. She would wrap an arm around his hip, grinding on his... stop stop STOP!

I tried to focus on him with a non-sexual female.

Emily! Em would never EVER cheat on Sa... Oh crap! There starts the bow chicka wow wow... No, Em! Think of Sam! Think of the children! Not Jacob! Leah! Leah's good. She loathes Jacob. There, they can have a sane, platonic relationship. Ha! That's one chick he definitely hasn't screwed. They ALWAYS seem to be fighting. Like at dance rehearsals, when they were wrestling. NO! NO JAZZ! Stop the music! No angry sex! For the love of Pete, not against the mirrors!

I growled in frustration. My brain was going into overdrive trying to illustrate Seth and Paul's words. I had imagined him with no less than 15 girls, resorting to celebrities when I couldn't remember any of the girls from the Rez..

Ha! Jacob wishes he could score with Megan Fox.

So, at 2 a.m. on Friday morning, my brain ran out. Ran out of images, that is, though my brain actually running away would have been a better option cause I really didn't want to think anymore.

I had told Seth about Aiden the night before and he had seemed ok with it. No freak outs, no passionate defences for or against Jake, not even a dirty smirk. I made the huge mistake of taking this as a good sign.

When Friday evening came round Seth was sweet enough to help me make chicken casserole. He glumly hacked at a baguette and I sighed.

Here it comes. Just nod and smile. He'll stop the ticker tape parade for Jacob soon enough.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Mia."

"She figured out, huh? Can't handle an animal in bed?" I nudged him as I folded napkins.

"Ugh, Bells, I really don't need to know what you do in bed. Least of all with Jacob." He scrunched up his face like he was trying to erase something from his brain. I didn't want to know what it was.

Damn Jacob and his pervy mind.

I patted him on the back.

"I'm sure everything will work out. Whatever it is." I gave him a reassuring smile that he returned pathetically.

"Yeah, I'm sure it will. So what time is this guy gonna..."

On cue, I heard the door bell ring. I wiped my hands on my jeans, cringing as I realised there was a perfectly good dish cloth nearby. I smiled widely, opening the door to find that instead of Aiden, Jake leaned against the door frame, a bunch of flowers in his hand.

Awww, he brought me flowers...wait, wrong date.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" My smile was dropping with every second. This was not good.

I shot a 'what the hell are you trying to do' look at Seth, who merely shrugged.

"I needed company," he said, "I'm not gonna be the third wheel while you drool into a bucket over Jayden."

"Aiden," I said through gritted teeth, glaring at him with what I hoped was the heat of a thousand suns.

Calm down, Bella. This is a good thing. Let Jake know you have options. You're not the weirdo who obsesses over him while he competes in the nympholympics. You are a strong, independent woman who can date other guys and - oh my god he's cut his hair and I really wish I could touch it- invite them over to dinner if you so wish.

"Can I come in?" He bent his knees in order to catch my eye.

"Sure."

Sure.

"These are for you, by the way." I held out my hand to take the flowers while pointing at Seth.

"They're beautiful, Jake, thank you."

He smiled a smile that made my knees wobbly and perched himself on a stool. I busied myself finding a vase but I could feel his heated stare as I rummaged in the glass cupboard.

"So, err, Aiden, huh? This guy have a... a last name?" He was leaning back with his elbows on the counter.

"Idontknowhislastname," I mumbled into the vase I was cleaning.

"What was that? He doesn't have a last name?" I could see he was holding back, pursing his lips together to keep from laughing.

"Sure he's not imaginary, Bells?"

"Oh, he's real, alright, and pretty good-looking... or so I've heard." Seth winked flamboyantly.

"Pretty good-looking?" Jake crossed his arms. It gave me a little thrill to see him look so rattled. "You playing for the other team now? Should I tell Mia?"

"Shut urrrrp. Paul said a real man isn't afraid to appreciate beauty in any form."

"Let me get this straight. You're taking advice from Paul? Paul who duct taped you to a tree when he found out that Em gave you a pedicure?"

Seth looked like a goldfish, opening and shutting his mouth in an attempt to make a witty retort.

Jake's gaze shifted to me. "While beauty boy finds his tongue, you wanna go talk somewhere?"

I looked around frantically.

I could not be trusted to be alone with this guy. What if I dry hump him on the balcony? Courage, Bella Swan – you can do this.

"Err… yeah...sure."

He looked back at Seth. "Upstairs?"

I shrugged. Upstairs was safe unless he wanted a different kind of talk. Where there's not really any talk, just moaning and screaming and a whole lot of swearing. I followed him up the stairs.

"In here?" He stopped in front of my room.

"Errr... no... too much temptation." He raised an eyebrow that I had the sudden urge to lick.

Temptation, indeed. Why the eff did I say that out loud?

I looked around. Bathroom? Shower/sink/floor/tub sex. I dragged him into the small but not-to-the-point-of-claustrophobic linen closet next to the bedroom.

His eyebrow hadn't come down yet and the corners of his lips twitched in a smile as if to say 'In here? Really? That's hot.' At least, that's what I thought it said.

"I don't want Seth to hear us."

I pulled the chain overhead and looked flabbergasted as a mini chandelier lit up.

Did vamps know class or what? I need to visit the linen closet more often.

"It looks pretty soundproof." He hit the wooden panelling with his fist and I prayed it wouldn't go through. I was sure one of those panels would cost more than my kidney in the black market.

"Maybe they had sex in here," Jake said thoughtfully. I hastily stopped touching the walls.

"That's not the point. We needed to talk, remember?" I composed myself.

"About?" He leaned against the shelves, crossing his arms expectantly. "You first."

"About the terms."

"I thought we discussed the terms. If I remember correctly, we discussed it a few times that night." He scratched the side of his nose and I swear he winked at me before continuing. "What do you know about this guy, Bells?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know being friends with benefits gave you the right to interrogate me about my decisions." I mirrored his pose, leaning against the door.

"I'm not. I'm just worried." He rubbed the back of his head nonchalantly.

"About what?"

He hesitated before answering.

"You don't even know his last name, Bells." He uncrossed his arms, taking a step closer. I stood my ground.

"So?" I hoped my serious face was serious enough. I swallowed nervously. "I'll find out tonight."

Dear God, I hope that didn't sound as bad as it did in my head.

"He doesn't know you, Bells." He reached out, placing a very hot hand on my waist.

"He knows me just fine."

Why is my throat dry?

"Oh, really? Does he know that you would give up sex for chocolate?"

He said sex and chocolate in the same sentence. I am dead.

"All girls would give up sex for chocolate," I mumbled as his other hand landed on my temple.

"That sometimes when you think really hard, your forehead wrinkles up and you look real pissed?" His thumb brushed against my cheek as his finger smoothed out the lines between my eyebrows.

"I'm not," I stammered.

"And that when I do this...,"he pulled my head back, biting down softly on my neck till I gasped against his ear, "...It's the most amazing sound I could ever hear?"

"Jake, we can't...," I whimpered.

"Why not?" he whispered, his tone insistent.

Bow chicka wow wow... BOW CHICKA WOW WOW! Cause you're a man whore! Cause I think I love you! Cause the thought of you with anyone else is killing me!

"Cause I have a guest arriving here any minute."

Gee, best excuse ever!

"Stay." He kissed me softly behind my ear.

"I can't."

As Bella Swan will demonstrate, the limp fish technique is world-renowned for getting rid of unwanted sex-gods.

"You don't even know his last name."

I snapped out of the haze, pushing him away almost reluctantly. I needed to make a point. Correction: My random image generator and I needed to make a point. I crossed my traitorous arms.

"Tell me, Jacob, did you know the last name of every woman you slept with? Oh wait, I'll make it easier. Let me get the phonebook and you can show me the names of the women you didn't sleep with! Who I invite for dinner, who I date and even who I decide to sleep with...," he visibly paled but I carried on regardless, "...is none of your business. Stick to the terms, Jake. We both don't get hurt this way."

Cue stormy exit.

I switched off the light before flashing him a defiant look and stomping out of the closet. I paused when I heard someone come up the stairs.

"First door to your right!" Seth yelled from downstairs.

Shit! Aiden was already here. I wasn't ready. Shit! Shit! Shit!

I turned around, pushing a very confused Jacob back into the closet with me. I shut the door, breathing heavily while resting my forehead against the hard surface.

"What the hell, Bella?" he growled before I shushed him.

"One minute."

I shushed him again, pressing my ear against the door. He brushed a lock of hair off my cheek and tucked it behind my ear.

"Came back for more?" he whispered. I shivered slightly before composing myself and elbowing him in the ribs. He didn't even flinch. I tried not to rub my now-sore elbow, listening for Aiden to go back downstairs. I didn't even know why I was hiding in the first place. I guess it was some kind of sick, masochist desire to be locked in a closet with the source of my lust and torture.

Shit, now my elbow was really starting to hurt.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt something brush my arm. It was Jake, rubbing slowly at the sore spot. I winced as he hit the patch of skin that was already swelling up.

"Does it hurt?"

No.

"Yes," I whimpered.

"Show me."

"In the dark? I hardly know where my elbow is."

He laughed quietly and tugged at my hand till I bent it my arm up to him.

At least I thought it was him. I could have been pointing my elbow at a stack of towels for all I knew.

"You know any wolf voodoo to fix this?"

"Yeah." I heard the smile in his voice before I felt his lips on my skin. I gasped at the sensation.

"Jake."

His hands were on my forearm, his thumb brushing circles on my skin as his warm breath made my tummy go all funny .

"My mum used to do that all the time when we got hurt." His arm snaked around my waist, pulling me to him.

"Ouch," I mumbled as my arm hit him squarely on the chest. I dropped my hands limply at my sides.

Yeah, my reaction time is sloth-like. A sloth with a hangover.

"Did it work?" I whispered.

You just got the treatment! Does it hurt? Do you care? Why was I always so lame when I was near him? It's like my brain switched off and I turned into this breathy mess in a linen closet.

His thumb brushed my lower lip and my breath hitched in my throat.

"Always," he whispered back. My heart was doing a drum solo. I prayed he wouldn't hear it.

Yeah, the guy can see in the dark, I don't think hearing is gonna be a problem. You, on the other hand, would kiss folded hand towels with the mortal senses that don't work well in the first place.

His palm was hot against my neck and we were both breathing pretty fast.

I don't know how I keep getting into these situations. Remember when you stormed out the first time? Where are your principles? Grow a backbone, you sex-craved, in-love-with-your-best-friend-and-crazy-jealous-but-dont-have-a-chance loser! Push him away! Tell him you're not one of his garage whores! Stop leaning in! Don't lick your lips! Stop smelling him! Oh God, his fingers are in my hair... I love it when he pulls... Concentrate!

His hands were dipping lower down my back, resting on the curve of my ass as he muttered. "Speaking of, your lips look a little..."

Dry? Un-kissed? Over the top with the shiny lip gloss cause I have no mad skills with the makeup?

I swallowed audibly and held still. If he was gonna kiss me he was gonna have to do all the work. I was not in the mood to be leaning toward anything, especially in the dark. What if I missed and broke my nose on his jaw or – worse yet – fell and ruined the moment because he had to extract me from the sheets?

Wait, what moment?

"Bells, stop fighting it." He hiked his arms under my ass, pulling me up so he could kiss me hard. I moaned into his mouth like I hadn't kissed him in years. He tasted so good and the way he kept touching me made me want to pull him down and... Yeah, and then you knock your head on a shelf and give yourself a concussion or get a cramp trying to do the reverse cowgirl on a floor the size of a postage stamp. Ok, so it was bigger than a postage stamp, but Jake was... he could really fill up a space. That's what she said.

I pushed him against the shelves and felt a few things fall near my feet. I kicked them away, telling myself that Aiden and I weren't serious and neither was anything with Jake. I undid the top button of his shirt, pulling myself away from his lips to run my tongue along his collarbone. He groaned before thrusting his hand up my top, his fingers running up my spine as he cradled my head, pulling me so that my feet were practically off the floor. He whispered my name again before kissing my neck and my eyes popped open as I heard the voices outside.

"Jake." I flapped my arms like an idiot but he didn't seem to care. I shouldn't have cared either cause I really didn't want him to stop kissing my jaw and no one could hear us. I squeaked as light flooded the room, jumping away from Jacob, who had a very satisfied smirk on his face.

Seth stood at the door with a sheepish Aiden, who was staring at a seemingly-fascinating speck on the floor. Seth leaned against the door, crossing his arms and clicking his tongue with mock disapproval.

"Well, well, guess who's gonna have to come out of the closet?"


I am sorry. Apart from getting a new job, dealing with a million family members descending on our house like Assyrians AND being an agony aunt, my computer decided that it was gonna break the apostrophe/quotation mark key. Dont (see?) ask how my betas read through all that madness without their eyes bleeding. They are just....*sighs* sofa king brilliant. StotheP and Fangbanger, Im (see?) picking out our rings right now. (Ooooooh creepy)

And to everyone who reads, reviews, favourites and loves this story, thank you so much. I really do appreciate your amazing words and your involvement in this story. Seven Minutes in Heaven with a Twi boy of your choice just for being so lovely.

So till Chapter 17 (whenever the hale thats *see?* gonna be) Muah!