D-isney: a contradiction on to itself

I-diots: see "Imagineers, Disney" below

S-adness: emotional state brought about by the status of "hiatus"

C-alamity: that state which exists when the true meaning of "hiatus" is realized

L-egal claim to Phil of the Future: I have none.

A-rt: what you leave out of a creation

I-magineers: Disney: see "Idiots" above

M-esserschmitt: Frequently misspelled, so garnishes extra points on his exams

E-arnest: fans' affection for the series and its characters

R-eviews: your valuable contributions encouraging writers to create more Phil of the Future stories for your entertainment!

A.N.: Props to PotF fan-writer SlickNicKShady for providing the inspiration for this tale about ...


by CraftyNotepad

Chapter 1 -- How To Catch a Diffy

Phil had never seen the hall carpet from this angle.


"Pim! Cut your brother down or there'll be no skyak use for a week."

"But Ma, tomorrow I've got a sweet deal closing with some Bolivian bobble head smugglers."

"You heard me ... did you say 'smugglers?' Pim, young lady, if I -- you -- what are we going to do with --"

"Nothing, Mom. I'm cutting him down. Just listen ..."


"Thank you, Dear. Now, play nice, Kids."

Phil rubbed the top of his head, wondering aloud, "I can't believe what you get away with. We should cage you like any dangerous beast."

Pim just smiled, like his notion was a compliment. "Cage. Yeah, that's a good idea. A cage. I haven't trapped you in one of those, yet."

Her brother was already tired of her latest pastime. Thus far, he had been suspended, wacky glued, stapled, pinned between opposing force fields, quicksanded (yes, when Pim Diffy is involved, quicksand can be a verb), and shrunk to be put on display in the Barbie's wedding window display at Pickford's Toy World. It seemed that his sister's plans for world domination just weren't enough to keep her interest these days and, so, lucky him, she had fallen back on making him miserable. At least she hadn't caught Keely in one of her traps, yet.

"I'm really getting tired of this, Pimple."

"Really tired?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I wouldn't go to sleep tonight if I were you no matter how 'tired' I was. 'Someone' is going to pay for that 'Pimple' crack. I'm just saying."

His hand smeared across his features, bending his nose to the left. Little sisters. There ought to be a law against them, a rule, at least a violation of etiquette in polite society. Something.

"Phil, Keely's here," Lloyd's voice carried without yelling.

"Thanks, Dad, I'll be right dow -- Keely! Don't step on the dark tiles!"

"Okay, but why not? Is it some future holiday ritual?"

"Yes, it's 'I-Wanna-Go-On-Living-Day.' Just don't. Pim did something to them -- I don't know what. Just don't go near them."

"Your hair's a mess. She got you again, didn't she? Trap you in the tumble dry cycle?"

"(Shh! She might be taking notes. Let's just go up to my -- no, it's not safe there, either.)"

A light bulb went off over Keely Teslow's head, rapidly followed by a bedeviling smirk that lasted only an instant before she composed herself and employed the maximum innocent quality she could muster in the tone of her voice, "Philly?"


"Since Pim is up to mischief ..."

"Mischief? Mischief?? ... Try Murder."

"... why don't we go study where it's safe?"

"The Pickford Library?"

"We could. I was thinking about my house. We always seem to study here ... where Pim can cause trouble. Let's try my home ... to get out of her line of fire."

"I've got to keep an eye on her, Keely. It's all that's keeping me one step ahead of her."

"I've seen your head of hair, Diffy. It ain't workin'."

Popping around the corner, Pim chimed in, "Yeah, that's a terrible idea, Butternut. OW!" Pim's head partially vanished back behind the wall.

Mrs. Diffy now had a firm grip on her sweet little girl's ear. Out of sight she could be heard to say, "I think that's a wonderful idea, Keely, and so will Pim after I have a little long overdue chat with her. Go on, Phil. You two go have fun."

With Mrs. D's blessing, Keely grabbed Phil's wrist and hurried him out the back door, serenaded by the sounds of Pim still negotiating the release of her now throbbing outer ear. She even dropped her Wizrd, which was heard to go ...