Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Neither do I make any profit out of this fanfiction. This has been written for entertainment purposes only.
And if you don't believe the above, reading this fic should clear all confusion.
Summary: Fugaku Uchiha wants grandchildren. So, what is the big problem? Ask Itachi. Non massacre. Almost CRACK. Ita-Saku.
A/N: Almost all characters are OOC. Itachi especially. This will not be more than two or three chapters. It is just an experiment for a different kind of Itachi. Hope you like it.
Background: This takes place in the ideal Konoha. No Kyuubi attack, no Uchiha massacre or coup, no S-class criminal!Itachi, no brooding!Sasuke, and no alone!Naruto. Yondaime is still alive, though Tsunade has returned to Konoha. She is still Sakura's teacher.
Thoughts or quotes are in (italics).
Fugaku Uchiha was not a happy man.
On the surface, no one could see the reason of his unhappiness.
After all, he was the head of one of the most ("the most" according to Fugaku, hotly disputed by one Hiashi Hyuuga) powerful clans of Konoha. He had one of the most beautiful women in Konoha as his wife. His eldest son was one of the most talented shinobi ever born in the fire country. His youngest, though not as legendary as his older brother in shinobi skills, definitely was one of the best looking males ever, holding the heart of practically every female (and many males), over the age of six. Even his nephew, though strangely un-Uchiha like, was a very talented shinobi.
In short, he had the dream life for any male over fifty.
And that was exactly his problem. He had a dream life for any male over fifty.
He was over fifty. Soon he would be sixty, and the clan would need a new heir. And his nephew would lead the clan to despair.
Now, legally, his eldest should've been the next in line for heir, followed by Sasuke. And it was a well known fact that Shisui did not want to be the heir.
("My little cousin has all my supports for the next clan leader." was one of his legendary statements. "Watching someone else's life being turned to hell, for a change, is my favourite hobby, also I want to know how much more can Itachi's life be screwed up." was the full version.)
Ah, but his obnox... er orthodox clan had a law. The heir must be married so that there is no dearth of future clan heads. Oh, how much Fugaku hated that law. (Though many years ago, this was his favourite law; after all, it got him Mikoto.) Many would've asked what was the problem in that? He should get one of his sons married. But he knew better.
Neither of his sons was married. Neither did they have any chances of getting married. And poor Fugaku had no chances of having any Grandchildren.
("At least Namikaze won't have any grandchildren either" Fugaku sagely told Mikoto.)
Many people had wondered for a long time, why neither of the (exceptionally) good looking Uchihas was married. Then a few months ago, they realized that the younger was engaged, to his teammate, one of his best friends, who was also a Namikaze, and a male.
Quick to offer their sympathies to the poor distraught father (and laughing at him behind his back), people stopped worrying about the younger Uchiha, and put their entire gossiping energies into the problem behind the elder's marital status, or the lack of it. He was definitely not gay; he was never seen in company of any particular male. Though the "definitely" quickly changed to "maybe" when people realized that they have not seen Itachi Uchiha in company of any particular person, male or female. Many then proceeded to realize that they have never seen Itachi at all.
("He is a myth" reported a particularly gossipy and energetic granny of 90, nodding importantly.)
Oh, but Uchiha Itachi did exist, genuinely intelligent, genuinely talented, genuinely handsome, and genuinely socially retarded. He had shown such high levels of talent from such young age, that the clan had insisted on teaching him to the full extents of his capacities as soon as possible, leaving little time for anything else. The result was that by 10, Itachi could face Yondaime himself in the battlefield and last for a whole minute, but could not face a girl and last a full second.
("I told you so much training would turn him into a pansy" an enraged Mikoto scolded her husband.
"Oh, anyone facing him on battlefield cannot seriously say that."
"Yeah, but anyone off it, most definitely. Especially if he tries to hide behind his mother's kimono."
"Come on Mikoto, he is just shy. Many children do that."
"At the age of 24?")
Sitting in the most famous tea shop of Konoha, Fugaku could not decide where he went wrong with Itachi. Was it when he told him that being with other children will decrease his mental levels? Or when Itachi had asked him about birds and bees and he had promptly fainted? Or when he told his son that females were just defective males, deficient in certain body parts? Or when he told him that Icha Icha Paradise were books on how to achieve the best afterlife, which he should not be worried about and focus on staying alive instead? Or when… No, no, no. He could not have been at fault, could he?
Oh who was he kidding? Obviously, none of it was his fault. But now it was all on his able shoulders to correct it. Fugaku's sharingan blazed with determination. He will save his son and get the much deserved grandchildren, completely showing the Namikaze and the Hyuuga.
Speaking of the Hyuuga, how come his nephew ("What was his name again? Naggy? Lazy? Um.. Neji? Naah.") did not turn out to be gay? He was definitely more beauti… um… handso… er… Fugaku was in a dilemma, he could not call his own son beautiful or his rival's son handsome, so after much internal debate he gave up on that thought entirely.
It was no use thinking of what was done. At least Sasuke had scored a life partner ("Or is it the blond boy who scored my son?"), that could not be said about Itachi. Certainly because he had the good sense to keep Sasuke away from the elders.
("Or I had the good sense to keep him away from you." Mikoto's response to the above statement.)
To his great embarrassment, Fugaku clearly remembered what had happened the last time he had arranged a marriage for Itachi. Such a beautiful girl. Such a beautiful, charming, Uchiha girl. Such a beautiful, charming, HORNY, Uchiha girl.
Fugaku kept that time at the top of his humiliating list when he had been called in the dead of the night for an emergency clan meeting. He had rushed there in his sleeping dress ("Uchiha's don't wear such silly things as Pajamas." One of the first social lesson from Fugaku to Itachi.), only to find a terrified 15 year old Itachi and a flustered 16 year old Kasumi, with a bunch of elders who looked like they wanted to be anywhere but there. He later was informed that Itachi had mistaken Kasumi's intentions as an attack of a different kind when she pounced on him late at night.
("Of course, she thought I would put my guard down, as I'll be able to see that she had no weapons on her person, if she is naked." Itachi's exact wordings on the complaint report.)
Kasumi had called the engagement off, but to keep the pride of the head of the clan intact, overnight a new law was passed, stating that Uchihas weren't allowed to marry within the clan, as it leads to genetic imperfections.
(" Mikoto and I both are Uchihas, and looking at what we have for sons, sometimes I do wonder if the theory isn't true." Fugaku's words to his uncle Madara.)
No, no, he'll have to forget the past if he really wanted grandchildren. He will find a girl for Itachi. After all, Itachi had been taught the ways of the world after the Kasumi incidence. Though now he could not look at a girl without turning red. But all that would change with the right girl. With that thought in mind, Fugaku began his brainstorming.
("Twenty four hours of nonstop Icha Icha movies does not constitute sex education, Fugaku." Mikoto, on Fugaku's teaching methods.)
The Inuzuka girl? She was the one nearest to Itachi in age, but she was also the only female in the entire fire country, ready to marry his nephew, so she was out. The Hyuuga heiress? Certainly not, for one, she was reportedly involved with the Aburame heir, and second, he doubted that even if she and Itachi got married, he would ever get his grandchildren, between his and her faintings. The Yamanaka kid? She would probably terrify Itachi, not to mention her impending wedding with the Akimichi heir. Anko? Fugaku shuddered. Now he knew he was getting desperate.
He was sure he was missing someone, but whom?
He caught a flash of pink, a stick of cotton candy held by some child, and the missing person reappeared in his mind. Fugaku smirked. Heh, of course, the Haruno child. Tsunade's apprentice, formidable kunoichi, and gentle or harsh, as and when required. Sasuke's teammate. And, most importantly, unattached, most probably because three crazy males (one of them being his own son), and two crazy females, always sent any possible suitor out of the way. The clan loved her, just like they loved everything powerful, and she had much more brains than Kasumi. It was perfect. Though she was almost six years younger, she could teach Itachi a few things in social skills, especially how not to be deterred by public embarrassments, as she was pretty experienced in that herself. Yes! He has found his daughter in law.
The thoughts of pink hair grandsons did give him second thoughts, but he knew it was either her or no one. Now the only little problem was the fact that they did not even know each other. Oh well, he is Fugaku Uchiha, he will figure something out.
("Beggars can't be choosers" Fugaku, on his final choice.)
With that wonderful thought in his mind, Fugaku started walking back to the Uchiha compound.
A/N: Thank you for reading. All suggestions and comments will be welcome. Also, I've tried to keep the grammatical and spelling errors to the minimum, but if you find any, please be kind enough to point them out in your reviews. I shall try to put the next chapter up as soon as possible.