The Quest for the Missing Pin Up 3
God that took forever...thought I was never going to make it...sorry folks I was busy working on some other stuff...stuff you might know about and stuff that you will never find out...EVER...it was really cool stuff though...that I shall not revel just in case a certain someone gets pissed off...it is one of the reasons that this chapter is so late. Anyway let's get back to-
Megatron: Hold it right there!
AutobotV: Oh God....WHAT!?
Megatron: Me and Soundwave have been waiting to sneak into the Autobot base for nearly a whole month! What the slag have you been doing?
AutobotV: Oh y'know...stuff...
Megatron: What stuff?
AutobotV: ARGH...OK fine...go over to youtube and look up my account known as AngelicDemon767 and you'll see why!
Megatron: Fine I will!
Phew...That got rid of him. Anyway if you haven't already read the rest of this fic and decided to skip it (like what I did with the last two Harry Potter books), here is what happened. Soundwave discovered that Optimus Prime had his precious pin up of Jazz and was using it as inspiration to create a calender so they could make more money and party forever! Soundwave was about to go and kill him when Megatron came up with a good idea...for once...he and Soundwave would pose as photographers whilst wearing nifty disguises, sneak into the Autobot base and get back the pin up and if possible steal some stuff from them. So after Soundwave killed the competition... literally... they called up the Autobots as Mr Megatrony and Mr Soundwavey from the Decepticoney Photographer company...and the Autobots bought it...I kid you not. Anyway let's begin-
Megatron: HOLD IT!
AutobotV: *sigh* What is it Megatron?
Megatron: I've just been to youtube and I saw your dam show!
AutobotV: Oh really? You like it?
Megatron: NO! I AM NOT A PERVERT!
AutobotV: Well technically that isn't you...it's Megatron from Transformers Animated...and you're G1 Megatron.
Megatron: So...I'm not a pervert?
AutobotV: No...you're a big fat dumb idiot who comes up with stupid plans.
On with the story!
Everything had been preapared for the photographers who were coming to take photo's of Jazz for the calender. If they were going to make a lot of money they would have to actually put some effort into this little project...for once. All the Autobots were cleaning up the Ark, getting rid of the smell and dragging out a passed out Ironhide. For once the Ark was looking really clean and tidy. They really wanted to keep partying...life with no party was like...a fate worse than death for them. Optimus ordered Grapple and Hoist to clear out Bumblebee's room so that it could be used as a make-shift studio. All of the little yellow robot's precious belongings were tossed out the window and into a nearby ravine where they were never to be seen again. As Grapple rearranged the berth and Hoist set up some lights Bumblebee walked up to Optimus looking both sad and confused.
'Optimus Prime sir? Why does my room need to be used as the studio?'
'We've been over this Bumblebee! We have no room in the Ark and your room was the perfect choice for the make shift studio.'
'B-but...what about the spare room that nobody ever uses and is big enough to fit both the moons of Cybertron in? Why couldn't we use that?'
Optimus sighed and patted Bumblebee on the helm.
'Well Bumblebee we need that room just in case we ever need to use it for spare stuff and you never know when we need a spare room. Now quit complaining! This is a team effort and so far you're being a wet blanket...or something like that...anyway get back to work!'
As poor little Bumblebee stood there dumbfounded with what Optimus had told him Huffer walked over and laughed.
'Don't worry Bumblebee you can sleep on the rec room floor.'
'Ah that remind's me Huffer...we need your room so that the photographer's have a place to sleep. They will be staying with us and your room seems big enough,' said Optimus.
Huffer looked at his leader in shock. It was now Bumblebee's turn to laugh.
'Guess you and I will both be sleeping on the rec room floor.'
'Er...actually we need the rec room free at all times and we don't want the photographers walking around whilst you two are sleeping on the floor. We don't want to give them the wrong idea if you know what I mean. Plus we don't want to trip over you whilst we go in there for a late night snack and then have to explain to Ratchet why our faces turned inside-out.'
The two minibots looked up at their leader in shock as he continued to check his to-do list. If they couldn't sleep in their rooms...and if they couldn't sleep on the floor in the rec room...then where on the Ark were they going to sleep? They didn't want to share a room with the Dinobots...they were in the heat and last time that happened poor Cliffjumper had to be welded back together after being split in half by Grimlock...I kid you not and no I'm not going into details. Optimus looked down at the two minibots with their confused and horrified expressions and smiled...even though he was wearing a mask.
'You two get to camp out in the big gusty desert filled with monsterous creatures, patrolled by evil Decepticons who would love to kill you in horrific ways and faraway from any help...won't that be fun?'
The poor little Minobots suddenly looked horrified but before they could say anything Optimus walked off to see how everything was going. As he checked over his list Prowl came rushing up to him.
'Optimus Prime! The photographers are here!'
'About fragging time!' snapped Optimus as he followed the SIC to where the photographers were waiting.
Walking to the entarnce of the base where the photographers were waiting Optimus began to wonder what they looked like. Also he had to be careful about what he says to them. If he offends them they might leave and they needed that money to party. So Optimus was going to have to be... nice... for once and treat them as if they were Primus himself. To be honest I'm rather looking forward to this. Arriving at the enterance he was surprised to see that the photographers were... what the... WHAT THE HELL!?
AutobotV: Megatron what the hell?
AutobotV: That's your stupid disguise? A purple neck tie and a cheap moustache!?
Megatron: Genius isn't it? Soundwave here is wearing a red necktie with a bowler hat!
AutobotV: The Autobots are going to recognize you!
Optimus stepped forward and held out his hand.
'Pleasure to meet you. I'm Optimus Prime leader of the Autobots. You must be Mr Megatrony? I do hope you enjoy your stay.'
AutobotV: Fucking... idiots... the lot of you!
Megatron, posing as Mr. Megatrony, and Soundwave, posing as Mr. Soundwavey, had arrived at the Autobot base. Their mission was steal back the pin up of Jazz that Soundwave had treasured so much. Also to get a bunch of photos of Jazz doing sexy stuff. Their (lame) disguises seemed to have fooled the (stupid) Autobots. Megatron was wearing nothing but a purple neck tie and a fake moustache whilst Soundwave was wearing a red neck tie and a black bowler hat. Even though it is frigging obvious who they were the Autobots thought they were just professional photographers.
Optimus knew if they were going to get good photos to make a good calender then he would have to treat them like Gods. Meaning that if they asked him to kiss their afts he'd do it. He couldn't imagine life without a party everynight. It was wrong. Too wrong. Like Paris Hilton showing off her womanly parts whilst getting out of a car wrong. Sorry for the reference but seriously...she's worse than Arcee...I mean she's been with Hot Rod, Springer, Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ultra Magnus and Daniel...gross. Anyway Optimus began to lead the two disguised Decepticon's to their room.
'So Mr. Megatrony I heard that you and Mr. Soundwavey here are the best of the best. I can't wait to see what you come up with. Can I get you some juice or whatever it is you organics drink?'
Aw God now he thinks they're humans now...sheesh...anyway Megatron didn't really think about it when he asked what he wanted...then again when does he ever think?
'I'll have a...er...Energon shake please.'
Optimus suddenly gave him a funny look.
'Wait a minute...I thought organics can't drink Energon...Spike, Chip and Carly told me so.'
Megatron winced as he tried to make up an excuse.
'Well...er...that is not entirley tue...we like Energon but...er...people who are blond, stupid and crippled think its yucky...they can drink it but they hate it...cause they're ungreatful slaggers.'
At first Optimus continued to stare at him in a very suspicious way. I for one was just sitting here drinking my Dr Pepper wondering how he will react if some really, really tall organic told him that. For a moment Megatron thought his cover was blown and that he and Soundwave would be chased out the base whilst the Autobots chase after them with acid bombs and blasters. He really wasn't in the mood for a run either. Then at long last Optimus anwered.
'I knew those dam little jerkwards were being rube when I offered all three of them a cup. I was trying to be nice and they blew it in my face! I mean Spike's dad drank some after he was dared to and he said it wasn't bad.'
'R-really? Oh...hahaha...um...whatever happened to him? After drinking it?'
'Well after we picked up what remained of his corpse we discovered that he died of radiation poisening to the stomach. His whole body turned inside out and he turned into some freaky mutant for a moment before exploding right there on the spot. We never did figure how that happened. Must of been some human diesease or something.'
AutobotV: Well why do you think he never showed up in season 3?
Megatron: ...He died of old age?
AutobotV: Shut up.
As Megatron and Soundwave followed Optimus through the Ark a few of the Autobots took a quick peek at their new guests. They all thought they looked a little farmilair but since they were still a little tipsy and just plain stupid they all thought that they were just really tall organics with cute lil neckties. Soundwave started to scan every room the passed hoping that he would detect his beloved pin up of Jazz. However his scans were coming up empty. He did however detect a Go-Bot porn mag in Gear's room...and some kinky sex toys in Ratchet's room...and a room filled with what looked like human corpses...and apparently that room belonged to Wheeljack.
Wheeljack: For science!
The poor Decepticon in disguise began to wonder if he would be able to find his beloved pin up. Then...to his joy...he saw the most beautiful sight in the uinverse...coming towards him...everything looked like it was blurred filtered...and romantic music was playing...as Jazz the Autobot came towards them...dripping wet after taking a shower...a red towel hand from his shoulders...and a very hot looking set of hips that just swayed as he walked. Soundwave thought at long last he died and went to heaven where Jazz was his eternal sex slave. Optimus and Megatron looked around confused.
'Where is that music coming from? And why is everything blurry?' demanded the Autobot leader.
Back to reality. Jazz walked over to them after taking a hot shower and coating himself in a very strong scented wax. Even though he wasn't fully 100% with the idea but he too wanted to party every night...and he wanted that bar. He was surprised to see that the photographers were tall but really liked their neckties...he always thought the one with the bowler hat was kinda cute. Anyway he walked over to meet them hoping that they weren't going to be weirdos.
'Hey Optimus...I had just had a hot shower and covered myself in sex appealing wax. Are these the photographers?'
As Soundwave continued to have perverted thoughts Megatron stepped forward.
'I see that you are the one that we are taking pictures of for your calender. Mr Soundwavey here will be taking your photo's.'
Soundwave was still in dreamland as Jazz tried to speak to him.
'Hey man nice to meet you...y'know for a human you're really tall...and blue...but whatever I think you're kinda cute.'
Soundwave was melting into a pool of white hot liquid as Jazz spoke to him. He felt like he was on cloud 9 with Jazz petting his helm and whispering sweet nothings into his audios. Optimus and Megatron watched, concerned at the fact that Soundwave was literally begining to melt. Optimus later concluded that it was an human thing or something whilst Megatron began to mop up the lovestruck Decepticon off the floor.
After settling in the Autobot base and getting a quick tour the two Decepticons in disguise were setting up in their makeshift studio whilst Jazz sat down on a chair (in a normal fashion) waiting to be told what to do. Optimus and Prowl waited nearby hoping that they would take some good photos for the calender. As Soundwave set up the camera Megatron came over and began to whisper the plan into Soundwave's audios.
'Okay Soundwave they bought it. Now you start to take pictures of Jazz whilst I'll pretend to go to the toilet and do...whatever those humans do on a toilet but I'll really go and look for the pin up. As soons as I find it we get the frag out of here and claim victory! Mwahahahaha!'
'Um...Megatron...what about stealing secret data from the Autobots whilst we're here?'
'Oh yeah...that too.'
God why do I work with such morons. Anyway as Soundwave prepared to take the photos Megatron walked up to both Optimus and Prowl with one freaky grin.
'Excuse me Optimus Prime but I was wondering if you could show me where the toilet is...I need to...um...wash my hair in it...yeah that it, wash my hair.'
The two Autobots looked at Megatron oddly. They did have a toilet that Wheeljack built for the Spike, Chip and Carely to use since they were always complaining about having not having one. Prowl had always wondered what on Earth they did on a toilet.
'You mean you humans wash your hair in that thing? Carley always told me it was where she went to do her business by dumping her human waste in it.'
'Oh...er...no...you see we humans use it to wash our hair but blond people like to play tricks on nice and kind giant robots and empty their human waste into it as a cruel joke.'
Optimus and Prowl both suddenly looked shocked and disgusted by what they just heard.
'You mean after all the trouble we went through to have Wheeljack study, design and build a toilet for them she just dumps her human waste in there as a joke? That does it! When I see her next I'm going to make her wash her hair in there to teach her a lesson...and we'll record it to remind her what the toilet is for...and then we'll post it on youtube or something.'
As Megatron followed Prowl to find the toilet and Optimus ran off to find Carley, Soundwave suddenly found himself alone in a room with the sexiest Autobot in the universe. Primus must be on his side today. Jazz had no idea how to pose for a photo since he was waaaay to drunk to remember how he did it the last time. So he kinda hoped that Mr Soundwavey here would help him. Optimus did say he was the best of the best.
'So...er...you want me to just sit here or something?' he asked.
Soundwave looked up and began to blush.
'Er no...you have to bend over with your aft facing me with one hand on it and the other on the chair with your legs spread apart. Also you have to have to have a cherry between your lips and look at me as if you want me to do you but you're being a tease and telling me with your optics that you want me but you have to earn it kind of way...and I want a some thigh length white tights on your legs...held up by a sexy white garter belt!'
Jazz looked at Soundwave as if he just told him to do something perverted...which he did.
'PUT THE DAM CHERRY IN YOUR MOUTH AND LOOK AT ME AS IF YOU WANT ME!'
Okay Soundwave wants some alone time with a freaked out Jazz so we're going to end this chapter right here. Don't worry! There will be more sexy pose's of Jazz and Megatron causing havoc in the next one. See ya next time!