Summary: I need Hikaru. Hikaru needs me. All we need is each other. Because there'll never be anyone else.
A/N: Things suck at the moment. I have an urge to write and loads of little ideas but nothing to string them all together to make a story. I need a plot, dammit. D: But heydeho. As it's my birthday next week –insert faces of joy and sparkly things here- I decided to write this here drabble of pre-host twins! Woo! :D I may decide to just extend this instead of hurting my brain any longer. XD
I hope you enjoy! Please review and tell me what you think :]
We are one single entirety.
This is absolute.
We are also two individual people.
This is also absolute.
Hikaru and I are so similar that we are unmistakably a pair; an iron clad set that works perfectly as one.
Hikaru and I are so different that our differences lock together flawlessly to create one whole person.
We are exactly the same. But we are entirely different.
This is absolute.
It's not our fault if the world doesn't understand.
I glance silently over to Hikaru, whose sitting curled next to me as he stares religiously at the clock, his eyes following the slow ticking of its hands. Our hands are clasped together between us, familiar and comforting; I can feel our grip getting tighter and tighter as the time ticks by, but I'm not sure which one of us is doing it. There's something lonely and desperately longing around us that presses down on us mercilessly, hanging menacingly in the air.
I think I'm the only one who realises what it is.
After a long pause, I look back to the clock.
It's almost time. We're waiting for that split second when the most obvious and overlooked difference between us is most recognisable, waiting for it in an expectant dread. We relish in our subtle differences, yet the thought of not being exactly identical scares us to death.
Though it's silly and disregarded by other people, it's important to us and it's our yearly tradition to stay up until those specific times toll by.
It's not like we care what other people think anyway.
Other people aren't worth our time.
The rest of the world merely sees us as 'the twins', 'Hikaru and Kaoru', 'the Hitachiin brothers'. They blindly see us as two copies of the same thing and can't even be bothered to notice the delicate and subtle differences between us that keep us locked together. They can't be bothered.
Why should we bother with them?
It's not like we care.
We've locked ourselves away from the rest of the world with a gnarled, strong lock, that's too complicated and worked on to ever be broken through by the idiots we're forced to associate with; adults who don't really care and peers who only want to get close to our family name. The only person we let in stabbed us with truthful words and left.
We don't want to be hurt anymore.
So we've cut everyone else out.
I like it like this, and the thought of our world ever splitting open horrifies both of us. I never want our close, boxed-in relationship to change and open itself to the hurt of the world. And yet...
And yet I can feel it. It's hanging in the air and slowly cutting off our oxygen. It's murdering us so sweetly, I feel like crying. I don't think Hikaru realises.
I can feel our twisted isolation pressing down painfully on my heart.
It's all such a ridiculous contradiction.
Another minute passes and Hikaru turns to me with a sheepish smile, eyes soft with fond acceptance; No, I think slowly to myself as I smile back, he doesn't realise. And I'm too scared to break apart our isolated, dark and entirely loving world on my own. It's not like we have anyone else to fall back on and cherish so completely anyway.
No-one but us will be able to tell us apart. No-one but us will be able to understand us. No-one but us will be able to accept us as twisted as we are.
And we accept that.
Hikaru sniggers and talks about that girl at school on the day we broke up, who utterly fell for our usual mix up, then grew almost hysterical in frustration. I can see her now, the mortified tears flowing down her ugly face, scrunched up in embarrassed anger as she throws flimsy insults at us. We were laughing then and we laugh again now, so, so hard.
Because it's so, so funny.
She thought she could get close to us, break into our world with her whimsy, misunderstanding intentions. She thought she could gloss over our twisted outlook on life and just have one of us hanging off her arm like an accessory. She thought she didn't need to look close enough to see those subtle differences between us.
She's so stupid.
She's the same as everyone else.
We grin at each other then look back at the clock through tired eyes, naturally and comfortably in-sync. We lean so completely on each other that I can't see our utter dependence ever ending. I need Hikaru and he needs me. All we need is each other.
Because there'll never be anyone else.
Hikaru shuffles closer and entwines our fingers and I laugh.
I'm so very happy.
But it's all so very sad.
Do you understand?
The first of the times finally tick by, but neither of us say anything as we wait impatiently for the next to hurry up; in the gap between the times we feel uncomfortably different and our hands are clasped together tighter than ever, as though we just want to melt away and finally just be one. We have no-one but each other and sometimes that fact is maddeningly lonely. But I wouldn't change our bond for the world.
I look over at my twin and softly speak to break the heavy silence.
"Happy Birthday, Hikaru."