This is a FMAxTwilight fanfic...like, duh...since there are so many Edward vs Edward fics out there that I figured I'd do something different...like this!
WARNING...TWILIGHT BASHING. I actually don't like, have watched or read Twilight. Wikipedia's very useful.
I don't own FMA. Wish I could though...I don't want to own Twilight EVER.
"Well, I'm a sexy vampire that sparkles!"
"Yeah, well I'm a hawt, prodigetic, alchemist that was created LONG before you showed your sparkly ass in the world of fandom, Edward-wannabe!"
"Well, I have a sexy girlfriend!" Edward fished out a photo of him and Bella kissing under the moon. He kissed the picture lovingly.
Ed was disgusted. "I have an USEFUL GIRLFRIEND that will kick her ass anyday!" He fished out a picture Al took when Winry was beating the hell outta him. He winced. That picture scared him.
"Well, I have loads of girls that want my sexiness!" Edward C. flashed a toothy grin.
"Starting now? For 108 years without a girlfriend? I can't believe an old guy like you actually managed to hook up with a 17 year old girl." Ed smirked victoriously.
"D...DIE!!!" Edward Cullen was running out of comebacks. He pounced at Edward without thinking.
BIG mistake. Ed clapped his hands and transmuted his automail into his famous blade while he whipped off the top half of his clothes dramatically. Fangirls all around the globe immediatly were sent to the local hospitals because of severe nosebleeds...including me. Did I mention I'm an Edward Elric Fangirl? No? Well, you do now.
The blade ran through Edward Cullen like a rock through water. Edward Elric's 'completely midgety hawt awesomeness' dominated Edward Cullen.
Ten minutes later, the Vampire Edward Cullen was no more.
Winry sighed. Why did Edward have to be so cruel, even to an annoying, sparkling, egostical, proud, stupid, 108 year-old *insert long list of random insulting words here* vampire? Now his girlfriend was bawling her eyes out in her kitchen. But Ed didn't come out of the fight unscathed; a wrench-shaped dent was on his head somewhere.
Edward ignored Bella's cries and returned to Central to do his research. Now that Al has his body back he was looking for a way to destroy philosopher stones; Marcoh's research had been reduced to ashes by Mustang, who felt that is was far too dangerous. Al has gone to help him and Winry herself came back a week before from Rush Valley.
"I...can't believe he's dead!" Bella wailed, "How will I managed without him??" She continued her cries. Winry handed her a hankerchief in disgust.
"You'll get over him. You know, it's like when you've lost something and forget about it."
"It'll be alright." Winry produced some warm cocoa and handed it to Bella who was FINALLY starten to reduce her wails down to croaky hiccups.
"I want revenge." Murmured Bella.
"What, on Edward!?" Shrieked Winry. "You can't do that!"
"I can and I will!" Bella slammed her fist down. "I must avenge Edward!"
"Winry," said Bella, "you don't have anything against it, so why do you object?"
"It's wrong to take human lives!" Winry shouted back, a little louder than she planned to.
"He doesn't deserve to be alive!" Screeched Bella.
"All humans deserve to live!"
"Well, he's so short he doesn't!"
"He's taller than me now!"
"My Edward was taller!"
"My Edward will be better than your Edward ever was!" Winry forgot all about Edward C.'s death.
"My Edward was handsome!"
"My Edward is smarter!"
"My Edward had superhuman abilities!"
"My Edward doesn't NEED superhuman abilities!"
"Well, he said I was beautiful!"
"My Edward NEEDS me, at least!"
"My Edward needs me to live!"
"Emotionally, yeah, but MY EDWARD needs me even more than your Edward needs you! Withought me, he'd be long dead!" Winry flashed some new automail plans while she beamed happily at it.
"I am exceptional human! Edward said so!"
"Just by concealing your thoughts? That's nothing! I can defeat bad guys with just a throw of my trusty wrench!"
"Well, I am beautiful!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
"Mary Sues are as whiny as hell, did you know that?"
"Why you little..."
"And besides, I am a talent for saving multiple lives!"
"Well, I get to have a child!"
"...should I rephrase that...?"
"YES!!! FOR THE LOVE OF AUTOMAIL, PLEASE, STOP TALKING ABOUT KIDS!!!" Winry almost had heart failure over the pleasant concept of 'the more delicate features of the human body"...if you know what I mean...
"Well, I bet you didn't..." Bella made a small gesture. Winry shrieked in response. "And you don't even have a crush yet!!!"
"I so do!" Winry brandished her wrench. "On Ed, of course! And, even better, we are childhood friends! There are loads of books out there that have childhood friends falling for each other!!"
"Hmph!" Bella crossed her arms. "So? It's 'love at first sight' AND angsty romance over here!~"
"We have a tragety over here, too!"
"There is so not!"
"There so IS!"
The two bickering girls turned back to EDWARD ELRIC, WHO WAS VERY CONVENIENTLY PLACED THERE BY AL SINCE WINRY'S LITTLE CONFESSION!!!
Edward wrapped his slim, yet muscular arms around Winry. "Thank you, Winry, for telling me..."
"Oh, ED!" Winry sobbed into Ed's chest.
"...FOR TELLING ME HOW ANNYING THIS BITCH IS! I'LL KILL HER FOR YOU..."
Winry was destroyed. To release her emotions...you guessed it, THE WRENCH.
"Nobody gets to kill Bella Swan except ME!!!" She screamed and thrust the mechanical tool at Bella's head.
FMA: 2 Twilight: 0
"Soo...Edward Hohenheim Elric, is there something you would like to tell me...?" Winry put on her best angelic smile.
"...no...I'll just be...ah...on my way..."Edward sloowwllyy inched toward the door, but to no avail. Winry was in her destructive mode because Ed just destroyed her love life.
- - - - --
"BROTHER!" Al shrieked OOCness. "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH THE APOCALYPSE!!!"
"...that's...because, Al..." Ed murmured, "...that's because I have."
And so, this delightful conversation continued. Stay tuned and review!