The Beginning of the End is the main hall of the Castle that Never Was, and serves as the primary hub for activity within the building. A large bulletin board hangs on the wall opposite the massive double doors at its entrance, colored dark gray to stand out against the Castle's ivory interior. Mission schedules are posted here, as well as a comprehensive list of Organization XIII's more...specific laws.

Regulations Governing Organization XIII

A. Applicable to All

I. The Organization operates covertly. Therefore, "raping and pillaging" will not be tolerated.

II. The Superior does not concern himself with the activities of his subordinates in their spare time, unless said activities involve anything on this list, structural damage to the castle or at least a block of the Dark City, visits to the infirmary longer than two days, or Nobody casualties in excess of one legion.

III. Mission reports may not contain Insane Clown Posse lyrics, especially "Piggy Pie."

IV. The lesser Nobodies may not be used as target practice or for manual labor for personal construction projects.

V. The Superior draws his strength from nothingness and from Kingdom Hearts, not from the Power of Greyskull, the Force, or the Clapper.

VI. Despite the lack of any non-Organization presence, the Dark City is not clothing optional.

VII. Pursuant to the above, the Organization does not support casual Fridays. No exceptions.

VIII. The Superior's favorite book is not "Heart of Darkness," and all operatives should refrain from saying so.

IX. The Blank Library does not have an "Adult" section.

X. The Intangible Treasury should be taken literally unless otherwise specified.

XI. Painting Organization ships bright red is prohibited for aesthetic reasons, and also will not make them faster.

XII. Reenacting the last five minutes of "V for Vendetta" anywhere in the Dark City is prohibited.

XIII. Just because we don't exist doesn't mean any transgressions technically haven't happened.

B. Applicable to Xigbar

I. My eyepatch does not make me the "Pirate Lord of the Castle."

II. I may not reenact "The Most Dangerous Game" with anyone or anything sentient.

III. Even though everyone can teleport, I must keep floors intact where I know the other members will be walking.

IV. I may not ask subordinates to refer to me as Quick Draw McGraw, Doc Holladay, El Mariachi, or derivatives thereof.

V. I may not hide on the ceilings of the Castle that Never Was for the purpose of "power loogies."

VI. I may not use my powers to reenact "Poltergeist" using any room in the Castle.

VII. For any room other than my own, furniture arrangements must involve a surface, and this surface must be the floor.

VIII. I may not taunt the Superior with "I know something you don't know."

IX. Happiness is not a warm gun.

X. I may not use my arrowguns to carve anything into Kingdom Hearts, obscene or otherwise.

XI. I may not use my arrowguns to make the neophytes "dance" for any reason.

XII. Suppressing fire is not a proper greeting.

XIII. My room is the Room Without Walls; therefore, it is not the Naked Room.

C. Applicable to Xaldin

I. The World that Never Was has no aberrant weather patterns (hurricanes, windstorms, etc.). If one does manifest, I will be the prime suspect.

II. My sideburns do not entitle me to a motorcycle, bomber jacket, or helmet. Nor do they make me the "Disco King of the Nobodies."

III. Larxene's cloak blowing up around her waist was not caused by that air vent she walked over, and I have the scars to prove it.

IV. I may not settle arguments by removing the oxygen from wherever the belligerents happen to be.

V. My mission to obtain the Beast's Heartless and Nobody does not include being Belle's "rebound guy" if and when I succeed.

VI. Dressing the captain of the Dragoon Nobodies as Trogdor was only funny the first time.

VII. Nobodies do not have hearts. Therefore, despite our best efforts, Lexaeus, Axel, Demyx, and I cannot summon Captain Planet.

VIII. Though my powers may make me a master of the art, "perfect whoopie cushions" are considered an abuse of them.

IX. My proper title is "The Whirlwind Lancer," not "The Last Airbender."

X. I have six lances. Therefore, I am lying when I claim I am "undercompensating."

XI. I may not take out tornado insurance on anything for any reason.

XII. Braids are acceptable for Organization meetings. Rastafarian garb is not.

XIII. No matter how wrong they may be, I am to refrain from murdering weathermen on live TV.

D. Applicable to Vexen

I. My experiments may not include any of the following: the Castle's utilities (water, electricity, ventilation, etc.), any member of the Organization, or any species of ferret.

II. When conducting experiments, I will refrain from recruiting Larxene for "dramatic effect."

III. My attribute is not an excuse to torment Demyx.

IV. I may not recreate the ninth circle of Dante's Hell.

V. The temperature of the Castle must be kept at 70 degrees Fahrenheit, not 70 degrees Kelvin.

VI. I may not refer to the neophytes as "potential test subjects."

VII. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze was not the best thing about "Batman and Robin," in the same way that muscle wasting is not the best thing about AIDS.

VIII. I am not the god of Christmas Town.

IX. Anatomically correct ice sculptures of the Organization's operatives have no place at our banquets.

X. Anatomically exaggerated ice sculptures have no place in our universe.

XI. The industrial freezers adjacent to the kitchens are not mine in which to store artificial organs.

XII. Snow outside is nothing out of the ordinary. Snow inside warrants a reprimand.

XIII. If it gives Roxas nightmares, I must scrap whatever new species of Heartless or Nobody I have created.

E. Applicable to Lexaeus

I. I may not fight Demyx for the title of "Rock God."

II. The Silent Hero is expected to speak when spoken to.

III. All things did not come from me, and all things shall not return to me.

IV. I do not get Earth Day off for "environmental reasons," as the World that Never Was has no environment.

V. I will not, will not rock you, rock you.

VI. I cannot talk to animals, and should not try.

VII. My ethnic background is not "Igneous/Caucasian."

VIII. Marluxia's health does not depend on my mood.

IX. My tomahawk is a necessity. My totem pole, fire pit and war bonnet are not.

X. Mining is not possible anywhere in the World that Never Was, and should not be attempted.

XI. No earthquakes in the World that Never Was, even if the Castle floats.

XII. Despite my rank, and despite basic science, I cannot ground Larxene, literally or figuratively.

XIII. Carving my likeness in mountains the universe over is frowned upon.

F. Applicable to Zexion

I. There is no reason to have fifteen doors to my room, fourteen of them illusory, especially when we can all teleport.

II. On the subject of false doors, I may not enchant a door to appear closed no matter how many times it is "opened."

III. I cannot kill anyone who annoys me simply by writing their name in my lexicon. Conjuring illusions of Shinigami to follow me around is pushing it.

IV. If one of my Absent Silhouettes breaks the rules, I will still be held responsible.

V. Unless it is to obtain his heart for the Organization's aims, I may not devote large blocks of time to screwing with David Copperfield's mind.

VI. I may get blitzed and I may read the Cthulhu Mythos. As of last Halloween, I am not allowed to do both at the same time, nor am I to be put in charge of decorations.

VII. Discerning who farted in a crowded room and revealing his identity is neither useful nor funny. Doing so when nobody actually farted is an abuse of my superior sense of smell.

VIII. For the sake of appearances, I may not use a Playboy omnibus as my weapon.

IX. I may be particularly well-read, but I am not entitled to make up words for the sole purpose of screwing with the rest of the Organization. Nor may I use my powers to make any of these words appear in the dictionary.

X. Whether or not it was intentional, I am forbidden from setting foot in Las Vegas until my cult there has dissolved. This also applies to Luxord.

XI. Regardless of my powers, I may not show up at Disney Castle claiming to be the rightful master of Mickey Mouse. It won't work.

XII. Creating an illusion of post-nuclear Hiroshima in the Garden of Futility entitles Marluxia to lace the pages of my books with contact poison.

XIII. Using my powers to make broken glass look like scrambled eggs is grounds for confinement to the Hundred Acre Wood for at least two days.

G. Applicable to Saïx

I. My attribute does not make me a werewolf.

II. My window is for the excellent view of Kingdom Hearts, not for spying on the female Nobodies.

III. My attribute does not make me the Organization's ambassador to any alien civilization.

IV. I have proven my devotion to the Superior on multiple occasions. Guarding his door is unnecessary and slightly disturbing.

V. I may not enter Berserk for mundane reasons, including but not limited to: overcast days, burnt food, or the laughter of the younger operatives.

VI. I do not have the power to crash moons into their planets, and therefore cannot use this as leverage for anything.

VII. Rank VII is still the first neophyte.

VIII. During a full moon, Larxene and I are forbidden from being in the same room.

IX. My weapon is not that kind of claymore.

X. Neil Armstrong is not my archrival.

XI. "Stairway to Heaven" is not my theme song.

XII. Suns do not drain my strength, and therefore I cannot get away with only running missions at night.

XIII. When asked "Why?", summoning my claymore is not a valid answer.


So coming up with 13 of these for each operative is a little harder than I anticipated. I love "Don't" lists, and was recently inspired to do one of my own by "213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to do in the US Army. Go read it, as it was written by someone far more skilled than I. I'll post the other seven in the next chapter. If you don't get B-VIII, it's a reference to Birth By Sleep, and most likely not as funny as I thought it was.

Love and thanks to all the readers,

Zellarius Burvenia