Months went by and I didn't become any better then I had before. I was still almost heartless, not because of the way I acted to other, but by the fact that someone ripped it out. Well it was more like two vampires ripped it out from the seams and then killed it. Nothing changed but the way that I acted around others. When I was at school I was happy, and it seemed like I was getting back to myself. I seemed like I was almost really happy, that I was really getting better on the inside. I wanted to make sure that people didn't worry about me, that they thought I was fine so they wouldn't try to make me go back to therapy, or worse go onto meads. They all knew what I was going through, Esme more then anyone knew. But none of them had their child ripped from them and killed. But when I was at home with just Jasper everything would come out.
I started to become more of a daughter to Jasper then with my own father, with Jasper it was different. Jasper could just tell when I was sad, and instead of trying to make me happier, with his emotions magic crap, he would try to help me out. If my father could read my mind then he would be finding out how many horrible things I was thinking. He would be trying to help me by telling me everything was okay and that I was going to be okay. When the fact of the matter is nothing is okay and I'm never going to be the same again. I will never be able to think about anything the same way. For the first month after. . . the whole thing. . . I wouldn't listen to Breaking Benjamin because it has his name in it. I will never be able to think of kids the same way! With Jasper he just comforts me, he lets me cry and lets me share my emotions. He lets me just say everything that I need to and will not try to help if I don't want it. I usually didn't, but every night when Alice was out of their room and talking to Rose I would be with Jasper.
I can barely think of everything that has happened, everything with Ben. All I remember is Jane and Alec being in my smoke room, them wanting to know where the wolfs were, me not telling them, them finding out I was having a baby, and them trying to kill me and the baby over it. Then I woke up in a hospital bed to find Jake crying and no one telling me what was going on. I was worried about my son, what had happened? Why couldn't I feel him kicking at me from the inside, why wasn't he moving around or trying to talk with me? Had be been born while I was to what I thought knocked out? And how long had I been asleep for? I didn't think it could have been that long, to find out later that it had been over two days since the whole thing had happened. I didn't know what to do, what to say. I asked if my child was okay just to hear Jake voice in such a soft tone that I had to stress my ears just to hear him, just to hear the terrible words come from his lips. They barely came out because Jake seemed that he was going to break back down, it seemed almost like he was going to beg someone not to say the words for him. My Child Was Dead.
That about two hours before I had woken up they had found a little tan baby boy, nearly dead in an ally way. He was wrapped only in a piece of my shirt that they must have ripped off of me during my beating. He was barely alive when they found him and by the time they had gotten him back to Carisle it was too late, Jake and my father were the only two that got to see him alive. From the sounds of everything that Jake had said he was human somehow. But the baby did had my noise and his chin. I never got to know this for sure because I was still in a coma by the time they pronounced my baby dead. Since no one knew when I was going to wake up they decided that they were going to bury him as fast as they could. They buried him in the woods, about two miles into the woods right beside a bush of lavender flowers. That's how I knew where my son would be resting for the rest of time. I could not understand why they wouldn't have just stabbed me with a knife in my stomach, why they wouldn't have killed him when he was still inside me. Was it because they thought he would be a vampire like I was and wanted him for that reason? I didn't know, I couldn't think about it either.
While I was suffering in agony for the past three months Jake had a new role to fully play out. Pack leader. It was official that he was the leader, Embry was his beta. There were two new members that were added into the pack also, I hadn't met them but I knew their names. I knew that they were brothers. One – the older one was named Dean and his younger brother was named Sam. It was odd to think about, Dean being nineteen and becoming and werewolf. Then Sam who is fifteen becoming and werewolf because he was stressed about Dean and was worried about him. I wanted to meet them, but I didn't think that I was going to be in a good enough state of mind for a long time to meet new people.
As it was I was having enough problems trying to keep up with my human friends. Nick was off in his own little world of getting ready for baseball in the summer – when it was only about January, and Sabrina was trying to get me into all these different parties. We both soon found out that I was much better to be around when I was alone and drinking. I didn't know what came over me, but I felt so much better when I got alcohol into my system. It made everything seem like it was nothing again, that all the things that I had gone through seemed to slip from my heart out and into my hands so I could just drop it somewhere and forget it was there. I forgot everything bad that had been going on and got to have a good time, even if it did such to have a hangover in the morning. Sabrina was becoming less and less popular with my family, but even more so with Jake.
Jake was the only one that I let into my room the third week I would say after the whole thing happened. He snuck through my window to find me bawled up and crying. I thought I must have looked like a baby, that I was being immature. But when he saw the way that I was acting he broke down too. He fell to the floor next two me, took my tightly by the shoulder and placed me into his lap. He let me cry and he soon started to weep a little also. I didn't know what was going on in Jakes mind, but I knew we were having the same emotions at that point.
" I miss him Jake, I don't know what I'm going to do without him." I remember saying at some point, Jake just looked down at me.
" I miss him too Ness." Thats all we said to each other for the rest of that night. Not another word was spoken.
Things hadn't gotten better between Jake and Sage either. If anything they had gotten worse over time, the more Sage would try to see me the less Jake would like him. It was like a battle was going on about me when I wasn't even in it. It was like I wanted my friend, some of my support team to be around, but the love of my life doesn't seem to think I'm safe around him. I didn't care what Jake said, sometimes I would just go out and see Sage. It wasn't like he could keep me locked away, I had friends and I had a life that I needed to keep up.
When I was with Sage it was different then when I was with Sabrina or with Jasper. He could make me feel like none of this happened, that it was all a bad dream. He would never bring up anything about the baby. We would watch a movie or go out and just talk about how much was hated school in a tree. Anything that we could to keep ourselves happy and entertained we would do. We even went to the mall once, but we had to leave in a hurry when someone in one of the stores got a paper cut and Sage nearly had a feeding frenzy start right then and there. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. The only thing that Sage kept saying when we were leaving was " They have wolfs blood in them." Over and over again.
Alex and Ashton had thought they had spent too much time in the US and thought it would be nice to go back to the Volturi, just to catch up. So Sage let them go and stayed back with us. I didn't know why, but he wanted to make sure that I was fully happy before he would ever leave. It was something I wasn't used to. But I liked to also, I liked that fact that someone was out there just to make me happy, that I never got into a fight with. I mean I know he bit me once, but everyone makes mistakes, its what makes us seem human! Jake just couldn't get that because he was trained to kill vampires and blah blah blah. I had a whole hour lecture from Jasper on how much Jake really cares about me, it's like I know.
Is was a cold day when something happened that I never would have guessed. Jake and I had been walking home, because I didn't want to drive and wanted to get the fresh January air into my system. Jake agreed and we walked on our way. It was beautiful outside, from having snowed the night before. It was sunny and it was all in all one of my better days.
Jake and I spent over two hours just watching Rent, the musical about people dying with AIDS in the 1990's. I loved that movie and Jake had to listen to me sing every song word for word for over an hour. I didn't get how he sat there next to me and listened to me sing out of toon, he would ever smile and sing with me when he knew the songs! It was so good to see him happy again, I became a little happy too. At the end of the movie Jakes phone rang.
" Hello?" He sighed into the phone.
" Dude, where the hell are you? I've been calling for hours now!" Someone on the other line said, he had a deep voice. One I've never heard before.
" I'm with my girlfriend, the Cullens house." Jake said calmly.
" Oh the babe that you've been talking about?" He sounded way to happy to hear that it was me that Jake was with.
" We'll me over in a few minutes. SAMMY WERE LEAVING, GOING TO SEE A BABE!" He said, that must have been Dean.
" Dean, I have to study for the test tomorrow." Someone said on the line, Sam?
" To bad, oh were on our way Jake." The line went dead.
" Guests?" I asked acting like I didn't know.
" I guess." Jake sighed " Sorry."
It didn't take very long for a black 1967 Chevy Impala pulled into my driveway. I though they must have been lost or pulling back out to make a U-turn or something. With a nice car like that you must be in the wrong place because not even my family has that good of a taste in cars! Coming out from the drivers seat was a tall man, not as tan as a wolf usually is but very cute. The one that was in the passenger was taller then him, it seemed like he could be over a foot taller then me! And I was 5 foot 6 inches possibly seven!
He was different from any wolf that I said seen before, with dark brown hair that was cut shorter then any of the other wolfs and with blue eyes? What kind of wolf was he? The other one, the really tall one was even cuter then the first one! He had brown hair, but it was hanging down below his ears, with the bluest eyes I had ever seen. I thought that vampires had the best of all eyes, no. This little wolf did, those eyes I thought that I could live if if I tried hard enough. There was something about him – something that I couldn't put my finger on about him. It was odd, but I wanted to get to know him better. They came into my house and they both dropped dead when they saw me.
" Dude." The one driving said.
" Umm. . . Hi." The taller one said
" Dean, Sam. Meet my girlfriend Nessie. Nessie this is Dean and Sam." I walked over to the one that had been driving and took out my hand for him. He took it, but was still in a little bit of shock.
" Hello there, my name is Dean Winchester. Wanna know what I would do if i could change the alphabet?" Oh here comes a corny pick-up line.
" No, what?" I asked making it seem like I really cared.
" I'd make U and I be placed together." That's when he pulled me by the hand closer to him. I could see everything goes on inside his head.
Daaamn! Look at this hot girl! Look at what she's wearing, that little black dress on her fits her so well. This chick is smoking! His mind said.
Thanks Dean! I places in his head, He screamed so loud.
" What?" Sam asked, I giggled and went to him.
" Hi, I'm Nessie." I got my hand back from Dean and placed int out for Sam. He wasn't as corny as his brother. He did something much more. . . romantic in a good way.
" Hey, I'm Sam. That dorks brother." He took my hand and kissed it lightly. I knew I was blushing from this. His mind was much different then Deans.
She's a cute girl, but she does have a boyfriend. Jake is my friend, I would never intrude on something like that. I really want to get to know this girl better though, she seems like someone I could get along with. I knew I was blushing hard now. But she does have a really cute smile.
Aww thanks Sam. I gave his mind, he jumped a little.
" SHE DID IT TO YO U TOO RIGHT?" Dean said.
" You used your power didn't you?" Jake laughed.
" Yep." I took a step back to Jake. " Okay boys, I'm half vampire as I bet you know. I have the power to read peoples mind and to communicate with them in the mind too. All with a touch, when you both took my hand I got into your mind. I could read anything you guys were thinking and I can see anything else you've been thinking.
" Fuck." Dean mumbled.
" Yeah, I saw the thing with the stripper." I didn't.
" What stripper Dean?" Jake asked.
" Ask her she knows all about it." Dean pointed over at me.
" No, I just took a shot in the dark really."
" Bitch!" Dean said.
" Nice!" Sam gave me a high five. These boys may not be so bad after all.
For a long time the four of us just started to get to know each other a little better. Getting to know some stuff about one another and just talking. I was mostly talking to Sam, the one that I thought I would share the most interests with, and we just kept talking through some of that day. We talked about stuff we were doing in school, about Dean being a creep, about being a supernatural creature of the dark. Anything that we could think of and that came up into our conversations we placed onto the table. I didn't know why but i felt like I could trust Sam with anything that I told him. That if I wanted to I could tell him that I killed someone that needed his help. I doubted that was a good statement, he'd most likely snitch of me. But he seemed like the guy to go to if you needed help, I guess is a better way to state it. Sam seemed like the person I could become really close friends with.
" Okay, so I know this is gonna sound a little corny but I know that Seth's coming over in a little and I kinda wanna play Truth or Dare." I said when the four of us got back together.
" As long as I call on you and you pick Dare." Dean said and winked at me.
" No re-calls." I winked back.
" I'm totally in then." Dean said.
" Hey, why not." Jake said.
" Sure. I'm never going to get any studying done anyways.
" Hey guys! I'm here!" Seth called.
This was gonna be good.