No excuses. I am le suck at updating. Massive apologies. I love you all who read.
Much thanks and gropes to my glorious beta Jarkin33 (twitter: jaimearkin) who not only turned this around ridiculously fast, but is also an amazing writer as well, please check out her stuff!
Disclaimer: I clearly own nothing Twilight because if I did, my editors would stab me for never turning anything in.
I couldn't fall asleep for the longest time. Every slight noise or twitch Bella did in her sleep sent my nerves into overdrive. She seemed so fragile before, spilling these secrets to me that I was pretty sure her closest friends weren't even aware of.
In sleep though, she looked peaceful and relaxed and the sky turned to gray as I watched her chest rise and fall. I mulled over all the information she shared with me and I still really couldn't comprehend how she'd been through so much and appeared so carefree at the same time. It was easy to tell there was something brewing below Bella's surface, but I had no idea it was anything like that.
The fact that she trusted me enough with this information made me feel extraordinarily worthy and completely shitty at the same time because I was still holding out on her. Questions ran through my head about what her reaction might be. Would Bella think I have this radar for dating girls with baggage? Would she want to deal with my baggage on top of hers? I was driving myself mad.
I tried to sleep a little longer but eventually just decided to get up and possibly make something for breakfast. I was whisk deep in a bowl of eggs when I heard a giggle behind me.
"Something funny about your boyfriend making you breakfast?"
A pair of arms wrapped around me from behind and giggled against my back. "Only when he's wearing Tazmanian Devil boxers."
I turned and scooped her up to put her on the counter while I finished up. "Hmm, I could say the same for my girlfriend in Rainbow Brite feetsie pajamas," I said while taking in her Saturday morning ensemble.
Bella scoffed. "Umm they are not feetsie pajamas. My feet are just cold. I just may or may not have matching socks…"
Fuck she was so cute. I leaned to give her a quick kiss and held back a groan as she kissed back with fervor.
"Don't start anything unless you want your eggs to get cold."
She snorted and then started cackling. Did I miss the big joke about eggs?
"Sorry!" she panted out between laughs. "That just reminded me of the worst pick up line ever!"
"Well it's more of a response to a pick up line," she explained and then cleared her throat and dropped her voice. "Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" She paused and held up her hand. "Unfertilized."
I almost missed the omelet I was flipping. "That's not that bad, funny, but definitely not the worst."
"Then by all means enlighten me." She slid down and grabbed the juice from the fridge as I scooped the omelets onto some plates.
"Hey beautiful, why don't you come over to my house and study some math? We'll add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and I'll multiply."
"Oooh, I like that one! How about 'that dress looks great on you, but it would look better on my floor.'"
I chuckled. "Used it. Worked like a charm."
"Absolutely not. I was hammered and Emmett dared me to say it to some girl. Her handprint was still on my face the next day."
"Serves you right," she grinned.
"I bet if I said that to you I would have gotten away with it."
"So sure of yourself, Cullen."
I put the skillet into the sink, grabbed her hands and spun her so that her back was against my chest and she was trapped between the counter and my now growing cock. I nuzzled in the fine hair at the nape of her neck before licking the shell of her ear.
"Baby… you look fucking sexy as hell in those pajamas... but they would look much better on the floor," I whispered.
I heard a tiny whimper escape her lips and I smirked against her neck.
"Oh for fuck's sake you two, not near the food!"
My hands immediately dropped from her hips and we both spun around to face Emmett in Marvin the Martian boxers.
"Jesus, Emmett! Wear a bell or something!" Bella laughed. "And is there a thing with the Cullen boys wearing cartoon boxers that I don't know about?"
Emmett and I looked at each other as we both mumbled something incoherently.
"What was that?" she asked incredulously.
"Our mom buys us boxers for our birthdays every year," Emmett hastily admitted.
I watched Bella's eyes narrow and then pop open as she laughed loudly. "Oh my god… that's just so… precious!"
"Would you rather I just not wear them?" I said in her ear.
She shivered as Emmett screamed, "Again, NOT near the food!"
"It's not your food anyways, asshole!" Bella cackled, grabbed the plates, and scooted past Emmett before he could react. "Cullen! Breakfast in bed!"
"I think I saw some Pop-Tarts in the pantry?" I smirked and managed to dodge his punch as I practically ran back toward Bella's room.
Seeing Bella's room the night before had given me a glimpse into a side of her I hadn't seen. Concert posters, clothes, school books, the typical stuff was strewn about. But what fascinated me the most were the pictures and mounds of books on her bookshelf. I told myself it wasn't snooping if they were sitting out in the open so I poured over the titles and old family photographs that she thought were important enough to keep. She had such a wide variety of books I found myself worried I wasn't going to be able to keep up.
So over omelets in bed I asked her about them and we spent the next couple of hours talking and fighting over our favorites. Things felt easy. Natural… like we had been doing this forever. Bella kept me on my toes but I never felt more relaxed or happy than when I was just with her and I hoped she felt the same way.
I knew last night that something had changed between us and I'm pretty sure she could feel it too. When she woke I expected to see the overwhelming vulnerability in her eyes again and I was nervous she was going to regret letting me in on her life but it was completely gone. Except for the slight puffiness to her eyes, no one would have ever guessed that just hours ago she was practically sobbing in my arms. I felt so helpless while she told me what happened to her and I had to resist the urge to just fucking break something to make myself feel better.
How anyone could have treated of her like that, how her father essentially let her fend for herself, how she managed to get her shit together so completely was mind boggling, especially to me. I couldn't help but compare our situations even though they were completely different, how we reacted initially seemed so similar. We both completely shut down and stopped living, but instead of wallowing and relying on others to clean her shit up, Bella pretty much did it on her own by sheer force of will.
I was almost jealous of that.
I knew how much damage just one person could cause to another, all too well. Bella and I related so well but I never imagined we would have that in common.
I was in love with her before, but last night I fell so completely that I didn't even scare myself when I thought about what it would be like to wake up to her every morning.
But there was a little pin that kept poking at my happy bubble.
You haven't told her about Tanya yet, fuckwad. When she finds out you're the reason your last girlfriend killed herself she'll leave you and then where will you be? Drowning in a bottle of scotch again only this time no one will think you're worth saving.
It's not time, I argued with myself. It wouldn't be fair to unload on her after everything she just told me.
I was going to tell her. Sometime. Eventually. Probably.
The battle raged in my head as I forced a smile and another laugh as Bella argued the finer points between some authors she loved.
Soon. For now I just need her.
I looked warily at the contents spread out on my bed. All Bella had asked me was if I had a black suit and socks and she would provide the rest. I looked at the wig, bolo tie, and small pillow with confusion and picked up my phone. I hope she wouldn't mind the interruption. Bella was getting ready with the girls and then we were all meeting up at the bar for the Halloween party.
She picked up a few rings in.
"Hey you!" she giggled and I guessed they started the party a little early.
"Hey boozie, having fun?" I could almost hear her eyes roll over the phone.
"We're just getting ready; do you like your costume?"
"Well, that's what I called about… I'm a little confused."
"Umm how? Frankly I thought it would be really obvious once you put it on."
"Well I get the wig and tie… but the pillow?"
"That goes under your shirt."
"Oh… uh ok."
"Don't be nervous! It's going to be awesome and you'll love it. I'll see you in a couple of hours ok?"
"Sounds good, baby."
A couple of hours later I was staring at my reflection in awe. If I looked like this… that meant Bella was… my pants tightened considerably. I couldn't fucking wait to see her in her costume.
When I went to Emmett's to pick up him and Jasper, I knew I owed Bella big for not torturing me.
"Ahhh dude, what the FUCK?" Jasper swung the door open and took in my get up while I busted out laughing at his.
"Jasper… the sequins, seriously a good look for you," I managed between guffaws.
He was Cher. To a T. Jasper had a long black wig on and a sparkly dress with a seriously dangerous slit up the side. He growled and stormed off to the kitchen and knocked back a beer within minutes.
"Hey, you told her no tights…" I smirked.
He glared and grabbed another drink. "Fuck. You."
"Not yet. He's still finishing getting ready. But damn, yours is awesome. Lucky bastard."
I gave a little spin to show off and got a bottle cap chucked at my head.
Emmett came out of his room then and I clapped whereas Jasper mumbled something about "cruel and unusual."
"Fuck… that is…"
"I know, man! Rosie did well. I was really worried we'd end up being Tarzan and Jane or some bullshit, but this is pretty damn cool. Plus, I get a sword!"
A 15 year-old in a 28 year-olds body… I shook my head and laughed.
"Farm boy, get me a beer," I waved dismissively.
"Fuck that, I'm the Dread Pirate Roberts!"
"Well he wasn't the real Roberts was he?" I laughed.
He scowled. "As you wish… bitch."
I nursed a beer seeing as that I was driving down there tonight as Emmett and I continued to give Jasper shit for his costume. After a few drinks however, he began to embrace it a little more and we even got a little "if I could turn back time" out of him before he realized what was happening.
"Ugh, don't tell Alice that happened," he blushed and strapped on the most garish silver platform looking shoes I'd ever seen.
"Jesus Jasper… you steal those from a local stripper?"
I snorted. "Those could only belong to a drag queen."
"Fuck you both. Repeatedly. Up the ass."
When we got into the car, I casually selected "I've Got You Babe" from my iPod and another round of "fuck you's" and punches ensued.
By the time we made it downtown the line was out the door and I was stunned by the intricate details of other costumes I saw. Emmett was covering his ear and shouting into his phone before he just yelled "We'll see you in a minute!" and flipped it shut.
"They're already inside and Rose said to just drop her name at the door," he shrugged.
The bouncer gave Emmett the once-over before letting us right in.
I immediately felt more at ease in this place. There was room for dancing but there were also pool tables, and a bunch of booths and tables surrounding the dance floor. Slightly more relaxed than Warehouse but a good set up for a party.
A pair of arms slipped around my waist and I felt a grin spread across my face.
"Vincent Vega?" Bella dropped her voice and I laughed.
"Mrs. Mia Wallace?" I imitated Uma and had to blink several times just to make sure it was really Bella.
Her long brown hair was replaced with a cropped black wig and bangs and the white shirt was unbuttoned to a dangerously low level and I swallowed looking at her ample cleavage.
"Fuck…" I groaned.
I nodded. "Though I don't believe Uma's tits were hanging out so much…"
"Hah! It's Halloween, I had to slut it up a little," she laughed and looked behind me where Jasper and Emmett were still standing.
"You guys look great!" she managed with a straight face and then snickered in Jasper's direction. "See? I'm a good girlfriend," she poked me in the ribs. "That could have been you. Instead you get John Travolta as a badass assassin type from one of the best movies ever."
"I owe you big for this don't I?"
"Hmm we'll see how you feel about that later…" she hinted and grabbed my hand gesturing for us to follow her.
We were greeted with a few other people, some of their friends I recognized from the party. Alice and Jasper, once standing together, looked like they would be in the final running for the contest. She went all out. Short wig, mustache, vest, bell-bottoms… if it weren't for the outline of her boobs she might actually pass for the real Sonny Bono, well if he wasn't dead.
"Looking good, Alice," Emmett saluted.
She twitched the mustache a little and laughed. "You too. You lucked out by the way, you almost ended up in tights tonight… but I told Rose if she wanted to get laid she should butch it up a bit."
"And for that, I'll be eternally grateful," he chuckled and offered to go get a round of drinks.
The party was in full swing and the night was just turning into one of those events that I knew I would always remember with a smile. I had just downed the last of my beer when I felt a familiar pair of lips pressed to my ear.
My girl wasn't a lush, but fuck it if I didn't love a drunk, horny Bella.
"Hey yourself, baby," I grinned and slipped my arm around her.
"Mmm," she whispered and traced the edge of my ear with the barest of touches and I shifted in my seat. If she was ready to go that was damn fine by me.
"Bella," I warned, "Either you want to get fucked in the bathroom or you're ready to go."
She giggled into my neck. "Neither actually… promise you won't kill me?"
"Good enough for me! Come on!" With that she grabbed my hand and as she dragged into the direction of the dance floor I heard an all-too-familiar voice through the speakers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, now for the moment you've all been waiting for…"
She doubled over in laughter but continued pulling me toward the center of the crowd.
"The world famous, Jack-Rabbit Slim's twist contest!"
"Oh you are so evil, woman!" I shook my head.
"Take a bow, Vincent Vega," she grinned.
"I don't have to take off my shoes do I?" I looked down at the floor, "Because… no."
"Ew, no please don't, but you do have to dance."
The twang of the guitar started up and I let the booze and Bella's infectious energy take over. I put on my best pouty-creeper-Vincent-Vega face and strutted around, twisting onto one leg, doing the swim, and any other moves I could remember from that scene.
Bella fucking glowed. She laughed, danced, laughed some more and if embarrassing my ass in front of a few hundred people did that for her, then I was in. No questions asked. Next thing I know she's jumped in my arms and sucking my tongue deep into her mouth. I fucking loved showing every douche looking on that she was mine. I grabbed her ass and gave it a squeeze.
She pulled back with mock shock on her face.
"Sorry, couldn't resist," I smirked.
Her eyes glazed over and she ran her hands down my chest. "Ready to go?"
We said our goodbyes with quite a few sets of eye rolls from our friends. The entire drive back to my place her hands were anywhere they could touch me. She brushed right over my cock.
"Young lady I will pull this car over right now."
"But it's freezing out."
"With the way you're going that won't exactly matter to me a few minutes."
"Fine," she sighed and sat back into her seat. "Hey,"
"Thanks for being my date tonight."
I looked over at her, she looked smaller and less assured than just a few seconds ago. "Like I could say no to you."
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Thanks, but I mean, I know I'm younger and so are my friends, and you've lived this incredibly adult life and-"
"Bella," I grabbed her hand bringing it to my lips. "I had a great time tonight. Your friends are fun, and I've been told way too many times, mostly by my own brother, that I need to loosen up a little. And… well you do that for me. I like me more when I'm around you, like I'm more of myself or something."
I caught sight of her blush as we passed under a streetlight and pulled into my driveway. We stumbled in laughing over the text she just got from Alice. She and Jasper both being crowned as the best costume winners, except in the excitement his wig had fallen off and he was just a dude in a dress.
"I'm going to go change real quick," Bella grabbed the bag she dropped off earlier. "And then scary movie time?"
Scary movie meant cuddling, cuddling meant groping, and groping meant eventual fucking. I quickly agreed. I unbuttoned my shirt and removed the pillow and wig and had just settled into the couch when I heard a large thump followed by a loud, "son of a bitch!"
"Babe, you ok?" I called.
"Yeah, just stubbed my toe. Can you bring me some ice?"
"Be right there." The girl could dance but walking on a flat surface? An injury waiting to happen. I grabbed a hand towel and some ice.
"Here baby, what did you tr- oh holy fuck." I dropped the towel along with my jaw at the sight before me.
"Mr. Cullen… you must be quiet. This is a library."
A/N: Thank you so very much for reading. I expect ragey reviews for leaving it there... or just yelling at me to update more in general. Or ideas for naughty librarian scenarios. Or, well, whatever you feel like :)