This is another one of my vague speculation pieces based off of some spoilers that are floating in the air. I'll explain the rest at the end so as not to spoil the fic.
Disclaimer: I spend my free time looking up Bones news on You Tube...I'm almost certain Hart Hanson wouldn't do this....I don't own it guys!
It had been a very long time since she had felt this hopeless and this out of control. She usually had every aspect of her life planned out like a map in her head. If something went wrong on her plan, she had back up's, she had plan B's. She was never out of control of her own life. And yet today, at this particular moment in time, she felt absolutely out of control. There was no plan B, there was no backup plan. She had always thought that he would be the one to comfort her during this week and that she would comfort him. But today he was with someone else and she was alone. Alone with her thoughts and wishes. Wondering how everything could be so wrong after such a short amount of time.
She pulls up in front of her partner's apartment building and looks up to see if his light is still on. When she sees it, she pulls into the parking lot and starts scanning for the parking spot reserved for Booth's visitors.
She presses on the brake as she notices a familiar car in her spot. Catherine Klein.
There's no hesitation, there's no time. She just pulls her car out of the parking lot and drives home with tears in her eyes and a sinking feeling in her gut.
She hates Booth for doing this to her. She hates him for opening her up to all these emotions, for making her believe that everything could be okay, that everything could have a happy ending. She hates him for making her believe and then taking it away from her.
She cries herself to sleep that night and when she awakens she looks anything but well rested. But never the less, she needs to appear in court today, so she applies more makeup than she usually would and climbs into her car.
Booth meets her outside the courtroom like he has for the last few days of the trial. They smile and he hands he coffee.
And it's like nothing has ever been wrong.
They move with exact synchronicity, shifting around corners and walking upstairs without bumping into each other once. She is glad because one touch from him today would be enough to lose her balance and fall back into the darkness that was the night before. After all, he shouldn't touch her when he's seeing someone else.
Hodgins is waiting to be called along with both of them today and the air is thick with tension when they are all seated in the waiting room. They all know why they are there and so no words are spoken. The Gravedigger is being brought to justice today and that one thought unites the 3 separate entities within that room.
Brennan finishes her coffee first and throws in into the bin on the opposite side of the room. The noise startles the two men, but it brings them out of their thoughts so that they are more aware when a uniformed man announces that Doctor Jack Hodgins is being called to the stand to testify.
After he leaves the room is, if possible, more silent. Booth stands and starts to pace, throwing worried glances at his partner who seems to be trying to avoid his every gaze. He knows that she doesn't usually wear makeup, so it worries him that he can see obvious foundation lines underneath her eyes.
"Bones," he wants to speak to her, but his voice comes out as a bare whisper.
She looks up at him, her eyes scared and strangely hurt. He looks deep within the depths and can feel tears pricking at the corners of his own eyes; he doesn't know how, but he has hurt her beyond a shadow of a doubt and she is showing it.
She doesn't answer his whisper and before he can say anything else, he's being requested in the courtroom. She gives him the slightest of smiles for luck and watches as he leaves her alone in the gloomy room.
She sighs and turns to her thoughts, the same ones that kept her in a restless slumber the night before. She just needed time, just a little time and she would have been able to face her feelings and confront Booth. He once asked her for time, and she had given it to him. But it hurt her that she didn't get that same privilege. He had just gone off with another woman to use for his comfort during this tough time.
She wishes more than anything that she could convey to her partner how much he means to her and how much she needs his comfort. It took her a long, long time to come to terms with her emotions and her feelings, but she finally knew that she felt something more than a need to satisfy biological urges with her partner, but she had realised it too late.
It wasn't long before she was called to the stand.
She could see Booth sitting in the large group of people who were there for them on this day. It gave her a strange sense of satisfaction to see that Catherine was nowhere to be found.
Caroline asked safe questions that were guaranteed to get a jury response. Brennan relaxed into the gentle southern rhythm, knowing that she could trust her own lawyer. When the defence was asked to cross examine though, she started to internally panic.
The questions were brief and abrupt and she was trained to take the stand, but she always found it harder when it was a personal case. The defence attorney drilled her and drilled her with questions that were so hard to remember the answers to. She was nearly at breaking point when Caroline took over to re examine some of the finer points of the defence's case.
Taking a deep breath helped sooth her nerves as she watched Caroline pull something out from the evidence file, something she thought had buried with the car all those years ago.
The lawyer watched her eyes widen and knew she had caught her witness off guard.
"Doctor Brennan, could you please explain to the court what this is?"
Brennan looked at Caroline with determination, trying very hard not to let her eyes wander to her partner, "It's a letter I wrote while I was buried. Jack Hodgins also wrote one."
Caroline noticed Brennan's determination and turned to face Booth, he wouldn't understand until later, but the look she was giving him was a warning, "And could you please tell the court who this letter is addressed to?"
Her eyes swung low, her heart beat fast, "My partner, Special Agent Booth."
Brennan tried not to hear the gasp and whisper that went through the crowd, she especially tried not to hear Booth's gasp among the others.
Caroline nodded, "Now, I have read this letter and I believe it is safe to say that you and Doctor Hodgins feared for your lives?"
The defence was quick to jump on that, "Objection, leading question."
The judge honoured the objection and Caroline rephrased her question, "I apologise, Doctor Brennan, how did you feel while you were buried alive?" Her tone was laden with sarcasm; any person would know exactly how Brennan and Hodgins would have been feeling in that car with no air.
"I felt trapped, scared." She couldn't help but let her eyes glance once at Booth, "I feared for my life and the life of my friend. I felt tortured and I felt terrorised."
Caroline nodded, turning to the jury, "She felt tortured and terrorised, ladies and gentlemen. Please recall this statement when you consider the charge for infliction of harm on the defence's RAP sheet." Turning back to the stand she simply said, "No further questions."
Brennan was excused from the stand and walked out of the courtroom while the defence and prosecution delivered their closing statements.
The doors closed behind her and it was only then that she allowed her tears to fall. She had never wanted to see that letter again. It was the one shred of evidence that she put more faith in Booth than any other person in her life. It was the one little piece of evidence that she had needed him then and she needed him now.
The doors swung open behind her and she didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. She spoke with a voice that was so much steadier than how she was feeling, "I'm fine and I don't want to talk about it." As she swung around to leave the building, she realised she didn't care if he saw her crying. She wanted to make him feel guilty for making her like this, so with a final look to her partner, she said, "Go, be with Catherine," before storming out of the building without a thought to what the final sentence would be for the Gravedigger.
Booth watched from the courtroom, his mouth half open, ready to say something, but having no control over what his body wanted to do.
The knock didn't come as a surprise, what did surprise her was that Booth was carrying Thai and a bottle of wine. They hadn't done this since he and Catherine had started seeing each other and somehow it felt wrong and right all at once that he was here and with her.
Neither partner spoke; she just slid away from the door so he could enter. He walks to her kitchen and pulls out plates and glasses, serving up their dinner and walking into the lounge room all the while, her eyes stayed trained precisely on him.
He sits first and she follows, her eyes watching him closely, "Why are you here?"
Booth shrugs and pushes her plate towards her, urging her to eat, "To have dinner with my friend and maybe some wine and just talk." He meets her eyes, "Like always."
She swallows and looks at her plate, the food smells amazing and she hasn't eaten since the few dry biscuits in the court house, but she has to ask something first, "It hasn't been always since you and Catherine..." She trails off awkwardly, not really knowing the intimate details of her partner's love life, not really wanting to know.
Booth understands what she means, "Since we started dating?" Brennan nods, glad that he hadn't said 'since we started sleeping together.'
"Catherine and I broke up last night," he shrugs, "If you want to even call it that." He takes a moment to compose his thoughts, "We both decided that we shouldn't date anymore, she could see that I wasn't all that into it."
Brennan looks confused by that, "I don't understand, I thought you were both really getting along."
"We do, we get along fine. But we get along as friends. That's all."
"Oh, like you and I."
The way she said it was as though she had just accepted it as a fact even though she didn't really want to, "Uh, Bones, I want to talk to you about something."
She takes her first bite of dinner and nods, "Eat, drink, talk. That's what you're here for."
He nods and takes a generous sip of wine, "You wrote to me?"
She pauses, her hand half way to her mouth, her wine sitting at the edge of the glass she is holding. Her eyes flick to his and then back to the glass. In a swift movement she drinks every last drop of her wine and pours herself another glass, topping up Booth's on the way as well, "I did."
He smiles at her obvious attempts to get herself a little tipsy before having this conversation, "Why me?"
She looks at him curiously, "You don't want to know what was in the letter?"
He shakes his head, "I can read it straight off the page any time. I want to know, from you to me, why you wrote the letter to me."
She looks like she is struggling with her thoughts, "You know they handed down life imprisonment for all her charges today? I wasn't there for it, but Hodgins called me earlier and told me."
Booth gets off the lounge and kneels in front of her, his hands on either side of her face as he tries to will her to answer what he was asking, "Temperance, please."
She can feel tears coming to her eyes; her memories transporting her back to that day, her heart beat erratic, as though she has no control over her own breathing. She can see the dirt around her, can hear the hollow sound as she tries to knock on the window to see where she is. She can feel her control slipping further and further from her grasp.
And then she can feel Booth, insistent and warm. His arms are welcoming as she sinks down onto her knees in front of him, their bodies wrapped in a tight embrace.
"I couldn't control anything, I couldn't do a thing. Hodgins and I, we tried to make more air, we tried to blow ourselves out of there, but the truth is we had no control over what was going to happen."
Booth's hands rub up and down her back as she speaks, her whole body is shivering and he knows what she is going through. He too had been held captive by the Gravedigger, he too had felt the loss of control, the absolute faith that someone was looking for him because if he didn't have that faith, he wouldn't have gotten off that ship.
"I wrote to you because I wanted to believe that it was you who was going to help me get my control back. I wrote to you because I had faith in you. I have faith in you."
He feels her body begin to relax as she pulls herself away from him, tucking her hair behind her ears and standing up, pulling Booth after her, "I wrote to you because I wanted you to know that you meant something to me, even if I didn't always show that I appreciated you."
Booth doesn't think before he acts and kisses her softly, just a taste, "I'm glad I never had to get that letter."
She tilts he head and he can't resist one more taste, "Because it means you're still here. It means that you're still in control of your life."
She smiles and steals a kiss of her own, "Sometimes I like you to be in control too though."
He catches her double meaning and smiles back at her, kissing her senseless in front of a forgotten table full of wine and Thai food.
Phew! How'd we go?
Now, I know there's like huge amounts of speculation going around about what the letter said, but I honest to goodness don't want to guess at it. I feel like if Hart Hanson put this idea forward in season 2 and has brought it back in season 5, it's a big deal and I don't want to make a guess at something so big, so I've left it a big blank. (Just used 'big' 3 times in the same sentence...good effort. Lol)
Also, I don't think that Booth would be allowed to watch Brennan testify in a real court case, but it's my fantasy world, so anything goes, let's be honest. Lol
Thanks for reading and I love reviews. :)