Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn or any of the characters. I only own my KHR collection.
Warning: Crack and shonen-ai hints. May be confusing.
Pairings: HibariTsuna (1827), XanxusSqualo (XS)
Author's Note: This is pretty much something random which flew out of my mind. Finished it in less than 20 minutes. :p
Compare and Contrast
Life of the ukes
Tsuna was not exactly Squalo's friend, or comrade, or anything for that matter.
However, most recently he and Squalo formed some kind of a bullied wives' club, since their husbands formed the alpha seme club just about a week ago.
Even now, the two dominant ones in the relationship waited in the living room, having threatened most subtly to wreck the place if dinner wasn't served. Xanxus wanted an order of wine to go with it, while Hibari wanted green tea.
The two worked in the kitchens for hours, having resigned themselves to cutting vegetables and stirring soup. There was no conversation or sound between them, save for the steady thud of the knife descending the chopping board. Squalo was hacking and cutting away with as much housewife skills as a trained swordsman could display, and despite the damage he was trying to inflict on the poor innocent lettuce, every slice remained cut to symmetrical perfection.
Tsuna on the other hand somehow mixed the ingredients of two separate dishes in the menu he held, and created something so extraordinary, it would have made Dr Frankenstein proud. In his haste to fix the problem, he knocked over the salt shaker, further polluting the soup beyond permitted levels.
Squalo finished his chopping with the last, violent thud, then raised his head to the air and roared. "Voooooii!!! Why must I be the one to cook for that damn boss?! He never likes any of my cooking anyway!"
"I don't think Hibari-san will like mine either..." Tsuna muttered, looking miserable.
Squalo gave a soft "Ch". "Who cares? It's about time we leave those guys anyway.
They've been nothing but trash so far! Don't tell me that Hibari hasn't been treating you badly."
Tsuna was quiet for a while. "He...does hit me a lot."
"Heh. That damn boss slams my head into the table when he's in a bad mood."
"He'd wave his tonfas around when I get in his way."
"He'd use me for target practice just because he feels like it."
"I have to wear an apron when he's in the mood."
"I have to wear this same outfit, since that damn boss seems to like everything military related."
"I have to deal with all the housework."
"I have to clean up after his mess."
"He'd run off in the middle of the battlefield when I'm surrounded by enemies."
"He'd sit and drink wine while I have to face the enemy."
"I'm practically doing everything..." It was at this final sentence that Tsuna and Squalo realized they share one thing in common.
Tsuna chuckled. "I'm sorry. I don't think I can leave Hibari-san after all."
"Heh. I can't leave that damn boss alone either. What would he ever do without me?"
Life of the semes
Xanxus and Hibari shared nothing in common, save for their love to sit on couches while their wives slaved away in the kitchens. They did not even have any kind of a club. Their wives just assumed so.
For a while, both men didn't say a thing, as they merely waited for dinner to be served.
Xanxus sipped on his wine, which Squalo had brought over before he prepared dinner. Hibari on the other hand had nothing to drink, since Tsuna fled into the kitchens the minute he mentioned that he was hungry.
"Hah! Your wife is a real klutz. I really do not know what you see in that Sawada Tsunayoshi."
"My wife is better than yours, Xanxus." Was Hibari's flat reply.
"Oh really? Can your wife command a few hundred men at the same time, because that shark is good at that."
"Mine cowers in the face of enemies, unless there is an infant around to send him into hyper dying will mode."
"My wife is good with housework."
"Mine breaks all the chinaware in the house."
"My wife's cooking is delicious even though he doesn't look like he can cook."
"My wife poisons the people I forced...persuaded as taste testers for the four years he's been trying to cook for me."
"My wife is respected by everyone around him."
"My wife is ridiculed by everyone around him if I'm not there to bite them to death."
"My wife looks good in any outfit."
"My wife looks better in none."
"My wife sticks to me no matter how I treat him."
"Mine runs at the very sight of me."
Xanxus paused. "Seriously. Your wife is better? Hah! You're making me laugh."
"We'll see." Hibari replied, even as Squalo and Tsuna entered the room.
"Damn boss. Eat your dinner!" Squalo set the plate down with an unrefined thunk. Despite how rough he sounded, his cooking was nothing short of a gourmet, cooked and dressed to perfection, without anything for Xanxus to pick on. Xanxus threw Hibari a smirk.
On the other hand, Tsuna went meekly to the black haired man's side. "I'm sorry, Hibari-san. I ruined the soup." He set the pot down without making a sound, and Xanxus turned green at the sight and smell of what it contained. It wasn't even worth his time mentioning if there was anything to pick on it. Simply put, there was just nothing to praise about it.
If anything, Hibari actually looked pleased. "Heh. You've ruined the soup again, Tsunayoshi. How many times has this been? You've apologized too many times. An apology would not suffice now. You must be punished." His eyes gleamed as he whipped out his tonfas, dragging his wife with him into one of the rooms. There were the sounds of thumps and thuds, then other sounds which made Xanxus scowl and Squalo flush. Judging by how loud Tsuna was, that must have been quite some punishment indeed.
Xanxus stared back at his dinner, now knowing that he had lost the argument with Hibari. Without warning, he grabbed his wife's long, silvery hair and slammed his head on the table.
"Dammit, you shark trash! Do you have to be so meticulous?"
End of one-shot
Good luck trying to interpret the ending. It may seem a little confusing. T.T
Please Read and Review. No Flames Please.