Title: Five pranks the old guard played on the "new guy"
Author: Shenandoah Risu
Category: SGU, Five Things
Rating: PG-13
Status: complete
Season/ Spoilers: pre-season one/ none
Archive: please ask me first
Disclaimer: I don't own SGU. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, Young... Young I'd know what to do with... ;-)

Five pranks the old guard played on "the new guy"
by Shenandoah Risu

1. It's Everett's first day at his new high school. Everybody seems nice enough, minus the barely disguised animosity of a few bullies in his class which he spots right away. But it's not until the last class, Woodworking, that it happens: as he sits down his chair collapses and he falls hard on his behind, a chorus of laughter echoing around him. He gets up, gathers the broken chair pieces and nods at the teacher.

"Please, sir, may I fix the chair since I was clumsy enough to break it?"

The teacher gestures at the shop wordlessly, and the boys' laughter ends quickly, as he swiftly cleans and sands the pieces, applies an adhesive and clamps the chair together expertly, using a multitude of tools. Within half an hour the chair is back together and drying.

Everett smiles at his classmates. "Cool, that was fun! Got something else for me to fix?"

They leave him alone after that.


2. Lieutenant Young's first time in the flight simulator at the Academy turns out to be more exciting than expected. One of the older students, David Telford, sets up the sim for him, he does his pre-flight checks and away they go. Within minutes his flight controls go nuts and his control panel lights up with caution and warning signals like a Christmas tree.

"Eject! Eject!" The voice of the sim sup sounds triumphant in his ears; he ignores the command and begins working the problems, realizing fully well what is happening. He addresses several issues at a time, his hands flying over the controls, his eyes darting this way and that, and he succeeds in pulling his simulated fighter craft out of a death spin at the last moment.

His hands are a little shaky but he manages to sound calm as he reports his status.

Telford never works as his sim sup again.


3. Captain Young walks into the locker room next to the hangar of his new team and as he opens his cubby a large photoshopped picture of his base commander – naked – stares him in the face. He notices the suppressed chuckles all the way around and makes a pensive noise.

"Mine is bigger," he finally says, strips off his clothes and walks to the showers stark naked, shocked stares following him.

Nobody ever touches his locker again.


4. During Major Young's first week at the SGC he's told he has to fill in for a team member who fell down the stairs and whose unit was about to leave. Young is geared up and ready to go within minutes and meets SG-24 in the gate room. They turn out to be three Portuguese women, and when he begins a friendly rapid-fire conversation with them the faces in the control room fall. He returns after a successful mission to P9X 731, also known as the Portuguese planet, and prepares his mission report, never realizing he's been punk'd.

He gets his own team only weeks after that.


5. Colonel Young has just arrived on Icarus base and immediately the science team asks for a meeting. They barrage him with questions, suggestions and requests, and as he opens his desk drawer not a single pen is to be found. He looks at the half-dozen grinning faces, reaches behind him, and sure enough, there is a pen tucked into his chair, between the seat cushion and the back rest.

"Good one, folks," he says, holding up the pen and then calmly writing out a to do list. "And I'll see what I can do about getting you all some extra pens, okay?"

The next day 3 pencils are laid out on his desk with his name skillfully engraved in the wood. He makes it a habit to constantly lose them on the base – and they invariably show up again in his office the next day.

He never finds out who the artisan is.


Note: This story was originally published on the sg1-five things comm on February 15, 2010. I didn't realize at the time that this prompt was supposed to be for SG-1 Mitchell stories - the prompt didn't specify the series and I didn't read the tags... ;-)
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