Au : This is part of a larger story, but I have found that I do not excel at writing adventure. Tends to get very dark and intense, dare I say twisted, so I have posted the on ship part and will try to work on the rest to fill in the gaps .


Ch 1: Return.


The door to Spock's quarters whooshed open and he stepped inside and paused. Nyota was here, he was sure of it, her faint scent of jasmine was in the air and, illogical as it seemed, he could "feel" her.

He frowned. She must know that he had entered, but she had not greeted him. Something was wrong and his whole being already ached with pain and exhaustion. In his weakened state he did not know if he could perform adequately if there was a problem.

He stepped wearily toward the bedroom. She was sitting in the bed crossed legged wearing what appeared to be one of his old torn T shirts. Her hair was down and loose over her shoulders, her hands were in her lap and the fingers were knotted together and working restlessly. She was so beautiful and miraculous his step faltered. She looked up and taking in his drawn appearance, exhausted posture her eyes filled with tears that slowly overflowed running down her cheeks.

He approached the bed slowly, put a hand down and eased himself gently into a sitting position on the side of the bed one leg bent so he was turned and facing toward her. He saw her reaction to the agonisingly slow movements and his involuntary grimace.

She opened her mouth to speak but closed in again swallowing repeatedly. He reached his hand toward her but she tucked her hands into her arm pits and shook her head. The tears were flowing faster now and her breathing was becoming irregular. Spock briefly closed his eyes to gather his strength and calm himself. Something was very wrong and he was barely able to stay upright let alone think and what he needed was within reach. With his whole being he knew that what he needed was Nuota…

Nyota took some slow deep breathes and said in a shaky voice, "I am so sorry." Deep breath, "I have been…" her voice trailed off, "I'm just flooding Spock" She looked at him with pleading eyes, "everything I have had to cope with this last fortnight …I did so well," Her eyes flick up to him, "I was exemplary. And now, now that you are here, now that there is no need to be afraid, now that I can relax, I'm just flooding with all these feelings and I do not want you to have to feel this too. Not on top of everything else." She stopped, breathing hard and bit her lip, "I've heard the talk about what a happened, the others in the party have been talking and oh God." She bit her knuckle and then pressed her hands to her face, "I nearly lost you, I nearly lost you…" her voice trailed away as she struggled with control. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want to do this, I wanted to be strong for you, I wanted to care for you. But the waiting was… I'm…I'm…" she was gulping and looking at him with eyes pleading for understanding.

" Ashayam, I would have come sooner if I could. I was…" Spock tried to explain.

"You don't have to explain," Nyota said softly, "I know that Dr McCoy sedated you in the transporter room when you tried to leave. "

"I just wanted to go to you," stated Spock.

"I know," replied Nyota, "I know, just no one else did. Rumour had it the doc was shouting something about making you rest even if you didn't have the sense to do it yourself and he zapped you with a hypo from behind." She smiled a small watery smile.

"I believe that I have been in and out of unconscious for almost a week," Spock stated, "Ashayam," he reached toward her, "I never intended to abandon you …"

Nyota nodded. Then her eyes filled with tears again and she was sobbing in a low whisper she said, "I couldn't get to see you….they wouldn't let me," her voice trailed away then her eyes flick to his face and she continued, " McCoy shouted at me said he had patients that needed real care, he was frantic and he wouldn't listen. He said," she drew a deep shaky breath, "'the commander may still die, and some of the others are not much better. Stay out of my way'. I…I… I couldn't get in to see you and you could have died."

Spock closed his eyes briefly and Nyota saw his weariness. Saw how he struggled for control.

'Spock, I'm sorry. I should be…" Nyota stopped as his long arm reached out and he brushed a tear from her check.

"Nyota, ashayam, there is a human saying that it is a poor man who has no one to weep for him. I have only you, Nyota and you only weep because you love me." He saw her draw breath to protest, and placed a finger over her lips, "No, others value me, maybe admire me, professionally as an officer, only you love me." His placed his hand on the top of her arm and pulled gently and suddenly she was kneeling beside him and cupping his face in the way he treasured and kissing his face and neck.

"I want to hold you, but I am afraid to touch you in case I hurt you."

He held her hand to his lips and kissed her palm, "Then we will proceed carefully."