Crack!fic, the result of my realizing that way too many writers turn characters into rats. Next up: the epic love triangle between Amy, David, and Peter Pettigrew!

He was sick of running from a crazy blonde superheroine, so he fled to Sunnydale and met another one. He hadn't meant to, not now that he was human- but with a certain affinity for cheese, and his nose was still doing that twitchy thing- but he'd found himself wandering through a cemetery on one particularly depressing night and seen a blonde girl fighting an alien he didn't recognize. She shoved some sort of weapon into it and it exploded.

He shuddered, thinking of Rachel, and headed toward the closest populated area. It was a nightclub packed with teenagers, but he had no qualms about being packed in with- bodies, squirming furry bodies nuzzling and nipping - people.

He moved with the swarm, let it carry him across the room and toward the bar, where he stood silently for a minute, waiting patiently.

Beside him, a girl sat up, her ears pricking up as she turned to him. She had a plate full of dairy products. "Hi."

"Hey," he said, feeling a kinship he didn't quite understand.

"I'm Amy," she offered, nibbling at a chunk of cheese with her front teeth.


Her nose twitched as she held out the plate. "Cheese?"