This chapter is Rated T.

Isabella Rain; you are a champion. You have put in so much effort into editing my story, it's amazing. :)

Authors Notes:
This story will most likely have T rated chapters, however, occasionally there will be M rated chapters, so please look out for the rating warning. This is my first ever Fan Fiction story, so I hope it meets your expectations. The first 5-6 chapters may seem slow at first, but please trust me; the story does have a lot of drama and mystery, so, please, hold on tight, and try and make it through the story. Also, I would love to hear what you think about my chapters, so feel free to leave me reviews. :)

The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.


Sorrow Feeling

It's been nearly five weeks since the tragic death of Mason. He was my, best friend... boyfriend... enemy. I don't know what we were. For him, he still thought we had a fighting chance to repair our relationship. Though for me, I was going to be telling him the relationship was over, when we returned from Spokane. It's been on my mind since, well, since his funeral. Mason was always there for me, and I loved his company and the occasional flirting. We had been best friends since I was made to live here and train at the age of four with Lissa.

Though I can't help but think about what we were before our trip to Spokane, I thought I could return the feelings he had for me. When it came to us being intimate though, I realised I was thinking about Dimitri when attempting to make love to Mason. I wish we didn't leave things the way we did, but in the end I think he knew he was special to me.

There's also another person who is special in my heart.


Oh, where do I start? He is still enforcing the rule about us not being together, to protect Lissa because that should be our first priory and our duty. I keep telling myself that he will have to give in to the attraction sooner than later, but he is so stubborn. Every now and then I am able to steal a kiss from him without him pulling away, but it is very rare that we get time alone and when we do he is in strict mentor mode.

"Oh shit!" I've been so distracted thinking about the messed I've made that I'm going to be late for Dimitri's training session. I quickly grabbed my gym bag and head for the gymnasium, running full speed. By the time I made a stop at their doors, I wasn't that tired. Maybe all of the running Dimitri made me do is paying off.

As I was walking across the gymnasium, I saw Dimitri sitting in his normal seat reading one of his books. It makes me smile every time I see him read, and one day I'm going to have to ask him why he reads those western books.

"Rose," he stands up and starts to turn towards me. "You're late, again. Are you going to keep making this a habit of yours?"

"I just woke up late Comrade, nothing for you to worry about." I said throwing my bag to the floor.

"So, you're waking up late every morning?" he sighed. "Rose, what's wrong? Did you want to talk about something – anything, just let me know -" He seemed to be struggling with the right wording. "Roza, I'm worried about you." And there it was, the Russian name he calls me. He only uses it when he is feeling affectionate toward me.

"Everything is fine. I told you, I slept in. I'll buy a new alarm clock, don't stress." He knew me so well that I could tell he didn't buy the story, and the look he was giving me was the I-know-you're-lying-don't-feed-me-lies look.

"Good, buy a new alarm clock and set it half an hour earlier for tomorrow, to make up for all the time you have missed this week."

He looked so serious, I was going to start arguing the Rose Hathaway style but then I noticed a slight smile playing on his lips and I couldn't resist.

"What if I used your alarm clock and we can both wake up together?" I did one of my man eating smiles and walked a little closer.

"Rose, be serious. You are slacking off." He started walking over to the training mats. "Let's do some sparring; we are running out of time while talking."

Why did he have to be so strict?

"I'm not slacking off Comrade; I'll make up for it I promise. Why don't I stay back later this afternoon?"

"You'll be late for dinner and I have patrol tonight." He started doing warm ups. God, I loved the way his body moved, every inch of his body was shaped to perfection. I could watch him for days, though I'm sure he would notice. And he did, notice that is. Maybe I should be doing warm ups too, but this – this I could get use to.

"Rose." He said bringing me back to reality.

"Yeah..." I said trying to regain myself.

"Like something you see?" He said straight faced.

"Um..." I stepped three steps closer. He was only inches away from me. "We should probably start training. I don't want to have to catch up more than what I already have to." I was starting to run my words in together. "I mean I don't mind spending the time with you, because it's my favourite part of the day but right -"

The rest of my sentence was cut off by an all too close Dimitri. He pushed his fingers against my lips. Just that slight little touch that brushed my lips made me shiver. I stood there shocked. This was the first time in two weeks Dimitri made the first touch of sexual contact with me. It wasn't that full on, but I missed him touching me when it wasn't physical combat.

We stood there for a few minutes staring into each other's eyes. I was able to break the heavy silence surrounding us.

"Did I do something wrong?" Ok, so it was very lame what I said, but I couldn't think straight with him so close.

"No." He brought his other hand around my neck. "Quite the opposite actually. Do you know you're so amazingly beautiful when you get nervous?"

"No, I didn't know -"

That was it; I felt his lips touch mine. The kissing started off slow and careful but then started to intensify.

I wasn't sure how far I could push Dimitri to his limit but I was going to see how far I could. I placed my hands on Dimitri's back and started to push us back a few meters until my back hit the wall. He didn't seem to mind my advancements so I began digging my fingers into his back trying to pull him closer to my body. He broke the kiss. We were both panting hard; it felt good getting some air.

"Rose, we – we can't do this here." He spoke between deep breaths.

"I know" I sighed. "Let's go somewhere else." I tried to grab his hand to pull him with me but he moved his hand away before I could grab it. "What's wrong?" I asked confused. Did he want me? I thought he wanted me. It felt like he wanted me. Maybe I just need more practice with the whole make out thing. But I have heaps of experience. What?

"This isn't right. We shouldn't be doing this," he said.

"I thought you wanted to? You said so yourself you can't live without me," I panted.

"I can't live without you Roza, but this," he pointed between the two of us, "this is wrong."

"I want to be with you Dimitri. I need you," I almost cried. Tears were starting to build up in my eyes. I can't handle any more rejection. If he says one more thing that is wrong between us, I'm going to break.

He began to back away from me and started packing up the training equipment. I stood there watching him for several moments. He didn't bother to look back at me during that time. I walked over to where my bag was thrown earlier this morning and yanked it over my head and onto my back. As I started walking out the door I turned around and caught him staring after me.

"I'm going to be late for the rest of my classes. I don't want to be late and disappoint you further." I said with the real Rose Hathaway smart ass attitude. He just continued to look at me without saying anything. I felt stupid just standing there in front of him. "I'll meet you here for this afternoon's session. I'll try not to be late." I said walking away.

"I'm canceling our afternoon session for today. We can start up again in a couple of days. It will give you a break to relax," he said with all professionalism.

"I don't want a break and I don't need time to relax. Please, it's the only time I get to see -"

"I think it's best for you and I if we have some time apart. You can use the time to sort out your troubles," he was referring to me being late.

"And what will you use the time for? To work out how many other ways there is to put me down with rejection lines?" I said with bitterness.

"I need time to think, Roza. Please understand that."

"Oh, I understand clearly Dimitri. Time to think about how to break to me about you rethinking the offer Tasha Ozera gave you." He opened his mouth to reply but I cut him off, still continuing what I was saying. "Don't say you have no idea what I'm talking about, because I know you do. I heard you and Alberta talking about it two weeks ago. I couldn't believe you would consider it for another minute and put me through the pain again. But now that I come to think about it, since I heard that wonderful offer, you haven't come anywhere near me. Before you try and say anything, don't. Save the long talk and Zen life lessons. I've heard enough of them from you."

I started walking towards him poking my finger into his chest, like I did around Christmas last year, and surprisingly it was to do with Tasha Ozera. "I think it's a great idea to stop our training lessons before you hurt me anymore, don't you?"

I walked towards the door for the second time this morning.

"Rose, that's not what -"

"Save it Guardian Belikov. Have a nice day."

I turned around, seeing him staring at me. I couldn't recognise the emotion on his face. If I had to guess it was either: hurt, anger, or fury. I stared at him right back for the last time today, taking in all of his body and face. I slammed the gymnasium doors shut without any contentment.