Bring Me Home
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of Fox and Ryan Murphy
A/N: I know I said I didn't have time to follow through on the prompt that I came up with but last night the idea wouldn't leave me alone. Chapter one is kinda short and it basically just sets up the premise, it's not the intro that I originally had but it's what came out. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: How A Broken Heart Feels
Santana never expected life without Brittany to be this difficult. It's been at least five weeks since she moved to New York to attend Columbia University, leaving the other half of her soul back in Lima, Ohio and with each passing hour Santana intensely feels the cheerful blonds absence. She had tried to prepare herself for this separation for years, knowing that her parents wanted her to attend an Ivy League school and also knowing Brittany's scholastic limitations. Santana had somehow convinced herself that Brittany didn't need to go to a traditional college, she could study dance at some arts academy just as long as they both left Lima together, she didn't care.
By the beginning of their Senior year Santana had their futures mapped out, she chose New York because that city was the optimum place to launch any career. So one day she lured Brittany to the library to discuss her plans only to find that Brittany had a much more pressing matter to discuss.
"How come we never go out?"
The question throws Santana off for a moment, she's had years to adjust to her best friends idiosyncrasies and rather random thoughts but this question was very pointed, accompanied by a grim look that didn't seem to fit with Brittany's usual happy appearance.
"We go out all the time Britt."
"No," the blond shakes her head "we hang out but we never go out, like on a date. We never get dressed up for each other and go on a real date to the movies where we make out during the previews. You don't even invite me over to your house unless your parents aren't home and if they come back early you push me out the back door."
Santana winces a bit, but in her defense she had panicked a little, not expecting her mother to be back from grocery shopping so soon and she did at least give Brittany a chance to put her shirt on before shoving her out the door. When her mother walked into the house to see Santana looking flushed and disheveled she proceeded to give her a thirty minute lecture about what happens when good girls sneak around with boys, citing Quinn Fabray as a textbook example. There was no way she could tell her mother that an unexpected pregnancy was one thing she wouldn't have to worry about in her relationship.
"You know how things are between us Britt, we both agreed that…"
"No San!" Brittany nearly shouts, shaking her head more furiously and gaining the nosy old decrepit librarian's attention. "You were the one that said 'sex isn't dating' but it is, so if you want sex then we need to date, in the open."
Brittany rarely demanded anything, she was the single most happy go lucky person on the planet, so for her to all of a sudden put a stipulation on their relationship, caused a warning flag to go up. Santana narrowed her eyes at the blond, whose bottom lip formed a perfect pout as she crossed her arms awaiting her answer.
"Alright what's up with you?" Santana questions, "have you been talking to people about us?"
"No, I haven't told anybody about us," Santana breathes a sigh of relief, that is until Brittany finishes her statement, "yet."
The word hangs in the air for a moment and Santana pushes back the icy cold wave of fear that is threatening to crash over her. Brittany wants to go public with their relationship in a town full of small minded bigots that ostracize anyone who doesn't conform to their ideas. She wants Santana to stop hiding in the closet and tell her uber-Catholic parents that she is in love with another girl. This conversation isn't new, there have been variations on the same problems ever since they began this relationship midway through freshman year, but unlike every other time that Brittany has brought it up, Santana won't be able to distract her with smoldering kisses and promises to deal with it all later.
Well it seems as though later has finally arrived and Santana is no closer to the answer Brittany wants to hear than she was three years ago.
"I'm going to tell my parents B, just as soon as school is over and we head off to college, we can make a fresh start somewhere far from here…" she gathers the performing arts school brochures that she spent hours pouring over in her hands, shuffling through the colorful papers in an attempt to sway Brittany's attention.
"I can't wait that long, S." a quiet sob escapes from her mouth and she looks at Santana with the saddest expression.
"Can't or won't?"
"Someone asked me to the Spring Formal today and the first thing I said was that I had to ask you what we were doing and then they said 'why do you always have to ask Santana before you do something?'. And I couldn't tell them the truth, that I wanted to go to the Formal with you but you haven't asked me. So how about it San, will you go to the Formal with me?"
There is the most earnest gleam in her bright blue eyes that Santana just wants to wrap her arms around the other girl and give her anything she wants. But that's not likely to happen, and it breaks her heart that things have to be this way right now.
"Brit, I I can't." She swallows the lump forming in her throat, reaches over to grasp Brittany's soft hands and give a reassuring squeeze but it seems like Brittany has finally had her fill. She pulls her hands away from Santana, already knowing the answer but compelled to give her pseudo-girlfriend one last chance.
"Can't S, or won't?"
Santana balls her hands into fists, squeezes her eyes shut so she doesn't have to see the love of her life walk away from her so dejectedly. Brittany heaves a tired sigh as she climbs to her feet, presses a soft kiss to Santana's forehead and walks out of the library. Santana stays glued to her seat, her chest contracts painfully and she has an urge to empty her stomach all over the carpet in front of her. A lone tear makes it past her tightly shut eyes, her hand reaches out to blindly sweep the now useless brochures off of the table.
She internally slaps herself, wiping her face with jerky movements and yanks her bookbag off of the chair beside her. With her head held high, Santana marches out of the school's library to face the world alone for the first time since she met the beautiful blond ball of sunshine in Kindergarden.
It isn't until three weeks later, at the Spring Formal dance as she watches Brittany happily being twirled around the dance floor in Mike Chang's arms, that Santana truly knows how a broken heart feels.