A/N: So I woke up and this had come to me in the middle of the night apparently. I will still update Unhappy which is unfinished and I hope I'll be able to do both at the same rate as I have been. This will not be an epic story though like Unhappy which is working on 70 chapters with little hope of stopping anytime soon. This is for Domestic Violence Awareness Month and also because I dislike Will and wanted to do an Emily point of view story since Unhappy is mainly JJ's point of view on things. Please enjoy! Reviews make me uber happy!
Emily looked out the window of her apartment and looked at the night view of the Capitol. She had never realized how much of a masochist she really was until tonight when she had let herself get too close. She knew she needed to control it but somehow she felt that feeling the pain of not having what she wanted was much better than not feeling anything whatsoever.
She hadn't always been a masochist, not until Jennifer Jareau had walked into her life.
"I was hoping you could tell me where to sit my stuff, I'm supposed to start today," Emily said to SSA Aaron Hotchner.
"I'm sorry there must have been a mistake," the agent told her in disbelief. It was just at that moment that SSA Jennifer Jareau had come colliding into Emily Prentiss' life.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're ready sir," Agent Jareau informed him. Emily caught a glimpse of JJ's blue eyes and that smile and she hoped there was no mistake. It was that day that she knew she was right where she was meant to be.
Emily had known from her first day at the BAU, when she had been briefed on protocol and procedures by Agent Jareau, that this blonde agent in front f her, might as well be the death of Emily Prentiss. Of course, Emily would be eternally grateful to JJ, being new to the team wasn't exactly easy. Emily had fallen under the scrutiny of Aaron Hotchner and Jason Gideon until she had worked so hard to prove herself. JJ had been the one to befriend her along with Spencer Reid at first, until Emily had noticed something different about Reid. Emily had seen the pain that JJ went through when she saw the cases and wanted to comfort the blonde agent, instead saying something that only made JJ feel worse.
"JJ, look at me. Look at me," Emily had tried to get the attention of the bewildered and clearly scared media liaison. JJ looked at her with her blue eyes darkened by fear.
"Where's Reid?" Emily said. Shit. Emily thought to her head. Why did I have to say that? That is not what she wants to hear. She wants to hear it's not her fault. God Emily, way to make her feel better. Emily had chastised herself pretty badly after that case. It would've been perfect timing to comfort JJ and even let onto her feelings that were now growing inside of her. Instead she did what she did best, she compartmentalized her feelings.
Emily groaned as she leaned against her couch and continued to look out across the river. She knew that compartmentalizing was getting harder and harder and that if she didn't distance herself from the blonde, she wouldn't be able to anymore. The pain of knowing that he was with her right now instead of Emily being with her was excruciating.
"At least we have something fun to look at," Emily had brought up the topic of Detective Will LaMontagne Jr. The team was on a particularly touchy case and was in Miami where Will had shown up. Emily knew that JJ and Will had history, as much as she hated it. Emily also saw the inner turmoil that JJ had behind her eyes. They had been playing a game with each other. Making passing glances, lingering touches, and innuendos were a part of their friendship, and JJ thought it was just a game, to Emily it was everything that kept her alive. Emily had overheard JJ break it off with Will and her heart had completely stopped right there in her chest. Had JJ finally realized that this wasn't just a game? That's when she saw the pain in JJ's eyes, the decision she wasn't sure she wanted to make, Emily could literally smell the fear. That was when she decided that if she couldn't have JJ, if it was too scary, that at least JJ deserved to be happy, even if it was with the New Orleans Detective who Emily thought was a little too harsh with JJ. Later, standing in the bullpen of the Miami Police Department Emily told JJ to go for it.
"You should go for him," Emily had stated. She nearly threw up in her mouth when she thought what this meant.
"What?" JJ thought, confused more than ever. What the hell Emily? Maybe this is just a game. Fine, Will it is. At least it's the safe choice. I always make the safe choices damn it Jareau. JJ had thought to herself mentally cursing Emily.
"You'd make a cute couple," Emily offered up.
"You know what?" JJ had said with annoyance as she ran off towards Will. Emily's heart broke into a million pieces when she saw Will pull JJ into one of his too harsh kisses and JJ lost herself into him.
"It's about time," the comment was made. Morgan look sadly at Emily, knowing that her heart was breaking.
Emily went to her kitchen and poured herself a glass of her finest Scotch. Tonight, the pain wasn't better than being numb. And just tonight, Emily was going to numb her pain in the bitter taste of the Scotch. Tonight, Emily wouldn't shed a tear for JJ, tonight she would criticize herself for allowing herself to get close enough to JJ so that the smell of her lingered and filled her senses.