Life is highly taken for granted.
I would give anything to just be human. Life would be simpler. I would actually be seventeen years old and next year I would be eighteen, and my body would continue growing. I would have just one birthday a year, rather than having multiple ones. I could have pets, like a little kitten named Mittens and a puppy named Muffin. Because those were simple names humans would give to their pets, because they could have them. But my family's lifestyle and diet prevented me from brining animals willingly into my home. I would technically be eighteen years old next year, but my body will never change. It has been frozen for over ten years now, perfect marble just like the rest of my family. If I was human instead of socializing with my family, I would have friends and we would do things that teenagers did, like go to the beach when it's sunny out and to the movies at night. But I had no friends; all I knew was my family. And it sucked.
I sound incredibly ungracious saying this. My life isn't horrible. I'm loved far more than most people can honestly admit and I don't mean to brag. My family dotes on me, night and day. I'm their littler miracle, the most precious thing in the family. And it's wonderful to be amongst them, they're all so caring and incredible. But it gets tiring being their perfect little angel. I'm not perfect. I'm just Nessie. I'm so far from perfect it's frightening. It'd be much easier to deal with these imperfections if I didn't live amongst my world. Being human would be so easy, so simple.
I shouldn't say it would be easier to be human, since the only humans I ever see I'm related to. But, it's so easy to watch humans on TV and fantasize about what my life would be like if I didn't have parents who looked the same age as me and grandparents that looked like they could be older siblings or cousins. If I had a normal, human life. It was so tempting to want what I could never actually have.
I have yet to attend school, and it was my father's intent to never let me attend, but my mother managed to convince him otherwise. But there was a rule. I had to wait until I was seventeen to go to school. My mother gave no explanation as to why I had to be seventeen, but I wasn't going to fight her on it. I was going to be human, for the most part. Finally, after the longest summer of my life, I was going to get to go to school, like all the regular teenagers. After waiting years, tomorrow was going to be the best day. It would be my first day of school.
"Nessie?" I looked up from my diary to see my aunt Alice's beautiful face in the doorway, a wide grin spread across it.
My aunt had been harassing me about a shopping trip. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy shopping, it was one of my favorite things to do. Which pleased my aunt immensely, seeing as my mother despised it. I just wasn't in the mood to go shopping now. I wanted to sit on the family couch, watching reruns of Saved by the Bell in preparation for school. I needed to perfect my human attributes. The show was somewhat silly and when I compared it to the stories my family had told me of high school, didn't appear very realistic, but I still found it to be a guilty pleasure.
Alice could see my disinterest in our shopping trip and she frowned at me. A frown didn't look right on my aunt. Her face was far too beautiful—too angelic—for a frown.
"Please tell me you don't plan on watching that silly show again?" She finally asked me after I stared at her, unable to form a sentence for several moments.
I turned away from her, too afraid to respond. I hated upsetting my aunt Alice. She had the best way of making me feel absolutely guilty. I think she forced Uncle Jasper to help a little with that.
"Oh Nessie, come on! You need the perfect outfit for tomorrow!" She all but shouted at me as she flung herself across the room and onto the bed next to me, her hands out ready to beg.
"I'm sure you can do a good job of finding that all by yourself Alice," my mother said from the doorway. I couldn't help but smile at her for her saving grace. I had no idea how I was going to talk my way out of this shopping trip.
"No Bella, you're not interfering with this," Alice began to huff but it was obvious she'd already lost the battle. After a deep sigh, she began to probe me. I gave her a curious look before she said anything. "I just wanted to make sure you still had that perfect little butt of yours."
I blushed scarlet at this and tried to hide my 'perfect little butt' from her but this only seemed to make my mother laugh. "Oh Alice, the girl hasn't gained or lost a pound in nearly ten years. You know her size perfectly, now go on with your shopping trip and make sure to get something Edward will approve of."
"Pish posh Edward," was all my aunt said before dancing out of the room, leaving both my mother and myself in tears of laughter.
After we recovered from our burst of giggles, we both looked at each other. Some days, I felt like I was looking at my sister rather than my mother. Granted my mother was eighteen years older than me, she didn't look a day over eighteen. I found my mother to be much more beautiful than myself (not that I sit around staring at myself, saying how beautiful I am). My mother was always glowing, no matter what. My aunt Alice told me it all had to do with my father and I thought it was so romantic. Their story went up there with Romeo and Juliet for me. I used to have my father tell me it as a bedtime story when I was younger.
"Would you mind if I watched your show with you?" My mother asking, biting her lip. I could tell this was all hard for her. She hated the fact I was growing up, but I couldn't help it. I hated being the baby. I just wanted to be all grown up and out of their hair. I didn't enjoy all the attention.
Still, there were those days where I really did love my mother's attention. "Of course mom."
She beamed at me. "I'll be in the living room. Will you be down soon?"
I looked around my room. I was about to write in my journal before Alice had come in, but the thought seemed distant at this point. I looked back at my mother to see her hopeful expression and figured I could write later. "I'll come down with you now."
It seemed as if everyone had disappeared, leaving just me and my mom in our house. She sat on the edge of the couch and motioned for me to sit in the spot beside her. "I'm kind of hungry," I told her as I motioned to the kitchen, "don't start it without me! I think this episode is the one where they all go to the dance, and I need to see the perfection that is Zach Morris."
My mother just laughed at this but nodded her head. I smiled as a 'thank you' before heading to find some food. Before my seventeenth birthday, I'd begun to wean myself off my mainly blood diet. I wanted to be as human as possible before I started school. I'd only have blood occasionally, about ¼ of how often my family fed. Instead I forced myself to eat human food. It wasn't half as bad as I originally believed. My family was very concerned when I told them my decision, but I made it very clear that I was almost a legal adult now and this was my concern and my concern only.
Grandma Esme kept the house packed with food for me. I could literally make anything in the world with the amount she had bought. It was incredibly extravagant, but I was very thankful for how supportive she was. I wasn't that hungry, I just had a desire to snack on something, so I decided to grab a tub of ice cream and some pretzels. I know human girls would be very envious of the fact that cold eat all the ice cream in the world and never gain an ounce. Just another perk of my freak status.
"That's an interesting food selection," Jake said from behind me practically scaring me to death. I threw the ice cream up in the air and let out a tiny yelp.
He just laughed at my expense and caught the ice cream. "You're such a girl Ness."
I just glared at him hard for a moment before responding. "You know I hate it when you do that."
"I don't understand how you don't hear me," he said with a laugh. "You have super human hearing after all. It's not like I go into stealth mode around you."
"You do too," I said with a humph before stealing my ice cream back and marching towards the living room.
He takes a hold of my arm and turns me towards him before I get a chance to leave. I have to fight off the blush I feel creeping onto my cheeks over how close we are standing and the fact that he is still holding my arm. He looks at me with those big, puppy dog eyes and I bit my lip. I can't even remember why I was annoyed with him to begin with.
"What are you doing today?" I feel my mind go blank. What am I doing today? What a remarkable question. I have no idea.
"Renesmee did you get lost in there?" My mother calls from the living room. Oh right! I was watching my show with mom. How did I manage to forget that? It may or may not have something to do with the fact there was a half naked boy standing in my kitchen, holding my arm.
"Did I interrupt something?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. He was so cute when he did such little involuntary things like that. I blinked at him for a moment, totally forgetting that he had even asked me a question.
"I'm going to watch Saved by the Bell with mom, want to join us?" I ask, praying he'll say yes. I look at him with what I intend to be hopeful eyes. He smiles sweetly as me as he begins to shake his head.
"Bella wants to spend time with you Ness, I'm not intruding on that," he says in reason.
"You won't be!" I practically shout at him. He just laughs and this time I can't help the blush that stains my cheeks. I try to hang my head in mortification but it's hard to hide from Jake. He takes the hand from my arm and puts it under my chin and forces me to look up at him. I have to think very hard in order to keep my breathing even. His touch burns my skin more than it would anyone else, but for a much different reason.
"Go watch your show with your mother, I'll be back later," I want to fight him over this, but I know I won't win. Jake used to always give into anything I asked, but lately it seems he's been fighting that. I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't have any interest in, so I nod my head.
"Alright," I reply softly, embarrassed by my little outburst and the fact he was going to leave. I pull myself away from him and start backing out of the kitchen. "See ya then."
He must have caught the dejected look on my face, because he automatically closed the space between us and pulled me to his chest. I bite my tongue in order to not burst out of my skin and give into my instincts. My whole body was screaming to cling to him and just kiss him. But I couldn't do that with Jake. That's not what we were. He was my best friend, my rock. He was so much older than me; I was just a little kid to him. Like a little sister. As badly as I wanted to just see what he'd do, I knew better. I knew how it would end if I tried anything. So I forced myself to suffer.
"Do you want me to stay Ness?" He asked, his lips almost touching my ear.
It takes every drop of strength I have to not beg him to stay. I'd been putting this off for a while. I needed to wean myself from Jake. I was already hurting enough from this. I couldn't go on loving someone who wouldn't love me back. I shook my head no. Before he gets a chance to try and make me admit what I really want; I pull myself out of his arms.
"I'll see you at dinner Jake," I say, trying my best to keep my voice even. He looks at me for a long moment and I flash him a bright, fake smile. He buys it, if only for now. I turn around and walk to the living room, not daring to look back at him.
My mother knew exactly what happened before I even looked at her. She's always had this way of reading me. I wait for the back door to slam shut before doing anything.
"Nessie," my mother's voice is soft and soothing and it strikes a chord.
I can barely contain myself. I practically throw myself into her lap and began to cry like a big baby. It's moments like these that prove I am just a child. My whole family has so many years of experience and I've had none. I know nothing of the world but what they've told me. I may be smart, according to my father, but I still have the emotions of a child (as Uncle Emmett likes to tease me for). I have no experiences of my own, no stories to tell. I'm just a naïve child.
I manage to stop crying after a few minutes of my mother's soothing words. She turns the TV on and I turn as much of my focus on the TV as possible. It isn't a difficult task to immerse myself in the lives of Zach, Kelly, Slater, Screeh, Lisa and Jessie.
Hours later, I realize just how late it's gotten and the fact that the rest of the family is still out. I sit up and look at my mom, "Where is everyone?"
"Esme and Carlisle went down to the school today to talk to them about you and then I think Esme said something about furniture shopping," I nod my head. It makes sense, Grandma Esme loved redecorating and it had been a while since she'd done so.
"Alice must have dragged Jasper shopping with her. Rose, Emmett and your father went hunting. They should be back fairly soon. And I have no idea why the rest of the pack hasn't stopped by the house. I could have sworn Leah was coming over."
Aunt Leah and my mother used to hate each other, from what everyone's told me, but they made up when we all started moving when I was younger. They seemed to have a lot in common, and now that they were sisters, Aunt Leah has pretty much become my mother's best friend. Aunt Leah was one of my favorites growing up because she didn't dote on me like the others. She showed her affections much differently, by making fun of everyone and being snippety, but I was a soft spot for Aunt Leah, or at least that's what she called me. Instead of taking me on shopping trips, Aunt Leah would make me feel as human as possible by taking me to the park as a child and out to movies as I got too old for the park. It did seem strange she or uncle Seth hadn't dropped by. They spent almost every waking hour here, along with Jake and the rest of the pack.
"I guess Jake told her that we were bonding," I shrugged.
My mother and I hadn't really had any alone time together in a while and I'm sure everyone else could tell how much she wanted to have some with me before I went off into the real world. It actually made a lot of sense that no one was home today. My father had gone hunting only a few days ago, and grandpa Carlisle had definitely gone to the school just the other day.
My mother smiled at this. "That's so sweet of him."
I nod my head in agreement, my mind once again thinking of Jacob. My mother sees my distant expression instantly and frowns lightly. "Sweetheart, I think you need to talk to him."
"No," I say, my voice dark. I stand up abruptly, "I don't want to talk about this."
I don't look at her, because then I'll feel guilty for taking my frustration out on her. Instead I march up to my room and slam the door, throwing myself onto my bed like the dramatic teenager I've become. I swear I used to be more mature than this. My mother doesn't follow me upstairs. She knows better than that. Once more I find myself crying over a subject I swore I would get over. I try to calm myself down by taking deep breaths and thinking of something else, anything else. Movies, books, TV…school. This helps. I begin to wonder what school will be like. Will people like me? Will I make friends? What if people think I'm different? I start to worry that no one will talk to me and soon enough I find myself almost freaking out, when I was supposed to making myself feel better.
"Knock-knock," I momentarily come out of my mental breakdown to look up and see my father standing in my doorway. He grins at me. I try to grin back, but it comes out more of a grimace. "Do you want to talk sweetheart?"
"No," I say before I quickly turn away from him. Of course I wanted to talk, but my father wouldn't get half of my worries. He saw me as his perfect little girl who could do no wrong. Everyone loved me, so why was I worrying about school?
"You have nothing to worry over," he assures me while sitting on the edge of my bed. He takes my hand in his and they look so little compared to his. "I'm very proud to call you my daughter. You're a beautiful young girl; you're going to make so many friends. You'll fit right in, just like you're hoping."
I try to fight him on it, but I swear Jasper is standing outside the room because I suddenly feel like just agreeing with my father. "Maybe you're right daddy."
"Father knows best," he replies with a smirk.
I sigh. Jasper is definitely trying to make me feel better, I can just tell. "You know dad, I can tell that you brought uncle Jasper upstairs."
He turns his head away from me, grimacing slightly. "Is he that obvious?"
"Well, yeah I was just freaking out five seconds ago and now all of a sudden I feel relieved. Either uncle Jasper is standing in the hallway, or I'm having crazy mood swings. I'd really like to believe its just uncle Jasper."
"Okay, you caught me," my uncle says as he walks into my room, his hands raised. He smiles sweetly at me before sitting down at the foot of my bed. "We were just a little worried about you, you were giving off some very upsetting vibes."
"I'm fine guys," I say in my defense. It sucks that my father can read my thoughts and in fact knows that I am far from fine. I can see my father's eyes grow dark at this. I nudge him slightly, attempting to lighten the mood.
"I'll stop being a little worry wart, I promise," I tell them, raising my hand in an attempt at honesty. "Is dinner ready?"
"Yes, Esme went out of her way to make you a special dinner in order to celebrate you going to school," my father informs me. I groan at this. I hate being treated special and when people go out of their way for me.
My father just laughs at this. I sigh and start getting up. "I just need to change, I'll be down in a minute."
They both stand. My dad moves over to hug me. He squeezes me tight before kissing my forehead, "No matter how grown up you get, you'll always be my little angel."
I shake my head at this. "I love you dad."
"I love you sweetheart."
My uncle Jasper gives me a hug as well before they both leave the room.
I peel off the sweat pants I'd been wearing and the ratty t-shirt my aunt Alice has threatened to burn a hundred times and begin to look for something somewhat nice to wear. If everyone was here, I had to look decent. I mean, even though they were family, I didn't want to look like a bum who'd been sitting around crying half of the day. I found a pair of dark wash jeans in my dresser, but I had no idea what to wear with them. I stood in front of my mirror for a long moment, holding the jeans up to my body while I wondered what to pair with them.
"Hey Ness, your mom wanted me to ask you—"
I spin around, half naked, to see Jacob standing in my doorway, his mouth hung open. I hadn't even heard him open the door. I can feel my whole body turn red (the human side of me allowing this traitorous act of my body) as I duck inside my closet, attempting to hide myself from Jake.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," he begins to blurt out, backing out of the room. He has covered his eyes at this point and I find myself angrier at that action rather than him walking in without knocking. I mean, what's wrong with looking at me? Does he have to make it so obvious that I'm just a little kid, not a girl he could possibly find himself attracted too. Does he have to make me feel repulsive?
"It's fine Jake, just go," I shout at him.
He shuts the door but I don't hear him walk away. I rush to put my clothes on, just snatching a blouse out of my closet. I check myself once to make sure I meet my aunts' approval.
Jake is standing outside my room when I open the door. He attempts to apologize further, but I put my palm up to stop him. "Just forget what you saw, especially if you have any intentions of walking past my father."
"I'm pretty sure he already knows," Jake says, sliding his hands into his pockets while dropping his eyes to the floor. "I heard a plate break."
"Is that why you haven't gone downstairs?" I ask with a slight giggle, already forgetting that I was annoyed with him.
"That and I wanted to talk with you before we went down," he said, inching closer to me. I swallowed hard as I waited for him to talk. "You start school for the first time tomorrow and well, I don't know how to say this without sounding protective…"
I laugh lightly at this. Jake was possibly just as protective as my dad, if not a little more. I was beyond used to it now. I would be concerned when he wasn't trying to protect me. "It's fine Jake, I'm used to you being an overprotective weirdo."
He stares at me for a moment, but when he sees my big smile, he can't help but smile back. "You're lucky I like you or else that comment would have cost you."
"I'm shaking," I mock him.
He only grins at me before diving forward and beginning to tickle me wildly. This isn't fair! Jake knows every weakness I have, and my intense ticklishness is one of them! After a few minutes of being tortured and not being able to breath, Jake finally stops and I attempt to catch my breath. It's not hard, but I fake it in order to make him feel bad.
"I'm sorry Ness, I didn't think I was tickling you that hard," he begins to apologize, moving closer to me to make sure I'm alright. I can't help but burst into laughter at this. He catches my expression and frowns at me. "It wasn't very nice of you to trick me!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have attempted to kill me though tickling," I say as my rebuttal. He only scoffs at this. "Did you have something to say Jake, or had you just come up here to attack me? Cause I'm starting to get hungry."
I cross my arms over my chest and wait for him to respond. He smirks at my sarcasm, "I don't know why I talk to you kid," I know his use of the word 'kid' isn't meant to hurt me, but it still stings after what just happened. "But yes, I did want to tell you something."
I fight my urge to say I'm not a kid and stick to the subject. "And that is? You take quite a while to get to your point."
He ignores my jibe and goes on, his expression more serious than before "I just want warn you about human boys."
I roll my eyes at this. Is he seriously trying to give me this talk? "Ness, I'm serious. You've never been around them, ever. You have no idea what they're like, what they think like. I just want you to be careful. I know the rest of your family agrees."
I had been intent on making fun of Jake, but when he mentioned my family, my mind went on to something else. "Are you trying to tell me my family has been talking about me?"
"What? No! That's not what I'm saying," he says quickly and I can tell he's lying.
"Well, you can tell them I'll be just fine. I'm not very hungry anymore," I attempt to back away from him and back into my room, but Jake gets in front of the door and blocks it. I attempt to push him out of the way but Jake is stronger than me, despite my own unnatural strength.
He takes my cheeks in his warm palms and forces me to look at him for the second time today. "Ness, you need to stop getting so upset. No one was sitting around talking about you. Everyone's just concerned because you don't know how horrible boys can be at your age. Believe me, I once one of those boys. Please don't be angry with your family because they worry about you. Maybe it's a little too often, but it's all in good nature. We love you Ness."
I was being selfish if I thought I was going to skip this dinner. And I was being totally dramatic. So maybe my family was talking about me and how worried they were that I wouldn't be able to handle the boys at school, but that's not a reason to freak out. Jake was right, they were just concerned. They loved me. I should be happy they cared, not everyone was lucky like me to have such a big, loving family. I needed to work on this little dramatic, princess complex I'd begun to develop because it wasn't very suiting.
"I'm sorry," I say softly.
"Why are you apologizing?" He asks, his hands moving down to mine. I look at our intertwined fingers and wonder how he can possibly do this to me. He has to know how I feel. It's so obvious. And it's even more obvious that he sees me as a kid, not a potential girlfriend. Yet he stills holds my hand. He still talks to me like I'm the most important girl in his life. He goes out of his way to make me feel better. And for what? For me to act like a baby?
I take my palm out of his hand and press it to his cheek, showing him the image of me acting like a child only moments ago. "I'm such a drama queen."
He only laughs at me before pulling me into a hug. "You're not dramatic. You're funny."
I wish I could agree with him.
I let him hug me for a few moments, only slightly hugging him back. He then tilts his head so he can look at me, "I was serious before though Ness, please be careful."
I sigh but nod my head. I'd seen enough TV shows to know that if teenage boys were anything like the guys on TV, they could be real jerks. "I will Jake."
My family worried too much. Boys would be my last problem. Just because I'd never actually interacted with a human boy, didn't mean I didn't know how they thought. Although, if I had any intentions of getting Jake off my mind, I should probably make some male friends. This is a scary concept. I have no idea what boys like talking about. If my human shows have any sense of reality, then I can assume that boys like cars and girls. I actually know some stuff about cars, having Jake as a best friend is a benefit in this department, and then I am a girl. So I might not be too awful at making guy friends. I'll just have to try, tomorrow.