Drunken Rant

This idea actually came to me when I got a chain text msg, I just changed it a little. Hope you like!

Rude visibly watched his partner sway as he walked down to his office, noticing the tired look on Reno's face only added to his amusement.

"Big weekend?" Rude innocently asked, only just hiding his smile.

"You have no fucking idea yo…." Reno answered as he flopped to the ground, either to tired to move or that he just couldn't be bothered walking to a chair.

"Rude I've finished all my reports for the week and I'm taking them to Tseng now, do you want me to take yours? Is Reno here yet? Ahh, yes, he is, good, Rufus wants to have meeting with all of us in Tseng's office and…" Elena quietened as she caught sight of Reno. "He looks like shit!" Elena whispered in Rude's direction.

"I can fucking hear you yo!" Elena jumped and Rude smiled, realizing Elena had actually thought Reno was asleep on the floor. Reno might be sloppy but he had standards for the place's he slept, well at least he does when he's sober. Rude's smile turned into a full grin.

"Get that look off your face yo. I know exactly what your thinking' bout so don't even go there, especially with Laney in the room."

"But it was so funny, the way you tried to kick that guys ass with a bottle of milk and.."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Came the muffled abuse from the floor. "I like you better when you don't talk partner, and even though I may look like shit, as Elena so kindly put it, I promise you I can still make your life hell." Reno lifted his head up off the floor and rolled onto his back, while raising his finger at Rude. "I know where you live yo!" Reno threatened.

Rude closed his mouth, knowing, even due to the state he was in, Reno would make good on his promise.

"Rude, Elena, ahh… I see you've finally decided to grace us with your presence Reno. All of you in my office now please. And Reno, don't complain, I have those soft couches back." "Fuck you Tseng…" Reno murmured as he picked himself up off the floor, knowing that comfy couches awaited him.

"Are couches your only motive?" Elena asked him.

"Yep, pretty much. Ya gotta do whatcha gotta do Laney." Reno grinned at her before walking off, completely missing her 'you can't be serious' look.

"Finally… Some of us in this company actually have to meet deadlines and be on time." Rufus mock scolded as the three Turks filed into Tseng's office. Rufus smiled after receiving death glares from the redhead and an expected rude gesture.

"Have a big night did we Reno? Can you even remember it?"

No… Unfortunately." Reno replied. "I got so smashed last night I can't even remember if I picked up any hot chicks or not."

"Well." Tseng started, "lets see if you can remember this little spell from last night…" Tseng's eyes turned cold as he picked up the newspaper next to him. "Ahh… Here we are, the media reports; 'Loud, obnoxious, beyond drunk redhead causes a scene at local pub last night. Ring any bells Reno?"

Reno's face fell as tiny pieces from last night came floating back to his memory.

"Oh shit…" He whispered.

"Yes, and there's more on You Tube under 'funny drunk redhead' care to watch?"

"Yeh, actually that'd be pretty cool yo." Tseng clicked the play button and pinched the bridge of his nose as the video of Reno came up, yelling his declaration loud enough for everyone to hear.

" I'm going to rob a bank tomorrow, dressed as a clown, wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll be carrying a goat with a dildo up my arse and a tin of dulux paint. In the bank, the goat is gunna suck me off and I'll throw paint all over the walls while shouting the words 'imma eat the biggest fucking pizza you've ever seen yo!' Once I get the cash, I'm gunna shit on the floor and escape in a van shaped like a big pink cock! Lets see the local police reconstruct that fucker ey? I'll see you all there yo!'

The video stopped playing and Tseng looked up to see Reno on the floor barely breathing and had tears pouring down his face, Rude was shaking with silent laughter and Elena didn't know whether to be horrified or find the whole fiasco highly amusing, Tseng turned to his boss, expecting a lecture, but only found Rufus clicking the 'favourites' box and leaving a comment on the video while laughing,

"R..Reno, that certainly very entertaining, I have one question though," Rufus questioned as he pulled himself together, "Are you actually going to do that?"

"No! of course not, I'd only do that if I was wasted like last night."

"Good. don't ever let me catch you actually doing that. You are all dismissed."

Reno, Rude and Elena nodded their thanks and headed out, but none of the highly trained Turks saw the mischievous glint in Reno's eyes as he mentally made note to buy paint, a clown suit, a van shaped like a cock and a goat, oh! And a video camera so he could record the whole thing.


Hoped you like it, it took me WAYYYYY to long to get this typed up…. Pls review!