AUTHORS NOTE: I got this idea from the song: Breakeven by the Script. This is my take on what would happen if the wolf denied his imprint. This is not a song fic; it is just based on a song.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Twilight, nor do I own the song Breakeven. I only own the plot to this story.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just Prayed to a God that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause When a Heart breaks no it don't breakeven
My chest constricted and I tried to force air into my lungs, but it was becoming increasingly difficult these days. I clutched at my chest and closed my eyes, focusing on taking deep breaths and getting the image of them together out of my head. I heard her laugh and swat at his arm, and my breath hitched and I started choking up. How I loved her laugh.
I vaguely noticed someone come up behind me and put their hand on my shoulder.
"Come on man" Great, it was Sam, Don't do this to yourself. Let's go for a run"
I nodded my head at him, not trusting myself to speak, afraid that opening my mouth would allow the sobs to come forward, and I didn't want to break down, not here, not now. I followed him to the tree line, jumping behind a tree making quick work of my shorts and tying them to my ankle. I closed my eyes and let the sensation of phasing overcome me. I walked out and walked over to where my Alpha was waiting on me. He sat there for a moment, staring at me before he took off, further into the woods.
I took off after him, enjoying the feel of the cool autumn air against my fur. It was silent between us for a good two hours before Sam started slowing down; I took that as my cue to follow his lead and slowed down as well. We walked for a few minutes before he turned to me "Let's talk"
I lay down, putting my head in my paws, I had been dreading this part, I didn't walk to talk I just wanted to be left alone.
"I know you do, but we need to talk. Are you sure you've made the right choice, I can see what this is doing to you, we all can, and we are worried about you."
"Sam, I made the right choice okay, no matter how many times you ask, it will always be the same answer. Did you see how happy she was back there? That is what I want for her, and he gives her that happiness. I can't take that way from her. It took her this long to get over that leech, and I don't want her reverting back to the state she was in. That I couldn't handle, but her being happy, albeit with someone else, I can handle that, I will handle that, I have to handle that."
"Don't you think you could be the one to make her happy though?" Sam asked
"I'm sure I could for awhile, but me being with her, it wouldn't make him happy, he's wanted to be with her since they were kids Sam, and if he was unhappy, it would make her unhappy too. So I'm stuck, I'm fucking stuck and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it because my brother is in love with my imprint."
Sam was silent for awhile, leaving me to my own thoughts for the time being. I pondered over everything I had said, wondering if there was anyway I could be with her, and make her happy, but I knew there was no chance, and I was getting my hopes up for no reason.
"Go get some rest; I'll let you have the next two days off."
I got home, promptly got rid of my clothes and made my way to the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and jumped in. The water felt good as it pounded against my back and I let my mind go back to the day that I had first laid eyes on her. The day I imprinted. The day that fate laughed in my face.
We had gone to get Jacob, to go run some patrols with us, but what we got was a furious Bella Swan stomping her way over to us.
"What did you do" She had yelled, a fire behind her eyes, a great strength and conviction in her voice for a tiny little human.
I looked to my brothers, and they were just as shocked as me. How did she know, had Jacob somehow gotten around Sam's order? A low growl rumbled in my chest, anger building at Jacob's stupidity.
I looked at her then, just about ready to laugh, like the rest of the pack was, when her eyes briefly snapped to mine and my world shifted. My heart stopped my breathing became irregular. My whole life up to this point flashed before my eyes, only to be replaced a moment later by her face, her beautiful face. I felt it as the cords that held me to this earth were severed, my whole meaning in life changing, and replaced by one strong cable that held me to her.
I pulled myself out of my trance and stared on in horror as Paul phased right in front of her. She took off running, just as Jacob came running out of the door yelling her name. "Jacob" She had yelled back "Run" But he kept coming, jumped over her and phased in the air snarling and growling viciously at Paul.
:: End Flashback ::
I was pulled out of my memories as I hit the tile floor of the shower, shaking from my sobs. Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't distinguish the difference between them and the water. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and laying my head upon my arms. The water was no longer warm, no; it was coming down like ice, biting its way into my flesh.
I was unmoving, aside from the intense sobs, ripping there way from my throat and wracking my body. I wanted so badly to be with her, to hold her, to feel her, to kiss her, to love her. But I couldn't do that to my brother.I remembered the look in Jacob's eye's as he fought Paul, and I knew he loved her, and from the way she had yelled at him to run, I knew she loved him too.
So I pushed her from my mind, forced myself to focus on patrolling and nothing else, only responding when directly asked a question. I never went out with the pack, unless I was patrolling, I just couldn't take the chance of her being there.
I slowly faded away, I hardly ate and I never slept, I didn't want to, cause every time I closed my eyes her face was all I'd see. I thought I was doing a good job keeping my misery under wraps, and hiding it from the pack, but Sam, being Sam, noticed and he confronted me about it. I recalled the conversation I had with my Alpha.
He asked me what was going in, told me that he noticed I was distancing myself and demanded I told him what was going on in my mind.
So I told him everything, and to say he was shocked was an understatement.
"You are killing yourself, you know that?" I shook my head at him, confused.
"The bond of imprinting is so strong; the urge to be close to her is strong is it not?" I nodded, Your heart is yearning for her, she is your other half, she completes you and the longer you fight it the weaker you get. Look at yourself, you are just wasting away. You need to tell her, it will be okay, everything will work out the way it's supposed to."
I pounded my fist against the wall in frustration, tearing the skin on my knuckles. Little droplets of blood making there way down my fingers, falling into the water below me. I looked back at my knuckles to see they were already healed.
I picked myself up off the floor, turned the water and got out, wrapping a towel around my waist. I made my way to my room, opened a drawer and pulled out some shorts. I dropped the towel, kicked it to the side and pulled up my shorts, buttoning and zipping them quickly before crawling my way into bed. I had a day to myself before I had to see her again, before I had to see them.
Author's note: This is a story that has been bothering me, in my sleep, and every waking moment. I had to just get it down, and figured I'd go ahead and post it and see if anyone would want me to Keep going. SO what do y'all think, should I continue???? Let me know. I love hearing from y'all.