A/N: songfic! Yeah! Ok this is in a way a prequel to 'Long Lost Husband' but not everything matches up. For example, in this story, Jasper and Bella are only engaged, but in Long Lost Husband, they were already married. (bolded and italicized is the lyrics)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The song is Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood and the characters are from Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.


It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white

It was only two weeks after the day I turned eighteen, half a year since I had last saw my fiancé, Jasper. We were supposed to get married today, but instead I'm going to his funeral. I found it ironically cruel that his funeral day is on the day that was supposed to be our wedding day. That what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, turned into the saddest.

Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue

I was supposed to come to the church today, with the box of letters he had sent, with something new and something blue. Dressed all in white, connecting my life with my Jasper's in every way, taking his last name.

And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
.

But when the church doors opened, instead of everyone standing and turning to see me walk down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams, my childhood best friend, I put my black veil down, trying to hide the tears for Mrs. Whitlock's sake, for Mr. Whitlock's sake. I knew they wouldn't be able to handle seeing me in tears.

Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand

I couldn't believe it, please no! I heard the military band start playing and the dreams of my perfect wedding shattered into a million tiny pieces. The imaginary flowers I was supposed to be holding today fell out of my hand, and I tried hard not to sob out loud.

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

Jasper why did you have to leave me? I love you! Why did you have to go? You had promised me forever. Don't you know I count on your every word? I thought we were going to have forever, our very own happily ever after, and now I'll never know what could've been.

I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background

I felt like hyperventilating, everything looks so far away, like I was blended into the background, I saw who was supposed to be my mother-in-law, the woman that I'm already so close with that it felt like she is my mother, sobbing at the loss of her son. I wanted to comfort her, to sob with her, but my legs and arms refused to move.

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

I heard different people, complete strangers, saying that they couldn't believe this happened, that Jasper was such a nice kid, when really none of them ever knew the real him. He was much more than nice, he was amazing, spectacular, caring, beautiful…

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard

I had mildly heard the preacher say to bow our heads and pray. I bowed and prayed, to beg god to not only lift his soul, to heal whatever damage had been done to him, both physically and mentally, to protect him until I could, but also to heal this family's pain. Everyone then stood without being told, and sang the most beautiful, and the most heartbreaking song I had ever heard, and my tears came back full force.

Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him.
oh, and what could have been

The same man who had handed me the government letter, taking me to my own personal hell, handed me a folded up American flag, I clung to it like my life depended on it. My life did depend on it, it was the only thing left connecting me to Jasper. That and all my dreams of what could have been.


And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Then the guns rang one last shot, the shot that felt like a bullet soaring through my heart, the shot that killed me completely.

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

I was back to asking myself, asking Jasper, what had I done to deserve this. To deserve him to leave. For him to be killed. I had seen myself happy on this day, finally married to the man who held my heart completely, and now I'll never know what it could've been like.

I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background

Once again my breath caught in my throat, I couldn't breathe. He's really gone. I felt hollow like my life wasn't with me anymore, and it wasn't. Jasper was my life. Everyone was offering their "I'm so sorry"s and "I know how you feel"s. I just wished they would leave me alone to drown in my sorrow. No, you don't know how we feel; you didn't lose the love of your life or your son. And no, you're not really sorry, you don't know what to feel sorry for, you don't know what 'sorry' feels like. If you did you would be in tears, unable to speak, not standing there saying "sorry", it's never enough to say you're sorry, it's never enough to say you care. Words mean nothing; it's your actions that would show exactly how you feel. I felt like I wasn't really there as all this was happening, it felt like I was watching a film.

My last thought before the blackness took over was "Why me?"


A/N: ok so it's a little different, I actually watched the music video a few times to see what it really means, and lemme say I interpreted it pretty wrong! So this new chapter should be better in a way. (I deleted the old chapter)

Second disclaimer (because I'm too lazy to scroll back up to the first): I don't own the phrase "It's never enough to say you're sorry, it's never enough to say you care" it belongs to Theory of a Deadman, it was in their song 'Not Meant to Be' (not exactly those words, it says 'I' instead of 'you' and 'Youre' but the disclaimer's there just in case.) you should go check it out, it's a good song.