Bed of Nails
A Digimon Fanfiction
by Kit Spooner

Disclaimer: Oh, just sod off! (And apologies to U2 and whoever wrote 'Whatever Lola Wants')

Warnings: Might as well try to be a bit more succinct about the warnings this time. Anyway. This fic features several random pairings (Kouyako, Kensuke, Yamasorachi, Jyoumi, and hints of all sorts of other crap) and frank, explicit discussions of sex, peppered with relatively inappropriate butchering of the English language. Oh, and a healthy dose of four-letter words. Funfun.

Why am I doing this, you ask? Well, I think we're all in agreement that the end of Digimon 02 was a piece of guttertripe and wasn't worthy of its air-time. It also sucked big, fat monkey ass. And I like my pairings. I think they even make sense. Kinda.

Moving right along . . .

Last Time: Daisuke laughed at Miyako. So did Mimi. So did Sora. Then Miyako accidentally spilled the beans about Taichi and Yamato and The Bus-Stop Incident. And then there was no more laughter. And poor Miyako was stuck imagining the delightful possibilities of having two boyfriends at once. "But was that really such a good idea?"

Whatever Lola wants
Lola gets
And little man, little Lola wants you
Make up your mind to have no regrets
Recline yourself, resign yourself, you're through
I always get what I aim for
And your heart'n soul is what I came for

Whatever Lola wants
Lola gets,
Take off your coat
Don't you know you can't win?
You're no exception to the rule,
I'm irresistible, you fool, give in!...Give in!...Give in!

Part Four: She Makes Me Wait

"So," said Koushirou, looking at his shoes.

"Hmm?" Miyako paused in the process of closing up her account on the lab's computer.

"Are you busy this afternoon?" Koushirou wasn't blushing, but he was shaking slightly. Miyako couldn't really tell whether it was out of fear, embarrassment or something else entirely.

"I'm supposed to meet with Mimi to help her prep for her interview tomorrow," Miyako said carefully, still studying Koushirou's expression for a clue to his motives. If she didn't know any better, she'd have thought he was trying to ask her on a date. If he was, he wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"Oh," Koushirou said. "I see." His expression grew a bit stony, his eyes darting in search of an escape route.

None were forthcoming. "I was actually going to ask you if you were busy tomorrow after class," Miyako replied quickly. "I wanted to get a little help with the midterm exam."

"You don't need help with the exam, Miyako," Koushirou noted, one eyebrow raised.

"Well, you sure you don't want to buy me a soda or something?" Miyako pressed, not skipping a beat. "I mean, if you're busy and all . . ."

"I'm not busy!" Koushirou said, almost immediately. Then he blushed. And then he looked down at his shoes again. They were a bit scuffed.

Miyako's smile was brilliant, enough to make Koushirou choke slightly when he glanced back up at her. "Wonderful. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Koushirou nodded and looked a little bemused as she spun and strode off down the hallway, backpack slung over her shoulder. It wasn't until he was almost done shutting the computer lab down that he realized that she'd left her planner behind.

"Success!" Miyako caroled as she came skipping in through Mimi's doorway.

Mimi, stunning in her scarlet-trimmed business suit and matching pumps, turned from the mirror to beam proudly at her friend. "I knew you'd manage it, dear."

It would have been yet another impromptu session of the Chosen Girls' Club but only Mimi had been free. Hikari had been busy and Sora hadn't even replied to the hastily composed email. Miyako hoped Sora was spending some quality time with both her boys. Since Mimi was really the one that Miyako wanted to talk to, however, the whole thing worked out for the best.

"He made a really, really awkward attempt at asking me out this afternoon, but I decided it might be better to let him stew a while," Miyako dropped heavily down onto Mimi's bed, shifting discarded clothing and underwear out of the way.

"How long are you making him wait?" Mimi asked curiously, coming to sit next to her young protégée.

"Until tomorrow afternoon," Miyako answered cheerfully.

"Only 24 hours?" Mimi shook her head and in her best Crusty Old Hermit voice, intoned, "Your impatience will be your undoing, my child."

"Well, I saw no reason to be particularly cruel," Miyako noted, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Once I finally got a bite, it seemed a bit pointless to make him suffer through the traditional one-week waiting period."

"Perhaps you're right, Miyako," Mimi admitted, rising from the bed and pacing once more to the full-length mirror. "Izzy was never very good with social situations and making him wait more than a day or so could very well kill the boy."

"That's kind of what I figured," Miyako agreed, slouching back against Mimi's pillow-littered bed.

Silence fell as Mimi began to experiment with possible hairstyles to complement her outfit.

"You look very nice," Miyako eventually told her friend. It was sort of a pointless remark, since Mimi always looked fabulous, but Miyako felt obliged to make it anyway.

"Thanks, dear," Mimi said, throwing Miyako a dimpled smile through the mirror. "I had to buy it specially for my interview tomorrow." She returned to admiring herself. "Would you believe I've never owned a suit before?"

"Mmm," Miyako said vaguely.

Miyako sat quietly on the bed once more, watching Mimi's nimble fingers work. Each new hairstyle was examined critically, frowned at, and eventually discarded with a brisk toss of her head. It was just as Mimi was adding a few final hairpins to her modified French twist that Miyako finally broke.

"It's just not fair!" she exclaimed irritably, flinging one of Mimi's smaller pillows at the wall. "If Izzy wasn't such a fucking idiot we might already be past all of this preliminary flirting crap and well into the serious screwing phase!"

Mimi paused, then turned to face the younger girl, her expression uncharacteristically solemn. "So this isn't really about Izzy, is it?" she asked gently.

Miyako scowled. "Of course it's about Izzy! Haven't you been listening?"

"Well it doesn't sound like you're terribly concerned about building up any sort of real relationship with the guy," Mimi explained calmly. "You're just horny, Miyako. And that's never a good place to be coming from when you're trying to start up a new relationship."

"Who said anything about a relationship?" Miyako demanded with an embarrassed blush.

Mimi chuckled. "Miyako? Didn't we go through all of this the other day at the Parlor?" She came and sat next to Miyako on the bed, ducking another small, carelessly thrown pillow. "We know Izzy's been mad about you since elementary school. And you're at least fond of him, in a beyond-boffing sort of way. Hence, this is different from you and Daisuke. Or you and me, for that matter." Mimi smiled, looking rather pleased with her reasoning. "QED, a Relationship."

"QED? Do you even know what the hell that means, Mimi?" Miyako suspected Jyou had something to do with her increasingly eclectic vocabulary. "Never mind, it's not important. What is important is that, relationship or no, this thing with Izzy is driving me positively batty." She absently picked up one of Mimi's discarded bras and used the elastic to sling-shot it across the room.

"You need to get laid," Mimi interpreted.

"Yes!" Miyako almost shrieked. "It's been weeks!"

"What about Daisuke?" Mimi suggested helpfully. "I mean, he's always been the solution in the past, right?"

Miyako allowed her head to flop forward, hiding her face in her hands. "He's finally decided to go after Ken and I refuse to do anything to jeopardize that." She sighed heavily and lifted her face. "Shit, it took Dai years to be able to admit that he was even attracted to the boy, never mind get up the courage to actually pursue him. Do you have any idea how much work I put into getting those two together?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I do have an idea," Mimi replied. "You've reminded me fairly regularly. It took you 'years and years of hard work' to give them enough confidence about themselves and each other." She paused and gave Miyako an inquisitive stare. "Was that why you slept with Ken? To give him enough self-confidence to deal with Daisuke?"

Miyako gave the older girl a crooked little smirk, half-hidden by her hair. "Well, it's one of the reasons, of course. It took me a while to actually convince him that he was not only fucking gorgeous but also a pretty damn good fuck." She sat up and brushed her hair from her face. "Of course, my ulterior motives weren't exactly at the forefront when we were going out. And hell, you'd screw Ken too if you got the chance. Am I right?"

Mimi got a dreamy expression on her face. "Oh, god, yes! The boy's way too beautiful for his own good. He looks like a shoujo manga hero or something with his hair and those eyes and all that lovely angst!" She clasped her hands beneath her chin, doing an admirable impression of a shoujo manga heroine. All she needed to complete the illusion was a sudden shower of cherry blossoms.

Miyako giggled. "Somehow I thought you'd understand my motivation, Mimi." She lounged back against the pillows once more. "But the problem is that I've really run out of available friends-with-benefits at the moment. Dai's willing but I won't; I'm willing but Teek won't." She shook her head. "And besides, I'd actually sort of feel guilty about shagging someone else after expressing such interest in Izzy."

"Guilt?" Mimi looked appropriately aghast, despite the smile that she couldn't quite get rid of. "Miyako the Manslayer is beginning to grow a conscience? Oh, what is the world coming to when Miyako, the Heartless Tramp of Odaiba, pauses to contemplate morals?!"

"Hey! I'm not a Heartless Tramp!" Miyako replied. She didn't sound terribly hurt. "I've got a heart in here somewhere . . ." She pressed a hand to her bosom.

"Of course you have one," Mimi said consolingly. "But either way, I think I have the solution to your little problem."

"You have some sort of aphrodisiac that I can slip into Izzy's coffee to make him drag me off into a supply closet so that we can have sex until we can't walk?" Miyako asked breathlessly.

"No, even better," Mimi said smugly. "I got a new load of delectable yaoi manga for your consumption, darling."

Stars sparkled in Miyako's eyes as she gazed adoringly at her mentor. "You're a goddess!"

"I know," Mimi said with a nod. "Now I just need to remember where I put them . . ." She hauled herself up off the bed and began rifling through the stacks of papers and manga next to her desk.

"You know, your room is a lot messier than one might expect," Miyako noted after a moment.

"Tidiness impedes my creativity," Mimi said pompously, not looking up from her search. She would produce pretty gay boys for her friend, or so help her!

"And you might want to think about vacuuming," Miyako added, picking bits of lint and strands of golden-brown hair from the bottom of her dingy white socks.

Jyou's apartment was much neater than one might have expected. And he was in the process of tidying it further when his doorbell rang. Unfortunately, he couldn't hear the electronic chime over the noise of his vacuum cleaner.

Perhaps a minute later, however, he did hear the furious pounding of a fist against the aluminum and wood of his door.

Jyou immediately turned off the vacuum and strode to the door, which continued to resonate with each knock. "Keep your damn pants on!" he bellowed. "I'm moving as fast as I can!" He flung the door open. "What the hell do you . . . oh."

Koushirou looked truly pathetic when he asked, "Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure," Jyou said belatedly after the younger boy pushed past him into the apartment, tie askew, a day planner tucked under his arm.

"I will never, as long as I live, even begin to understand what the hell Yolei wants from me!" Koushirou declared as he flopped down onto Jyou's sofa.

Jyou winced. "She after you again?" he asked sympathetically, settling carefully down into the armchair opposite the sofa.

"I have no idea!" Koushirou wailed with an expansive hand gesture. "I kind of thought so a few days ago when she turned up — I told you all this, right? — at the class I'm assisting with and started flirting with me or at least I think it was flirting — one can never be sure with Yolei — but then she ran away when I started to — ahem — never mind that because then earlier today she asked me out and I'll be damned if I can figure out what's going on." He fell silent, rather out of breath.

Jyou gave Koushirou a long, steady look, then nodded knowingly. "You, my friend, need a beer or three." He rose and disappeared into the small, efficiency kitchen.

"Yeah, so now I'm supposed to go buy her a soda or something-or-other tomorrow after class and I'm not really sure if that's what she wants me to do or whether it's a euphemism for something dirty," Koushirou added after a moment as he listened to the sounds of the refrigerator door and the clank of glass bottles.

"Or it could be a euphemism for attacking your emotional well-being and turning you into a little bundle of anger and resentment for another year," Jyou suggested as he reappeared with three beers in each hand.

"I . . . don't think so, this time," Koushirou replied hesitantly. "On that first day of class, I talked to her. Not for very long, but she did apologize."

Jyou tossed Koushirou a beer and raised an eyebrow in practiced skepticism. "Was she for real or was she just playing you like last time?"

"I think she really meant it." He suddenly flushed. "Or at least it felt like it at the time. She looked so upset that I tried to . . . comfort her, sort of."

"Oh, hell," Jyou said. "What does that entail, exactly?"

"I held her," Koushirou replied a bit sheepishly. "But when I tried to kiss her she made some lame excuse about Motomiya and escaped on the bus."

Jyou looked rather impressed. "Wow, you were repulsed by Miyako," he noted. "That's got to be worth something."

Koushirou made a rude gesture and then opened his beer on the edge of the battered coffee table. "Her planner isn't helping matters, either," he added.

"Eh?" Jyou chose the more traditional bottle-opening method that was attached to his keychain.

Koushirou tossed the day planner onto the table and glared at it a bit. "Yolei left it behind in lab today."

"And you invaded her privacy by reading it?" Jyou finished.

Koushirou nodded and glared more.

"Good for you," Jyou congratulated. "If I could get hold of any of Mimi's planners or journals I'd read 'em." He reached for the book. "Does she have anything interesting written down?"

Koushirou grabbed the planner before Jyou could. "Nothing you'll get to read, you nosy bastard," he replied cheerfully. "Though there is the most bizarre listing of us Chosen that I've ever seen. Her commentary is fascinating." He flipped to the back of the book, looking for that particular spot.

Jyou frowned. "Is it that List?" he asked, a little aghast.

"Which List?" Koushirou asked curiously. "You mean the one she keeps of all the Dated and Not Dated Chosen?" He smiled rather slyly. "Yes, it's that List." He found the right page and grinned. "Daisuke has the briefest commentary of us all: 'Well, duh!'"

"What's it say by my name?" Jyou asked, trying to lean in across the coffee table and catch a glimpse.

"Well, you're in the Not Dated column with a note that declares you a 'nasty-ass chicken-legged freak with slimy hair and unfashionable glasses — would not touch with a ten-foot pole.'" Koushirou sounded smug.

"What?!" Jyou dove at Koushirou and made a grab for the book. "That can't be right . . ."

"Actually she just calls you a pompous ass," Koushirou added. "And she says that Mimi's welcome to you, despite your really nice hair."

Jyou settled back into his armchair. "Oh, well, I suppose that's alright then."

"By far the most disturbing comment is next to Ken's name," Koushirou continued. "It concerns how sexy she thought he was and how incredible it was when he used his tongue to —"

"Holy shit! Don't finish that thought!" Jyou interrupted, looking a bit green about the gills.

"Anyway," Koushirou said, moving right along. "The most important fact, aside from her commentary on yours truly, is the fact that there are only four people in the Not Dated list, you, Hikari, Yamato, and myself."

"Didn't we already know all that before?" Jyou asked. Then he gave Koushirou a sly, sidelong glance. "So what'd she say about you that was so interesting?"

"Oh, nothing you'd care about," Koushirou said quickly. "Just a bunch of tripe about my stunning good looks . . ."

"Bullshit," Jyou added.

"Anyway!" Koushiro bulldozed through Jyou's objections. "Aside from the fact that Yamato is apparently 'gayer than a tree full of monkeys, except where Sora's concerned,' and Hikari is a 'darling, sweet, sexy girl' who is 'far too straight for her or Takeru's own good,' the commentary is largely about myself. And she has very real reasons for not having dated the other three people on the list. I'm the only real target left, since the rest of you are really off-limits."

"So you think she's just using you to complete the collection?" Jyou asked seriously.

"I'd think that if that was the case, she wouldn't have commented on my pants here so much," Koushirou noted.

Jyou settled back into his chair and took a long swig of beer. "You could be right, you know." He idly ran his thumb around the mouth of his beer bottle. "She has always favored you over most of the rest of us."

"What?" Koushirou looked startled.

"Well, hell, where have you been, these last six years, you moron?" Jyou looked torn between amusement and frustration. "Her first crush was on Yamato, of course, but her crush on you was the worst of them all, with the possible exception of Ken, who she practically stalked for a couple years. But through it all, it was you she kept coming back to." He paused. "And I can see from your face that no one bothered to tell you about all of this before now . . ."

"Jyou." The younger boy was pale and very still. "You mean to tell me that if I'd exerted just the slightest effort over the years, I probably could have not only nabbed the girl I've been daydreaming about since I was thirteen, but I could have saved all of us the trouble of her thrice-damned Chosen Collection?!"

"Hmm, you could be right about all of that . . ." Jyou admitted.

Koushirou drained most of his beer in a single gulp, choked, coughed a bit, then glared at Jyou through cough-induced tears. "Remind me why you're my friend?"

"Because I made sure you didn't get trampled by Miyako's libido two years ago?"

"Yeah, because you somehow convinced me that all she wanted was my name checked off the list and as a result I lost a great opportunity with a great girl I've adored since middle school."

Jyou pursed his lips. "So you're really going to pursue her this time, aren't you?"

"Yep," Koushirou replied, closing the day planner.

"And you aren't concerned by the fact that you seem to be her target because you're the last of the Not Dated people — of either gender — to remain single?"

"Not at all," Koushirou said, rising from the sofa and striding toward the door.

Jyou watched his friend and smiled to himself. "Mimi told me, years ago, that Miyako would be the one to break you for good."

Koushirou opened the door. "And yet, I think I'll still buy her a soda tomorrow and, if she'll let me, I'll kiss her. If she breaks me again . . . well, I think I'd probably still take the risk . . ." He stepped out into the hall and quietly closed the door behind him.

Jyou grinned at the closed door for a long moment.

"Well, damn. That only took one beer."

He locked the door behind Koushirou.

"I need to tell Mimi about all of this . . ."

Next Time: With these not-so-earth-shattering revelations under his belt, will Koushirou now stand a chance when he comes up against Miyako? Will the pursuer turn pursued? Or will Miyako have her wicked way with him and then dump him in favor of both Daisuke and Ken? Ha!