Disclaimer:             Much as I wish that the oldest three were, the Weasleys, alas, are not mine (no, not even Percy).  They belong to J.K. Rowlings, along with Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Hogwarts, Barty Crouch, the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and any other people or places mentioned in this song. 

The song "When I was a Lad…", from the operetta "H.M.S. Pinnafore" belongs to W.S. Gilbert (lyrics) and Sir Arthur Sullivan (music), but seeing as it's over a hundred years old, I think that their copyright may have expired.

When I was a Boy…

Percy:

When I was a boy and went to school,

I got good grades and followed every single rule.

I respected all positions of authority,

And said sir and ma'am at every opportunity.

Fred, George, & Ron:

And said "Sir" and "Ma'am" at every opportunity!

Percy:

And I spoke to my teachers so respectfully

That now I am a big shot in the ministry

Fred, George & Ron:

And he sucked up to his teachers so skillfully

That now he is a big shot in the ministry.

By fifth year I was such a teacher's pet

That McGonagall suggested me for House prefect.

I scolded all my brothers for their jokes and dares,

And polished up my prefect's badge with love and care.

Fred, George & Ron:

And polished up his prefect badge with love and care!

Percy:

And I polished that insignia so lovingly,

That now I am a big shot in the ministry.

Fred, George & Ron:

And he shined that stupid badge so brilliantly,

That now he is a big shot in the ministry!

Percy:

As prefect my teachers found me such a joy

That Dumbledore appointed me Hogwarts head boy.

I quoted regulations like a great big bore,

And bossed around the other kids in Gryffindor.

Fred, George, and Ron:

And bossed around the other kids in Gryffindor!

Percy:

I controlled the other students so responsibly

That now I am a big shot in the ministry.

Fred, George & Ron:

And he bossed us all around so incessantly,

That now he is a big shot in the ministry!

Percy:

With a school record proving that I was no slouch,

I was hired as assistant to Sir Barty Crouch.

I wrote his memos and I took his calls,

And I never thought of making a complaint at all.

Fred, George, & Ron:

No he never thought of making a complaint at all!

Percy:

I performed all my duties so cheerfully,

That now I am a big shot in the ministry.

Fred, George & Ron:

He became the workaholic we all knew he'd be

And thus became a big shot in the ministry!

Percy:

When Crouch got ill I filled in so well,

That almost no one noticed he'd gone weird as, um, as heck.

I made excuses each time that he was absent,

And took his place at the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

Fred, George & Ron:

And took his place at the Tri-Wizard Tournament!

Percy:

And I picked up Crouch's slack so diligently,

That I became a big shot in the ministry.

Fred, George & Ron:

Though everybody thinks his name is Weatherby,

He's still become a big shot in the ministry!

Percy:

You wizards young whosoever you be,

If you want to rise to the top of the tree,

Put your wand to the grindstone when you are in school

And be careful that you follow Percy's Golden Rule:

Be polite to your boss, and keep things orderly

And you all may be big shots in the ministry.

Fred, George & Ron:

If you suck up to your boss, and have OCD,

Then you all may be big shots in the ministry!

~finis~

Thank you to Dragonelle, Stargazer, Nytbloomer, Shining Star, and Sapphire Reine for reviewing my last fic (actually, I guess I'd have to call it "my last filk").  You're right; Crabbe and Goyle probably can't sing (but I bet the Weasleys can ^_^).

Sorry Draq, I couldn't find a way to fit in a line about Penelope Clearwater (pretend she's the one he's singing to).